out of balance

I feel slightly out-of-balance, discomboulated, since hearing about the suicide of Anthony Bourdain. We watched his show religiously, in fact it might of been my favorite. I felt that, in a way, I knew him. He seemed so real and genuine, although tormented as well. It is a shock to hear that someone so talented and successful would do something so drastic and final as hang himself. Did his friends know that he was on the brink? Or like men often do, did 'self' never enter into the conversation?

I haven't been in that frame of mind for several years, but I remember it well. I know that the effect on others never enters into the internal conversation - the mind is sick and doesn't think straight. But I like to believe that a small part of me would remain sane enough to reach out for help. Perhaps Tony did, but there was no one that could hear.

Thankfully my reality today is better: it is a beautiful sunny day; we are safely home from a week of social contact.; we had supper with good friends last night; I have a loving life partner; it feels like summer might actually arrive; and maybe I'll even get on the swing this weekend.

When the people are away the birds will build nests. This one is tucked under a fake christmas tree on the front deck.