to live every day as if it had been stolen from death

 Every day can’t be good right? I suppose I should have guessed from the 4am headache that today wouldn’t be the best. I struggled from the time I finally pried myself out of bed, a smile plastered on my face - fake it till you make it. I never made it.

I put on some music and that worked for a while. Once that stopped working I moved out to the swing and tried to distract myself with facebook which is actually the WORST place for me to go as there are so many frustrating rabbit holes to descend into. When I ended up on the Trump facebook page I knew I better skedaddle to a better place.

I checked my online library for something good: lots of romantic hogwash, but wait, ‘The Art of Racing in the Rain’ has been on my reading list for years. By the end of the first paragraph I was tearing and by the end of the first chapter I was literally sobbing. Hard. I think even the cicadas were shocked into silence.

I had forgotten that it was written from a dog’s perspective and starts out with an old dog ready to be put down. It was brilliant writing and the words could be coming out of Spike’s mouth in a few years. Oh gosh, I can’t even write about it now.

This is not the reading for today (when I do start flipping the pages I’ll dedicate a few days to tears). I tried to focus on the beautiful day and the feeling of the soft breeze caressing my skin. I tried a dip into the pool - the water is the perfect temp although slightly more salty after my tears mingled with its waters. In other words, it didn’t really help.

Eventually I crawled back into bed and watched Trinny Woodall talk about skin care. Mindless and interesting enough to distract me for a while.

The pandemic seems to loom larger today and more dire. And never-ending. What is it going to be like in the winter when we are trapped inside with no opportunity for laneway visits? I know that we’ll get through it and that somehow I’ll find a way to avoid depression.

I know I have to change my thinking but damn it - it’s hard!

We were blessed to see a huge flock of swallows doing acrobatics above the pool. So beautiful.

 Headline tonight: 5,359,626 cases with 169,114 deaths in the US. There are a total of 120,844 (120,421 yesterday) cases of Covid-19 in Canada today, with 9,006 (8,991 yesterday) deaths today.

“To live every day as if it had been stolen from death, that is how I would like to live. To feel the joy of life, as Eve felt the joy of life. To separate oneself from the burden, the angst, the anguish that we all encounter every day. To say I am alive, I am wonderful, I am. I am. That is something to aspire to.”

Garth Stein, The Art of Racing in the Rain