flip that switch

 Today is sunny but below zero which kept the snow from marching back at a ferocious pace. Oh, the sun still did its work, slowly but surely exposing the earth. The slow uncovering is much like me getting out of bed, inch by inch the crisp white duvet is pushed back until, like a giant unwieldy flower, I rise from the earth/um, bed. The smell of coffee might speed up the process.

I haven’t been quite so manic the last few days and have been desperately trying to recover the mood of the last few months. Lots of positive self talk and some THC have helped me regain much of the loss. 

I must have been near the edge of flipping that switch as a small argument triggered the change - I have to get better at not letting other people influence my mood. Having said that, I’ve improved at taking control of myself - years ago that same disagreement might have tipped me into a full-fledged depression.

Now, instead of dwelling on the negative I’ve been trying to focus on the practice I’m getting. The more I learn the better I get, I suppose you could say that these little upsets help me to build resilience.

This morning (after a coffee of course), with my speaker and phone in hand I ventured down into the basement for some purging… one big bag of garbage, a whole grey bin of cardboard, a blue bin of plastic made a tiny dent. It doesn’t look like anything has changed but I just know that hidden behind another bin or two of junk is a vision of progress. Or at least that’s what I tell myself… Carm took care of breaking down boxes - this could be an overwhelming task as I believe we’ve saved every box for every single thing we’ve bought since we built the house!

I just popped the brisket into the oven for the last step in its transformation to pastrami. I’m not holding out much hope.

After supper: the pastrami was pretty darn good although a bit dry. Not short on taste for sure. 

“That which does not kill us, makes us stronger." 

~Friedrich Nietzsche