live within a fragile circle

 A mass of snow and freezing rain was heading our way this afternoon, but luckily we had nowhere to go. Large flakes of the white stuff started drifting from the sky around 2pm and by 2:30 the sky and earth had melded into a dingy grey shroud. It’s rather depressing but I’m fighting the gloom with my new headphones (which sound terrific).

Cookie number 5: Chinese chews, a recipe from my grandmother. I don’t remember eating these as a child but both Kirsten and Olaf talked about them fondly - well, I didn’t need any more motivation than that! I don’t think I baked them enough but gosh, they are tasty. The mix of chopped glazed cherries, pecans, and dates mixed with flour and baking soda somehow transforms, as if by magic, into a tray of sticky bars. I’ll toss them in icing sugar next week when I remove them from the freezer.

Adia has been barking much more than usual since Spike left us. In the past it was rare to hear a sound from her, but now, even in the night, she’s finding something to woof about. We try not to get angry with her though as we figure she’s upset about his absence. She likely picks up on our mood too.

A few years ago (2016 I think), I participated in a publication about Stigma for mental health. My entry was chosen to be included in the book.

http://pursuitofidlepleasures.blogspot.com/2016/03/my-little-dog-spike.html?m=1

They also made a video starring Spike with me in a minor role. 

http://pursuitofidlepleasures.blogspot.com/2016/03/stigma-stories.html?m=1

I’m a little better today, only breaking down into sobs a few times. I’ve been working on a tribute post which does tip me over at times. I can recognize that he’d been declining for over 2 years, ever since Bella and Kabira passed. He had lost a lot of his physical abilities and it was clear that he was confused much of the time. Sometimes I wondered if he recognized us but then he’d glom onto me, staying close. It was obvious when he’d catch sight of me as he’d quicken his pace and follow me. When I’d call him he’d either look in the opposite direction or he might not seem to hear me at all. It was heartbreaking to see the little guy like that as he was the smartest dog I’ve ever known.

Awesome!

“making a tasty Christmas treat using my grandmother’s recipe”

“big snowflakes”

“Baking makes me focus. On weighing the sugar. On sieving the flour. I find it calming and rewarding because, in fairness, it is sort of magic - you start off with all this disparate stuff, such as butter and eggs, and what you end up with is so totally different. And also delicious.”

~Marian Keyes

“We who choose to surround ourselves

with lives even more temporary than our

own, live within a fragile circle;

easily and often breached.

Unable to accept its awful gaps,

we would still live no other way.

We cherish memory as the only

certain immortality, never fully

understanding the necessary plan.”

― Irving Townsend