summer counting down

 The chipmunk population close to the house is getting decimated… so far 9 of the adorable creatures have been transported to a location far from civilization. Carm is dropping them in a remote spot that looks to have lots of food and places to burrow.

Another cushion has been chewed. I’m thinking now it might be mice so a trap is set. They won’t be lucky enough to be relocated. It’s teeming with mice here so maybe a reduction outside will reduce the number that end up in the house. I hate mices to pieces!

The milkweed plants in the front garden bed are well eaten. A little sleuth among the leaves revealed two different types of caterpillar, one of which must surely be a monarch butterfly

I got busy on Sunday with a bunch of tomatoes and some bacon to make a fabulous ‘tomato bacon jam’. Oh gosh, it’s awesome. Yesterday was meatball day - I’ve learned a trick to keep them soft inside: mix the meat with the food processor. I always handled the mixture as little as possible, almost like a pie crust, which turned out tough little balls. Over mixing is the key!

Pat came for supper to help us test the new meatball method. I used one of our precious tubs of sauce made with our own tomatoes… thinking about buying a ½ bushel of tomatoes to capture a bit more of summer sunshine.

The pool was 69.5 this morning. I only managed 2 invigorating laps  :-)

I’m outside now (10:30 am) - it’s warm and the sky is hazy. September is being blown in on the brisk breeze which is giving wings to falling poplar leaves. Later, in the heat of the afternoon, the dogs and I wandered down to the barn, and there, protected from the wind, the smell of honey was thick. I closed my eyes and breathed deeply.  A hawk flew above in lazy circles taking advantage of the thermal lifts. I live in a wild paradise. 

It’s been a week since I dropped my lithium by ¼ and it’s going well - some unwanted side effects seem to be reduced but that could easily be wishful thinking. I’ll wait another week before I slash another ¼. I have not made a database to track results but am writing them down in my other database… (but did create another one for tracking anxiety and the things I’m trying out - you can take a girl out of the office but never away from a database!)

I think that some of what I read on FB is causing part of my anxiety… no more AITA for me.

Awesome!

“tomato bacon jam w crostini and cream cheese”

“getting an email that friends are coming to visit for a few days”

“corn on the cob”

summer in the snow

 Chipmunk 5… Laura & Carm 0

We are doing battle with a wiley chipmunk that is frequenting the deck, digging in plants and CHEWING OUR NEW FURNITURE!!!! We are on our 3rd kind of ‘live’ trap but the little bugger is escaping before we can relocate it to a distant tree… if we don’t get it by tomorrow I will go outside and set a killing trap myself. It’s got to go.

It’s 12:30 on Friday and I’ve cooked a batch of roasted tomatoes for the freezer. It will make a lovely soup on a cold winter day - a taste of summer in the snow. I’ve also got a big pot of tomato sauce cooking in the instant pot. I think it will do 2 or maybe even 3 jars for the freezer. In the winter I’ll thaw it and add it to some browned riblets and meatballs for a traditional Italian Sunday dinner. My mouth is watering at the thought :-)

We even snuck into the pool between the raindrops to refresh ourselves after so much cooking! It’s cold out but the pool was still at 72F. Bracing!

Feelings of doom came in waves this morning so I got to work with the tomatoes and also drove away the yuck with up-beat music. Yes, it worked! (mostly)

Jo Ellen & Don came for lunch yesterday. It was a beautiful day for enjoying ourselves outside. Lupa barked when they came but not for very long - she’s slowly getting more confident. It didn’t take long before she was on Jo Ellen’s lap for some cuddles. 

Wednesday Carm was interviewed for the lumber store’s promotional video. Fun for him!

It’s the end of the day… 1 batch of roasted tomatoes and 3 batches of tomato sauce are in the freezer, 1 container of tomato sauce is in the fridge - I’ll simmer meatballs and riblets in the sauce for Sunday’s lunch. 

THREE chipmunks have been successfully relocated to the Green Forest.

Awesome!

“pounds and pounds of tomatoes”

“picking fresh basil”

“little dog curled against me”

“corn on the cob”

euphoria of the morning

 Time has been expanding and contracting, some days are a lifetime while others flash by. The weekend was a streak of activities with Olaf, Stephanie, and Freya here for a visit. We swam and talked and drew pictures. The weather was perfect for showing off the new deck. Stephanie drew up our plans so had a special connection. 

Mom and Dad joined us for brunch on Sunday. Unfortunately a big thunderstorm sent us running inside (after covering everything up of course!), but luckily it held off until after we’d finished eating.

The distraction kept some of the anxiety at bay but there were times it was like a punch in the gut. Stupid! Sunday I cut down my lithium by ¼… no doctor to supervise but I think I know enough to monitor the progress. Monday and Tuesday I felt pretty nauseous - I was expecting it but it didn’t make the days any funner. However, this morning I feel great! Maybe with a bit more energy than before (by 9:45 I’d made bone broth, decarbed the rest of my herbs, and had a swim.) James Brown’s ‘I feel Good’ started off my playlist this morning. 

It’s 10am now and I haven’t had any anxiety at all. Early but on the right track.

Just took the dogs out and saw a Monarch butterfly. They are a rarity this year so feel doubly blessed. The purple asters are starting to bloom too - my birthday flower.

Katrina and the Waves ‘Don’t you feel good’ is blasting. Carm’s out playing golf so I have free rein with tunes… not that he ever complains. I’ve only used my headphones once since we got Lupa - I need my ears to hear if she’s getting into mischief!

scratch all that… well not all of it… but James Brown screeched to something by AC/DC… loud and out of control. It passed but the euphoria of the morning was gone. I am okay which might be the best state of all.

We did have a lovely supper at Trudie & Leo’s.

Tonight the air is heavy with the scent of things past their prime. Tendrils of sweet honey find their way to my nose.

Awesome!

“butterflies”

“purple flowers”

“swimming early in the morning”

a lifetime

 A cool carpet of clover cushioned my bare feet as I walked down to the garden. Carm was watering and I wanted to check my herbs… tall and full of buds, they stand strong with their toes deep in the fertile soil. Little buds nestle in the bushy appendages. Another miracle from the earth.

It was another lazy day of summer. Winter was in the breeze but in the sun, out of the wind, the sun heated the deck boards. I did brave the cold for my morning swim, but I'll be honest… it was sheer will that got me in.

I put up the sun shade just in case we got a shower (we didn't). I also dug out the toile panels that we used at Presqu'ile. It's a pretty backdrop. I feel like I'm in a shady nook.

I'm still battling anxiety but I feel like I'm making headway… a perpetual loop of breath exercises kept me feeling reasonably good although I did have a few near breakdowns… breathe baby breathe.

I was reading something written by a person with bipolar that struck me - it's a lifetime diagnosis which of course I know but haven't thought about for ages. I was diagnosed in 2004 and really, have done remarkably well, but the thought of another 18 years of struggle sucks.

In most ways it's all so much better than even before I was diagnosed and I no longer feel that I will die a certain kind of death - I have to remember how good life is.

So, I sit outside in our little piece of paradise with music playing and dogs at my feet while I focus on each breath. This is the life 😎

And dance!

I'm reading a book by Jacques Pepin about his life.  A banquet of words compared to the alphabetical famine of the romance stories I have been reading.

Last night Kari came for supper - bacon and tomato sandwiches for the win! With corn on the cob and roasted beets on the side (yum)

Awesome!

“so many buds!”

“finally getting the shade tent roof on”

fried green zucchini

 It’s another one of those precious hot summer days that slip so quickly by. We’ve been outside for much of the day moving from shade to sun to pool to sun to shade… repeat countless times. Peaceful easy feeling plays at the corner of my brain with blips of anxiety that are partially being managed by breathing. I did give up part way through the afternoon to resort to drugs. I never got to the point of crying but I also didn’t want to take the chance of wrecking a perfectly lovely day!

The cicadas are singing. So are the crickets. The sky is blue with the odd cloud and a light breeze is caressing my limbs. How many summer days remain this year?

Pat came for supper last night and the pasta was lovely, although I can’t help feeling that she and Carm wrecked it by adding a bunch of pepper. The zucc and basil were such a delicate flavour that was surely overpowered by the pepper. Luckily Carm fried up the zuccs otherwise I might have been a bit cranky about all the labour wasted. I enjoyed it immensely though so I guess it was worth it!

I don’t have my camera handy but I wish you could see Lupa - she’s wearing her lifejacket and is asleep, half on and half off the outside dog bed, her legs sticking up in the air. She was 15.8 lbs today - I think she’s 43 weeks old. Adia is in the full sun.

There is something a bit nice with having no roof above us as we stretch out on the super long sofa.

Our lazy evening was interrupted by a low flying balloon! All privacy lost!

Awesome!

“the first swim of the morning”

“watching the fairy lights come on”

“the deck on a lazy afternoon (and morning!)”

“Stanley Tucci’s pasta”

a trifecta

 We’ve had a couple of coolish days that seem more like September than August but hurrah! Today is sunny and warm. I slept in, had a coffee, then jumped into the arctic waters… 21C/69F. Talk about a  polar plunge but oh my gosh it felt good!

I love starting my day toddling around outside drying the heavy dew from the furniture. Then I set out my ‘decor’ - please feel free to laugh at me! Pillows and sofa cushions get strategically  placed for optimum effect. (cue more laughing). If necessary I’ll water the plants too. It’s 11:30 am and I’m curled up on the sofa outside listening to music and planning out my day - it’s going to be a chill sort of day but I do have to prep a nice supper for Pat. I still have a spot of shade.

I think I’ll make Stanley Tucci’s zucchini nergoni which means frying up some zuccs and harvesting a bunch of basil. I have pots and pots of Thai basil but they make such a lovely display that I am loath to hack them up. I do have some Italian basil in out of the way places that can be harvested without wrecking the aspect.

Yesterday, after Carm talked to the doctor’s office, we headed to the local hospital emergency so Carm could get a tetanus shot… since we were close to liquidation we dropped in there ‘just to look’. Well, the tall planters were marked down 30% so I picked up 2 more. And the pj bottoms were  $5. Carm got some shorts and I got a few other minor things. So much for looking! Well, I guess we looked too hard!

Friday night Trudie & Leo came by for a simple sausage supper. We sat outside until the cold drove us into our respective homes. It was a lovely evening :-)

Yesterday it dawned on me that breathing exercises might help with anxiety… and yes, it did to a point. I don’t know why I never thought of this for all these months but there you go… SAMA. Which is tech talk for ‘stunned as me arse’. Yes… SAMA. I’m hoping that if I can nip these awful feelings in the bud they won’t take over my day :-)

Peaceful easy feeling :-)

later in the afternoon… Carm was a hero and fried up all the zucchini. I tried but a hand tremor and boiling oil do not mix. I took the time to harvest some of the Italian basil, a cup for dinner tonight and the rest went into the freezer for a taste of summer mid winter. A small taste of the zucchini made me hungry for supper. 

It’s really a blissful sort of day :-)

Except that we turned the mattress around. It is f’n heavy!

Awesome!

“fried zucchini, basil, and salt”

“a morning swim in freezing water”

“a baggie full of chopped basil for the freezer”

“sitting outside as the fairy lights came on”

“lemon curd tarts”

revelations

 I arrived home a little past noon, refreshed and with some new ideas for improving my mental health. A few days away with lots of time to think was just what I needed. The fact that I had very little anxiety while I was at the villetta gave me a few clues. So what have I learned?

Music. I had music playing for almost the entire time I was away; could the musical background have distracted my subconscious?

Sleep. I’ve been sleep deprived since Spike passed away last December - last year, when I was so fantastic, I was sleeping a solid 9 hours a night.

Facebook. I wasn’t on FB at all while at the villetta. Perhaps all those Karen stories get to me more than I realize. Instead of FB, I read, and even if it wasn’t fine literature it might have had a positive effect on my mood.

Social. Visiting with Kirsten and the girls was a change from my normal. I do try to have friends over as often as possible but maybe sometimes silly girly sisterly things are what I need.

I was wondering if my anxiety trigger was Carm but it wasn’t hard to rule that out. Actually, as soon as I figured out the other triggers I had a huge sense of relief and knew with blinding clarity that Carm is not a trigger but an anti-trigger if you will. Without him I’d be lost.

An ocean of blue sky dotted with fluffy tigers, boats, and dogs racing across the surface was our ceiling as we spent the rest of the afternoon reading (and writing) while stretched up on the sofa outside. Well, dang! Isn’t this the life!

Carm is outside with me, hobbling around on a wounded foot. Bad things always seem to happen when I’m away… yesterday Carm stepped on a nail :-(  We’ll keep a close eye on the wound as punctures can sometimes be tricky.

Speaking of foot wounds… years ago, when I was a kid, I would be barefoot all summer. One time I stepped on a lit cigarette butt at the Winnipeg Zoo. Another time I sliced my foot open and didn’t show my parents… well, since I never properly washed it or bandaged it and continued with my barefoot lifestyle it’s no surprise that the wound got infected. A few days later my parents noticed a red line creeping up my leg so off to the hospital I went. I remember the doctor digging around in my foot (it hurt!). I suppose I was on antibiotics as well.

Awesome!

“arriving home”

“a line of trees silhouetted against a blue summer sky”

“sitting outside!”

“the rain stopping just when I had to take the dogs outside”

defrosted

 The song of the cicadas reminds me that the last days of summer are slipping past like quicksilver. I feel that we were in limbo for the whole 3 weeks while the deck was being built… that’s a huge percentage of the most wonderful weeks of warm weather… and now… it could be a few scant weeks until swimming season is gone. 

Tuesday (after making a huge batch of inedible scones), I drove to the villetta for a few nights. I had plans to do a thorough cleaning but I didn’t do much other than read. I was in the middle of a book about a Miniature Schnauzer but when he got sick I had to put the book down. Next up, a really lame Harlequin type romance that had no redeeming features other than being a distraction. I guess it couldn’t have been that bad as I started another one right away. How can there be so many billionaires… a simple millionaire is no longer good enough! 

The problem with these mindless forays into really bad writing is that they don’t feed my creativity, instead my writing seems to mimic what I’ve read and seems awkward and forced but without miraculous proclamations of undying love.

I did get the fridge defrosted - the ice was threatening to burst the fins. 

When Kirsten and/or the girls weren’t visiting the music played (surprise!), I easily passed the day putzing around. A bit of a walk down the road tired the dogs out (hopefully).

Adia has regressed and is wrecking things whenever she’s left alone. Food on the counter is no longer safe - even the fly swatter is a target. I guess we have to go back to square one :-(

I’ve been having terrible anxiety for months now… after a full year of no issues I’m on the verge of tears for much of my days and have been experimenting with both behaviour modification and drugs. It’s not clear exactly what the cause is but it’s clear that I can’t handle anything out of the ordinary that life throws at me… or even the ordinary things... Last year, with covid and everything, I was doing great, perhaps the best that I’d been for decades but all that has changed. Why? I’ll be happily going about my day when WHAM, out of nowhere it feels like I’m in a car careening out of control, about to hit a brick wall. It’s hard to catch my breath.

We did some birthday celebration planning today… how can it be possible that I’ll be 60 in just over a month. I’m pretty sure I was in my 30s last week. (the 20s does seem decades ago).

Awesome!

“arriving at the villetta”

“having a quiet afternoon with a lovely walk thrown in”

“my sister”

an annual event

 A light rain is falling accompanied by a cold ‘breeze’... I’m wearing leggings, my flannel shirt, and wool socks which are warm enough for in the house, but gosh! it’s freezing outside. I’m sure it’s a welcome respite for many as the past few days have been off the charts hot!

We got 60mm of rain yesterday and overnight. More today but haven’t checked the gauge.

Tina and Bruce came for an overnight visit on Saturday - we sweated on the deck, jumping into the pool to refresh several times. Sunday morning was lovely as well - we swam twice! The deck was great - we used each area several times, moving with the shade. After they left I mentioned to Carm that we have to do this more than once a year!

The Presquile sunshade worked great! And made it obvious what size of gazebo we need - 12x12 looks perfect. Having a proper gazebo will be awesome as shade is hard to come by from about 11 to 3 pm. 

Lupa wore her life jacket for much of the time we were outside - she didn’t fall in but she wasn’t hanging about the edge of the pool either. Tina and Bruce are not dog people but Lupa did spend a certain amount of time on people’s laps ;-) She barked at first but I think for not as long as she has in the past.

I’m tempted to go for a quick dip just-because (edited later tonight - did NOT find myself warm enough to jump in - it was more of a hot bath sort of day).

.

Awesome!

“friends at the door”

“it was exactly 1 year ago to the day for our last visit”

hot august days

 A young waiter serving drinks festooned with colourful umbrellas would be da bomb… alas, my quickly warming bottle of G2 gatorade will have to do. It is blue so it nicely matches the decor (ha ha). (note to self: buy only blue gators)

Our first ‘conversation set’ guests arrived Wednesday mid-afternoon. Mom and Dad settled onto the couch in the sliver of shade cast by the house. We chatted all afternoon, silenced only by thick bacon and tomato sandwiches dripping with mayonnaise. Some of the ingredients from our garden. I should have made bread!

Yesterday we went to the PetValu for a life jacket for Lupa… she has decided that walking along the edge of the pool is a cool thing to do. I’m terrified that she’ll slip in and drown. She’s worn it a few times today and was initially quite certain that she couldn’t walk. She’ll figure it out quickly I think.

Today we put up the old sunshade from Presqu'ile. Aside from the zipper on the bag sticking, it’s still in good condition and will create a bit of shade until we get a proper gazebo. It will also help us figure out if 10x12 is the right size.

We made final payment on the cruise… fingers crossed that covid has been vanquished.

Awesome!

“having Mom and Dad as our first guests”

“Lupa not barking like crazy at another dog”

conversations

 No deck time for me first thing this morning… I was on alert waiting for the deck furniture delivery. There was a bit of rain as well.

At the gong of 10:30 am a big truck bearing our ‘conversation set’ rolled down the laneway. Two burly young men dropped the 2 giant boxes in front of the garage and then beetled out of there to their next delivery.

There was no way that Carm and I could carry the boxes all the way to the back of the house so we ripped them open to carry pieces one at a time onto the deck. That’s when the rain started again… before we could even finish our coffee the rain had stopped and the deck started drying out.

not much help!

There wasn’t much to assemble - we just had to bolt the arms to the frames and add the cushions. We adjusted positioning - an inch this way and then 2 that way… you know the drill! Voila! LOVE! It’s super comfortable (I’m testing it out as we ‘speak’). Luckily at this time of day there is shade on the sofa and one of the chairs. Lupa thinks it’s pretty awesome too and is curled up against me :-)

Adia however, is busy barking at the new floating chlorine puck dispenser that’s floating around the pool…

Last week we filled out the forms for collecting my pension which is unremarkable except for the fact that I had to enter my address 3 times on 3 different forms… in my job we had a database/system that was shared by all applications in the department for storing company information. Tombstone information was only captured ONCE not multiple times. It seems that CCRA does not have a version of ‘me’...  such an annoying waste.

I didn’t mention yesterday that it had been 7 years since June, Jennifer, and I got together - June lives in Switzerland and Jennifer has a busy business selling hunting supplies - it’s scary how fast time flies. June is back in Canada to celebrate her father’s 90th birthday… 40 years ago he hired me for my first real job which turned into a 30 year career in IT.

HAPPY :-)

Awesome!

“the first glimpse of the truck bearing furniture”

“everything assembled and put into place”

“music out on the deck”

purple haze

 I’m sitting outside at the big table, squinting my eyes against the sunny glare on my screen, cheerful music playing semi-loudly. Already I’ve puttered around on the deck setting it up for a hot August day of relaxation. It’s only 9:45 but I’ve already been swimming. This is the life!

I’m going to have to dig deep into my memory as a whole week has shot past since I last wrote. 

It started last Monday with an alarming call that my Dad was in the hospital with a heart issue. He’s home now but unfortunately they didn’t figure out what was wrong. We dashed over for a quick visit on Friday afternoon - it was good to see him standing on two legs! I’ve been lucky so far and haven’t had to face the mortality of my parents - they’ve always been there and it seems that they will be here for eternity.

We had barely got home from visiting Dad and dropping a boat load of money at Costco, when there was a phone call from Trudie inviting us over for supper. Did we turn it down… a hard no! I could have brought Lupa with us but I decided I wanted a relaxing evening so the dogs got locked up again. She was absolutely hysterical when we got home… :-(

Tuesday we drove into the city to have supper with Mom and Graham. Mom is dealing well with the scare but she’s never been one to awfulize, at least not outloud. 

Wednesday night we had a whirlwind visit from Kirsten and Shawn. They wanted to see the new deck and we needed to talk about ‘the cruise’... final payment is due soon - do we cancel or go? The majority say go! I’ll look on any covid isolation as an adventure and something ‘fun’ to write about… attitude counts! It was a perfect evening so we were able to eat outside and were only driven inside by the mosquitos at the end of the evening.

The weekend brought another level of fun with June and Jennifer, friends from high school, here for a visit. We yacked for hours - it’s funny or perhaps alarming, how much we are still the same as we were 40 years ago? I always thought that I had changed and grown but now I’m not so sure. Do I still have the same fears and idiosyncrancies that I did so many years ago? It’s hard to tell from the inside looking out - I’ll have to ask June and Jennifer what they think!

June stayed for the night and much of the day on Sunday. The weather was perfect and we used every seating area on the deck - there are three! In the early morning we drank our coffee at the table down by the pool. A swim and then brunch at the table. More swimming and then a seat in the cool shade at the end of the deck. It was lovely!

The pool level offers a better view of our domain, while ‘upstairs’ is more of a room feel, with the railings acting as open air walls. 

After a lazy morning/afternoon I drove June to Jennifer’s, about an hour away. We chatted for a while and then I headed home. Whew! I crashed pretty hard on the sofa!

We can’t get chicken hearts for the dogs anymore - labour problems :-( The dogs will be disappointed as they love getting their ‘bedtime snack’. Spike never let me forget except for his last few days of life. 

Lupa had an extreme makeover today… I got the clippers out, and to the best of my ability I gave her a full body clip. She was getting quite scruffy and was cute as a button, but alas, I can only stand so much messiness so it all came off! So much for hand stripping. She was good as gold and I only needed Carm’s help for her wiggly toes… unfortunately my hand tremor makes it difficult to get the fussy bits.

first round with the clippers - still lots to clean up

This is turning into one of those long posts that Jennifer doesn’t always read!

Awesome!

“friends”

“getting home without getting lost”