mega distractions

 It’s 3pm and it’s been snowing since early this morning… Carm has been out to snowblow the laneway but since he’s come in the snow has started to fall faster and heavier! The radar showed it ending ages ago but somehow the snow keeps falling.

I guess it’s a good excuse to be lazy again! Not that I seem to need excuses these days…

Yesterday Jo Ellen and Don (and Romy the poodle) came for a simple lunch… I say simple but if I’d been starting from scratch the tomato soup would have taken ages, but luckily I roasted tons of tomatoes from the garden last fall so the soup was a breeze. Instead I put the effort into focaccia! It’s a long drawn out process but one that I enjoy. But oh so much olive oil!!! Between the four of us we downed over ⅔ of a baking tray! There’s a few pieces left to have with supper tonight :-)

With Romy as a mega distraction, Lupa got to put into practice some of the things we learned from all those videos I watched last week! She’d gotten good at getting onto her mat and I suppose she had learnt some impulse control from the ‘games’ we played but I was very surprised at how the mat gave her a focus and a place to be that helped her to (semi) ignore Romy. It’s still a giant work in progress but overall I was happy… (oh how far our expectations have fallen!)

I wonder what would happen if we let the two dogs free? I fear bloodshed but I’m not experienced enough to read them. Lupa was super-focused on Romy and doesn’t seem to read doggy calming signals - she really is a terrier (terror!).

After J & D left it was time for the dogs to eat and then Lupa crashed - hard. She didn’t even make it to a bed but collapsed on the arm of the sofa! Such a tired puppy :-)

(it’s past 8:30 - the snow stopped hours ago)

Awesome!

“focaccia fresh from the oven at exactly the right time”

“Lupa rushing to the mat”

“freshly snowblowed laneway”

“dog snuggled on my lap”

so many videos

 The week has flown by… the winter is flying by… but to tell the truth, I’m done with winter! Another storm, more snow, some freezing rain, above freezing temps, below freezing temps, more snow, all thrown at us in less than a week. We’ve had a few sunny, but cold, days which were a blessing.

It’s been a bit busy too - Friday we did a whole body clip on Lupa - she looks a bit like a dork and she has a few strange discoloured spots with black outlines. Saturday Trudie & Leo came by for a supper of ‘sausages & peppers’. Sunday afternoon we had a family lunch at Mom & Dad’s. Mom made Christmas morning wife saver and I brought a burnt sugar cake so there were lots of carbs for everyone! The whole family was there except Juliette, plus we had an extra: Shenna’s friend Kelli, from NZ, who is taking a semester at Queens.

Kirsten and the girls were staying the night so I joined in. We had lots of laughs!

Carm picked me up Monday late morning - I was exhausted so basically just chilled for the afternoon before going to Trudie & Leo’s for supper. Aside from a trip to the hairdressers (the worst haircut ever!) on Wednesday, I spent the rest of the week watching dog training videos. I signed up for a 4 day ‘summit’ which included videos from multiple trainers every day. I’m not sure how much I retained but there was lots to learn and maybe it will motivate me to do more with both dogs. And hopefully gave me a few more tools to work on Lupa with her reactivity towards other dogs.

I’ve done very little cooking this week, relying on leftovers and takeout for our suppers. I did try a recipe for Thai chicken noodle soup that was a bit of a bust - not enough Thai spices, nor enough noodles, plus my mushrooms were a bit old… I’ll have to zuzz up the leftovers with more curry paste and another handful of rice noodles.

Grace scared us with a little bout with something last week but is now fully recovered and eating up a storm.

Today would have been a lovely snowshoe day as there’s some fresh powder down, but I’m a bit bletch and felt vaguely nauseous at times which sapped all my energy. I did get it together enough to make the ‘biga’ for tomorrow’s focaccia which will hopefully be ready in time for lunch at 1:30! 

The weekend was capped off by a fun sibling chat! Yay for technology :-)

Awesome!

“birthday party with the family”

“getting home after a night away”

“Lupa staying on the mat when I rang the doorbell!”

“a bit of sunshine in the afternoon”

a blurb of photos

 I don’t have much to say (ha ha… famous last words!) but I wanted to post these photos so they are in my timeline. It’s been a good few days.

Awesome!

“burnt sugar cake”

the quality of your thoughts

 I knew that ‘talking’ to you guys would put me back on the right track :-) Today has been good!

It’s still above freezing - the laneway is almost clear and the snowbanks are reducing. We are expected to get freezing rain and snow overnight so we’ll see what tomorrow brings weather wise. My fingers are crossed that there will be a nice fluffy layer to the now crusted snow. I want to get the dogs out for a run!

Lupa and I have been practicing ‘mat’ - usually Adia is locked in her crate for these training sessions, but today just for fun, I left the mat on the floor after I let Adia loose. I asked Lupa to ‘mat’ and wouldn’t you know it, Adia walked right over to it and laid down! She’s a superstar.

I was a bit bored today so whipped up a pile of cardamom buns… unfortunately I got distracted while I was measuring ingredients and FORGOT to add the sugar! I remembered after the dough was mostly kneaded… I tossed it into the bowl and kneaded some more… and waited with bated breath for them to be baked. Well! Luckily! They turned out great!

Lupa got a bath this afternoon in preparation for tomorrow’s hair cut. She’s a shaggy dog right now and it’s starting to bug me - we should have gotten a short hair dog! She was like a maniac afterwards, running all over the house.

Pat came for supper tonight after her day at the ski hill. She didn’t run into the house but rather hobbled in like a lady who lost a battle with the hill. 

As much as I feel like hibernating away from everyone, I also feel the need to be social :-)  It’s a mix that works well through the winter cause I’m not stressing about being stuck at home but still get little bursts of company.

Awesome!

“crazy dog running around the house (until the furniture started flying!)”

“soft cardamom buns”

“another good day”

“The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts: therefore, guard accordingly, and take care that you entertain no notions unsuitable to virtue and reasonable nature.”

Marcus Aurelius

a thin stream of fear

Unless you want to read a bunch of whining and crying you might want to skip this one! 

It seems that every time I get a bit ‘cocky’ and think that I’ve got this bipolar thing beat for good, it jumps up and punches me in the gut… Monday, after a lovely birthday lunch for Dad with some of the family, we were driving home on good roads with nothing bad happening when ‘whamo’... and there you have it. Anxiety.

I’d hoped a night asleep would cure me but no, I woke up yesterday in the same state I went to bed in. Took the dogs out, Lupa ran through the fence onto the road after a dog... I half-heartedly tried a few distraction techniques but was too far down the rabbit hole to help myself…

Well, I didn’t totally give up and semi-participated in the household! I did take extra meds as soon as I got out of bed and topped those up with another med in the afternoon… did it help? Yes, somewhat, but I wasn’t dancing around the house…

(so that was yesterday… and what follows is today… after talking to Kirsten)

Today as soon as I woke up I could feel the bad start to seep in so I got to work right away telling myself that it’s going to be a good day. Yes, it’s going to be a good day (repeat as many times as required).

I think what triggered such a mood swing was Lupa… we brought her to Mom & Dad’s for lunch on Monday - she was being great. Near the end of the visit Graham was making fun little squeaky noises which freaked her out. Something so simple. He wasn’t being mean or teasing in any way, just trying to interest her and he did his best to win her over after, but she was too worried. So my thoughts of her being a therapy dog went down the toilet. She obviously doesn’t have the confidence to be in that sort of environment.

That’s discouraging. For anyone.

I think part of my problem is that I’ve spent so many years being flattened by meds that I don’t know how to handle a simple upset so it spirals me into an abyss :-/  or at least makes me THINK that I’m spiralling when in fact it’s just a normal mood swing that isn’t going to last days, months, years! 

Meanwhile, she’s keen on the training game now and is catching on quickly so maybe she’ll improve her confidence if we can take some classes or at least get her out of the house more.

(nothing like an hour watching the news to put my life into perspective.)

FYI - yes, it was a good day.

Awesome!

“a few sunny days”

“Dad’s birthday lunch”

“a rainy day tea with Christina”

“my new apron! It brings joy!”

Anxiety is a thin stream of fear trickling through the mind. If encouraged, it cuts a channel into which all other thoughts are drained.”

— Arthur Somers Roche

sunday supper

I have to wonder how people manage to feed a family three meals a day… yesterday I spent most of my day cooking and doing dishes yet only managed to get bone broth, cranberry cake, and a lentil meatloaf cooked - basically just one meal. All day!

The cranberry cake and lentil loaf were both ‘new to me’ recipes which probably doubled the time as I checked and rechecked the recipes. I had a bit of trouble with the butter in the cake recipe - it just wasn’t soft enough. Weirdly the eggs and sugar get whipped up first and then the butter is added - even though it was room temperature it wasn’t soft enough to blend in so I had to fuss quite a bit to get it incorporated which added about 20 minutes… notes have been added to the recipe!

The lentil loaf was supposed to be vegan but I didn’t have any flax so used 2 eggs instead. There was lots of chopping and cooking but in the end we had a giant loaf of lentils that tasted pretty good for legumes :-)  Five more servings have been packaged up in the freezer for later this week. Carm rated it a ⅘ so it’s a definite ‘do-over’.

I think I spend too much time cleaning as I go - wiping up my spills on the counter probably added at least an hour to the prep! And the dishes! I seem to use every bowl and utensil in the kitchen.

I did take a break to go for a short snowshoe plus spent some time with Lupa working on skills. She did great! I suspect the adjustment in my attitude has helped me to see what she CAN do and also how hard she tries. Thinking back to the white witch in the pet store last year who told me that Lupa will turn into a good dog :-) In fact, she’s on her way to being a great dog. I think she’s starting to learn how to think and problem solve.

Carm is struggling with a suspected kidney stone. How much water can a man drink in a day? It seems that the answer measures in the gallons!

Every now and then I realize how much more energy I have since quitting lithium :-) The dragged down, wiped out feeling seems to be gone. It’s been over 2 months since any anxiety too so all in all things are going great :-)

Awesome!

“a bit of sun in the afternoon”

“Kari for supper”

focaccia

 At 9am I started the process of making focaccia… first I had to mix the biga that I made yesterday with some water and oil, then I added flour, yeast, and salt. Thus began the process of rising… every 30 minutes it needed to be lifted and gently folded… 5 times… then the dough was flattened and spread out onto a baking sheet… 4 times dimpling the dough, letting it rest 30 minutes between times… at 2:00 pm it was in the oven!

Definitely a project for a day that you want to hang around the kitchen!

My rosemary plant is pretty much dead so I chose to top the focaccia with sun-dried tomatoes, kalamata olives, roasted garlic, and a sprinkling of basil.

Two thirty pm: it’s out of the oven and we’ve had (more than) a few squares… I oversalted it but OMG! Fluffy, crispy, salty, yummy. An easy 5/5. It’s like bread on steroids! Too bad that it won’t be warm out of the oven for supper tonight! (update: it’s good cold too!)

Back to the book… Mantras and managing thoughts was discussed in another few chapters. Reframing negatives into positives does change how you feel in a profound way. I try to practice this but get off track sometimes so was glad for the reminder. It’s not always easy to think ‘I feel energetic’ when I’m exhausted but I know the power of words. If you tell yourself over and over again that you’re tired, well guess what, soon you will be!

A whole book could be devoted to changing thinking patterns as of course it’s easier said than done and does need a lot of practice and thought! 

I haven’t decided on a mantra yet - any ideas? I’m thinking of “I’ve got this” or something along those lines.

I read something else that talked about how the brain is divided into sections that manage each body part. Hands and fingers take up a huge part of your brain compared with everything else so if you focus on doing something with your hands you can distract yourself from other physical problems, but taking that a step farther, it might help with anxiety as well. 

I don’t play a musical instrument but it seems that it would be ideal for changing thinking. I’ve experimented with crocheting before but that was a bust - too much swearing to alleviate anxiety! In fact it might be anxiety producing 🤪

Awesome!

“fluffy dough”

“I feel in control, I feel great”

lacking focus

 Rain poured from the sky today, decimating our beautiful snow, turning it into sheet ice. I would like winter a heck of a lot more if it stayed below freezing for the whole season so the snow was beautiful and fluffy. I know I raved about the weather yesterday but that was the delusion of winter’s end… Alas, snowshoeing will be done till the next big snow :-(  

This morning I got out of bed with a bit more purpose. I was going to find something new to cook so opened the ‘Italian Cooking’ facebook group and got to scrolling. Lots of nice ragus and other pasta but when the photo of focaccia appeared on my screen I knew I wanted to try making it.

Google is my friend when it comes to recipes - there were so many to choose from - I always read several before selecting a recipe. I settled on a ‘Roasted Garlic & Rosemary focaccia’ which will pair nicely with the soup I’m serving tomorrow… yes, tomorrow as it’s a 2 day recipe. Today I made the biga which is a mixture of warm water, yeast, and a bit of flour. It rests on the counter for a few hours and then goes into the fridge till tomorrow.

The whole process of finishing the focaccia is complicated and long… I’ll update tomorrow!

While the whole cooking thing is a good activity, I have to find something else that I’m passionate about that brings me pleasure and a sense of accomplishment. Since retirement I’ve struggled with this - I feel slightly rudderless and without purpose. 

I do enjoy playing around with the dogs and teaching them new things but I’ve been mega remiss with this for Lupa. I find I compare her to both Spike and Adia. She’s not as quick to learn as Spike and she’s lacking the focus that Adia has… I have to embrace the challenge! If I get discouraged it’s no wonder that Lupa gets distracted. 

Today I got out the clicker and started teaching ‘mat’ to Lupa. Instead of focusing on what she was doing wrong, I tried to notice what she did right. I still have to work on this! I could see her wheels start to turn as she’d perk up when she noticed the mat. Or she’d go to one of the other places she likes to lie down and wait for the click. I think I added distance too quickly.

After 10 minutes of that I got Carm to hold her while I hid the toy a few times. I kept it easyish, not so hard to discourage her - she had fun. 

Then we worked on eye contact when I make a kissing sound… that was fun for both of us. At one point she started throwing other behaviours at me and did a perfect roll-over and some very deliberate downs. She was trying :-) Getting this down pat will help us when we start outings with distractions. If she’s giving me eye contact she can’t be barking at another dog… ha ha I hope!

It was just the other day that I realized that everything on earth is made from elements in the periodic table! Talk about cooking! I often am amazed at what I can make with just flour, water and butter! I feel that I must have missed a day of science class…

Awesome!

“cheesecake bites into the freezer and blueberry compote in the fridge”

“a quick little rollover when she was trying to figure things out”

“not dying”

floundering in life

 The birds were singing and the sun was shining this afternoon. The day started off cloudy but as we finished strapping on our snowshoes, the sun broke from the clouds :-) It was gorgeous! Blue sky, white snow, above 0 temps - it felt a bit like spring. 

Motivated by the warmer weather, and perhaps also from chatting with Kirsten, I folded up the burgundy blankets, pillows, and other decor to switch back to the blue that I love. I think I’ll start frequenting our local thrift store for some blue & white pottery - I have a few pieces but given how much joy they give me there’s room for more!

This morning I read a short book about Positive Thinking. It had lots of good ideas, including many that I already practice (but could do better - a goal!)... it also highlighted some thinking that needs work.

I sometimes feel that I’m floundering in life with no clear direction or goals and I think that might be part of the root of the occasional anxieties that I’ve had, especially over the last year. At the beginning of the pandemic my goal was clear: focus on doing things to improve my mental health. That first year of lockdowns, which could have been filled with anxiety and stress, was one of my best years yet… I can’t pinpoint the exact reason but think it might have something to do with expectations - I was managing them - I had a clear goal - I had very few ‘shoulds’ and I let myself ‘off the hook’ for some sorts of things. I focused hard on finding the small pleasures.

Since last year, starting with Spike’s passing, I’ve forgotten about this goal, or if I haven’t exactly forgotten, it’s not been my focus. But also, it’s time to start looking for other goals, things that will get me out of bed in the morning with anticipation. But what?

Some of my satisfaction comes from time in the kitchen. There is something about making food that gives me a feeling of contentment topped with a bit of achievement to ice the cake. It’s a bit granola/pioneer woman/farmers wife… In many ways, feeding people is my love language. It makes me happy so I’ll do more of this! Is it a goal? I’ll find a way to make it one. 

I want to embrace my inner Aunty Rena!

In those first days of the pandemic I made it a mission to cook new recipes every week… I’ve been coasting for a while so it’s time to get back to experimentation. Maybe I need to do a Julia Child challenge :-) Today I made tortillas to have with our lentils & red peppers. They were good! And so incredibly easy, although somewhat time intensive, not that time is an issue for me most days.

What gets you out of the bed in the morning? (ha ha! I just inserted the photo of Lupa above this sentence and yes… she gets me out of the bed in the morning… whether I want to or not!)

Awesome!

“sunshine”

“fresh tortillas”

“Leaping Lupa in her snowsuit”

yorkshire experiments

 As the year rolled from 22 to 23, I had it in my mind that I’d write everyday as it’s good practice but since I’m not doing anything much it’s hard to think of things to write about! I’m not reading anything interesting, I’ve not been watching movies, and if I had they’d be fluff. I’ve only been off the property a handful of times so far this year. 

We did have Jo Ellen and Don over for lunch yesterday - I played around with a beef stew using a ton of caramelised onions, mushrooms, herbs, and some Marsala to improve the broth. It turned out fantastic and is my new ‘go-to’ recipe for beef stews - I even wrote out the recipe in my app.

We also had yorkshire pudding, which turned out great, but in the middle of the night, when I should have been sleeping, but wasn’t, I wondered if using beef broth instead of water would improve the flavour. Guess what we are having tonight! Leftover stew with fresh yorkshires :-) Fingers crossed that I’ve made an incredible discovery ;-)

The polar vortex left a few days ago, leaving behind above normal temps. It’s been a warm winter so far - even with the vortex. Carm tracks electricity usage and this January we used 14 percent less energy than last January!

Between us we can answer almost any question about our household that you might ask! A combined 60 years in IT with 12 years of retirement and we still can’t let go of our record keeping/documentation!

It was windy, but we still strapped on the snowshoes for a short walk with the dogs. Lupa is not crazy about getting the snowsuit on, but is reasonably compliant - once we catch her! The other day I was fitting her into it and thought “it would be helpful if there was a snap to hold the suit up after the front legs are inserted”... well, just as I thought it, my hand slid down the back of the suit and there, in exactly the right spot was a snap!

Adia has either eaten something or gotten something stuck in her teeth as she was drooling buckets late this afternoon and into the evening. It’s 6pm now (waiting for the yorkshire to finish!) and she’s still at it. A few years ago she ate something that made her drool for several hours as well so fingers crossed it will pass by morning… meanwhile! we are wearing shoes in the house!

Supper time has come and gone… I’m still stuffed but it was oh, so worth it! The yorkshire… was awesome! I’ll be pencilling in a few notes in my tattered copy of ‘The Joy of Cooking’!

Adia’s drooling seems to be abating.

Awesome!

“yorkshire pudding!”

“visiting around the table after lunch”

“great design features”

polar vortex

Winter clawed and howled at the house last night as the Polar Vortex descended upon us. Trees thrashed at the snow dancing among their branches… yes, it was winter and he was trying to beat its way into the house… Even this afternoon windchill temps dipped down to -43 with each gust of wind… not fit for man or beast. (MINUS 43!!!!)

Carm was first out with the dogs this morning… we both bundled up to take them out later… brrr! No snowshoes for us today :-0  Poor Carm had to snowblow the end of the laneway though - luckily a small job that only took 15 minutes.

I did get out of my pyjamas… barely! Fluffy fleece bottoms (officially pjs but since I never wear them in bed I call them lounge pants), with wool socks and a warm flannel shirt kept me (mostly) warm all day. Although now that the sun is down my feet and hands are freezing! A giant bowl of  hot drunken noodles warmed our tummies at supper :-) (it’s so yummy we could eat it until we burst!)

I’ve been struggling with my bluetooth headphones - for some reason they are no longer playing nicely with my phone (ever since that last OS upgrade) - so I unearthed an ancient samsung tab A tablet that I stripped every app and notification from except Amazon music. There were still a few glitches when a notification from my phone or tablet tried to grab the headphones… so now, only the tab A is paired with my headphones and it seems to be working better… strangely, this only started happening a few weeks ago…

Awesome!

“the sheer brutality of -30C temps”

“drunken noodles are always awesome!”

“steamy bubble bath”

“getting to my coffee when it’s the perfect temperature”

rabbit drama

 I jumped (stumbled) out of bed yesterday morning with a loud ‘hurrah’ at the sunshine! Carm did the first shift out with the dogs, but they needed out again after their breakfast - it was a fridgid -18C so I bundled into my warmest coat - it’s like crawling into a teddy bear - to take them out… thankfully no wind so I was warm, but little Lup-da-loop was mincing around on her little cold feet so a soon as she was finished her business I picked her up and rushed inside.

We had snow on Sunday and some more Monday so we had to make new paths on our snowshoes yesterday - the snow is getting super deep! Today was easier as we had ½ path already made, it had filled in a bit with light fluffy snow which was easy to get through, but the other half, well! Whew! I’m not in great shape (unless you think round is a good shape!), but we got out there and did it :-) And bonus - the clouds parted for a few minutes, bathing us in bright sunshine.

Lupa is rocking her snowsuit. Adia wore a parka. The snow is so deep that they rarely go off the unbroken path, but Lupa made a few forays into the deep fluff. We have to corner Lupa to get the darn thing on her, but once it’s on she’s raring to go 😍 

 

Pat came over for supper on Monday night - I made Vietnamese Beef stew which was delicious…  I forgot to add the Thai basil which would have rounded out the flavours better - next time! It couldn’t have been all bad though - we managed to almost finish two pounds of beef!

Adia discovered that she can see rabbits out of the bedroom window… at night… all hours of the night… so in desperation, we taped a giant sheet of paper over the bottom part of the window… a good temporary fix. I wonder if there is a cheap temporary fix that looks nicer than a giant sheet of paper?

I was scrolling through recipes this morning and saw a nice one with sausage and tomatoes but on second look realized that it is similar to a bean and sausage soup that I make regularly - guess what we are having for supper tonight: the old standby with beans! I always end up filling my 8qt instant pot to the fill line so we’ll have enough to put some aside for a guest night :-) And I got to work early so prep is already done 🤪

We eat a lot of soup in the winter…

Ack!!! Lupa just found a decapitated rabbit under the trailer! And then I found a granola bar wrapper on the laneway in front of the garage… A quick check with Google revealed that some animals will eat just the head and come back for the rest later. Yikes! What sort of animal is stalking the driveway? And how did that wrapper get there? It’s easy to let my mind veer into ‘Fatal Attraction’ scenarios!

Awesome!

“a whole day of sunshine”

“pristine snow - it stays so white out here in the country”

“mise en place”

“Peaceful Easy Feeling”