never ending night

Last night was one of those never-ending nights where my eyes rarely closed. I tried not to look at the clock too much, but every time I did, it seemed like another half hour had passed. Finally at 5:30 I fell asleep for a few hours. I was probably dozing in all that time but who knows.

What sorts of crazy thoughts kept me entertained? Aside from the slight concern that I was going to start spinning up, I started thinking about guardian angels and how our spirits keep a look out for our loved ones. That seems like a kind of hell for me! When I die I want to escape from myself - the last thing I want is an eternity of awareness - I want to escape reality and not have to experience it forever. What is there after death? Is it just emptiness - how do you transition to the blankness of sleep into the chasm of what remains? Hopefully just a darker nothingness. 

What else kept me awake? I don't even remember as there was nothing that I was worried about (aside from my friend who had major surgery yesterday and now faces an incredibly hard journey). But I wasn't ruminating, I just wasn't sleepy. I'll be keeping an eye on that.

Cato & Bailey have settled in well and our routines are starting to evolve to be more efficient. They are pretty funny, although yesterday Bailey gave me a heart attack when it seemed like he disappeared from his cage - he'd hidden himself under the paper on the floor! Geesh.

Watching 'How it's Made' - the company makes 300,000 hotdogs an hour! How many hotdogs are eaten in the USA every year? TWENTY BILLION!!!! The average American eats over 70 hotdogs a year. Hmmm… Compare that to the average of 6 pounds of broccoli a year which breaks down to about 6 grams a day, or half a floret… A hotdog is considered a class 1 carcinogen by the World Health Organization. Broccoli helps your body fight cancer.

I won't even get into how much bacon is eaten!

We watch 'How it's Made' almost every night and have seen how almost everything on earth is made. I never grow tired of watching the production lines - if I were sent back into the past, maybe I'd become an engineer and design them myself.

The deep freeze has broken with a few days of snow first. Not huge accumulation, but enough for Carm to snow blow two days in a row. We hit the freezing point today and it's forecast to get to 7C tomorrow! I haven't gotten out on the snowshoes yet and it looks like I've missed my chance for a few days. Maybe we'll even get some sun someday…

I've been forgetting to keep my eyes open for the awesome.

The last few days I've been updating my records and getting my database set up for 2026. The software makes it pretty easy, and as a bonus surprise, one of the steps that I'd have to get Carm to do on his computer can now be done on my tablet :-)  Hurray!

Aside from quick trips to the backyard I haven't left the house since Saturday… it's the long hibernation!

I've had the hiccups twice today…

This is a pretty poorly written post but I want to get into the habit of writing SOMETHING in the hopes of improving :-)

Awesome!

"importing data from my database into a spreadsheet"

"cute birdie voices"

"dogs sleeping in till past 9am"

"the light is coming back! It wasn't even pitch dark at 5pm tonight!"

little grey kitty

Day 4 of the new year and things are going well… we had some excitement on Friday night when another cat showed up at the door. This little guy was meowing outside the door at 11pm when Carm was about to take the dogs out, so he blocked the dogs away and opened the door. The kitty came inside, dashed back out, and then back in again. Carm was able to grab him and we secured him in the bathroom. The litter box was still handy and we still had cat food so it didn't take long to make him comfortable. He was very friendly, not scared at all.

Well, that was all fine and good but the dogs, especially Adia, knew that he was in there and stressed about it ALL NIGHT! I ended up with the dogs locked in the living room and me trying to get a few minutes of sleep on the sofa. It was not a restful night…

The next morning we took stock and started sending out messages and phoning neighbours. He wasn't known by anyone. I did put a post on the lost pets FB group. We had Ruth and John scheduled to bring Cato and Bailey who are staying with us for a few weeks - the chaos of the dogs would freak the birds out and make it harder for them to settle in. Luckily for us - Christina offered to get the cat. As it turns out, if I'd been a bit more patient, the problem would have been solved, as the FB post reached the owners! I connected them with Christina and home he went :-) Another cat saved from freezing to death!

The birds are settled in next to Grace. Everyone seems happy or at least not freaked out. They've been eating well and whistling a bit, a sure sign that they are getting comfortable.

Today for supper I made the cauliflower bake that I'd made for the first time over a month ago but didn't think to read the recipe first… oops! So it's a bit different with just red onion and no caramelised onion which saved about 45 minutes of fussing time, plus I added some cherry tomatoes and broccoli. The ingredients get layered onto the baking sheet that fits into my toaster/airfryer and then the whole shebang gets roasted for 20 minutes. The possibilities are endless! Carrots, red peppers, tofu, tahini sauce, black beans… however… next time I'll follow the recipe as it was a weak 3 out of 5…

I've been binge watching Hallmark type Christmas shows while I walk on the treadmill - some are not too bad and are a pretty good diversion… I tend to take it a bit easy and don't push myself so hard but I think that's probably a good thing right now! I'm watching on my phone which is backlight by a bright window so much of the visual detail is lost, but I don't think the plots are that subtle that it matters!

Awesome!

"another cat saved"

"full moon and clear roads"

"turning the corner onto our road and seeing our Christmas lights"

gathering

Happy New Year! It's freezing cold but the sun is shining so it seems like a good start to the year… although the snow that fell overnight was enough that Carm had to snowblow. While he did that, I walked on the treadmill for an hour (yay me!) and then finished the cleanup from our little dinner party last night.

We had our annual NYE 'party' (and I use that term lightly as some years it's just a few people for a long sit-down supper, while other years we've had more people so just stood around the kitchen feasting on finger foods. We were a small crowd last night (just 6 of us) so I set the table and planned a proper supper. 

We started at 7 with smoked salmon on crostini with dill goat cheese, then at 7:30 had a curried butternut squash soup. According to Italian lore, lentils on NYE are good luck so I tucked them into the soup (red lentils cook down into a lovely thick broth), and topped the soup with sauteed garlicky lentil sprouts. Everyone visited around the table while Carm and I cleaned up the soup course and got the rest of the dinner ready. I made a hearty caramelised onion beef stew with yorkshire pudding, garlicky mashed potatoes, lemony roasted brussels sprouts, and roasted carrots that had been wrapped in prosciutto. I took the easy way out for dessert and served a store bought panettone. I think everyone left the table stuffed! I certainly couldn't eat another bite.

We weren't a rowdy bunch so by 10:30 we'd lost Kari, and soon after that Tina and Bruce headed home, hoping to beat the drunken rush. Of course it was snowing… Pat hung in until just past midnight. 

Another year done. It wasn't the greatest year for our family with Mom's emergency hospital stay in  June and Graham's passing in September. Shawn broke his leg at the end of October so it hasn't been great for them either! I have several friends that are going through some pretty serious health issues - I hope 2026 has a few miracles thrown in… I'm scared to think what this year will bring for all of us…

To continue on my list of grievances, it wasn't the greatest year for my mental health. I've spent much of the year on a rollercoaster of mood issues with sometimes being good and other times having to push myself to get through the day on the topside of the earth. It started in 2024 with the hormone blocker drug I was on - by April of this year I'd fully quit it as the tamoxifen was badly messing with my brain. I thought I'd bounce back quickly but it's been an ongoing struggle. 

During my good periods I made a real effort on my physical health and was actually seeing some muscles! But since mid September I've been flailing there as well, although I've managed to walk regularly - 860miles/1376km on the treadmill in 2025! In the same trusty Sketcher's shoes! I think the walking is what kept me going - there were some days that I could barely get myself out of bed and skipped but I was mostly able to get it done which helps mentally and physically.

I can see through the years that my mood cycle is somewhat tied to the sun and length of days with low periods in the fall until late spring - sort of a 6 month swing from low to high, the past year was the same, just more pronounced so I just have to hang on another month or so till I'm back on the high side.

2026 is going to be a better year! I've started on the right foot today and will get on a roll! I'm going to keep better tabs on my thoughts and start remembering to notice all the awesome things to be grateful for throughout the day. And it will be better still if I can get myself into my downstairs gym for some resistance exercises - when I was doing that regularly last year I felt pretty darn great. I've got to REMEMBER THIS!

Our family Christmas gathering on the 23rd ended up being cancelled due to weather and unfortunately, due to all the other commitments we've had to reschedule to the end of January. It's hard to get everyone together… and winter weather is no great help. I hope my baking contributions hold up in the freezer for the next month!

Half the family spent Christmas Day at Kirsten's, but those of us who couldn't do an overnight, had supper here. Kari, Olaf, and Stephanie arrived Christmas Day for a turkey feast (we just finished the turkey today!). It was fun, but to be honest, I didn't feel great the next day… some people are very slow learners!

Welp… that's a bit of bad luck on the first day of the new year… after supper I bit down into a lovely piece of toffee, felt something crunchy… it was a crown that had been loosened with the sticky treat. So it's a trip to the dentist soon… and soft food until then!

(Friday morning) Of course I did my usual thing of writing but not posting right away letting the day get ahead of me, totally forgetting to do the final post!

Awesome!

"gathering with friends"

"a sunny day to start the new year"

"kitty (now named Whiskey) has settled into her new home"

"chatting with neighbours in the grocery store"

"the new Food Basics!"