fallen heros

 Who are your heros? I don’t generally think of people as being heros, but instead those that I admire. I’ll try to dig up a short list:  Neil Degrass Tyson and Brian Greene - I love that they’ve brought the wonder of science to the layman; I admire Anderson Cooper, he was born into privilege but has spent his life as a reporter; Jane Goodal has contributed so much; I love Alice Munro as a writer; I greatly admire Obama. 

What happens when you find out that someone you held above others has divergent views and supports a point of view that is polar opposite to yours. Can they remain heros, or are they dethroned?

You could ask Carm these questions as today his golf hero, Jack Nickalas, has shown himself to be a supporter of racism and bigotry. He’s in support of a president that has been doing everything in his power to ruin the country with his approach to Covid (among other things). As Carm just said to me “he’s dead to me”... 

I thought highly about one of the ‘talking heads’ on CNN but then recently he did a really stupid thing on a zoom call. I felt let down and angry that he could be so dumb.

Trump has totally gone off the rails now. What will happen if he loses? Will he further trash the country in his 2 months before inauguration?

"The true secret of happiness lies in taking a genuine interest in all the details of daily life.”

~William Morris

running with scissors

 I couldn’t help it… with a pair of  sharp scissors in my hand I chopped at my hair until the floor around me was littered with grey/blond hair… well, not quite, but I did snip some of the hair at the back of my head. I don’t think it’s noticeable (or at least Carm said it wasn’t) but it feels a tiny bit better.

Adia had a mani/pedi with no polish this afternoon. The grooming studio is great and makes a traumatic event easier. She was pretty good and actually took a few treats which is a first. She’s usually too scared to eat which says a lot as she is a giant chow hound. I had a few minutes when we first got there to practice some of her skills outside before they were ready for her which I think calmed her down and focused her. This summer I missed a huge opportunity to work in an environment with more distractions when we were at Kirsten’s.

I’ve had a few days to think of anything else that I might need from the camper but have been drawing a blank so took the final winterizing step and closed the slides. So that’s it until spring (except for checking for mice of course). I surreptitiously count the months to go on my fingers but the number is too big to comprehend, well, not comprehend but believe. Six months… six months… six months. It’s going to be a long winter.

But wait! It’s going to be an awesome winter and I’m going to find something great each and every day. I will play my favorite dance songs and spin around the living room in joy. I will make good food and drink nice wine. I’ll be good to my honey and run with the dogs. I’ll give Grace her favorite treats.

The actifry got a workout tonight. Sweet potato, brussels sprouts, zucchini, red pepper, red onion all roasted together then tossed with sun-dried tomatoes, kalamata olives, feta, spinach and rosemary. Yum. And on the side some roasted shazam peppers. 

"Life is worth living as long as there's a laugh in it.”

~Lucy Maud Montgomery

Oowatanite

 There was a dusting of snow this morning, or so I was told as I hadn't quite finished my 12 hour nap. By the afternoon it was 10C so we took a drive, stopping at liquidation (I didn’t find what I wanted but almost bought another dog bed, cause, you know, can there be enough dog beds?)

Spike had a quick haircut on his face - he wasn’t very happy about it but eventually aquested. I, however, did not get a haircut. I have to drive by the barbershop to see if they have a protocol posted and then will figure out if I’ll go there or to Pat’s lady who operates out of her home.

I was listening to music, wondering who gathered the lyrics to almost all the songs. Every time I’ve wanted the lyrics to something, a quick google search will unearth them, no matter how obscure. Which triggered a memory of when, instead of studying for exams, I wrote down all the lyrics to ‘Oowatanite’ by April Wine. This involved running the tape endlessly through my cassette player. Forty four years later I can sing along without missing a beat, but have zero memory of what exam I should have been studying for!

"Oowatanite

Everything'll be alright

Come on, come on, love me tonight

And I'll be yours till the sun comes up”

~April Wine

10,000 lost

 Canada hit a grim milestone today: 10,000 deaths attributed to Covid-19. If there was ever a number to remind a person to take it seriously, this is it.

It was cold today with a bit of cheerful sunshine in the morning. A walk-about revealed a few remaining flowers, their tiny blooms huddled close to the earth.

I’ve been really tired today and keep nodding off, my head bob waking me up with a start. If I were to put my head down on the arm of the sofa I’d be out like a light… but… if I go to bed my eyes will pop open and I’ll be awake till tomorrow.

Second pair of new glasses. They are a bit different looking but not as crazy as the other pair. 

I am on the verge of shaving my head or at the very least going for a haircut. I haven’t had one since covid and man oh man it’s driving me crazy!

"My life is a perfect graveyard of buried hopes.”

~L.M. Montgomery

new peeks

 It didn’t snow! But with near freezing temperatures and an icy drizzle falling from the sky it felt sub zero. I actually got Carm to up the temp in the house this afternoon - I wanted to get dressed up again and since all of my dress-up clothes are from Caribbean cruises… My aim to dress up every night might falter with colder weather. Either that or we’ll go poor with heating bills!

It was too miserable to finish off the outside winterizing (some plants and a re-arrange of the back deck to facilitate shoveling), so we got in the car and drove into the city. Costco (I waited in the car), then the shopping centre. LCBO was closed (?) but the shop I wanted was open and nearly empty. A nice young man helped me make my purchases and then I was on my way.

So much excitement 😃 

Music accompanied our supper. I’d forgotten, but remember now why we usually eat at the coffee table in front of the TV - after a day spent together (and I mean together - we are literally in the same room 100% of the time, or we are in the car together, or, or), we don’t have much left to talk about! TV dinners take the pressure off!

Oh! Our new glasses arrived this afternoon. Two pairs for me and two for Carm. I went for a staid silver and a whacked-out pale pink. I’m not sure that I’m someone who can pull off zany.

Just saw on the news that the city got a bunch of snow overnight! Also, thankfully, I didn’t pick up a really sticky earworm yesterday (I’m a star in New York I’m a star in LA - oh yeah - it’s there).

I am going to print out the quote today and paste it onto my mirror.

"It's been my experience that you can nearly always enjoy things if you make up your mind firmly that you will.”

~Lucy Maud Montgomery

pool in pieces

 With a determined cheerfulness that I hope lasts all winter I set about my day. There was still some ‘stuff’ to sort and put away - finally I had my kitchen counter back. The table was cleared yesterday to make way for fine dining but somehow stuff started to pile there again. Other catch-all areas were tidied. 

Eventually there was just a small pile of stuff that winters in the villetta so I braved the cold. While I was in the camper I started going thru the cupboards and storage cubbies to remove extra junk. I ended up with a large bag full of odds and ends - nothing to throw out, but stuff to save in the basement for future use (oh oh). I still have some areas to tackle.

It is amazing, and not in a particularly good way, how much stuff can be crammed into such a small space.

While I was doing that, Carm drove to the city for a bit of produce and a case of favorite wine that’s on sale. Once he was back he got cracking with the pool. With a heroic effort it’s tucked away for the winter. 

We are ready! Bring it on! Sadly, there is snow in the forecast for tonight :-(

I dressed up for dinner and we ate at the table again tonight. It was just a giant bowl of potato soup that I unearthed from the freezer. A side of artisan bread for dipping completed the supper. Unfortunately we don’t have any salad fixings on hand - a big bowl of spinach would have hit the spot. I know the dressing up seems lame but I figure if I can somehow make some of the moments of the day a bit special it will help us through the winter. It’s a small nod to cruise vacations.

I’ve turned into my mother and now have two places set at the table as a matter of course. The placemats, chargers, plates, and pinwheel crystal sits at the ready. Although if I was fully like her I’d have 6 places set! ;-)

Carm turned off the golf and tuned in ‘flashback 70s’ while we ate, and even kept the music going for ages after. I think it helped my digestion!

I need to set myself the challenge of taking at least one relevant photo every day. If I’d been thinking I would have gotten a shot of Carm with his arms in the freezing cold of the pool. Or maybe a satisfying photo of all the pool parts laid out on the deck drying, almost ready to carry into the basement.

‘From New York to L.A.’ by Patsy Gallant - the worst ear worm I’ve ever experienced… I think it was the song playing on the radio when I arrived in Ottawa 1976. I’d stayed out west with relatives while Mom, Dad, Kirsten, Thor, and Fooling, the cat that howled for 3 days straight, drove from Winnipeg to Ottawa. Dad flew out to get me later in the summer. Mom had my room all set up with every detail taken care of, including tuning my radio to a local pop station. Amazing! She was 8 months pregnant with my brother Olaf too!

"In October, a maple tree before your window lights up your room like a great lamp. Even on cloudy days, its presence helps to dispel the gloom. “

~John Burroughs

the leaves are falling

 As the leaves continue to fall from the trees to ready themselves for the heavy ice and snow of the long winter, we too made our preparations. The trailer came home and is now situated in its regular berth. The water system has been winterized (including the toilet - good catch Carm), and all the food and other detrus has been removed and distributed around the house. Every horizontal surface has something on it and it’s driving me crazy already!

I’m trying my hardest not to be sad that autumn is over. Tonight I’m making a comforting winter supper of Pot roast, yorkshire pudding, roasted potatoes squash and brussels sprouts,  and we’ll sit at the table with candlelight and music and pretend that it’s awesome and that everything is just fine. We’ll skirt the topic of the pandemic and not talk about how lonely the winter will be without friends around the table with us. I might wear a sequin top to further the masquerade.

We left Kirsten’s yesterday after an adventure in getting hitched. The trailer had sunk into the ground and the legs wouldn’t extend high enough to let the truck under. OMG! Luckily Kirsten was there so dashed off to get a shovel so Carm could dig a ditch for the wheels to help us get under. He got the truck lined up well - at a weird angle - then backed in carefully. The hitch hit the pin perfectly and clicked together. Whew. 

Now the next challenge - back up through the small gap between the shed and the diesel tanks. Since we were at an angle he had to reposition the trailer and did so perfectly. We were soon backed up and on our way! Even as our hands fell from waving farewell, we were talking about next summer. Oh so lovely to have something wonderful to look forward to :-)

We stopped at the municipal dump station, then were home backing down the laneway. No yelling! I can’t remember the last time we had an argument during this perilless task. We were no sooner parked when gardening clothes were donned and we headed to the garlic bed to plant. It took around 1 ½ hours to get the 134 cloves planted and covered in plastic. A job well out of the way.

I should mention that yesterday was absolutely glorious, a quick revisit to summer to tide us through the winter. I think it got up to 24C! Today is cloudy and cold.

We had 3 nights at Kirsten’s, one on my own, the other 2 with Carm. He had to go back home to do a heart stress test, and then of course there was golf… No worries though, between visiting with Kirsten during the day, puttering around the camper and playing with my awesome vacuum, and supper with all of them, the time without Carm flashed by.

Did I mention that we almost burned down Shawn’s giant red shed? No? Well, I’ll leave it at that. I did learn something about electricity though: if a join of two extension cords gets wet it can cause smoke and sparks at the electricity end of the wire… 

"In the entire circle of the year there are no days so delightful as those of a fine October.”

~Alexander Smith

not a vampire to be seen

 We stood in line at the drugstore late this afternoon (or was it early evening), waiting to get our flu jab. The whole thing was rather uncomfortable - not the prick itself, that was barely felt - but the hordes of people waiting in line and standing in random spots. We usually like to whip through stores, not pausing long enough for any virus particles to settle on us, but this was impossible. I did dance around in place, hoping my airflow would disperse any nasty virus that might have been hanging in the air.

It was a long rainy day today, the sky was so low it rested on the ground, or so it seemed. A cold drizzle kept us mostly inside although I did try to get Adia out for a run. It was futile - she wants to run with Carm, not me.

Yesterday Carm dug up the garlic bed, incorporating several bags of composted sheep manure. I weakly raked the lumps trying to break up the clods of clay. It looks good. After we got cleaned up we started carefully breaking apart this year’s bulbs, looking for the biggest and the best cloves to plant. I used muffin pans to help us count them out, which I thought was brilliant - you can see that I don’t have many mental challenges these days.

It looks like we have lots of garlic, but since we had to buy some last year we are not convinced that we’ll have enough with what is left.

peeling garlic for the jar that we keep in the fridge

Sunday night we had a great online visit with Olaf and Stephanie. I’m not sure how it happens but we can babble away for hours. 

It was sunny on Saturday afternoon so Trudie and Leo dropped by for an afternoon laneway visit. How many more outside visits will we have this year? Winter is looming larger than it ever has.

"October is the fallen leaf, but it is also a wider horizon more clearly seen. It is the distant hills once more in sight, and the enduring constellations above them once again.”

~Hal Borland

more paper towels please

 At 5:30 am this morning I cleaned up what I hope is the last of Adia’s pukes. It has been a few days of mess, starting with a giant ugly puke, then 1 full day of intense drooling, a few pukes full of grass, culminating with this morning’s 2 cups worth of grass and bile… Oh, and I can’t forget the foot and a half of gross poopy grass stuck up her butt - that was this afternoon. Hopefully you aren’t eating… she ran back to it and gobbled it down so I expect that it will make another appearance from one end or other. Dogs.

She slowly showed improvement over the last 2 days so we didn’t whisk her off to the vet but we were on the verge.

We think she ate a few boxelder beetles which according to Google can cause vomiting and nausea (drooling). We think she had a few of them and perhaps had a strong reaction. The black and red devils are all over the place this year. 

The first night she was drooling everywhere so we popped her into her crate at bedtime. Well, between her crying and howling in the livingroom and Spike whimpering and howling in sympathy on the bed with us, we thought that sleep would be elusive. I knew that she’s quiet in the crate when we are in the room so we wrestled the giant thing into the bedroom and she settled down immediately. 

Hopefully the paper towel shortage will be over soon :-/

We did get the new washing machine delivered yesterday and it’s already had 4 loads of laundry run through it. Things seem clean which is good. It does have a slightly annoying long chime - I think it plays the whole Brahms Lullaby.

I tried the CBD oil again today - my mood is okay but I can’t say I’ve been dancing through the house with bells on my toes (but then again Carm skipped golf today so there was no music to dance to) - I started with a low dose so might up it. It’s a gloomy, Eyeore sort of day which isn’t helping either.

Headlines: Ontario is still increasing cases and hospitalizations. Ottawa continues to be a hot spot. US reaches 8 million covid-19 cases. According to Trump, they are ‘rounding the curve’ and it will be all over soon...

"Inaction will cause a man to sink into the slough of despond and vanish without a trace.".

Farley Mowat

bad mood

 Today the sun shone strongly enough to raise the temp to 15C… a beautiful day that Carm spent on the links while I puttered around vacillating between good mood and bad.

I’d gotten some CBD oil to try with Spike for his arthritis and since I was feeling a bit of anxiety this morning I thought I’d give it a try - well, the anxiety was gone, but gosh I was in a bad mood. Coincidence I’m sure but I’ll try it again tomorrow.

Bad mood continued through the evening as CNN spewed clips of Trump blabbing all sorts of lies and stupidity. 

Lots of covid news tonight… depressing and makes me almost want to believe that it’s no worse than the flu. Maybe it is just a giant conspiracy put on by Bill Gates so that he can microchip us all… Thankfully good sense keeps me from falling down that rabbit hole.

“But I am very poorly today & very stupid & I hate everybody & everything. One lives only to make blunders.”

~Charles Darwin

to live gratitude

 I was glad to be snug in the house this morning when my eyes finally blinked open. It was almost 10 but with the low dark clouds and light rain it could have been in the middle of the night. It had been a late night as we visited with Olaf for almost 4 hours - time flew by. It will be nice when we can finally visit in person. 

I slouched around in my pjs for ages before succumbing to the lure of my down duvet. Reading in bed seemed like the perfect way to spend an otherwise dreary day.

We did dash out to pick up some grocery boxes from a girl in the village. It was enough of an outing to make me feel like I’d done something useful. 

As I was finishing up supper preparations the sun slipped below the cloud banks and lit up our land.

“To speak gratitude is courteous and pleasant, to enact gratitude is generous and noble, but to live gratitude is to touch Heaven.”

~Johannes A. Gaertner

thirteenth thanksgiving

 We were blessed with another few days of camping - our 13th year in the row for Thanksgiving. The weather was variable: 20 min after we got there we were treated to a vicious thunderstorm with rain, and perhaps hail, pelting down for an extended period of time. It gave us some time to cuddle up with a movie. ‘Jo Jo Rabbit’ was a masterful story about being Jewish in World War II. It was disturbing and sweet at the same time often bringing to mind ‘the Diary of Anne Frank’. 

Saturday night we served perogies which we steamed in the instant pot and then Carm fried them up on the gas stove. They turned out great (heaps of bacon bits and sour cream helped!). 

Sunday was sunny but cool, a lovely day for a walk on their property. Spike came with us for about ½ of it. He was looking towards home and limping a bit so Carm took him back. Adia ran like a maniac.

It was turkey time on Sunday - I helped Kirsten a bit, but she did the lion’s share including hefting the 20lb bird into and out of the oven. Carm peeled and mashed the potatoes and I butchered the brussels sprouts (note to self: don’t forget to steam them in the microwave first and less time in the actifry.

It was all great fun, and after a good night’s sleep we packed up and came home. It’s always best to leave when you are wanting more! It’s grey and cold and the house was freezing so Carm has stoked up a nice fire.

“For me, every hour is grace. And I feel gratitude in my heart each time I can meet someone and look at his or her smile.”

~ Elie Wiesel

here is the rainbow I've been praying for

 We are back home from a few days of socially distant camping and celebrating Kirsten’s ‘grinch’ birthday. The weather was pretty good for this time of year. 

We didn’t have a super long walk like previous ‘camps’ but we did get out for a few shorter ones, one even short enough for Spike to join us. He had a great time running with his cousins and had more energy than usual. I did have to keep a bit of an eye on him as he’d sometimes head in the direction of the camper.

I love puttering around my little villetta :-)

I was thinking the other day about how I almost feel grateful for the challenges in my life that have built resilience and strength which has given me the wherewithal to successfully live with bipolar. As I moved through the years each difficulty developed the core strength that I have that gets me through the hard days. 

The ordeal with my first horse, Frey, built skills that made me successful with our baby horses, and from there to training Spike to be a service dog. Without the nightmare of Frey I wouldn’t have been forced to learn about behaviour modification to the depth that I did.

I do wonder though - did I always have that strong core and only developed it stronger, or was it built from nothing. Could someone find it within themselves to do the same? Regardless, it is there, and I am grateful for it.

Johnny Nash died today… this is one of my favorite songs.... I think of it as sort of an anthem to recovery because I’ve seen clearly for a long time now.

I can see clearly now the rain is gone

I can see all obstacles in my way

Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind

It's gonna be a bright (bright)

Bright (bright) sunshiny day

It's gonna be a bright (bright)

Bright (bright) sunshiny day

I think I can make it now the pain is gone

All of the bad feelings have disappeared

Here is that rainbow I've been praying for

It's gonna be a bright (bright)

Bright (bright) sunshiny day

Look all around, there's nothing but blue skies

Look straight ahead, there's nothing but blue skies

I can see clearly now the rain is gone

I can see all obstacles in my way

Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind

It's gonna be a bright (bright)

Bright (bright) sunshiny day

It's gonna be a bright (bright)

Bright (bright) sunshiny day

It's gonna be a bright (bright)

Bright (bright) sunshiny day

Oh what a bright (bright)

Bright (bright) sunshiny day

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Johnny Nash

bubble is burst

 Carm burst into the bedroom this morning with news of Trump’s positive covid test. What will this mean for the election?

It rained on and off again today, the sky a mirror to my mood. Well, I wasn’t that bad… I managed to putter my way around the house when I wasn’t glued to the television. Our province has seen increasing cases of covid and now our premier has put the kibosh on social circles but still allows bars and restaurants. It doesn’t seem fair as I feel we are already doing our part to reduce transmission. We don’t eat out, we don’t go to the gym, nor do we get our hair done. We don’t hang out at the bar and we don’t have kids at school. We don’t go shopping at the mall, we don’t browse the aisles at Canadian Tire.

Spike and Adia have been horsing around on and off again all day - furniture gets moved, carpets go flying, and the cover on the futon gets scuffled. She’s too big for rocketing around inside. We did take her outside for a rousing game of Deek the Lion but that didn’t do the trick. She needs a long walk on Shawn’s awesome trails.

Headline: President Trump and his wife have tested positive for covid-19. Hospitalized.

“If neurotic is wanting two mutually exclusive things at one and the same time, then I'm neurotic as hell. I'll be flying back and forth between one mutually exclusive thing and another for the rest of my days.”

~Sylvia Plath

fatigue

 Today we hit the 200th day anniversary of lockdown… how many more to go? 200? 400? 600? I’ve got music on to cheer me up but somehow my playlist is choosing the most depressing songs. Right now: Pink Floyd ‘Good-bye blue skies’... it’s almost enough to send me into a puddle of tears. I’m not dancing with the dog.

The wind is wicked again today, but it’s not that cold, a flannel shirt keeps me warm enough. I think the jetstream is repositioning itself as the earth readies herself for winter. Please Mother Nature, make it a nice one without any ice so that we can enjoy some winter activities: making snow angels in a blizzard, snowshoeing, walking in the sun on a crisp day, being dazzled by a billion tiny diamonds, gasping at the powder blue sky, laughing at the dog powering through snow drifts. It almost sounds magical.

Gorden Lightfoot - ‘Bittergreen’. Not exactly uplifting.

Adia eating a few apples after supper. I wonder if she’d prefer that we make an apple crisp?

The question that’s been foremost in my mind for the last few days is ‘what the heck am I going to do with the months of isolation?’. I have no real hobbies other than cooking and that’s an activity best done when we are having guests. I’m not a huge reader but I’ll make sure I have some interesting books to while away some time. I’m not a huge TV watcher and have trouble getting through a whole movie. I’ve tried knitting and crocheting, but that wasn’t pretty - Grace may have learned a few choice words! At the end of the 90s I went through a phase where I painted folk art scenes on anything that didn’t move - I don’t think I can conjure up enthusiasm for that again (and many people will be grateful about that as I foisted much of my ‘art’ (ha ha) on them).

‘That’s the night the lights went out in Georgia’ one guy shot, the other hung...

It would be good to get a bit manic on some exercise - I need to work hard on getting enthused - maybe I can find a Youtube station with motivational videos. And while I’m at it, I’ll start thinking about painting the basement craft room. Having a space away from Carm would likely be a good idea (not that we don’t get along, but there will be fewer distractions away from the house, and let’s be frank, the novelty of isolation has worn pretty thin.)

Please everyone! I need some suggestions.

John Denver - ‘Sunshine on my Shoulders’ which you’d think would be a song full of joy, but somehow it always makes me cry just a little bit.

I desperately need a haircut but now that the 2nd wave is here and everything is turning into a sh%$storm I’ll have to pass. Soon they’ll be putting on restrictions that will cancel our social circles… you can expect a day or two of dejected posts when that happens. For that matter it’s only one or maybe two weekends until we bring home the camper and put it to bed. Double whammy. 

“let me live, love, and say it well in good sentences”

~Sylvia Plath