solstice

Yesterday's adventure saturated our brains with a big hit of dopamine, serotonin, and a bit of oxytocin for good measure! It was hard to let the little creature who brought those chemicals leave, but I kept reminding myself that I don't want a cat (I love cats but don't want another one!). In some way it seemed that she was a gift to bring us out of our doldrums and that we were meant to keep her, but maybe the focus has to be that we saved a little life and sent her on her way to a better life. And remind myself again that I don't want a cat!

I've spent way too much time in the last month indulging the negative thoughts in my brain, but it's time to get cracking and refocus on positive thinking. It's easy to say things are hard and that I'm tired, but honestly all that does is reinforce those misery pathways in my brain, making it easier and easier to get overwhelmed. Now I have to do the hard work of paying attention and stopping/redirecting those errant messages. It's time to say 'I feel better today than yesterday', that I'm on the mend, that things are going to improve. 

With that all said, today is a busy day in the kitchen. I've already cooked a pot of chickpeas and transformed them into hummus and a bowl of crunchy roasted snacks. A bunch of bones are in the instant pot making bone broth for gravy. I just finished walking for an hour. Now I'm going to make a cranberry cake to take to our family Christmas dinner on Tuesday. I have to dig the turkey out of the freezer and figure out where I'm going to defrost it! We picked up 3 boxes of frozen meat for the dogs yesterday and stuck it into the freezer in the garage… tomorrow we'll transfer what's left in the small chest freezer downstairs out to the garage to consolidate for the winter. The laundry needs to be done as well as some tidying to get ready for the house cleaner tomorrow.

It's now past 8pm, supper is done and the dish washer is running. I made our 'traditional' solstice meatball & cabbage supper which is loosely based on a traditional Scandinavian meal. I didn't start cooking until past 5… 1 3/4 hours later… For the cabbage I sauteed garlic & chili peppers then tossed in chopped cabbage, half a red pepper, and a handful of cherry tomatoes. When it was all tender, I removed it from the heat and added about ¼ cup of grated parm. I made the meatballs from scratch from an old favourite recipe that I haven't made for a few years - yes, I actually cooked meat! It was all super time consuming but I have leftovers in the freezer 😀 

Awesome!

"perfectly crunchy roasted chickpeas"

"winter solstice - the sun is coming back!"

"an old favourite recipe"

"dogs sleeping quietly"

lucky

We had a lovely diversion this afternoon which almost caused us to add another member to our family… 

A month ago, almost to the day, we spotted a little kitten out by the gate - the dogs treed it so we figured it would move on. A few days later we spotted it near the barn but could only catch glimpses of it since. No one around the neighbourhood was missing a kitten so we figured it was dumped. Carm kept food out for it and we'd take hot water a few times a day but never got a chance to catch it. One night the temperature fell to -25C… we figured it would have perished, but somehow the little munchkin found a way to survive. 

This afternoon we were down by the barn and could hear a faint meowing - Carm looked in the empty barrels and there it was, stuck at the bottom, impossible for it to get out. It would have died if it hadn't cried out. We put a cover on the barrel and brought the whole shebang up to the house so we could trap the kitten in the bathroom.

(I'll call her Lucky for now!) was terrified and cowered under the toilet and then the back of the bathtub but I was able to touch it and within minutes Lucky was belting out a loud purr… my heart melted. I put out feelers and by suppertime Lucky was on her way to her new home. Just in the nick of time as Carm and I were both getting besotted by this little bundle of fur. (we are actually sitting here feeling quite sad that we didn't keep her!).

It was a welcome diversion… the days have been passing by in a blur especially since I can't seem to do anything productive and have been struggling with my mood. I managed to push myself to do the treadmill most days but otherwise, I've not done much else. I'm just so darn tired all the time although this week has been better than the previous few weeks. I think I'm fighting some sort of bug as I'm often light headed and a bit dizzy, but again, that's starting to improve. It's an historically rough time of year for me mentally as well. I'm just whining! 

Yesterday I came across a photo of Graham when he was a baby… Carm and I were talking about missing him which seemed a strange thing to say as he wouldn't have normally been present in our day to day lives, but I realized that we are missing knowing that he's there. I'm missing the feeling of hope that I had that things would turn around for him. Maybe that's why everything seems so hopeless these days… I look at that photo, with his big innocent eyes, and think how he had his life ahead of him with endless possibilities but we never foresaw the terrible path that it would take. It's a good thing to not be able to see our future unless we are also gifted with the ability to change it.

Awesome!

"rescuing the kitty"

"freezer full of meat for the dogs"

"a sunny morning"

"A&W burger"

the passage of time

It was a winter wonderland when we got up this morning - puffy snow graced every bare tree limb. The skinny limbs had precarious towers of snow while the fir trees were heavily laden, their needle pierced branches a wide platter for the snow to collect on. The sun shone for a few brief minutes.

It's been weeks and weeks since I last wrote here, but I have done a few posts on my other blog about nutrition and recipes, but then copied them over to here so I don't have to juggle two places. I didn't bother posting them on FB. I'm not sure what I'll do with those posts going forward but might just include them here for now.

I've been in a fatigued, grey haze for a few weeks now and am finally climbing out the other side (I hope). I was doing well when we got back from our trip south but then about a week or two later I hit a wall. I guess everything caught up with me and knocked me off my feet for a few weeks. I wouldn't say it was depression, more a deep fatigue with sadness (hmmm, which is exactly what depression is!). Tuesday was the worst day emotionally but maybe those tears were a turning point towards the light. Yesterday and today were the first days that I wasn't dragging myself around.

Despite all that, the last week has been busy with socializing! Last Thursday we went to Mary & Gary's for some Trinidian fruit cake and coffee. Their house is filled with art and I was delighted to find that it was all art they themselves had created! Awesome!

Sunday we had lunch at Francine & Ken's, along with Julie & Peter. It was a snowy day so of course I stressed about the driving but despite that, I still had a good time!

Monday we had supper at Marie's, along with Liston, Trudie, Leo, Jirina, David, and Andree. It was a fun evening. She is about a 7 minute drive from here which is great, especially on these dark nights!

The new traffic lights at the end of our street are finally open - yes we have traffic lights on our street now! When we moved here 31 years ago both roads that abut our property were gravel and only lightly travelled. Now we get tons of traffic, including transport trucks. UGH!

Also since the last post, we booked an airbnb in Rome for the end of April, brought the rustic old Turkish carpet upstairs for the winter, Carm hoisted the Christmas tree upstairs for me, and goodness knows what else!

Looking forward to longer days…

Awesome!

"getting back"

"frosty morning"

"getting home safely after being out in the snow"

"fig & date cake"

Mushrooms, Bok Choy, onion with roasted Sweet potato and Tofu

I stepped into the kitchen with no real plan last night… I had a giant box of mushrooms from Costco and half a bag of baby bok choy that I had to use asap. I started with washing and slicing the mushrooms, cooking them in a dry pan with some fresh rosemary tossed in half way through, until all the moisture was browned out. I set those aside and tossed in a heaping tablespoon of chopped garlic, a dash of olive oil, some red pepper flakes, and finally a diced red onion back into the hot pan. That caramelised while I quartered and washed the bok choy, throwing it into the pan when I was happy with the onions. Stirred that around and cooked until the bok choy was tender.

Somewhere in there I remembered that I had some sweet potatoes, so I diced one up, tossing it with olive oil and granulated garlic. They went onto one side of the air fryer sheet. On the other side I added some bite sized chunks of tofu that I tossed with garlic powder, cornstarch, and salt. That all got airfried for 10 minutes, tossed around then another 10 minutes in the airfryer. The potatoes were done, but I wasn't happy with the tofu yet… decided that I wanted a bit more flavouring so sprinkled some poultry seasoning on and stuck it back into the oven for 5 more minutes.

Done!

Mushrooms, Bok Choy, onion with roasted Sweet potato and Tofu

2 cups sliced mushrooms

1 onion, diced (I had a red one)

1 T minced garlic

½ tsp chili peppers

1 large sweet potato, cubed

200g tofu, cubed 

several baby bok choy

misc: garlic powder, granulated garlic, rosemary, cornstarch, poultry seasoning, salt

Saute mushrooms until all moisture has been released. Add chopped rosemary part way through. Remove from pan and set aside.

While mushrooms are cooking, wash & cube a sweet potato. Toss with olive oil & granulated garlic. Arrange on air fryer sheet.

Cube tofu. Toss with garlic powder, poultry seasoning, and a tablespoon of cornstarch. Arrange on the other half of the air fryer sheet. 

Bake sweet potato & tofu at 400F for 10 minutes. Flip and then bake for another 10 minutes. Remove the sweet potato. Cook tofu for a further 5 minutes.

After mushrooms are done, caramelize onion & garlic in already heated pan. When onions are gently browned (no need to do a full caramelize of the onions, 5 or 10 minutes is fine), add in washed and quartered bok choy and cook until tender. 

Add the mushrooms to the bok choy, heating through.

Assemble on a plate and enjoy! 

This meal has 240 calories and 16 grams of protein!

Mushrooms & Broccoli with Fried egg

 It's time to resurrect this old blog as I continue on my journey of getting and staying healthy. I've been slipping in my resolve and need the reminder of how important these lifestyle changes are for my health and longevity. I'm thinking healthspan and not just lifespan! 

In February of 2024 I had an abnormal result on a mammogram which scared me into doing something about my lifestyle. I didn't do any exercise at all and I was an obese 170lbs. A few years of unhealthy eating over covid - so much bacon and sausage - took it's toll on my health.

So, as I prepared myself mentally for getting through a cancer diagnosis, I prepared my body for treatment and recovery. I started walking for an hour on the treadmill most days, gradually increasing my fitness until I was able to walk a fast pace at a high incline. I switched my diet to predominately plant based with strategic additions of yogurt and the occasional egg and fish for protein, calcium and other nutrients.

Over the spring and into the summer of 2024 I lost 45 pounds! I could run across the parking lot without getting winded. I fit into clothes that I only dreamed of wearing again and in fact needed a whole new wardrobe. I managed to maintain my weight, within an 8lb range for over a year.

Then last February I started resistance training. I gradually put on more muscle and gained strength - I had biceps! I felt fantastic! I was surely on a hypomanic high… It was bloody hard work but I was able to keep motivation through the ups and downs of the summer. There were some blips that I was able to overcome, but alas, life had a few things left to throw at me that put me on my back foot so I've gotten out of the habit of going downstairs to my gym… I'm giving myself a bit more grace and then I'll hit the weights again!

In the meantime, I thought it might be fun to share some recipes and meal plans that I've come to rely on. I'll start with today's lunch, a medley of tofu, mushrooms & broccoli topped with a fried egg. Lots of fibre, nutrients, and protein.

Mushrooms & Broccoli with Fried egg

1 cup sliced mushrooms

1 cup chopped broccoli

1 tsp chili crisp oil

2 tsp minced garlic

40g roasted tofu

1 tsp black bean garlic sauce

1 egg

mixed greens

Cook broccoli in microwave for 1 minute on high - no need to add water or cover, I just throw it in a bowl.Heat a saute pan over medium heat, adding chili crisp oil and garlic with a bit of extra virgin olive oil. 

Once it's hot, add the mushrooms, tossing around until coated with the garlic & chilis. 

Cook until starting to turn golden. Add broccoli and stir occasionally. 

Toss in the cubed tofu (I'll add a recipe for Carm's buffalo tofu on another day). 

Once heated through, add in black bean garlic sauce, stirring until well combined. 

Move to the side of the pan.Add in an egg, cooking gently until the desired runniness.Pile veggies onto plate and top with the egg. 

Toss the mixed greens with some balsamic vinegar and serve on the side.

This meal has 160 calories and 16 grams of protein! It feeds and supports all 5 of our health defense systems (see Dr. William Li's book 'Eat to Beat Disease' for more info on our health defence systems and how food supports them).

Sip a cup of green tea for further health benefits!

settling back home

We are shrouded in wintery clouds bearing snow and freezing rain. Ugh. I had barely unpacked and certainly hadn't finished the laundry before I started fantasizing about moving somewhere south, at least for the winter.

Maybe a beach vacation is better scheduled for the end of winter and not the beginning. Miserable months loom on the calendar…

After dreaming of sandy beaches, I started looking at flights and airbnbs for Rome at the end of April/beginning of May. I'll have to get onto it though as some flights had very few seats left, and there weren't as many accommodations in Rome compared to when I looked a few weeks ago. I swore off travelling on our flight home, but obviously it didn't stick!

We've not been up to much since we got home. I've been getting back into a workout routine which has been rough! I hadn't done anything other than walk since Graham passed and boy oh boy did I get out of shape fast!

We made an early trip into the city yesterday which gave us the opportunity for a bacon and egg breakfast, then Carm dropped me off at Mom and Dad's for a visit while he hit up Costco. Two hundred dollars later with a cart full of food he picked me up and we headed home - to continue my hibernation! I might not stick my head out again until April!

I'm still recovering from a few sleepless nights and too much fun! I look back at the photos in disbelief… could that have been us under the shade of a palm tree? And only a week ago!

I did take a few minutes and a package of batteries to push back the gloom… 12 pillar candles and goodness knows how many strings of tiny fairy lights have been arranged around the living room and kitchen, all set to come on around 4:45 when dusk settles around us. I make myself ooh and ah over these little points of light in an effort to enjoy the darkness - candle light dinners are nice and something that can't be done in the summer. I glom onto that little joy as if it were a life raft.

The snow has stuck around since last weekend, perhaps to never leave. We've got rain, freezing rain, and snow in the forecast for tonight and tomorrow so it's possible that we've seen the last of green grass until spring… honestly though, a green Christmas would be awesome ;-)

Tonight I made Cacio e Pepe Sautéed Cabbage from a recipe I got off FB. Of course I didn't make it according to the recipe but added garlic (because why not), white kidney beans, and crumbled pressed cottage cheese. I enjoyed it even though it had tons of freshly ground pepper, which I am normally not a huge fan of. It was around 350 calories per serving with 30g protein so a well rounded supper. I'll make it again!

Awesome!

"quiet days"

"discovering new music"

"hot tea on a cold afternoon, same could be said for a hot bath on that same afternoon!"

"low morning sun making rainbows on the hoar frost covered grass stems"

November 9th the end of paradise

November 9th the end of Paradise 

It's the saddest day of a vacation… we go home tonight which is bittersweet. It's been a fantastic vacation but I will be glad to get home to see the beasts.

We had to check out at noon, our shuttle to the airport is at 8:20pm, our flight at 11:55pm (it was delayed until 12:45). There is a snow storm bearing down on home, a Canadian welcome home. I'm already stressed out about the drive from the airport. We will be lucky to get home by 5am (I was optimistic! it was 5:30 on the dot). Brutal!

On the plus side, we nabbed lounges in the shade beside the lagoon pool, a bit closer to the music than I'd like but this side of the resort plays more music from my era than the party pool which is mostly rap. 

I've got a giant Pina colada in my 🍺 mug. Carm's new drink is an Amaretto sour. He didn't bring his mug though. Mine will last all day. We don't have much money left for tips so will have to stretch it! 

The old adage of bring twice the money and half the clothes is true! Next time I won't bring so many shorts and t-shirts but maybe an extra bikini or two. I brought 3 tankinis… I wore one the first day and then rotated through my skimpy ones. The first day and a half I wore a cover up whenever I walked around… after that I just pranced around the pool or beach without caring - there are all shapes and sizes doing the same thing.

Carm brought 3 or 4 baggy shorts bathing suits - he got badly chaffed the first day but luckily, against his will, I bought him a bathing suit that leaned towards being a budgie smuggler without being gross so he's been wearing it the whole time. It looks pretty good on him!

We've been good with sunscreen and shade so no sunburns - today might be different! I've shifted my chair to get my legs into the sun for a while. They are still blinding white…

Shorts, socks and sandals are a thing with young men!

Saturday we had a leisurely breakfast with Olaf and Stephanie before sending them on their way home. I will admit to tearing up a bit when we said goodbye. We had a great time with them!

Carm and I were both exhausted so had a nap, did the packing (the salad boxes made it so easy!), then we went for a long walk along the beach. Sun, surf!

We spent the rest of the afternoon at our swim up. The afternoon show was one of the best, we were sad that O&S weren't there.

For supper we went to the Italian restaurant at the 'sister' resort next door. Some said that it was better than the breathless one, but we disagreed. It was good, maybe a 6/10 vs 9/10. Carm had a pizza, I had pasta with a salmon sauce. It was satisfying but not outstanding. Still, someone else made it and cleaned up!!!

We've met some nice people, Canadians and Europeans are the most friendly. Some Americans have been nice but there have been some deeply Maga racists. We avoid them like the plague.

Late afternoon… it poured for about 10 minutes but we were dry under the umbrella. Around 5 we left the pool, got showered and changed in the 'courtesy room' then sat in the lounge sipping an espresso martini while we passed the time till 8:20… time passed quickly and slowly! The bus was a bit late but eventually we were hurtling down the highway towards the airport.

2:30am… we are in the air, jetting towards home. The flight was delayed almost an hour due to the terrible weather back in Canada. It was a relief to settle into our seats which gave us a chance to close our eyes, but honestly it's so uncomfortable that I only dozed for a bit… obviously as I am writing this now! Carm is having more success, which is good as he'll be the one to drive us home on treacherous roads. The seats are designed for taller people so the neck rest hits me in the back of my head, pushing it forward.

3:50am… we've been tossed around like a pea in a traffic cops whistle which has made it nearly impossible to even doze.

It all makes me never want to travel again! How did I ever manage 36 hours of travel time going to New Zealand?

Luckily, the plane is only half full so we have an empty seat between us which lets me stretch out a bit!

4:30am… we've landed and Carm is off to get the car! I wonder how hard it will be for him to clean it without a snow brush?

5:30am… we are home! The roads were terrible but Carm took his time. Boundary road was the worst, it was barely cleared and there was a lot of oncoming traffic. Carm dropped our speed way down when they passed, so I only felt some anxiety and wasn't in a full on panic attack!

Noon on Monday… I'm mostly unpacked! We got less than 4 hours sleep but didn't want to screw up our sleep tonight. Pat is here so she nipped the dogs out early, letting us sleep in.

Back to regular programming!

Nov 7 neon party

November 7th neon party 

A day at the beach with crashing waves cost us a pair of Carm's glasses… he went for a walk along the beach alone and decided to dip into the ocean 🌊… a big wave crashed over him, knocking him over and whooshing his glasses off. Luckily it was just his glasses that were lost and not his whole self… for a smart guy he's pretty stupid sometimes.

Thank goodness I thought to pack a spare pair…

We spent the morning at the beach, had lunch at the buffet, sat by the pool for a while, retreated to the swim up, then had an excellent supper.

Some afternoons the music is loud but other days it is blasting - today was a blasting day. And now, at bedtime, the black light party is just outside the door on the other side of the pool and it is f'n loud. It should be over by 11 (fingers crossed) as it feels like the music is right in the room with us! Today I'm a little more stressed by the noise, probably because the ocean waves were crashing all morning and then loud music all day - my head is filled with noise!

November 6 front row seats

November 6th front row seats for nature's beauty 

This morning I got up early (I have been awake since 5 but stayed in bed till 7) and ventured to the beach, after getting a giant iced coffee, so that I could get front row seats in the shade. The ocean waves are crashing against the beach, white caps adding to the scene. This is the way to start the day!

It's not hard to be content with a peaceful easy feeling enveloping me.

Carm eventually showed up and then Steph, Olaf arrived much later. We had smoked salmon breakfast wraps and of course light and airy pain au chocolate. 

The morning slid by, blue sky and crashing waves creating a kaleidoscope of the senses. I was the first to leave, with a nap in mind. An hour or two later Carm and Olaf arrived for a swim. Steph had a nap arriving here in time for giant coconut drinks.

We've been here for 5 days and have only seen a handful of people in the swim up so it's like we have our own private pool 😀 that we've enjoyed in the afternoon and again at bedtime.

We had steaks tonight in the open air restaurant under an almost full moon. It was a beautiful setting and our steaks were fantastic. Oh my gosh though, I (maybe we), are exhausted so it's an early night for all of us.

I can hear the bass from the theater and there is a bit of construction nearby but neither will keep me awake!

November 5th at the pool today

November 5th at the pool today 

We decided to do something different today so instead of the beach we walked to the cheesy market crowded with shops all selling the same junk. Very expensive! They wanted $30 US for a cheap ball cap… we didn't buy anything.

Now we are at the 'relaxation' pool. We found lounge chairs in the shade close to the pool. It was nice except now the party pool just cranked up the music which is drowning out the mellow music here.

Big base undertones.

… Ages later… It's already 3pm… I'm chasing that 'peaceful easy feeling' and have caught up! I couldn't feel more mellow. It's pretty great!

Olaf and I swam down to the other end of the giant pool to the swim up bar to get a 'purple Rain' which was sickly sweet but a marvelous colour. I can't get over how much space there is. Nothing seems crowded or too busy, at least where we are! The swim up bar area had lots of people but not a crush. We are at the other end and it almost seems deserted.

The bar is past the bridge. I have no idea how they maintain such a huge space!

We spent an hour decompressing (from what I don't know!) at our swim up then got ready for supper. Tonight was Italian! The food was great. I'm not sure where the time went but by the time Olaf and Stephanie left from our pre bed swim it was past 11:30! A far cry from last night's 10pm bedtime.

It poured at one point in the night but the moon was out to say goodnight.

November 4th another day in paradise

November 4th another day in paradise 

I think this is going to get repetitive (I hope), although it's hard to imagine that today could top yesterday when I was on a high all day!

We were up early, actually, I barely slept and was totally wound up in bed from all the dancing paired with a bit of alcohol (not too much though - I feel fine today). I started using my giant mug mid day. The bartender put in a margarita then filled it the rest of the way with ice. As I drank it down I kept topping it up with water so I was well hydrated. It lasted me until supper.

I did the same thing with a Pina colada which with added water lasted me all day. It stays cold for hours!

We didn't make it to the beach early enough to nab 4 chairs in the shade together so we are split between 2 locations. Our umbrella is low to the ground… luckily we are short!

Mid afternoon we came back to our room to swim and relax. Unfortunately at some point they turned the volume up to level 11 so it's hard to have a conversation 😜

So far I have avoided a sunburn… I'm slathering sunscreen and trying to stay in the shade when possible… the sun is crazy strong ☀️ 

Supper was a much quieter affair than last night. We ate at the French restaurant tonight. I had the lamb, which in my mind was a stew, so imagine my surprise when what seemed like a whole honking leg was served! It was good and also slightly hilarious. We didn't last long past supper before a swim and then PJ's…

I hope I sleep better tonight 💤