are we crazy

 I’m not sure how it happened or why… perhaps all the sugar in the giant pina colada or maybe all the meat or I'm going hypo-manic, but by the end of the day yesterday I was feeling better than I was in the morning! I have a little mantra in my head: ‘the sun and sand is healing and nurturing’... and of course the little ditty: ‘every little cell inside my body is happy and well. I'm so glad, every single cell is happy and glad’. Maybe I'm starting to trick my nervous system into relaxing!

After a day in the heat, and then a rest in our freezing room, I got ready for supper starting off with a bubble bath in the giant tub :-) I was even feeling good enough to get slightly dressed up. We ate at the Mexican restaurant - the food was delicious BUT we have to be more careful about what we say to the waiters… we ordered fajitas but told the waiter that next time we'd order the chef's special grill. Well, they brought us BOTH! Yikes! It was a plethora of meat - skewers of beef, chicken, shrimp, sausage on a hot grill that they put on the table. And then a sizzling platter of beef fajita. Oh boy. It was a bit off-putting to be honest.

We chatted with a nice couple from Ohio (no politics!!!) during dinner. One of the things we enjoyed about cruising was meeting with different people. It's a bit harder here as we aren't all jammed together but I guess we managed! It was also nice to be able to escape to our private oasis :-) The best of both!

It was another early night so we were up early today, leaving us enough time for breakfast at the preferred restaurant. I had eggs benedict which was good but not as good as our local restaurant. But the serving size was good with only one egg and half an english muffin. Even that, along with cups of coffee and TWO mimosas left me stuff to the gills… oh and the little pastry to start 😱 

We mooched around (listening to a presentation about the vacation plan which drained most of my energy…) and then spent the rest of the afternoon by our little pool which is just what I needed to recover from our morning adventures. Even with a bit of construction noise, it was a relaxing and rejuvenating afternoon :-) We dressed up again for supper tonight. I wore a slightly slinky dress (while I can still fit into it! All-inclusive is filling!). 

We went to the French restaurant tonight… the food was good but then I started to freak out worried that the scallops might have squid in them (I'm horribly allergic!). I was already pretty wiped out from the day but when the waiter put my main dish in front of me I fully crashed! It was a huge lamb shank, not at all like the osso bucco that I was expecting and instead was an overwhelming huge plate of meat… I could barely eat any of it :-( I'd hit my energy limit for the day… Today was especially stressful but I know tomorrow will be better.

Awesome!

“the sun”

“beach front breakfast”

“some of the staff already know our names!”

“plans for the future”

up up and away

 Up up and away! 

We made it here in the early afternoon Sunday after a rather grueling day… up at 2am, flight at 6am was a rough start to the day. I felt really weird about it but a few people recommended a wheelchair for the airport and I was so glad that I did, especially as I was already dizzy and fatigued by the time we reached the airport... There would have been a lot of walking and it also saved me from ages standing in line. Because of the short night sleep my battery started off low and took a nose dive with the travel. 

It's pretty confronting to realize that this is where I am now... but! I'm going to get better.

We had more good luck on the flight as it wasn't full and we have started doing a ‘cheat’ of booking window and aisle hoping for an empty middle - and we lucked out! So I was able to stretch out a bit and have my feet up which really helped! It was a godsend!

Unfortunately the wheelchair never showed up at the airport in Punta Cana so I ended up walking which was okay… but it wore me out even more… by the time we got to the resort my body battery from my Garmin watch was at 23/100… with the rest of the day ahead of us…

It turned out that we had a private transfer from the airport to the resort so we were on our way as soon as we wound ourselves through the airport. It seems that the driver was in a rush to get us to the resort… Carm was hanging on for dear life (I just closed my eyes but even still was having heart palpitations)... the traffic was heavy and fast and he drove like a maniac weaving and passing… Carm thought he should tip us for the trip instead of the other way around!

Once here the resort staff escorted us into the preferred lounge to check-in - nice and cool and quiet after the hubbub of travel. Our room wasn't ready yet, so our (shared) butler! drove us to the preferred restaurant for lunch, picked us up to bring us to the lounge to finish waiting for our room to be done. Then Edgar came to pick us up, brought our luggage, and voila! We were quickly unpacked and settled in - just in time for a short swim in our private pool! Luxury!

We took a quick walk to the beach and then crashed out in our room for a while before going for supper. By this time my BB was at 5 - the lowest setting… Everything is a million miles away which last year would have made me happy, but this year, I calculate what each thing is going to cost me… by the time supper was done I was so exhausted that I could barely stand up - getting back to our room took a herculean effort… I had to stop several times and could barely put one foot in front of the other… but I made it back, got into pjs, then crashed for the night. Carm was tired too so our lights were out by 8:30!

So much has changed in the year since our trip with Olaf & Steph. I was in the best shape of my adult life and now I can barely walk - DON'T TAKE ANYTHING FOR GRANTED!!!

Today has been restful :-) A good sleep-in, then breakfast at the restaurant near the beach, a few hours of lazing on the beach, back to our room for a swim and rest, lunch in the buffet, and now, back in our room… or should I say patio as we are outside enjoying the weather. And honestly, we have to come outside to warm up - they keep the rooms at arctic temps! I was glad I brought a pair of lounge pants and a sweatshirt ‘just in case’... well, the case is here!

Tripping back home to the weekend… Pat came Saturday at supper time to get settled in - the dogs were happy to see her! I know that the pets are in good hands with her there :-)

Awesome!

“getting here safely”

“dappled sun on our terrace”

“cold water in our pool”

“getting great chairs on the beach”

“amazing staff”

buckets of zucchini

 Hold the boat! There are still a few smaller zucchini on the kitchen counter, but after trying to organize the freezer downstairs to corral all the packages of roasted zucchini that I've made over the summer… It seems that I've spent a lot of time over the last few months as there are at least 24 packages! No wonder everything was cascading to the floor every time we opened the door! So back to my original point… I'll maybe make zucchini cake tomorrow ;-)

Meanwhile, the freezer became even more disorganized and now I have to spend a couple of hours doing something about it… when I have the energy!

It took me until Friday to recover from the previous weekend excitement of bringing the trailer home, although getting flu & covid vaccines probably slowed down my recovery… even still, I don't feel fully energized yet, but that's really my new normal… 

I'm trying to figure out how to recover, sometimes getting it right, but other times pushing so hard that I crash. Somehow I have to walk the line between not enough and too much. It's not a straight line - it fluctuates based on how much I did the day before and how well I slept. It's a real learning experiment! I've been mostly taking it in stride without too much angst, but occasionally my bipolar brain misbehaves, letting frustration and despair take over my brain for a few hours… I'm always relieved to get through them on the right side of the grass…

It's been several years since my last psychiatrist retired and generally I'm okay but there are times it would be good to have someone to commiserate with who can guide me through the thinking needed to get past the tricky bits. I have been getting help through the CFS Health facebook pages as well as the videos that they put out - sometimes a video comes out at just the right time! Mindset is the most important yet trickiest part of recovery!

Online forums can be a mire of misery which seems to just drag people lower and lower, so I'm pretty careful with what I join. 

But on the plus side, I saw my doctor last week - he agreed that we'd try out a drug that might help with PEM, but I'll start it after we get back from our trip. He also suggested watching some of ‘the Physics Girl’ on YouTube about her illness - she has had cfs for a few years but is on the path to recovery. It's good to have my doctor on my side as I know some people are not so lucky with their doctors. He admitted that he doesn't know a lot about it which I totally appreciate, especially as he seems interested in learning more 😀 

I'm so grateful that I never became as ill as some people get! I partially credit that to my doctor, who at my second appointment said that it could be cfs and that I should stop exercising… up to that point I'd been pressing through - and that's what he said to do in the first appointment! … it also encouraged me to do some research on recovery - I think that without that change, I would have continued to get worse, but now I'm at least stable and even perhaps a bit better!

I'm getting pretty excited about our trip! In a week I might already have a sunburn!

Suitcases are laid out on the spare room bed all packed and ready to close as soon as I add the hanging clothes (will wait until Saturday!). I spent AT LEAST AN HOUR this morning searching for the two waterproof phone bags that we got last year but alas… I swear I looked everywhere twice and then Carm looked as well… finally, frustrated and needing to sit down for a minute I wracked my brain, I had a vague memory of sending them back, and sure enough - I checked amazon and yes, they were returned! Dooh!

The problem with these types of searches is that it reveals the depths of disorganization and chaos in the nooks and crannies of my house! I have a few jobs for the winter…

Today it's raining on and off, but the previous few days have been spectacular! Carm has been busy outside getting the last of everything settled for the winter - I hang out on the bench near the garden and throw kibble for the dogs to search for in the long grass while he does the heavy work. They love this game and have gotten much more skilled at tracking down the nuggets.

I feel so useless!

This afternoon Carm headed off on a trek to the other side of the city to get a new golf club! His last game of the year is coming up on Friday - I think he said it will be round #50!

Awesome!

“suitcases almost packed”

“in one week I'll be sitting by the ocean!”

“so many beautiful October days”

“Adia & Lupa recovered from their dental”