king kong

 Low clouds spitting rain kept me in bed just a bit longer than usual, but finally I managed to gather enough energy to get ‘the show on the road’. We had a few outings scheduled: Orleans for some tripe dry dog food and then Costco for a few things in their sale flyer.

We might have looked like hoarders at Costco, but seriously, we would have bought that many boxes of chicken broth even without the pandemic! I had said I’d wait in the car as I am the worst offender at putting non-food items into the cart… but Carm thought he needed help… we didn’t get far into the store when I dropped in a pair of boots. A few other sale items made it into our cart but we passed on the nice dog beds and a few other superfluous items. He might lock me into the car next time!

Once we got home I gave Spike his anti-anxiety meds to prep him for a haircut. Two hours later he was on the grooming table, firmly held by Carm. It wasn’t going that great, but then I thought of putting some peanut butter into a Kong for Carm to hold - it worked! The rest of the hair cut went reasonably well - I couldn’t believe how long his hair was - there was a huge pile on the floor even though I didn’t do his legs. It’s a bit of a hack job but he looks more comfortable. (note to self: give him ¼ tablet instead of ½.)

We have our popcorn ready for tonight’s presidential debate although to be honest I think I’ll need hard alcohol to watch it. Even still it wouldn’t be hard to imagine myself yelling at the TV. Maybe I’ll just go to bed and watch cat videos.

“Perhaps when we find ourselves wanting everything, it is because we are dangerously close to wanting nothing.”

~Sylvia Plath

banana spice

 After a bit of time on the internet I decided that yes, today was an example of Indian Summer, and yes, it is still okay to call it that. It was seriously beautiful with just a few clouds skittering across the sky which could not have been a more intense blue. The mercury rose to a high of 26C.

Carm golfed. I stayed home and did more internet searching - I’d been thinking about the banana spice muffins that I often had during my working years. I enjoyed those muffins many times during the 29 years. How many did I actually eat? It would likely be a shockingly large number (a quick estimate would be over 3000!). Anyway, I was looking for a recipe that I thought might replicate the flavour.

With a bit of imagination I settled on a recipe and got to work. The result… awesome! Not 100% the same, but a good enough substitute. Will I eat 3000 of them? maybe not, although if I kept eating them into my 90s I might just get there.

How did I ever survive before the internet?

“I have the choice of being constantly active and happy or introspectively passive and sad. Or I can go mad by ricocheting in between.”

~Sylvia Plath

a step back to summer

 Summer made a brief visit this weekend. The sun shone, a yellow globe hung in an azure sky and the air was balmy. Perfect camping weather!

Carm finished his golf game midday on Friday then after he’d had a few minutes to have a shower and lunch, we loaded the car for the short drive to camp.  All my negative feelings evaporated (poof - gone!) as soon as I stepped into the villetta. It’s like there is a dome of happiness enveloping it. After we settled in (oh so much stuff to unload!), we pulled out the lawn chairs and had our traditional camping beverage. 

Everyone was busy with their lives but we were happy to be puttering around our own place. Kirsten and Nissa grabbed me for a long walk down the road - great for burning off some of Adia’s energy. Nissa runs back and forth along the road which gives Adia a good workout. Nissa’s arm might be getting stronger too as A is not known for being a good loose leash walker!

Supper was at our place on Friday. It’s a tight squeeze but we can fit 6 around the table - all squished in it feels like a party. I had prepped all the food at home so I just needed to heat everything up on the stove.

Saturday Kirsten joined us for coffee and then we split to get ready for an epic hike in their ‘back 40’ (probably more like back 80). It was warm but even still there were no bugs to be seen - the obvious advantage of fall. Adia was more subdued with no zoomies. The trees at the back of their property were gorgeous! 

Again we went our separate ways - they did their normal routine while Carm and I went for a lovely drive down the backroads of the area. We love doing this so it’s great to have new roads to explore.

A great Mexican dinner at Kirsten’s capped off our day.

We came home today after coffee and apple crisp. It was another fantastic weekend :-)

“And by the way, everything in life is writable about if you have the outgoing guts to do it, and the imagination to improvise. The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt.”

~Sylvia Plath

I took a deep breath

 The day started with blue skies and sunshine but as the day wore on the clouds socked in. After lunch Carm went foraging at Costco while I stayed home puttering around getting some food ready for camping tomorrow. The music was blaring and I’d done my share of dancing and singing but then, like a sledgehammer had hit me in the head, I nearly collapsed to the floor in a puddle of tears. 

Why, oh why? It’s obviously chemicals in my brain having some sort of exothermic reaction as I wasn’t thinking of anything other than making sure I had the ingredients for tomorrow night's supper. But damn it! Leave me alone! Is it just me or does this sort of out of the blue thing happen to you too?

Thinking back to all the springs and falls since I got sick it seems that this is a regular occurance as the light changes. So... I don’t indulge those aberrant feelings and instead pick myself up and continue on as if everything is normal. I think of Jo Ellen’s ‘Smile and Wave’ and fake it till I make it. And then write about it as spilling my guts over every little blip seems to help. I do try to keep my posts positive and uplifting but gosh, my brain isn’t always so cooperative.

I did do a bit of self-care tonight: leftover meatballs with scalloped potatoes and broccoli was the ultimate comfort food; and this evening I luxuriated in the cooling comfort of the rose petal mask that I got for my birthday. Smile and Wave...

On the positive side, yesterday we had a lovely picnic with Mom and Dad and Kirsten. The locks are beautiful and in Carm’s words always leaves him feeling soothed. It was a lovely day and I’m glad I made myself get out into the world.

“I took a deep breath and listened to the old bray of my heart. I am. I am. I am.”

~Sylvia Plath

summer is over

 It’s Tuesday afternoon already… the weather is fine for the first day of fall: not super warm but with a bright blue sky. On a normal day I would experience a sort of euphoria with such a lovely day, but alas, I can barely conjure up a smile. Instead of bringing me joy, the fine weather is bringing me down. I’m not sure why. Perhaps it’s a bit of a letdown after a few days of not quite hypomania, or maybe I’m not sleeping well and am tired, maybe it’s the keen knowledge of the upcoming long lonely winter. Whatever it is, most of my energy is spent trying to stay out of bed.

I did manage to make a batch of oatcakes yesterday. Peanut butter & banana was a new flavour combination - I can’t say I’m super excited about them. I think the best is blueberry almond. They aren’t exactly a delicious muffin though, more of a obviously healthy breakfast.

I’d love to find a recipe for the banana spice muffins that I LOVED at work.

For supper yesterday I got it together enough to make a new recipe. The Salisbury steak meatballs on garlic pasta were delicious and just the sort of comfort food that I wanted. The leftovers will be served over mashed potatoes instead of pasta.

Tonight after hemming and hawing I was inspired by a recipe for chicken soup with potatoes and cabbage. It turned out well, which is a good thing as I have enough for 2 more suppers.

So that was yesterday and today. Sunday we went off to Canadian Tire for a sewer fitting, stopped at LCBO to get some non-IPA beer, and grabbed a slightly disgusting hamburger from McDonalds - the excuse was Carm wanted some french fries for Grace. We did have a fun visit with Olaf & Stephanie in the evening.

We just got home from a dash to the grocery store in the city. Lots of things on sale to embellish the pantry shelves. Will there be another lockdown? I want to be prepared...

Headlines: Over 200,000 dead in the US. Ottawa had the biggest increase of cases since the beginning of the pandemic.

“The first flash of color always excites me as much as the first frail, courageous bloom of spring. This is, in a sense, my season--sometimes warm and, when the wind blows an alert, sometimes cold. But there is a clarity about September. On clear days, the sun seems brighter, the sky more blue, the white clouds take on marvelous shapes; the moon is a wonderful apparition, rising gold, cooling to silver; and the stars are so big. The September storms--the hurricane warnings far away, the sudden gales, the downpour of rain that we have so badly needed here for so long--are exhilarating, and there's a promise that what September starts, October will carry on, catching the torch flung into her hand.”

~Faith Baldwin

perfect moments

 We are back home in our seemingly giant house - the car is unpacked and the washer is going - it already seems like forever ago that we were at Kirsten’s even though it is only a few hours. Time is weird that way.

We had a wonderful time there, joining the family for coffees and suppers and just hanging around, but otherwise snug in the villetta reading. It was really rather nice :-)

I’ve camped for my birthday for years now, and this year was no exception, just the campground was changed. And the company. My day started off early - the township has been working on improving Kirsten’s road and the gravel trucks, pounders and rollers were back and forth, practically under the trailer, from 6:30 am. No complaints though - our site is otherwise quite lovely.

Kirsten and the girls came over for coffee, breakfast oatcakes, and to help us plan out our day. First off would be a long walk with the dogs (with Spike left at the camper), then a shorter walk with just Carm and I so that we could bring Spike for a play - he was excited to get out and had a good time, although he did get confused a few times. Thank goodness his hearing is good or he would have gotten lost.

With the dogs nicely tired we got in the car to drive to Westport and then to Perth. It was a lovely day for a drive even if it was a bit cold. The clouds darted across the sky driven by a fairly stiff wind. We drove down some pretty country roads - in another 2 weeks it will be spectacular with the coloured leaves.

The village of Westport was pretty but we drove through, not wanting to stop to browse at the shops - with Covid we are not going indoors unnecessarily. On our way into Perth we stopped at a gin distillery (we did go into there! They were well organized with masks and only one client inside at a time). We got a bottle of gin, but written on a blackboard were all the flavours of moonshine - butter tart caught my eye so we got a little bottle to have with dessert (it was awesome - I’ll be shopping for a bigger bottle for the winter).

Once we were back ‘to camp’ Kirsten showed me how to operate the hot tub, just in case. Well, that just in case turned into right now (after some hemming and hawing). I’m so glad I wasn’t too lazy as I had a few of those perfect moments as I floated in the hot water. 

Carm and I chilled in the camper for a few hours and then it was time for supper at the house. I got dressed up in a silver sequin top and yoga pants. Nissa made a tasty meal, Shenna and Kirsten made a spectacular cake. I was so full and may have had a wild case of sugar high!

It was a wonderful day with lots of perfect moments yesterday - a good start to being 58!

“You get the face you build your whole life, with work and loving and grieving and laughing and frowning.”

~Catherynne M. Valente

sweet september blessings

 Tuesday afternoon… The clouds have socked in, bringing the temps down to what I think is unseasonable cold weather. We have camped this week for years and it’s often a scorcher so I’m a bit disappointed to have the camper door shut and the ‘fireplace’ on. And yes, I am sort of camping. Instead of Riverside we are ‘chez Kirsten in our pretty little corner of their property.

Carm’s not here for the time being and Kirsten is off doing horse type errands - I’m listening to music, and well, writing to you! We’ll stay here for a few days, hopefully not overstaying our welcome. Kirsten can feel free to kick us to the curb/camper when they need a break from us :-)  It is super lovely having the villetta here. I’m going to be gutted when the weather gets too cold and we have to bring it home.

“Sweet September Blessings!

I am eternally grateful!!!”

~Charmaine J. Forde

results

 It’s 8:45 pm and I’m in my pjs with my face washed, ready for bed. It’s pitch dark already. I’m trying to hold off until at least 9 cause really, who goes to bed at 8? 

We had a few nice diversions today. We had a few minor things to pick up in the village and Dollarama is always a good distraction for me. Once we got home I had to use up a few lovely brown bananas so whipped up a dozen banana bread muffins. So much baking in the house!

Then, with the sun bright in the sky, we had a lovely distant visit with Jo Ellen and Don. I had set up the chairs in the sun but gosh, it was too hot :-) The visit only lasted 2 hours, but it brightened my day.

We finally got our covid test results back last night - it took 3 ½ days which I think is unacceptable! Oh, and they were negative.

Whew, my eyelids are drooping, not sure that I’ll make it to 9!

“Outside the leaves on the trees constricted slightly; they were the deep done green of the beginning of autumn. It was a Sunday in September. There would only be four. The clouds were high and the swallows would be here for another month or so before they left for the south before they returned again next summer.”

~Ali Smith

six months ago

 180 days/26 weeks/6 months/half a year since the first covid-19 case in our city. Who would’a thunk… that we’d be isolated except for a few laneway visits and our small 10 person circle... that we’d be wearing masks and keeping 6’ away from everyone else… that we would avoid going into shops… that a trip to Costco would be rife with anxiety. 

Dr. Fauci is predicting that life won’t be back to ‘normal’ until late next year, IF we get a vaccine by the end of this year. It’s not a surprising prediction, but I’d rather live in denial day by day.

My way of coping with all of this is spending time in the kitchen. Every week I cook at least one new recipe, so we’ve gained a bit of covid weight, but not much considering the circumstances.

Instead of cookies, today I baked 2 kinds of oatmeal ‘cupcakes’. Cupcake is a rather inappropriate name for them as they are basically oatmeal, nuts, spices, fruit, and almond milk. No added fat or flour. They aren’t awesome but are tasty enough. According to the recipe they freeze well so will be a perfectly healthy grab’n’go breakfast.

A vision of the beautiful blue tube of the Dyson tickled my brain till I got up and got to work with a bit more vacuuming. That little devil is a darn fine tool! I even used it to get a pesky cobweb that was floating down from the highest part of the ceiling - it was unreachable before the blue tube without getting out a ladder (which wasn’t going to happen any time soon).

We can’t let the 19th anniversary of 9/11 pass without a moment of silence. So many people. People who had gotten up that beautiful morning as if it were a regular day. What might they have done differently if they knew it was to be their last? What petty bicker or complaint would be taken back or a forgotten ‘I love you’ spoken.

That morning I sat at my desk at work and listened to the radio on the other side of the partition. Hearing the chilling events unfold will never leave my memory. Carm was out of town so I drove home by myself, in shock, letting myself into a house that seemed more empty than it had ever seemed. The sky was a crisp blue with not a cloud in sight. Not one airliner passed overhead.

“The wind makes you ache in some place that is deeper than your bones. It may be that it touches something old in the human soul, a chord of race memory that says Migrate or die - migrate or die.”

~Stephen King

suck it up buttercup

 We got good news yesterday morning: Carm’s golf buddy, A, tested negative for covid-19 which freed us from isolation. We are still waiting for our test results but they are now extraneous.

Yesterday I got busy in the kitchen making cookies, dozens of them. I was asleep at the wheel when making the chocolate chip ones and forgot to add the baking soda. The cookies aren’t awful but are a bit weird - it’s not an exciting discovery. I’ll eat them anyway. Then, with more success, I made a batch of butter pecan cookies for the freezer. I’ll take them with me next week when I go ‘camping’.

Today we dashed to Costco to look at the vacuum we’ve been thinking of. It was a bit more expensive than we remembered but it gets good reviews so after a walk around the store to think about it, we went ahead and put it in our cart. It’s crazy, but I was excited to test it out and got it charging as soon as we got home. 

Vroom! It was awesome. I couldn’t believe how much dirt it got out of the carpet :-0  I like how agile it is and the extra attachments will all come in handy. Let’s make cleaning fun...

This afternoon I did the unthinkable and made Caramelized onion and bacon jam. Oh yeah baby! That stuff is ridiculous. I tested it out on 1/2 a toasted bagel with cream cheese - I was mightily tempted to toast up the other half, but settled for ½ a spoon (I had to stir it again, right).

“Voiceless it cries,

Wingless flutters,

Toothless bites,

Mouthless mutters.”

~J.R.R. Tolkien

test my patience

 We are anxiously awaiting news from Carm’s golf buddy A. He thinks he might have Covid so it’s possible (although unlikely) that Carm has been exposed. The other golfing buddy has already been tested with a Negative result. Out of an abundance of caution today we went to get tested ourselves. We are waiting with bated breath. 

If A tests positive, and even if we are negative we’ll have to self-isolate until next Sunday, 14 days after possible exposure.

I can see this sort of stress happening over and over for the next year or more, unless we become total hermits and go to online grocery shopping. I just can’t do it! We are SO careful as it is and surely golf is the perfect social distance sport. But since I’ve been having near panic attacks with the worry it might end up being the best option. Winter will isolate us.

We went to the same drive-thru testing site that we went to in April (or was it May). They were well organized so that even though we were numbers 114 & 115, we were finished by 10:45. The ‘guy’ said that Mondays were the worst and that today was even busier because of the stat holiday yesterday.

Last night we had a long distance visit with Olaf and Stephanie - gosh the time flies by as we natter and laugh. It was awkward the first few times we had online visits but now it seems easy.

It’s been another dreary day but luckily (?) the rain held off until he got the grass cut!

“Faeries, come take me out of this dull world,

For I would ride with you upon the wind,

Run on the top of the dishevelled tide,

And dance upon the mountains like a flame.”

William Butler Yeats

socially out of shape

 Everyone was beat yesterday - the dogs barely lifted an eyelid let alone drive me crazy by richeting around the house. I wasn’t much more energetic, I’m socially out of shape after months of pandemic isolation.

Despite the grey clouds pressing down on our shoulders, the energy flowed more freely today although the sofa has a warm spot in my shape ;-)  I did try out a new cookie recipe: butter pecan. So good, but how do they stack up to last week’s new cookie recipe? Italian lemony almond cookies are hard to beat so I’ll have to declare a tie. They were similar in that they were both nut based with not much added sugar. I’ll make them again.

The wind has been howling all day, lashing the trees in a fury. The low grey sky gives a definite autumn feel. It’s hard to believe but I think our final swimming day of 2020 was the week before last - boo hiss.

“It's the questions we can't answer that teach us the most. They teach us how to think. If you give a man an answer, all he gains is a little fact. But give him a question and he'll look for his own answers.”

~Patrick Rothfuss

perseverance

 Friday morning I paced like a caged lion while waiting for Carm to get home from golf. I’d gotten up at the crack of dawn to make a big pot of Creole black-eyed peas and a batch of Italian lemon almond biscuits. The pile of stuff to pack was already at the door, I just needed a car to pack it into.

He finally came home triumphant - he holed out from the fairway on one shot! While he showered and then much to my frustration, put in a load of laundry, I fretted. I was anxious to get going for our weekend ‘camping’ at Kirsten’s. Eventually the car was loaded (to the roof almost) and we were underway.

With the camper already in place it was easy to unload the car and get settled. We did have the task of sanitizing the fresh water tank which meant stringing almost 200 feet of hose from the barn. The plan was to leave the chlorinated water in the tank overnight, drain in the morning, and refill with clean fresh. Saturday morning we had a bit of trouble getting the tank to drain though. Still, it’s in usable shape although not for drinking.

 After a bit of a visit with Kirsten, the ‘woman folk’ leashed up a few dogs and walked down the road. Poor old Spike could barely make it the 2km round trip - I won’t bring him walking again, or we’ll plan a short loop, drop him off then continue for longer. Nissa man-handled Adia, running her back and forth trying to wear her out.

The pot of peas were for supper Friday night - my contribution for when we descended upon Kirsten. A few of her pears went into the arugula salad - they were beautifully tart and sweet at the same time. It was late all too soon so with my eyelids drooping we took our leave.

Saturday started off with bright sun, a truly glorious day. Everyone had errands to do so I got busy and made a tower of blueberry pancakes and a pack of bacon. Once everyone was back I brought it all into the house where there’d be a bit more room. Next time we’ll eat in the villetta.

Then we went for a monster walk along the trails that Shawn has cut with his giant tractor… we travelled across open meadows and through wooded glens, dogs running at our sides, their pleasure a mirror of our own enjoyment. Adia was exhausted at the end although she did have the energy to hunt down a deer bone. Spike stayed back at camp, it was far too vigorous for him. Kirsten and I went hay shopping while everyone else chilled and then it was time to get supper going. My meager contribution was not even really mine - a tomato peach basil salad with Trudie’s tomatoes. We played ‘toss the pig’ after which was great fun. My eyes were drooping and my head was spinning when we headed back to camp.

I brought the ramp with us this time - this morning Spike was starting to get the hang of it again but he fell and crashed and tumbled off it so many times - it’s painful to watch and a wonder that he doesn’t just give up or just get too afraid to try. He doesn’t though - he keeps trying, a lesson for me on perseverance.

This morning we were up early and on the road back home by 9:30am. Such a great weekend!

“It had nothing to do with gear or footwear or the backpacking fads or philosophies of any particular era or even with getting from point A to point B.

It had to do with how it felt to be in the wild. With what it was like to walk for miles with no reason other than to witness the accumulation of trees and meadows, mountains and deserts, streams and rocks, rivers and grasses, sunrises and sunsets. The experience was powerful and fundamental. It seemed to me that it had always felt like this to be a human in the wild, and as long as the wild existed it would always feel this way.”

~Cheryl Strayed

I can see clearly now the cups are here

 While Carm took the subie in for some warrantee work I bustled around the kitchen making a double batch of bread and a big pot of black beans. Not really noteworthy but they are tasks that evoke a feeling of wellness and comfort. 

The yeasty air inspired me to blast some music and dance to the beat. Spike and Adia quickly joined the fray, eagerly keeping up with my steps for little bits of kibble. I confused Adia a few times but she’s quick to recover. I’ve got to get more clear with my signals. She was walking beside me, backing up when I backed up, but then I must have done something as she started sitting instead of backing. Sitting is the default behavior when I stop walking so it’s easy to see how she got confused. (in fact I got confused just writing it up!)

I had been out of the room for a while and when I got back Spike was curled up on the sofa - the sofa that he hasn’t gotten on for YEARS. He won’t even come up when he’s invited. Very strange.

My much anticipated Amazon order arrived this afternoon, just in time for me to do a test run with a hot coffee. On the weekend it became clear that with the ‘new’ coffee maker, our current guest cups are far too small - they were filling to the rim. Amazon to the rescue. The double walled cups hold 12 oz (to the rim - 10 oz is a comfortable fill) and since they don’t have handles will do double duty for cold drinks. Carm and I both have smallish hands which makes it a stretch to hang onto the mug, hopefully our guests have giant man hands or long piano fingers.

I’ll have to do a complete re-org and purge of the beverage cupboard on the camper. I do love a bit of organizing!

It’s the small things ;-)

“Alice had got so much into the way of expecting nothing but out-of-the-way things to happen, that it seemed quite dull and stupid for life to go on in the common way.”

~Lewis Carroll