getting my cells prepared

 It's unlikely that we'll be booking any snorkelling excursions on our next cruise… we picked up a cheap snorkel & mask at liquidation a few weeks ago so I've been practicing a bit - one loop around the pool is about all I can manage before I'm hyperventilating and on the edge of a panic attack 😞 . Not sure if it's breathing through a tube or the thought of all the creatures in the ocean that I'd rather not think about!

We've had a few beautiful days without storms in the forecast so we've been able to leave the sunshade up on the deck. I've been relaxing in the shade while Carm has been labouring at pulling hundreds of nails from the boards from the old deck… he had started on it 2 years ago and then stepped on a nail… he's got his motivation back and has been working like a fiend (with construction boots on!). Like me, he's on a weight loss journey and is feeling keen to move and get fitter.

I started my fast last night at 8pm, so far so good (at 10:30am), but it's amazing how deprived I feel when normally I wouldn't have my breakfast until 10:30 or 11 am anyway, and never feel hungry before then. I usually do my exercise first, powered by only a black coffee… I've been starving since before I got out of bed! I need to trick my brain into forgetting! Just goes to show that focusing attention on something only makes it worse 😉 

6:30pm… I haven't broken down to raid the fridge yet! But I could eat a whole box of KD! I've tried to distract myself on FB but unfortunately most of the groups that I follow are about food! Not helpful at all… I have read (or tried to read), countless studies about fasting, fasting and cancer, fasting mimicking diets, fasting and exercise… just to keep the motivation! I've setup my food app for tomorrow's eating on a Fasting mimicking diet (FMD) which is restricted calories with specific macros - plant-based of course!

Awesome!

“lazy day reading”

“two baking sheets of zucchini scarpaccia”

“our cucumbers”

cicada time of year

 It's a beautiful Saturday afternoon, not too hot, but nice enough to dip into the pool a few times. We put up the shade so that I could relax outside while waiting for the zucchini to sweat before being made into scarpaccia. There is a surplus of zucchini and cucumbers this week so they've been featuring heavily in our diet! The tomatoes have started to ripen. The jalapeno peppers are getting close to harvest.

Pat is coming for supper tonight so I have to plan some actual food - I've been living off produce for weeks now - I think we will have pasta with tomato sauce which is slightly better than a plate of zucchini, cucumber, tomato, and peppers!

Last Sunday we tortured Lupa with the clippers - she's shorn for another 2 months. Wednesday I took myself to the barbers for my own haircut - I might have slightly miscommunicated with the stylist so my hair is pretty short! I look like a boy from the back 😱 

Monday afternoon I had an appointment in the hospital for radiation setup. They got me laid out on the slab, did a test run, then jabbed me with needles to make 5 little dot tattoos to help them realign me for the actual treatment. It was easy, and as has been my experience so far, the people were great. (note to self, remember to practice holding my breath!). Carm was able to come into the room while they did the fitting - now he knows the helpless feeling of seeing your loved one laid out. 

My first treatment is this coming Tuesday afternoon - hurrah!

Tuesday we got busy first thing in the morning (hum… I think I walked first though), getting the house clean for afternoon guests, but first we had to harvest the garlic. It wasn't a day too soon… all the wet weather we've been having was starting to rot them… there were at least 20 that we pulled aside for special treatment. The majority looks great though and we got some nice big bulbs with giant cloves. It's curing in the garage for the next 3 weeks.

Carm's old work friend, Ken, and his wife Francine, came in the afternoon for a bit of a swim and visit. The weather cooperated!

Wednesday was rainy with thunderstorms - it seems that Kirsten's place got side-swiped by a tornado, or at least a concentrated area of wind - they have a few trees down and were out of power for over a day. The trailer was spared again, and the fridge maintained its cold for the duration - so we know that the battery is good for at least 24 hours of running the fridge on propane :-)

Thursday we got Adia into the vet to look at her limpy leg… it looks like there is inflammation in her elbow area. We'll treat it with an anti-inflammatory for a few weeks to see if it heals on its own. Meanwhile we are trying to keep her from 🏃‍♂️ running.

Yesterday (Friday already), I went into town to visit Graham and to meet up with Kirsten and Nissa for a quick visit, then dashed home to get ready to head into the city for burgers with Jo Ellen & Don. Oh yum… it was several steps above the A&W versions that we normally get. I plan to be strictly plant-based for the next few weeks through treatment so it was a final splurge… 

I have a plan to fast and eat a calorie restricted diet through my days of radiation, which is perhaps poorly thought out and definately without a known protocol, and is only based on reading countless studies online. Some studies suggest that fasting and calorie restriction helps the healthy cells in your body protect themselves from the radiation, and also leaves the cancer cells vulnerable to the radiation. 

So, even though I’d like to treat myself to ice cream and cake everyday, I'll fast from tomorrow night to Tuesday noon when I'll have my healthy lunch salad pre-treatment. I'll have some veggies for supper, and then intermittent fast again until the next day at lunch. I'll do that until Thursday when I'll start to eat normally. I'll do the same the following week. I'll have no way to know if it's actually helping which sucks but I want to give myself the best chance and so if there's even a 10% chance that this increases effectiveness, I'll suffer through!

I'm not sure how it's going to affect exercise though - I will walk the best I can, but may have to forego some of the extras. Speaking of which - I started doing these plank ‘hip dips’ months ago - when I started I could barely do 5 at a time, and by barely, I would be huffing and puffing so hard that I could see my heart beating in my eyeballs… today I did 20 15 10 for a total of 45!

Hopefully I don't lose too much muscle mass… we bought a new scale that measures fat & muscle so I should have a bit of an idea… but even so, I'll work extra hard when it's all done to get back to where I am and then I can continue to increase reps. I need to get fit to take on all those flights of stairs to the buffet on the ship!

Sadly, we are missing this years family reunion in Alberta :-( The last one was 11 years ago (already!) - we made the epic journey to Medicine Hat that summer with the villetta in tow. It was an incredible trip but alas, not to be repeated this year. And the timing didn't work out well to just fly out…

Awesome!

“birthday hamburger with Jo Ellen and Don”

“country roads take me home”

“chilling on the deck”

“my kale”

good day sunshine

 I thought I had turned the corner on mindfulness but alas! I'm still living in my head and not opening my eyes to the world around me. Oh sure, I notice the hydrangeas in full bloom at the front of the house, and the other patch in the back against the barn, but not with full appreciation. I don't think I'm preoccupied with health issues but instead I've just shut off the thinking part of my brain!

I had the appointment with the radiation oncologist on Tuesday - it went well and launched me into the ‘system’. She's giving me 6 treatments: 5 full and the 6th a super boost to the surgical area. I wasn't even home before the appointments were booked into MyChart, starting with this Monday for the setup CT scan which will include a few tiny tattoos 😱 for a permanent reminder of this journey… not that there isn't a reminder everytime I look at myself naked in the mirror 😞 

Dr. Chang went over the side effects which should be minimal I'd think for just 6 treatments, but sadly there will be more physical changes that will be permanent… I should have had some lingerie photos done so that I can remember what I used to look like…

However, I've been the lucky one… my friend who is going through the same thing has not been so lucky as hers has spread to her lymph nodes and has characteristics that might require chemo - plus she's getting 18 radiation treatments so that will be a tougher road for her. I can count my blessings but wish I could be counting hers too…

We were at the trailer Thursday and Friday nights… Friday we had the roof cleaned and treated with a UV protectant and the whole trailer detailed! There's been a lot of maintenance this year but considering it's now 15 years old it's earned it! Kirsten, Nissa, and I did a bit of shopping on Friday and then later in the afternoon Kirsten and I visited the giant junkyard/antique store looking for some fencing. There were so many heaps of basically garbage with huge price tags, but not what we were looking for.

The dogs got out for some long walks but weren't exhausted after just two nights.

Thursday I splurged and made focaccia to bring for supper to have with the zucchini lentil salad thing that I made - so much olive oil but such a nice treat!

Hummm… what healthy thing did I make for supper last night? ha ha! A&W burgers - a final cheat meal before getting real serious about nutrition to prepare for radiation. Today I have a few huge zucchini from the garden so might make some scarpaccia.

Kirsten and I were back to our regular virtual walk today. I think my muscles are improving - I was able to add a few of the other exercises back without too much trouble - fingers crossed! Oh, but my hair has been falling out at a ferocious rate 😞… BUT I'm grateful.

Kirsten had the brilliant idea of having a song in my head for the ‘holding my breath’ exercises - I've settled on the first verse or so (35 seconds worth) of ‘Good Day Sunshine’ by the Beatles!

Good day sunshine

Good day sunshine

Good day sunshine

I need to laugh, and when the sun is out

I've got something I can laugh about

I feel good, in a special way

I'm in love and it's a sunny day

Good day sunshine

Good day sunshine

Good day sunshine

Awesome!

“just 6 treatments”

“suppers with Kirsten, Shawn, Nissa, (and of course Carm!)”

“walking down the road in person!”

35 years

 It seems like I've fallen into a black hole of inspiration… my brain has taken a vacation from thinking about writing or even thinking and experiencing my days as they pass. I HAD the habit of noticing what I was doing and feeling, and noticing the wonders around me, but alas! Time to turn that around and be more mindful!

What started off as a bit of hermit like behaviour has morphed into super social days. If I go way back in time, Jo Ellen & Don came for supper a few Sundays ago - we ate inside as rain was threatening but we did manage a bit of time outside :-)  A few days after that we had Trudie & Leo over for supper… stir fried bok choy again - it's become our favourite dish for company. Then one night we had supper at Trudie's.

We spent another night at the trailer getting more maintenance work done. Shawn joined us for supper :-)

Last Wednesday dear highschool friends came with their spouses for a rainy day lunch. It was fun to catch up and it seems that we all have the same problems that we did last time we got together! It's actually pretty funny how little we have changed over the years. Makes me wonder about nature or nuture! June spent the night here and we dropped her off at the bus in the morning, then I got a Costco fix! (linen shorts size small!).

Tina and Bruce came for an afternoon of swimming and supper on Saturday. It was another scorcher so we put up the shade - first time this summer! I’d forgotten how lovely it is out there. We've known T&B for years and years… Carm and Bruce went to uni together 😱 Lots of laughter and good conversations made the day pass at lightning speed. Again, I made bok choy…

Then yesterday, at the last minute, Deirdre came for a swim and light supper! We hadn't seen her for several years so it was great to catch up. She's experiencing the joys of retirement now too :-)

Shoehorned in all those days I had an appointment with the medical oncologist. He was very positive and encouraging - we caught it early and it is very treatable. He started me on hormone therapy but stressed if the side effects are too bad we can revisit it as the meds are only giving a few percentage points in my favour.

So, side effects: I wasn't expecting to have so much muscle stiffness… I started it Thursday night and on Friday after my workout I could barely walk. My muscles were like rubber and felt like they had a lactic acid build up. I didn't even feel well enough to get into the pool all day :-( I started a chart to track progress for my discussion with Dr. Hilton in a month…

I've continued with walking but feel unable to do the other exercises that I've been doing, and even the treadmill intensity has downgraded significantly 😞 I'm not thrilled with this as I was starting to feel strong and fit - I'd started adding squats to build up those muscles for all the stairs we'll do on the cruise but I can't do any at the moment. My fervent hope is that this side effect will ease as my body adapts to less estrogen so I can get back to it…

Today is our 35th wedding anniversary! It is hard to wrap my mind around the fact that so many years have passed and how old we must be now! Just for fun I dragged out my wedding dress and released it from its preservation box… I thought I'd try it on and then send it to the thrift store… of course it doesn't fit (I'm probably 10 pounds away from that if I'd ever even be in the same shape) but having seen it again, I'm not sure that I'll thrift it! But I have no idea why I'd keep it. It's not like I could wear it again even if I did lose more weight! And it's so dated that I can't imagine anyone wanting to wear it themselves!

I do however, fit the veil and slip 🤣, maybe even my wedding ring if I unearth that from the depths - I haven't worn it for decades (oh my gosh, it is actually decades and not years!).

(a bit of sequin for fun!)

We didn't have plans so we hijacked Peter & Julie's anniversary dinner at the Keg tonight. They got married on the same day just 30 minutes before us - what are the odds! The waiter was gobsmacked that we'd been married for 35 years - probably 10 more years than he'd been alive!

I haven't done another fast yet but plan to next week especially as the last week has been filled with meaty eating… and we all know that the Keg isn't known for its plant-based options! I feel that my cells need rejuvenation.

Awesome!

“so many friends together!”

“35 years of wedded bliss and we are still going strong”

“lazy afternoons on the deck”

am I going to fast

 My time on the villetta came to a close last Saturday… it was a lovely few days with my Mom and then 2 nights with Olaf, Steph, and Freya there as well. We had some meals together and a bit of pool time so the hours passed quickly although perhaps not quickly enough for the dogs!

We got home before noon and within minutes Lupa had disappeared… into her little bed in our bathroom! She stayed there for much of the day and evening, only venturing out for food and to go outside… she was one tired little dog from being hypervigilant for so many days!

Meanwhile, Carm and I did laundry and other catchup things around the house - it seems to me that the weather wasn't that great but honestly I can't even remember! I do recall that Monday was a perfect summer day - hot without being stupidly hot, sunny and bright - perfect for a Canada Day pool party at Olaf's. We met some of his friends, didn't go swimming (but there were lots of kids who did!), ate a hamburger and then dashed home to the waiting pooches who hadn't destroyed the house.

There was a fair amount of traffic on the highway but not so much to cause slow-downs, even in the 20km stretch of single lane. We passed through some beautiful areas and some flatter than a Saskatchewn wheat field. Olaf lives further away from us than Kirsten, but with a speed limit of 110km for most of it, we only take 5 minutes longer!

We met one of Olaf's friends from highschool that is going through the same cancer journey as I am, or maybe not the same (she doesn't have her pathology results yet), but a journey just the same. Her surgery was 10 days after mine so we compared scars (hers is so much smaller and she only has one of them!), and talked about some of our strategies going forward. I felt that we made an instant connection :-)

Speaking of strategies, I've been doing some reading on fasting to help beat cancer. According to initial research, fasting slows down the production of IGF-1 which is instrumental in tumour growth. Our normal cells have a way of dealing with ‘starvation’ and shut down in a protective mode, which increases immunity, leaving the cancer cells starving for fuel. This can help when going through chemo and perhaps radiation as well. 

Other ways of reducing IGF-1 is a plant based diet, low in sugar, which I have somewhat strayed from recently… I might try a combination of fasting along with sticking to my diet better with the hopes of keeping it at bay. It seems now that it won't be a temporary thing, but that cancer will be on my horizon for years to come… or at least hopefully on the horizon and not on my doorstep!

My first day of fasting started Monday night at 8pm and ended yesterday at supper time - 46 hours. There are a few methods including severe calorie restriction for a few days interspersed with ‘normal’ eating. My current plan is 48 (give or take) hours with just water & tea, followed by a few days of calorie restriction then back to my ‘normal’ plant-based meals at maintenance calories… I'll see how it goes as I am not fully committed at this point - I am trying to build muscle which needs protein… ha ha, I did start up planks Sunday and gosh, I've got some stiff muscles!

The fasting part was easy enough - the only time I felt hungry was when Carm made toast so I stepped outside for a few minutes. Otherwise, I was able to work hard on the treadmill (6km each day) and increase reps on the other exercises I'm doing. Honestly, this morning, after having eaten last night and drinking a protein drink coffee before getting on, was harder! I felt clear headed and strong - hopefully the fast did what it was supposed to do and clear out all my old white blood cells to make fresh, strong ones to go after any cancer that is left! I'll do it again in a week or two.

If only there was a way to see inside myself to see if it's working!

I screwed up this morning though… we dropped the dogs off to have their teeth done and had 45 minutes to kill… I shopped a bit in dollarama but then realized that I was starving and that we were right next door to the shwarma place that we'd been wanting to try - DOOH!

Awesome!

“making a new friend”

“my time at the trailer”

“perfect weather”

“beautiful day on the deck”

“little grey dog curled against my legs”

“bathing the dogs with the bath scrunchie - a much better way to bath than just a hose!”