There is a sacredness in tears

More beautiful days… If it weren’t for the golden yellow of the fields, and the rusty orange fringes on the trees we could be convinced that it is summer. We have to remember not to take these days for granted, like we often do in the summer, but instead savour and rejoice! (if only my grey mood didn’t make it difficult to do so for more than an instance or two).

 

The three otters were back yesterday morning – perhaps there is still one or two fish left to tempt them. I can’t begrudge them though as they seem to like playing in the deep pond. The other waterways nearby are quite shallow, so I wonder how they swim in them.

 

This time of year we have fields of blue asters. Unfortunately I haven’t figured out my camera enough to get the purplish blue to really show up. More practice is required.

 

The vultures were circling again  yesterday. I had my camera in hand – this was the best shot. I do have a few with three in the frame, but there are trees and other distractions. I liked the way the bird stood out against the blue September sky.

 

I got an email, and then a phone call from my sister this afternoon. They were on their way back home after taking my niece Nissa’s pony to the vet… the news was bad and he had to be put down. Jack has been the perfect pony for Nissa – he could go from being ridden in the back 40, to pony club games, to jumping competitions. He loved being brushed and fussed over – perfect for an 11 year old animal crazy girl.

My heart cries for her. It is so hard to lose a treasured friend, and while people will say it is only an animal, it is animals that we sometimes let more deeply into our hearts. And for an 11 year old girl whose best friend is Jack it can only be harder. I remember being the same age when my cat was fatally hit by a car. I cried for days/weeks/months… and I still cry if I hear the Peter, Paul and Mary song “Puff the Magic Dragon”.

 

I just got off the phone with Nissa, Shenna and my sister Kirsten. It was impossible not to cry with them, and also to cry with the frustration of not being there to hug and hold them all – NZ is just too far away.

Now… Mr. Naughty snuck off yesterday afternoon, most likely into the cow pasture… I had been planning on giving them all a bath, but was procrastinating… It didn’t take me long to get the shampoo out when I caught sight of Spike – Kabira and Bella, you have him to thank for it!

There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love.

Washington Irving

I Keep My Balance Against the Wind

Today I finally made it through renaming and cataloguing our vacation photos. I took over 1500 photos while we were on our Alberta Bound adventure - it seems that 1/2 of them were of Spike, but actually there were tons of scenery photos taken.

Some days driving on the prairies I'd take 100! Of course a photo doesn't even come close to capturing the vastness and beauty, and I am strangely disappointed that looking at them doesn't transport me directly there. The photos do not lift me up like being there does, instead tears prick the back of my eyes and I wonder when I'll next smell the sagebrush and feel the wind in my hair. Years seem too long to wait. It is like being separated from a good friend...

Our property is beautiful this time of year so I am trying to fully emerse myself here, and to some degree it is working. I'm not surprised though to be constantly on guard for depression - I often feel the grey tendrils creeping in and work hard to shoo them away. I feel antsy and slightly dissatisfied.

Today we also went to visit Phil and Rita. Carm knows Phil from work, but I was meeting them for the first time (actually the second, but the first doesn't count). When meeting someone new there is a circling around truths as we each feel for how much of ourselves we can expose - how close to our true selves can we be.

It is always interesting to me the difference between men and woman's conversations. Phil and Carm were all about trucks, tires, insurance, investments ; while Rita and I talked about experiences, feelings - life.

The wind will make you sick, they told me…It will blow your body out of balance. But I keep my balance against the wind. I lean into it and let it hold me, push me firmly upright. Wind blows sickness away from me, out of my head and lungs, scours my skin, empties that thick darkness between cells, fills it with cool, moving space.

SueEllen Campbell (1996, “The Elements,” Bringing the Mountain Home

Poetry with Wings

As if on cue, the Canada Geese started flying past our property on the first day of Fall. While it is true that their arrival heralds the coming winter, I still enjoy their passing. There is something awesome about them with their tight formations and thrum of their wings.

Since we came home from camping on Monday, the sun has been shining and the temperatures have been warm. The forecast for the week – temps in the early 20’s (70F ish).  A nice temperature no matter the season, but especially wonderful this time of year!

Yesterday I attended Jo Ellen’s retirement party. She was my boss for many, many years (and a great one at that), as well as a good friend. Now she will truly be “just” a friend as she sheds the remains of 30+ years of working in the guv. We worked together for, oh gosh, it must be at least 26 years!  Jo Ellen is the last of our “group” to retire – Congratulations and welcome to the retired life. Now we’ll be able to get together for coffee or lunch whenever we wish :-) 

On our way home from the festivities we stopped at Sears to pick up a grill press thing-a-ma-bob. My thoughts are that I’ll be able to grill vegetables (as well as yummy sandwiches) on this and we’ll be able to unload the bbq from the camper. Last night I grilled portabella mushrooms, zucchini, red pepper, then layered them on a naan, topped a tiny bit of cheese, then another naan. I popped the whole thing back into the grill press for a few minutes. Oh what a delight! Yum, yum and yum. And doing the vegetables was EASY and fast :-)  Tonight I’ll be grilling green beans. If they turn out I’ll be really pleased.

Yesterday was also Tuesday, which means Dance Class! Yippee! Last night we “learned” the Fox Trot. Oh my. After a quick review of the Cha Cha we started learning the new steps of the FT. As I stood there watching the instructor move his feet – one, two, step to the side, step back – I was laughing, rolling on the floor laughing, in my head. How could a little series of steps be so darn hard to learn??? How stunned are we? Well, we tried our best and were soon zig zagging (and sometimes ouch zagging as we stepped on each others feet), around the dance floor. I have no idea how others were doing as all my attention was focused on Carm and I. But we had fun and laughed at ourselves a lot.

Back to today – the sun is shining (as I think I mentioned). Looking out of the kitchen window this morning I saw a few turkey vultures (why do I want to keep calling them condors?) circling in the sky. Cool.

Later, when I was out in the backyard, I could see well over a dozen of them drafting the breeze over the creek. Was there something dead or dying down there? I don’t know, but watching them with their slow, easy flight was thrilling. (btw – I brought Spike inside – I’m pretty sure they don’t do any killing themselves, but with so many of them I didn’t want to take a chance!).

Just looked out the window and could see 3 of them perched on fence posts in the pasture. A peer through the binoculars revealed that they had just had a bath and were drying their wings in the sun. They are huge! The binoculars gave me a really good look at them as they preened themselves. Awesome! (too bad I didn’t have a really good telephoto lens!)

 

The dance can reveal everything mysterious that is hidden in music, and it has the additional merit of being human and palpable. Dancing is poetry with arms and legs.

Charles Baudelaire