three times 21

Thank you for all the birthday wishes :-) It seems like just last year that I turned 21 but also another lifetime ago… multiply that by 3 and here I am! Three times older! And maybe 3 times better! 

Thinking back to my 21st birthday is like visiting ancient history - from what I remember, I was living in Ottawa with my boyfriend Steve and our friend Alan in a 2 bedroom townhouse. My parents had come to visit, maybe bringing my brothers, but I don't remember Kirsten being there. I remember being sad as I knew it would be the last time I'd see Thor, my childhood dog. I got a briefcase from Mom and Dad, and some table legs and a bench from Steve's family. I still have the bench (it's in the main bathroom) but the briefcase is long gone…

I seem to remember struggling with a bit of depression at the time but that was a common occurrence back then, maybe even more so than now. I know I didn't have the self confidence I have now, that took a long time to develop (and I credit much of that to Carm's unwavering support)... If my fairy godmother showed up with her wand and offered to send me back to that time, I would refuse! Twenty one wasn't my best year, in fact it was during that year that I first came closest to ending it all… it was actually a really terrible year! 

Multiply 21 by 2 makes me 42 years old, another turning point year. On my birthday I was on sick leave with major depression… I hadn't been diagnosed bipolar yet, that would happen at the beginning of October of that year. That was a pretty tough year but I learned so much about myself and it started me on the path of learning how to better navigate life… 

I'm not unique in having obstacles - everyone has challenges thrown at them and I know you are all awesome at dealing with everything. It was actually a bit depressing to look back but after thinking about it for a while, I feel good about my journey and feel that there were way more ups than downs.

This year? I feel great physically and emotionally. So yeah, life is good now!

Today the sun is shining and it's a balmy 25C, perfect for a trip to the golf driving range. We went on Monday and I was able to hit the ball reasonably consistently… but only for 80 yards max… today I struggled a bit more but I was feeling tired from walking over 8km in the morning and my arm was still a bit sore from a vaccine yesterday. But it was fun! Next summer I'm going to try to work on hitting the ball so that maybe I could do an actual golf game ha ha!

We did get into the pool briefly this afternoon… just so I could say I did! It was a chilly 19C or 66F… brrr.

We are still eating tomatoes and hope to have a few more before the week is out. I'm not sick of them yet! I've started the process of making focaccia for tomorrow's lunch with Jo Ellen and Don. Although the tomatoes are so good we could probably just have plain white bread!

Carm cut down a giant tree in the backyard that has been throwing lots of shade on the pool and lower deck. It's really opened up the view from the deck and will maybe stretch out the season a bit by letting the sun warm up the water. It was a tremendous amount of work which is still ongoing, although I think he got the last of the wood split and stacked this afternoon. Unfortunately there are a few more that have to be cut down… the darn Manitoba Maples are a pita, seeming to sprout out of nothing into suddenly huge trees that are a challenge to deal with.

Last Saturday most of the family got together for lunch at Mom and Dad's. We were missing a few people but it was still a crowd. Carm was off to his 'friendly golf league' banquet so missed out on some of the fun… he didn't get home until quite late which upset Lupa tremendously… I had to stick her in her crate to calm her down. We know who's dog she is 😉 

The weather has been warm and sunny so far this fall but we are in desperate need of rain. The earth is cracked and dry, even in the area below the house that is usually a bit wet. It's crazy but I guess the whole world is crazy right now… weather and other…

Awesome!

"beautiful fall weather"

"feeling awesome at 63"

i would walk 600 miles

I would walk 500 miles and I would walk 500 hundred more - do you recognize the song by the Proclaimers? I'll do my own version, substituting 500 miles with 600 miles as that's how far I've walked on the treadmill so far this year! I've done some calculations (I made a spreadsheet!) and would have to walk almost 4 miles a day from now until the end of December to make it to an even 1000 miles… I don't think that's achievable but I'm on a mission to see how close I can get! I love a challenge and goals get me up in the morning!

Yesterday was Pat's birthday so we took her out for supper to the local restaurant in the village and then we came back here for cake and bubbles… and a few more episodes of the show she and Carm are watching together (a bit too much violence for me so I just watch out of the corner of my eye while Doom Scrolling FB).

The days have been zooming by… it seems impossible that we are already ⅓ of the way through September… pool use has gone way down but we were both in for a few nanoseconds this afternoon after cutting down a tree. We were hot and sweaty and the crystal clear waters beconned… thankfully no iceburgs but it was a chilly 17.5C/65F! Yikes! That is really my limit.

The harvest from the garden has pretty much slowed down… there's still all the butternut squash to harvest, a few more tomatoes, and we haven't had zucchini for ages. I still have 2 on the counter waiting to be turned into ribbons for a salad or chopped to be roasted. Last week I made 3 chocolate zucchini cakes for the freezer as well as a few bags of roasted zucchini… the freezer is filled to the brim, and that's after a giant garbage bag of ancient food was tossed. I've got lots of tomato sauce, a bit of roasted zucchini, some cakes, and hopefully some zucchini that can be transformed into scarpaccia on a cold winter day.

I had a few days on my own at the villetta last week for a 'girls' night. Kirsten and I walked a few times a day, I did a long overdue deep clean of the trailer, we played tennis with Nissa. And by that I mean I tried to hit the ball in the general direction of the other person… it was a big excitement to even hit the ball let alone get it over the net!

Last Friday we drove down to the St. Lawrence past some of our old camping stomping grounds. Lots of fun memories! I think we'll plan a few trips back this fall, with the dogs as there are some nice walks along the parkway. We had lunch at a (new to us) bakery in one of the villages. I had a Thai peanut chicken wrap which was delicious. Carm had an equally good Philly cheese steak sandwich. We finished off with butter tarts… our first ones this year. It brought back fond memories of 'buttertart' summers camping at Presquille. Oh so many buttertarts!

We've had some rain but the ground is still dry and cracked in some areas.

Today I'm actually cooking food! There's a soup in the instant pot with the last of 2024 butternut squash (yes!), mushrooms, kale, romano beans, etc… We've had lots of tomato sandwiches over the last few weeks which has been a great vacation from cooking!

Awesome!

"heaps of tomatoes in the freezer"

"birthday cake"

"spending time in the villetta"

"feeling confident driving to Kirsten's and back - I've come a long way with my confidence in the last two years!"

"no cooking for weeks"

the start of better days

Let's give this another chance… I wrote a few paragraphs a week ago but haven't had the mental accum to write any more since… my brain is still not working at full capacity though!

Sunday, Aug 24th…

Well, it's been over one and a half weeks since I last took up the logical pen… It turns out that my immune system was not working well and I ended up with an infection which brought me to my knees for a few days before I finally called the doctor… he took care of the problem and then prescribed 5 days of antibiotics…

I've always been a bit sensitive to medications and this antibiotic was no different as it caused days and days of fatigue and nausea… some of the days I barely moved around the house but gradually I was able to start getting busier. By late last week I was almost back to normal - just in time as there were heaps of tomatoes and zucchini to process and preserve.

Our harvest has been on and off again… the brutal heat of July and the first half (or more) of August slowed down the garden, but with a few cooler days lately it seems to be flourishing… that is, if we can keep enough water on it. It's been a long drought and no relief in sight yet 😞 

I had my last appointment with the radiation oncologist last week - hurrah… now I'll just have regular checkups with my family doctor and annual mammograms. Meanwhile, I'll keep up with a mostly healthy lifestyle and keep my fingers crossed that stopping tamoxifen was the right decision!

Thursday we had Pat over for supper and a tv watching night, then Friday we packed up and went to the villetta for the weekend. 

Carm and I decided Saturday was a perfect day for a drive and lunch out so we headed over to Chaffey's Lock for lunch at the Opionicon, a grand old resort from time past. Sadly, they closed all the accommodations 10 years ago, but 3 restaurants remained on site. We lucked in with a table on the porch overlooking the grounds (sadly not the water though)... I had arancini which are fried balls of rice and mushrooms, an Italian street dish, while Carm continued his quest for the best club sandwich in Eastern Ontario. We took back roads that wound through the wilds of the Rideau Lakes. I would have loved to have been on my motorcycle (oh so many years ago)!

—--------------

And wait! This was yesterday…

so that was 5 days ago and not much has improved. Monday I thought I was getting better so did a bit of resistance exercise and then a walk… well, that wasn't such a great idea as I was still struggling with nausea and fatigue but I thought maybe I could force myself to get better! Alas, it didn't work out that way and I just ended up still struggling…

I also thought it would be a good idea to cut out my sleep aid for a few nights to see if that would make a difference, but then I was just exhausted from lack of sleep and constant hot flashes!

And then, just because my body wasn't assaulted enough, we had our first twinrx vaccination on Tuesday… cue more fatigue and nausea. 

I can't say I'm much better today except I will tell myself that I'm feeling stronger every day and try to focus on the improvement! Goodness knows, I've probably been making it worse by whingeing about my woes ad nauseum!

We did get a day of rain yesterday! Thirty six mm of rain was enough to soak the ground but probably not enough to end the drought…

This morning I walked with June - logically that is! She lives in Basal, Switzerland but with a video chat as we walked it was almost like being in person :-)  It was fun to see more of her neighbourhood. And we managed to chat each other up instead of just complaining about our woes for the win! I did feel better and more energized after our chat - just goes to show how much our thoughts affect our bodies.

Wednesday was a horrific day for the dogs… first they had their teeth cleaned and then their nails clipped - I wonder how excited they will be for the next car ride!

Yesterday I made 3 more containers of pureed tomato sauce - my new method is to roughly chop the washed tomatoes until the instant pot is filled, then 10 minutes at high pressure and a natural release. I strain the liquid out, which at that point is basically tomato flavoured water (I'll call it juice). The rest, pulp and skins is whizzed with an immersion blender and voila! a simple sauce ready to be turned into anything. The only waste is the stem!

I also made Pat's recipe for chocolate zucchini cake - yum! I'll make a few more on the weekend so the freezer will have a cache of desserts.

Oh yes, Monday I also had a great visit with Christina :-) We drank heaps of tomato 'juice' while we enjoyed a cooler day on the deck. Alas, I believe the heat of summer is over and certainly the days of lazing around in the oppressive heat are over as well - boo hiss!

Today is going to be the start of better days… today is going to be the start of better days… today IS the start of better days…

Awesome!

"tomatoes every which way"

"heaps of zucchini, but somehow not enough"