Friday, October 20, 2017

the balance of colossal forces

It seems strange to see the orange and black wings of a Monarch in late October, but every stroll along the field is accompanied by the splendor of butterflies. Not as many as early September, but I still see a dozen or more every walk.

We spent yesterday at doctors appointments and shopping for new dress shirts for Carm. He’s lost 35lbs so far and last year’s suit shirt billows on him. We found one, a light blue with little dots, and he also scored a funky new tie and metrosexual socks. Formal night here we come!

Before diet on our last day in Rome:


Same shirt today:


Today we got at it and finished unloading the camper and even got it winterized. I hate to use that term, winter shouldn’t be in the vocabulary just yet. In fact it seems like we are far from the white stuff as it is 20C with bright sun. A lovely day for something so depressing. Carm even cut some grass.

Of course now there are heaps of stuff at the bottom of the basement stairs, and still the odd thing on the table upstairs… I have to remind myself to breathe or anxiety starts to ride up. Mantra: It will all get tidied and before you know it next spring will be here and I’ll be moving everything back to its summer home…

Marvellous!" he repeated, looking up at me.
"Look! The beauty--but that is nothing--look at the accuracy, the harmony. And so fragile! And so strong! And so exact!
This is Nature--the balance of colossal forces. Every star is so--and every blade of grass stands so--and the mighty Kosmos il perfect equilibrium produces--this.
This wonder; this masterpiece of Nature--the great artist.”
~Joseph Conrad

Wednesday, October 18, 2017

unloading: day 2

Bin after bin of stuff from the camper is threatening to overwhelm the house. Unused canned goods, pasta that we bought on sale, spices and sauces, dried beans and rice… and that’s just the food. Extra dishes, dog food and treats, dvds, books, clothes, bathroom stuff, cleaners, and anything else that might freeze or we might need over the winter still has to come in.

The 8’ harvest table in the great room is stacked and I wonder where it will all go. I feel anxious and depressed at the mess. Not to mention exhausted. I have to rest between trips.

At least the weather is nice! It is sunny with just a bit of wind. We could actually use the gale force winds of yesterday to keep away those darn Asian beetles. I can hear them bumping against the windows and some sneak into the camper each time I open the door.

Eventually the orange beetles put an end to my chore: too many were whooshing in each time I opened the door.

Now to figure out supper. I had a giant stack of pancakes for brunch so should stick with celery!

“I tend not to trust people who live in very tidy houses. I know that on the surface there is nothing wrong with a person being well-ordered and disciplined. Nothing, except that it leaves the impression of that person having lived in the confines of a stark institution which, although he or she has long since left, remains within.” ~Jack Dee

Tuesday, October 17, 2017

an icy wind tore at my face

An icy wind tore at my face bringing tears to my eyes. It raked across my hands turning them red and then purple. Bella and Kabira strained at their leashes, but Spike was in no hurry. We had to take the short and then the long loop, almost getting back to the camper before he did his business. My temper was frayed.

Back at the camper, the fireplace, electric heater AND furnace struggled to warm it up. I pulled a blanket over my shoulders and wished I could dunk myself in the hot coffee… thoughts of being home in a hot bath twined their way into my conscious. I checked the weather. Winds 30km gusting to 50km were forecast for the day. Yuck. Cold I could handle, but wind as well? Not so much fun.

I turned to Carm, “should we go home today?”. It was one day early but suddenly being home seemed like a good idea. We pondered for a while, checked the weather again and made our decision: we’d cut our vacation short.

I just couldn’t bear the thought of all the in’s and out’s with the dogs, the wind battering me. The thought of a long walk with tall, creaky trees overhead did not appeal. Another cold walk in the morning just didn’t seem worth it. I suppose I am just worn out. I’ve been exhausted this whole trip but made myself carry on with everything, somehow dredging the strength from somewhere within... the maelstrom did me in.

So here I am, not so cosy at home. You see we turn the furnace off when we are away so the house is cold - nose running cold, Kabira shivering and getting her outfit on cold. The wind still wails.

And that hot bath? Well, eventually there was enough hot water made so that I could have a good soak.

Camping is over for the year and you might imagine that I’m crying about the onset of winter. But no. This year (as last year), we have a cruise in the Caribbean to look forward to, so I don’t feel despair or depression, not with just 43 days till the next adventure.

And now, my poor old woman, why are you crying so bitterly? It is autumn. The leaves are falling from the trees like burning tears- the wind howls. Why must you mimic them?”
~Mervyn Peake