and then there were two

And then there were two.

There are still moments when emotion overwhelms me but I can handle it. It doesn’t feel good per say, but normal and healthy. It doesn’t feel like the soul sapping tears of depression where I feel empty and lifeless, wishing for death. No, it feels like love. Tears whose root is happiness, not grey despair.

Last night after their supper Carm and I had a 20 minute outing. When we got back Spike was yipping at the door to go outside which is not like him at all. We let them out - he ran around for a minute before settling down. Later, in the house, he and Bella were not quite playing, but being excited with one another. Bella was having trouble breathing so we wanted her to lie down, but Spike wouldn’t settle. Finally I got on the futon with him and petted him for about 10 minutes till he finally drifted to sleep. It was very odd behaviour for both of them.

The three of them had been together for his whole life so it might be sinking in that she isn’t coming home.

“No truth can cure the sorrow we feel from losing a loved one. No truth, no sincerity, no strength, no kindness can cure that sorrow. All we can do is see it through to the end and learn something from it, but what we learn will be no help in facing the next sorrow that comes to us without warning.”

~Haruki Murakami