aunties and uncles

 It’s a rare minute that I can … (run Lupa outside for a pee and a long play on the paths)... even write a sentence before I have to jump up and interrupt play or chewing. Lupa is a maniac in the morning and Adia doesn’t help matters as she is desperate to play with her.

They are driving me crazy! There are times of the day that one or the other is crated to calm things down a bit.

(this time break up play, Carm took her outside, make more delicious treats with the hope that she’ll work for them… (she will)... more play broken up… more time in the crate…

The afternoons and evenings are much better with a puppy that resembles a dog and not a whirling dervish. She’s spending more time in the puppy pen without barking and actually stayed there for the whole lunch with Kirsten & Shawn. It will be a godsend.

She’s almost asleep. Nobody move!

Yes, Auntie Kirsten and Uncle Shawn came for lunch Saturday bringing little Velvet, the deepest black and most luxurious coated chihuahua that walked the earth. He was totally overwhelmed by Lupa but I think if he was in his own home he’d be more confident. Lupa was curious and after a few barks did try to initiate play - after they’d gotten used to looking at each other. It was an excellent training opportunity. Puppy class starts on Thursday - that will put her on her way to being more social with other dogs.

Thankfully she sleeps well through the night and if I take the dogs outside for a quick bathroom break early in the morning, she’ll go back to sleep for another hour or more. A bit of breakfast and then the demon is unleashed.

Overall though she’s turning into a good dog at least when she’s not all wound up.

So that was all yesterday and in the flurry of grey puppy fur I forgot to post! Today is warmer but not with the glorious sun of the past few days. I’ve moved the dog bed that was against the couch that Lupa uses to get up in the hopes that Adia (and I) get some peace. (it worked for less than 5 minutes till Adia got up to engage play :-(

Awesome!

“Lupa spending time in her pen without barking and yipping”

“little dog running up and down the snowblown paths”

“sunny day”

“having family for lunch”

visit grandma and papa and auntie Kirsten

 Little Lupa met Grandma, Papa, and Auntie Kirsten today. Of course she was good as gold, sitting quietly in people’s laps or quietly chewing on her bully stick - no one believed she was the hellion that I claim she is. 

Once we were home that pent up puppy energy exploded, turning her into a buzz saw on legs. A cute buzz saw ;-) Then she picked up the big rope toy and started bouncing all over the place - cuteness on steroids. I wished I had my phone handy to get a little video.

I missed having my camera again after we gave Lupa one of her new toys. It’s a 2+ foot long length of firehose with squeakies sewn in. Both dogs wanted it and with Adia at one end and Lupa at the other, they tugged and played until I took the toy away in the fear that Adia was going to over chew it. Oh gosh we laughed though!

She has brought a bit of joyful busyness into our house :-)

Not only did she meet her new relatives, she also had her first visit to PetSmart. I kept her in my arms for most of it but did put her down a few times when there were no dogs nearby. We want her to meet new dogs but I think we have to take it slowly in a controlled manner.

Her colour has been changing by the day with more grey peeking through the black or maybe the black puppy fur is shedding to expose the grey beneath. If I could freeze frame her coat I’d likely do it now.

She ran up to the gate today :-(

Awesome!

“a good visit at Mom & Dad’s”

“beautiful sunshine”

“people gushing over Lupa at PetSmart”

making friends

 

At 14 weeks Lupa is 8.8lbs. A growing puppy. She’s zooming around outside, her little legs a blur as she whirls around the laneway. She’s settling in and making our home hers. 

Lupa got on the loveseat twice by herself to sit beside Adia!

Awesome!

“puppy sleeping for part of a virtual visit”

tenderness evoked

 Thank goodness for the passage of time and how quickly puppies change and adapt. Today has been a lot easier with the holy terror - the combination of hot sauce, a water bottle, and the puppy pen has redirected Lupa’s chewing from the everything that’s not to be chewed to proper toys. 

Last night she finally wound down at supper time, laying between us on the sofa as we chowed down on ribs. Spike used to lie in the crook of my legs while I balanced a plate of food on my lap but Lupa didn’t have quite the same challenge as our coffee table lifts up into table height - the ultimate in middle age comfort!

Carm snowblowed a path to the barn and since it’s warmer we’ve been able to get Lupa outside a bit longer. She runs around like a maniac up and down the path and laneway. She’s developed a curiosity for more than the immediately accessible, possibly because I trimmed some of the hair around her eyes. Yes! She has eyes. I’m used to smooth coated breeds (even the poodles were kept sleek) and am having trouble getting used to the scruffy look. I’m fighting my immediate instinct to shave her face. Carm thinks she’s the cutest puppy that walks the earth 😍 and loves her unkempt look.

Adia continues to be a good big sister. They were snuffling each other's ears and then Lupa lay between Adia’s front legs for about 30 seconds. It may not seem like a long time but it was a step in the right direction. I think that once Lupa is a bit bigger and able to play with Adia more safely that they will be great friends.

Awesome!

“sunshine on a warmer day - minus 10!”

“puppy zoomies”

“garlicky chicken shawarma”

“puppy sleeping in a sun spot”

“One of the greatest gifts we receive from dogs is the tenderness they evoke in us. The disappointments of life, the injustices, the battering events that are beyond our control, and the betrayals we endure, from those we befriended and loved, can make us cynical and turn our hearts into flint – on which only the matches of anger and bitterness can be struck into flame. By their delight in being with us, the reliable sunniness of their disposition, the joy they bring to playtime, the curiosity with which they embrace each new experience, dogs can melt cynicism,and sweeten the bitter heart.”

― Dean Koontz

tracks of my tears

 The old poem ‘when she was good she was very very good, but when she was bad she was horrid’ comes to mind often throughout the day. Lupa turned into a little terror last night, possibly all wound up from lack of sleep. Nothing would distract her from digging in her bed or trying to chew it to bits. 

In retrospect I should have popped her into the puppy pen but since she’s not acclimatised to being locked away from us it was probably for the best. Today I put her in for a few short periods with me getting farther and farther away. She’s there now quietly chewing on a toy. I did have to remove the little carpet but in fairness the frayed edges do look like a rope toy.

Sometimes it pays off to be a bit of a hoarder! I lost out on having towels available for dog beds as I’d given them all away, but I didn’t give away the giant pack of puppy sized bully sticks. That’ll surely help when I’m desperate.

That’s the bad… now for the good. She’s getting pretty good at sitting and is doing a decent job of down if I’m low to the ground. She’s also learning to ‘touch’ my hand with her nose. I’ll be able to direct all sorts of behaviour with this skill :-)  She learns quickly. Adia hangs around and participates as much as she can - the treats are so tiny that they disappear in her mouth but she doesn’t seem to mind. It is extra hard for Lupa to learn with another dog getting treats and taking my attention (and hard for the trainer too!) but she’s (mostly/sometimes) able to focus.

She’s become more food motivated which will make so many things easier.

Sitting here in the quiet, little dog asleep beside me while I look out the window, I am suddenly, without warning, overcome by the grief of missing Spike. (If you look closer, it's easy to trace

The tracks of my tears - Smokey Robinson). I know that it will ease with time but I thought (hoped) that I’d be distracted enough by Lupa to avoid the feelings of immense loss.

Awesome!

“Lupa going to the front door when she needed to go outside”

“a puppy that pees as soon as she hits what will be the grass - no poking around looking for trouble”

“Thorns may hurt you, men desert you, sunlight turn to fog;

but you're never friendless ever, if you have a dog.”

― Douglas Malloch

puppydemonium

 For 5 weeks our house looked like it wasn’t taken over by dogs, but now crates, dog pens, and toys are strewn everywhere. And the mess is making me happy :-)

Pat came for a little visit this afternoon, at start to socialization.

Little Lupa is starting to explore the house, leaving my side for more than a second or two. Chasing a toy is fun and so is chewing everything in sight. I thought we might need more toys but a dig through Spike’s old toy chest revealed a few more rope toys plus she’s taken over Adia’s old benebone with the pre-chewed ends for serious gnawing. She’s starting to seek out her own toys but I did have to put a box over the corner of the carpet..

Sitting is coming along well so we started with down today. I wanted to work on eye contact too but I can’t see her eyes with all the hair on her face. I ordered a few grooming tools to help tame the crazy hair. My aim is to hand strip her but we shall see - I’ll be studying youtube to learn technique.

Her barking is a bit over the top but it seems to be more at new things so I have some hope that there will be peace and quiet in our house again if we are diligent at conditioning her.

she does lie down sometimes!

It was minus 35C this morning and warmed up to -13C (balmy) with a strong sun. Even though we are in the depth of winter the sun seems stronger than it did a month ago. Still too cold to spend much time outside but Lupa did get to try on her new sweater. It took her a minute to get used to it but was distracted by Adia so she forgot about it quickly.

Awesome!

“sleeping till 7:30am”

“minus 35C this morning was a reminder of how comfortable and warm our house is”

“having a long bubble bath with Lupa sleeping beside the tub - it was carefully timed for a sleepy period”

“Lupa running to the front hall when I asked the dogs if they wanted to go outside”

“In his grief over the loss of a dog, a little boy stands for the first time on tiptoe, peering into the rueful morrow of manhood. After this most inconsolable of sorrows there is nothing life can do to him that he will not be able somehow to bear.”

― James Thurber

learning to sit

 Learning SIT

Play time

first full day

 I did say I wanted a puppy, right? And I did say that I wanted to spend less time sitting on the sofa. I got my wish on both.

The first night was not nearly as traumatic as it could have been. She was out at 9pm for a pee then into her crate until 7am. She did bark the first time each of us got up in the middle of the night but didn’t on subsequent trips to the loo. She might have slept longer but Carm got up so I whisked her outside where she peed immediately. Her little puppy bladder was full! Crisis averted! Breakfast then time to go out again only we didn’t get out quickly enough for the little poo. We did better the rest of the day.

In the morning she had a bath and a blowdry which she took like a trooper, then some play and a nap. By the time Carm got back from his errand she was dry and ready for a car ride. The pet store visit went well until another dog came in. She immediately started barking and growling :-( I’m not sure if she’s scared or territorial… we need to do some serious work here and may call in an expert to get this sorted asap. As soon as she’s a bit more food oriented I’ll go through the process that I did with Spike. I don’t recall signing up for this again…

Lupa - she-wolf… aptly named Laura, aptly named.

She’s learning how to take a treat and also to sit with both a hand signal and a verbal que! She’s getting good at recognizing her name.

She chases Adia up and down the laneway, running as hard as she can to try to catch Adia. Adia gives her a wide berth but seems to enjoy the game. With so much snow Lupa is confined to the snowblown areas which might be a good thing at this point. Luckily the laneway is long and wide.

I should mention that it was -20C last night and got as ‘warm’ as -18C today. Very cold for little puppy paws.

So far she plays with her toys or naps when I’m at the sofa and has started to run ahead of me to where I sit. She has a blanket on the sofa that we’ll lift her onto if she’s quiet and sleepy - otherwise it's a baby shark going crazy on our laps. She’s very affectionate and people oriented which of course is lovely.

She makes us laugh (through the occasional tear).

We are having lots of fun although there are a few frustrations. I hope she learns to be less reactive and that maybe it’s because she’s new to us (fingers crossed).

 

We have a new appreciation for Adia as it is clear that she’s grown to be a wonderful dog.

Awesome!

“bright sunny day”

“Lupa doing a reasonable ‘sit’ for the lady in the pet store”

“she’s starting to know her name”

“Lupa running around with the purple toy”

“Adia running on the laneway and giving a wide berth to Lupa”

“In his grief over the loss of a dog, a little boy stands for the first time on tiptoe, peering into the rueful morrow of manhood. After this most inconsolable of sorrows there is nothing life can do to him that he will not be able somehow to bear.”

― James Thurber

meet Lupa

 I hinted that today was going to be a special day and it is :-) Those of you who know me well already guessed it was a puppy :-) Lupa (Italian for she-wolf) is a 13 week old miniature schnauzer. She’s scruffy and spunky and cute as a button.

We picked her up at noon, braving freezing rain and snow - a new puppy is about the only thing that will get me out in this weather! She sat on my lap for the drive home, barely wiggling, only looking out the window. She was brave with no cringing or fear even though we’d just ripped her away from everything that she knows. Poor wee thing!

Meeting Adia was a bit hair raising through no fault of Adia’s. Carm took Lupa into the little puppy pen that we have set up in the living room and then I released the Kraken. Lupa barked and growled - Adia backed off and was clearly afraid. Once Lupa quieted down a bit we set her free - there has been the odd bark and growl - she seems like she’ll be territorial… but I think she’s getting used to Adia. They aren’t friends by any means but I think that will happen quickly.

I should mention again that Adia is being the best she can be, which today is awesome :-)

Socialising with other dogs is a big MUST.

She figured out how to use Spike’s old small dog bed as a step to get onto the dog’s loveseat. It took her about a minute to work it out. I was worried about getting a not so bright dog, instead we got one that’s too smart for us 🤪

Honestly, I wasn’t sure if we were ready for a new dog but we’ve both been in the doldrums since Spike left us so we had to do something. My big fear this time of year is the black dog and with losing Spike on top of covid and winter I had to pull out the ‘what to do if feeling depressed’ book and flip to the most extreme actions!

Awesome!

“our Subaru driven by my honey”

“getting home safely”

“Lupa being a brave little puppy”

“puppy settling into her crate for a nap”

“puppy at my feet”

“Adia being an excellent dog”

“We might miss the sign or we may be unable to read the expression, but it is almost a contradiction in terms to say that a dog feels something but does not show it. What a dog feels, a dog shows, and, conversely, what a dog shows, a dog actually does feel.”

― Jeffrey Moussaieff Masson

snowy

 This morning the sun sparkled on the drifts of snow that were dropped on us yesterday. About 30+ cm of snow fell to create a winter wonderland - snow shoes will be dug out tomorrow or the next day. While the storm raged on yesterday Carm snowblowed while I shovelled the deck - we re-enacted the activity today.

The roads were still snow covered when we headed out to our appointment in a village 25 minutes away. And just what were we doing… well… tomorrow will tell the story. 

Tonight Pat came over for supper (an easy tomato soup from the roasted tomatoes we cooked last fall). It’s cold out so Carm warmed us up with the wood stove. So toasty!

Awesome!

“our Subaru driven by my honey”

“puppy kisses and sharp teeth”

“blustery day with nowhere to go”

“No one can give anyone else the gift of the idyll; only an animal can do so, because only animals were not expelled from Paradise. The love between dog and man is idyllic. It knows no conflicts, no hair-raising scenes; it knows no development.”

― Milan Kundera

the wilderness

 It’s that time of year… the doldrums. Each day melds into the next with nary a game of golf or swim in the pool to distract. My motivation is at an all time low so we aren’t doing anything energetic. We need to get involved in a project or activity to get us through the worst of this winter. Tomorrow’s project will be shovelling a sh?& ton of snow that is bearing down on us!

We did have a bit of excitement on Friday… there was a 6 month old little dog for sale that had us wondering. We set up a meeting at PetSmart (a fine neutral venue) where we met the little creature. She was totally adorable but good sense prevailed as it was clear that she was too tiny and too fragile for a home with a whirling dervish… errrr… Rhodesian Ridgeback! But! We’ve started the process and will keep in mind the multiple ‘wants’ and ‘must haves’. I think I’m going to have to prioritise as I’m not seeing a breed that fits the bill. I need to do some GMOing on dog genes.

Sunday we had Jo Ellen and Don over for a mid-day dinner of pasta with homemade tomato sauce and meatballs. It was good (no, it was imperative) to have company today. We hadn't seen them since before Spike left us… Jo Ellen was one of his favourite people, perhaps remembering the sunspot in her office during his working days. Miraculously I didn’t cry although I was pretty close a few times.

J&D had their little poodle, Romy, with them so Adia got to practice some time in her crate while we ate, and then we did some proximity training. Romy doesn’t like other dogs but was starting to relax - it wasn’t time to let them get together, but I think it won’t be long before they can ignore each other. Adia surprised me with her focus and self control. She’s really grown since the pandemic started!

After they left we watched ‘Riverdance’, the animated one that just came out on Netflix. It was fun with tons of Irish step dancing. I love step dancing and follow two of the members of the live version (the Gardiner brothers) for a fix every now and again. I was proud of my little brother Olaf who got billing as Director of Photography for layout.

Awesome!

“walking into PetSmart for the first time in 2 years.”

“bright sun on a freezing day”

“good weather and roads for our trip to see the puppy”

“Adia walking past Romy without straining to see her”

“But I want to extol not the sweetness nor the placidity of the dog, but the wilderness out of which he cannot step entirely, and from which we benefit. For wilderness is our first home too, and in our wild ride into modernity with all its concerns and problems we need also all the good attachments to that origin that we can keep or restore. Dog is one of the messengers of that rich and still magical first world. The dog would remind us of the pleasures of the body with its graceful physicality, and the acuity and rapture of the senses, and the beauty of forest and ocean and rain and our own breath. There is not a dog that romps and runs but we learn from him.

The other dog—the one that all its life walks leashed and obedient down the sidewalk—is what a chair is to a tree. It is a possession only, the ornament of a human life. Such dogs can remind us of nothing large or noble or mysterious or lost. They cannot make us sweeter or more kind.

Only unleashed dogs can do that. They are a kind of poetry themselves when they are devoted not only to us but to the wet night, to the moon and the rabbit-smell in the grass and their own bodies leaping forward.”

― Mary Oliver, Dog Songs

I always get the thrill of the wild when the dogs are racing around or tracking some wild thing. There is nothing as joyful as a dog running.

shivering in the park

 The days are marching on, slowly but surely. It’s the worst part of the year made worse by missing Spike, but I’m not going to focus on that, or at least try not to. Omicron is raging so we aren’t getting out much although we did have Pat over for supper the other night - she’s a pretty safe risk.

I’ve actually started surfing the internet for dogs which is a step in the right direction, (I couldn’t even think about that until Sunday afternoon). It’s a good sign I think! It seems too soon in some ways but a new puppy or young dog would give a focus and distraction to our sadness and maybe bring a spark of joy back into our lives.

The weather has been a yo-yo - plus 2C one day, followed by a day of -25C. Yikes!

This afternoon we braved the cold again for a second trip to the dog park. Adia was mildly freaked out and totally not interested in the other dogs. She took refuge with people when she had a chance. It would be nice to see her have some fun but I was also happy to see her trust in people.

Awesome!

“Adia getting into a good ‘business’ schedule and sleeping in”

“rice cooked with sun-dried tomato, basil, olives”

“leftover rice for breakfast”

“getting up and Carm’s already been there and back from Costco and everything was put away”

“We are meaning-seeking creatures. Dogs, as far as we know, do not agonise about the canine condition, worry about the plight of dogs in other parts of the world, or try to see their lives from a different perspective. But human beings fall easily into despair, and from the very beginning we invented stories that enabled us to place our lives in a larger setting, that revealed an underlying pattern, and gave us a sense that, against all the depressing and chaotic evidence to the contrary, life had meaning and value”

― Karen Armstrong

comfort food

 The sewing machine cart rattled and squealed as my nemesis was rolled into the living room. Doom and gloom already cast the room in semi-darkness and now I had to mend the cover for the bedroom dog bed. Oh boy. The rip was almost a foot long and with the fabric so weak there’d be no sewing it up. 

Luckily the little quilt shop in the village had some double sided interfacing that did the trick. Using that and some old pants, we made a huge patch of sorts. It’s ugly now with a moss green patch in the middle of it’s brown countenance but Carm’s old work pants are the only thing I had laying around. Maybe I should have looked harder for some scraps of the original material, but today I did well just to get the darn thing patched (with Carm’s help).

What bugs me somewhat is that it was a beautiful cover with piping but was always covered with some fleece that was easier to wash. Well, I guess the ugly patch will be covered - always a silver lining.

I was feeling under the weather today so I didn't do much other than surf the sofa. I’m not counting the 3 loads of laundry cause Carm had a bigger hand in that than I did. But I wanted comfort food. A conversation with Kirsten highlighted several options but I ended up with chips and a coke - good choices for a stomach upset? Maybe not! I might end up with late night french toast, but we shall see.

Today marked 1 month since we said good-bye to Spike. Maybe that’s part of why I felt sick.

Awesome!

“the crunch of snow under my boots”

“finishing mending the dog bed with no sewing machine fubars”

“Love, love, love, says Percy.

And hurry as fast as you can

along the shining beach, or the rubble, or the dust.

Then, go to sleep.

Give up your body heat, your beating heart.

Then, trust.”

― Mary Oliver

pride and enthusiasm

 The flurry of snow falling from the sky yesterday almost kept us home (I’m a big chicken with winter driving), but I knew I needed to get out so we got in the car. As it turned out, the roads were fine and the sun came out! 

We had to go to Winchester to get some Moonshine for making an infusion, then we stopped at the grocery store for a few random items. Not an exciting outing at all, but a change of scenery none-the-less.

I made a veggie driven minestrone this afternoon and of course made enough for 8 or more servings! I guess we’ll be eating soup for a while (and thank goodness for freezer space!).

Awesome!

“crisp bright air”

“watching Grace chow down on a giant plate of food”

“People seem able to love their dogs with an unabashed acceptance that they rarely demonstrate with family or friends. The dogs do not disappoint them, or if they do, the owners manage to forget about it quickly. I want to learn to love people like this, the way I love my dog, with pride and enthusiasm and a complete amnesia for faults. In short, to love others the way my dog loves me.”

― Ann Patchett

beauty in the hard honesty

 I could go back over the post that I wrote yesterday but forgot to post, but no, I’ll just tag it at the end. We did have snippets of sun today which was pleasurable and it’s not very cold out. I was out with Adia for a while, trying to get her to burn off some energy but there were footprints in the snow that looked surprisingly like Spike’s, as well as some smaller prints that looked like they belonged to a cat, so she snuffled around with her nose in the snow for ages. There must be something left that she can smell.

I made it onto the treadmill for the third day in a row… hardly a huge accomplishment but these days anything is a win.

Carbonara was on the menu for tonight… I was so looking forward to the garlicy, creamy pasta... I forgot the garlic and salt. Damn.

Wednesday:

The clouds obliterated the sun again today and cold air kept the snow crisp. Adia’s outings were a bit shorter but she did take time to dig up a couple of apples. I have no idea how she eats frozen solid fruit. I wonder if it’s cleaning her teeth?

The sun wasn’t to be seen but somehow I managed to let a little sunshine into my heart. Talking about my thoughts and fears Monday helped to clarify things in my mind and helped me to formulate a bit of a plan. Well, it’s not much of a plan but a start. Carm and I are both having trouble moving past grief - maybe that’s just the way it should be, or will be. 

But today was a bit better.

We had a virtual party tonight to celebrate Stephanie’s birthday. In the days before Covid and our discovery of video calls, we would have had a quick phone call and that would be it. But now we get together virtually to celebrate birthdays and every other event we can use as an excuse to gather.

As I sat on the sofa reading something on my phone, Adia started crying and jumping at me. She’d been outside but was maybe trying to get me outside again… or… could she have been wanting me to sit on the loveseat so she could cuddle with me? I had barely settled into my seat when she jumped up to snuggle against my legs. 

I wish I’d gotten a haircut before restrictions were implemented again.

Awesome!

“feeling a little better”

“getting on the treadmill again”

“virtual parties”

“purple and sequins”

“perfect footprints in the snow”

“Dogs' lives are short, too short, but you know that going in. You know the pain is coming, you're going to lose a dog, and there's going to be great anguish, so you live fully in the moment with her, never fail to share her joy or delight in her innocence, because you can't support the illusion that a dog can be your lifelong companion. There's such beauty in the hard honesty of that, in accepting and giving love while always aware that it comes with an unbearable price. Maybe loving dogs is a way we do penance for all the other illusions we allow ourselves and the mistakes we make because of those illusions.”

― Dean Koontz

all the other illusions

 Glorious sunshine lit an impossibly blue sky today and departed leaving an orange stain on the horizon before darkness fell. It seemed that the day was a smidgen longer but that might have been my (forced) optimism.

I think my bipolar brain has gotten stuck in grief and denial. My meds protect against this aberrant behaviour but they aren’t a match for these stronger emotions. I’m not sure how to nudge my brain into acting like a normal person… perhaps upping some meds or maybe just riding it out. I’m scared that riding it out might just give my brain enough time to get sick again, but I’m reluctant to increase my official meds as the side effects are miserable.

Touch wood… Adia didn’t destroy anything today.

I did get onto the treadmill today for a few minutes which I count as a huge win :-) And we are having real food for supper!

New restrictions announced today… gatherings limited to 5. Omicron is ripping through the population causing an increased stress on the hospitals… again.

Awesome!

“outside in the glorious sun”

“watching a tv show on my tablet while walking on the treadmill”

“my amazing new headphones - they are the jam!”

“Dogs lives are short, too short, but you know that going in. You know the pain is coming, you're going to lose a dog, and there's going to be great anguish, so you live fully in the moment with her, never fail to share her joy or delight in her innocence, because you can't support the illusion that a dog can be your lifelong companion. There's such beauty in the hard honesty of that, in accepting and giving love while always aware that it comes with an unbearable price. Maybe loving dogs is a way we do penance for all the other illusions we allow ourselves and the mistakes we make because of those illusions.”

― Dean Koontz