WYL #24 Golden Years

The poster sized calendar hung prominently on my drab office wall, black X's blocking off all but the remaining working days. On my computer a 'days to go' message flashed every morning. No one needed to ask if I was looking forward to retirement.

I did feel some angst about leaving - this had been my life for almost 30 years, so much of myself was wrapped up in the computer systems and data in them. My core beliefs about managing data were mirrored in the work that I had done and there was no one that cared as passionately about the job than me. In some ways it felt like I was leaving a loved one. On the other hand, I couldn't leave soon enough. Thirty years of struggling to get people to do the right thing had taken its toll. It was time.

It was the day after Christmas and you could have fired a cannon down the halls. I wasn't keen on a public tearful goodbye and had chosen the day carefully. That morning I ran around from place to place getting sign offs and handing in equipment. Each stop felt surreal - I didn't believe it was finally happening, surely someone was going to jump out to say it was all a joke. Finally, a quiet lunch with my boss and I was out of there, carrying the last of my possessions in a box. Walking down the hallway to the elevator, my feelings swung between euphoria and a sadness at seeing that part of my life end. I'd been there for almost 30 years and overall it had been good. At the end of the hall I turned around to look back, thinking that if I never saw those drab beige walls again I would be happy.

The pleasures of a life not dictated by frustrated clients and broken software weren't long in coming. Waking up when I woke up was nirvana. No more 5am alarm clock to brashly start my day. Drab beige walls were replaced by windows bright with winter sun. Snow storms were enjoyed from the comfort of my sofa, with a hot beverage in hand, and a fire roaring in the fireplace, and not on icy roads in rush hour traffic. I wasn't frazzled.

Like a road untravelled, the future lay before me. I could do anything I wanted or nothing at all. I did both.  I had started a blog the month before retiring and this was one of my new daily activities. It was hard work at first, and a good substitute to all those hours at the office. I may have retired from my job, but I was still addicted to my computer, only now I was doing what I wanted!

Summer arrived with new pleasures. We had purchased our camper a few years earlier, but now it no longer sat lonely in the laneway week after week, instead we dragged it around from place to place, enjoying new scenery, enjoying our freedom.

As the months wore on I started to feel a need for a new goal, something that would engage my mind and imagination. Crafts aren't my thing (although I wish they were) and camping can only take up so much time. I have my blog, but it is limited in scope. My new hobby became improving our health and fitness. I spent hours on the internet looking for vegan recipes, and even more time at the kitchen chopping board.

Now and again I look back with regret at dreams that had to be given up, ones that would have come to fruition in my retirement years, but I only allow myself a few moments of reflection, before turning my thoughts back to what might be, instead of what can no longer be. The possibilities are endless.

~

We too can begin a new life, one that brings satisfaction and enrichment, whether this is by singing, dancing, running through the waves, walking barefoot on the grass or making love under the stars. Perhaps your dreams are greater than this, or perhaps more conservative, but whatever they are, Beltane is a wonderful time for expressing who you truly are. ~ Carole Carlton

Who?

Our big exciting Saturday night had us cuddled up on the couch watching the final show from last season of Dr. Who. Carm had rummaged through the pvr and by a stroke of good luck it was there. As the music started, for a moment I was whisked away to our house in Kanata. I was in my late teens, and my little brothers would have just finished watching some silly children's program (all I can remember is that there was a forest). Cue the Dr. Who music… I would only watch if I was supremely bored, it was so hokey and silly. Fast forward to now - no longer hokey, and some pretty good stories (including the horrifying Stone Angels).

Since we were primed for meeting the new Doctor, we viewed the first episode this evening. It will take a while to get used to the new doctor, but I think I'm going to like him.

The fitbit has encouraged me to get out walking a bit more, although maybe it just got me out the first time, and after that I've rediscovered the peace and feeling of wellbeing that I get as I walk down my trail.

Sunday night Jo Ellen and Don came for supper - after our conversation about influential people, we got on the internet to look up our mentor's phone number - we were going to "drunk dial" him (not drunk, but you know what I mean). I'm sure I don't have to tell you that we were very disappointed when there was no answer! How would you feel if someone that worked for you called out of the blue to say what a good influence you had been? I think it would be okay, although surprising.

The late night left me craving bacon and eggs, so we drove into the village for a treat. It reminded me of those first years at work - we'd go down to the basement of our office tower to Hemingways for coffee every morning. Some would just have coffee, a few would have toast, and the rest of us would have the bacon and eggs. It was cheap, and I didn't have much money - for just a couple of bucks I'd have a meal that would last me past lunch - but boy, it sure wasn't a healthy way to eat every day. After all those hundreds of plates you would think I'd be sick of it - but no!

Milestone worth remembering (for me!): septic tank pumped out today. It should be good until 2024 - WTF!!! 2024! What an impossible date.

I managed to snag a bit more time on the swing. Dried leaves fell down on me as if the trees were weeping brown tears, lamenting the disappearance of the sun. The earth is slowly going to sleep - if I stare and let my mind go almost blank I can feel the trees around me storing their life force into their roots, readying themselves to come to life next spring.

Yup. And I always will be. But times change, and so must I... we all change. When you think about it, we are all different people, all through our lives and that's okay, that's good! You've gotta keep moving, so long as you remember all the people that you used to be. I will not forget one line of this, not one day. I swear. I will always remember when the Doctor was me. ~Dr. Who (Matt Smith, just before he changes)

How full of light and color

The road into the city was bordered with trees cloaked in splendid attire. Red was the predominant colour and the leaves glowed as if lit from within. I was intoxicated with the display. Of course I had not brought my camera, and am unlikely to get the light at just that perfect angle again.

We were making a special trip to the city for two reasons: 1) I was getting a fitbit; and 2) we were going to have Vietnamese noodles for supper!

The noodles were scrumptious as always - I've tried to analyse the flavouring so that I could duplicate it at home, but have never even come close. Drat cause I'd make it all the time - it is my favourite meal.

I'm wearing the fitbit now - the idea is to wear it 24/7 (hummm… I'm having thoughts of George Orwell - maybe this is a plot to get us used to wearing some permanent tracking device - we know where you are) - it fits lightly around my wrist and I can hardly feel that I'm wearing it. It is a huge black slash on my arm though! I'm HOPING that by tracking my steps I'll get just a bit more active. Has it helped today? Perhaps - I did make it around the field twice, and did a tiny bit of yard work.

Sleep patterns can also be tracked. With a few taps you tell it that you are going to bed and it records your movement to deduce if you are awake/asleep, and if your sleep is calm or fitful. Last night I just slept 7 hours, I was up out of bed a few times (I tend to get up and wander around), and I had a fitful sleep. How useful is this data? A trend might help me decide if I need extra meds. We shall see…

A dark shadow quickly passed over me and I looked up to see a Red-tailed Hawk circling overhead. It was flying low enough for me to make out its reddish tail and soft white underside. It circled me a few times before moving off to more fruitful hunting grounds.

I hadn't been out in the field since the hay was cut in July - clover and other grasses have grown knee high, making it tough to traverse. I'll wear my big, green, winter farm boots and get busy walking. With those heavy boots it won’t take long to tramp down a path.

The dogs were ecstatic, running as best they could through the tangled grass. By the time we were done 1 circuit, Spike was dragging behind - he had to work much harder, and it was hot out.

I love the soft autumn colours although it is strange to see them during a hot summer day. Yup - today got up to 26C - a summer day. Warm enough to keep the nasty beetles flying about!

How beautiful the leaves grow old. How full of light and color are their last days. ~John Burroughs