tread some more

 A peaceful, easy feeling… I'm already standing on the ground, and seventy two hours after surgery I walked thirty five minutes on the treadmill - it was at a snail's pace but I did it! Stretching exercises are going well, still not lifting heavy things… 

Yesterday after my chat with Kirsten (I only walked around the room a bit), Carm and I headed to the village to pick up a few things. It was senior's day at the pet food place so we stocked up on food and biscuits, then dashed into the nursery for a few more flowers. After that we popped into the pharmacy for a zinc supplement. I've been tracking my food in an app for a few months and zinc is the only thing I'm having trouble getting enough of. Research shows that it is essential for speedy wound healing so I'll take a daily supplement to top up what I do get from food for a month or so.

Yesterday was also the day my dressing came off and I could take a shower! There was so much tape, but with Carm's help I got it off without ripping my skin - everything looks really good although with the swelling and bits missing my boob is a weird shape! 🫠 but with a bra on it will be hard to tell that there are any misshapen areas. There are no stitches - the wounds are taped together - it will stay on for another week or so. I wonder if the tape is better for scarring? We shall see. 

The weather has been sunny but a bit cool - perfect for chilling on the sofa and looking outside, with the occasional wander out to the yard to take the dogs out. Maybe in a day or two I'll want to sit outside, but for now I'm content to be cocooned in the house. 

FYI - when they tell you to eat lightly for the first few days after surgery it's because your digestive system shuts down… I made the mistake of eating a big pasta dinner last night - it was delicious but ouch!

Snippets of my life float into my consciousness, triggered by the music playing in the background as I read a book by Anne Pratchett about writing and I wonder how did I get to this point in my life and where am I going from here? I've been coasting for years, making up excuses for myself and using my mental health as a crutch for not doing anything meaningful. But maybe meaning is to be found in the mundane, day to day life activities? I don't feel inspired or motivated to do more and maybe that's okay.

I can see my life as a series of events that prepared me for each next challenge, helping me to take on what life would throw at me. Is it wrong to be content and not to feel a burning desire for something else? Sitting in my little corner of the room, nothing much changes except the trees growing outside the window. The sun and rain feed them, helping them to grow into better homes for the birds that nest in their boughs… what about me?

When I was in the OR, on the table waiting to be put under, someone asked me what I'd be doing if I wasn't there… I didn't have an answer. I said I'd maybe be gardening, but that's far from the truth - it would have been more accurate to say I'd be doing not much of anything! I tried to clarify that I enjoyed container gardening but it seemed lame… if I'd been thinking clearly I could have said that I enjoy making food out of what's been produced by Carm's hard work in the garden… but I guess what struck me is that I had no real answer.

For the next few months I'll focus on my health but will keep my mind open for other ideas. At the very least, I will be the best at just being… There is something to be said for contentment and a peaceful, easy feeling…

Awesome!

“sunny cool days”

“digestive system working again”

“resting in bed with quiet music”

“shady tree outside the bedroom window”

“tapering down meds already”

“getting the date for my followup appointment”

“a shower!”

only a smurf for a day

 Well! I am feeling great today :-) It was as I expected before I had the pre-op meeting which scared me into thinking I would be decrepit and barely able to do anything - I can’t lift more than a pound or two, but have almost full range of motion and the pain is easily managed with Tylenol and Advil. I expect I'll be able to cut one of them out tomorrow!

I had nightmares of getting to the hospital on time - so many obstacles to get there, but calmed down once we were on our way and by the time I was sitting in the waiting room I was ready - Carm was perhaps more anxious than I was ;-) 

The nurse got me in and all prepped so I was just waiting to be wheeled into the OR when a woman burst into the room, introduced herself as the head OR nurse and told me that Dr. Carrier was sick and wouldn't be able to do the surgery! WHAT THE ACTUAL F! She quickly said that he'd arranged with a colleague to take over - she had done lots before, maybe even more than he had - so of course I agreed right away. I'd only seen him once so had no special attachment, plus it felt better that it was a woman.

A string of doctors and nurses came into my room to introduce themselves and tell me what the plan was - they were all lovely and one of the doctors said I could start up cannabis after recovery when I explained all the help it was giving me :-) 

Not too long after, I was on the table and asleep… then in no time (although maybe it was two and a half hours), I was waking up in the recovery room. It took a while for me to warm up (so much shivering!), but then I was in the wheelchair being taken out to Carm. It all went really well and I think the doctor said they only had to take one or two lymph nodes out which is awesome.

Lots of ‘Ted Lasso’ and lounging on the sofa once we got home, but not before stopping at Tim's for a breakfast sandwich 😀  I had to choke it down, my throat was sore and dry, but I managed it ;-) I was starving!

The dogs were quieter than usual and perhaps a bit more clingy. Lupa stopped herself from climbing all over me - I’m pretty sure they knew something was up.

All in all, a good experience, and I'm a bit embarrassed that I made such a big thing about it!

Oh! I did turn blue for a while but with lots and lots of fluid I think I've flushed most of it out and look almost like a normal person today!

Mom and Dad came out to see me this morning while Carm was golfing - they brought me a lovely pot of flowers for the deck which I will be able to enjoy all summer. However, I ended up doing a bit too much in the first part of the day and am paying for it this afternoon… I'm more tired and my heart rate is speeding along at 38 bpm 😱 

Awesome!

“waking up and feeling fine”

“the staff at the hospital”

“all the support from you guys - I know all your thoughts and good wishes made a difference!”

will I be a smurf

 If you have it in your heart, please send a thought my way tomorrow morning! I have to be at the hospital for 6:45 and then there is about an hour of prep before they put me under… I've been pretty calm about the whole thing, but today I've got butterflies - both about my procedure this afternoon and then tomorrow.

Not sure which is the worst anxiety today - the anxiety about getting to the hospital in the city on time or the procedure itself. They will be injecting some sort of radioactive isotope… which apparently will make me look like a smurf afterwards! 🥶  I've pre-written about it in my head and the main gist is that it was no big deal! Ha ha, let's see if that's true!

Yesterday I dragged myself around all day again… finally coming to the conclusion that it was the lorazepam that the doctors okayed for sleep and anxiety. I felt light-headed and woozy - it was very unpleasant and made every effort gargantuan. I did manage to get a bean salad made, my favourite roasted mushrooms done, as well as a double batch of roasted broccoli. So I've got some healthy choices ready for the next few days.

We went to Trudie and Leo's for an early supper yesterday. We were outside in her lovely garden - it really is an oasis. She made hamburgers, which I was going to pass on (I'd brought a bean salad to share), but the smell of the cooking meat swayed my resolve! It was delicious 😋  and I didn't feel guilty at all.

2pm… Well, I can't recall a time that I have been this stressed… an hour before we were due to leave we got a tornado warning and the radar showed a line of thunderstorms from home to the city. I paced and started freaking out so we decided to leave even earlier in case the drive took a lot of extra time… it was pouring buckets for the first half of the drive, we could barely see the road… luckily it slowed down when we got to the highway! So we made it with plenty of time and even got to the right place 😄 now waiting…

Later in the day… that was easy and quick and painless! Hurrah! It was just one needle with both the local anaesthetic and isotope in one go. There was no tornado and I didn't embarrass myself and pass out! The whole thing took maybe 10 minutes (max), the technician was lovely, and I walked out of there starving! Such a release of stress I could have eaten a couple of hamburgers (and still might have one for supper!).

We were in the neighbourhood so popped in to see Mom, Dad, Graham for a short visit and were on our way home in just light rain. I'm glad to have that over with, now just tomorrow to get through!

Awesome!

“supper in Trudie's lush garden”

“a somewhat better sleep”

“over and done in 10 minutes”

“no tornado!”