remembering

A bright sunny day which is a lovely change from the neverending gloom that has dragged me down for the last several days. A bright sunny day for the service at the downtown War Memorial. We didn't go downtown but turned the TV on in time to see some of the ceremony.

I can't help crying at all the losses - so many men lost. So many families losing fathers, sons, brothers, uncles. So much grief. Some times I think that all of it washes over me.

As soon as the F18s flew over Parliament Hill I dashed outside to watch for them. In years past they have included our house in their salute and my heart thrills at the sight of them. No luck this year though. I stood with wet hair and no coat marvelling at the clear blue sky. And the silence... only the sound of birds and the odd car to interrupt my thoughts.

As I mentioned earlier it has been a week of dismal skies. I think the gloom is starting to affect my mood as I've been feeling discombulated - not exactly anxiety or panic attack, and not depression, but a feeling of up and down and wild swing as if I'm going from happy and content to miserable and back and forth so fast until I am dizzy.

I'm trying all my tricks to get this under control: out for drives everyday, some days shopping, others doing I can't remember what; cooking and having people over also isn't doing the trick. I've been making sure my sleeping is somewhat regular with moderate success - it is hard to sleep soundly as my body temp is fluctuating as quickly as my mood. I don't know what else to do except to keep trying and pay especial attention to my thoughts.

Friday Mom and my cousin Courtney came for lunch. I whipped together a creamy pumpkin soup and some garlic bread. We had a lovely visit which did brighten my day somewhat! Courtney is from Alberta but living in Kitchener/Waterloo for a few years.

Yesterday I made a giant pot of Minestrone so invited Trudie and Leo over for a bowl so we didn't have to eat it forever. Even still I have two meal sized containers in the fridge. There is no room in our freezer as we did some re-arranging yesterday. When we got the upright freezer we moved the old chest style one to the side with the idea of moving it to the garage. Well, Friday night our neighbor came by to help Carm move it. Saturday we picked up frozen dog food so it can go in the garage. We emptied the big freezer downstairs, for the winter - everything will go back to the basement freezer in the spring.

That was a really bad way of saying that we hope to save some electricity by using our brutally cold winter to help out the freezer.