temporary insanity

 I’ve been trying to keep my balance on the cusp between winter and spring, or not balancing would be more apt… I’d hoped that this spring would be an exception and that the ‘black dog’ would leave me alone… alas… I’ve crashed.

Dog training has taken a back seat to my misery… I try, half heartedly cause that’s all I can muster, but just can’t seem to get it together. Yesterday morning I cut up some treats to play but that was an effort that left me exhausted.

I know it’s getting bad when even being in bed isn’t cocooned enough - the compulsion to curl in a ball somewhere was strong Saturday night before I distracted myself with reels and reels of FB watch videos. Everything just seemed so hard - I wanted to escape life but somehow under the covers wasn’t escape enough… when I’m at that point I can’t express myself and just want to withdraw myself from everything.

I’m not sure what to do. I’ve been letting myself have some slack these last few days but am not sure if it is helping - I’ve tried some of the other things that sometimes help… but… oh sure, when the actual distraction is happening I’m a bit better, but then it’s over and I’m done.

What is maybe different about this time is that, aside from one or two especially miserable day, I KNOW that it is temporary! Usually when I’m in a mood slump it feels like I’ll be stuck there forever which seems unbearable. I’ll be fine though… as long as I don’t just give up, which I won’t!

I’m not a total f&ckup though! We are having new sinks and faucets installed in the bathrooms today and yesterday I managed to empty both cupboards… although I didn’t sort through what I was removing… maybe later when I put everything back…

I’ve only cooked something for supper once in the last two weeks…

Friday we met up with Kirsten and Shawn for shwarma - which was of course lovely and brightened an otherwise grey (and almost snowy) day. 

Carm’s birthday was last Monday - we started the celebration in the morning with burnt sugar cake, Trudie had us over for supper along with Pat and Marie, then finally it was a quick sibling night online. 🥰

It’s been another whinging post… sorry about that! Somehow it helps to share. But I’m not looking for sympathy!

Awesome!

“it’s still light past 7pm!”

“my little dog lying back in my arms”

“first speck of bare earth in the field”

“knowing AND remembering that it’s only temporary”