chilly

I haven't decided which is worse… hot flashes or cold chills… I've ‘enjoyed’ hot flashes for years and years now but they got a bit worse after I started tamoxifen, which is a selective estrogen receptor modulator… i.e. it blocks estrogen which feeds breast cancer… but also, when I started taking it I also started getting more and more cold chills and now I'm freezing all the time except if I'm having a hot flash!!! It's a crazy ride! Especially when they happen at the same time! I went from wearing a camisole and shorts to bed to cami, heavy flannel pjs and covers over my head. Yikes! It's very unpleasant! 

Poor Carm has done the lion's share of taking the dogs out for months now - between being exhausted and freezing to death I'm loath to go outside into the cold, instead I'm usually bundled under a blanket. Who knew that the quilt Jo Ellen arranged for me to get from Victoria's Quilts would be used on a daily basis!

But!!!! I'm coming out of the gloom and my energy is slowly coming back! On Monday, after months of struggle with my mood, I decided that I'd go off the tamoxifen until I see the oncologist mid February. My mood improved immediately! Obviously all the side effects have been wearing me down and just the thought of a break boosted me. 

Tamoxifen has a half life of 7 days so it will take forever to get out of my system - I'll need the 4 weeks before my appointment for side effects to go away. For my stage and type of cancer, I believe the benefit of the T. is only a few percentage points less risk of recurrence (your mileage may vary)… BUT! I was finding that my mood made it harder and harder to do the things that are healthy for me and that will ALSO reduce risk of recurrence. I was finding it too easy to binge eat chocolates and other sweets and there were days that I didn't exercise at all. My other food choices weren't always the greatest either. And let's be honest, sitting like a lump on the sofa with feelings of doom and depression nipping is not the best!

So, that was Monday. Since then I've walked 22 miles (34km) on the treadmill and ridden the exercise bike 3 miles! Today during my 60 minute walk I included two ¼ mile laps, with a slower break in between, of 8% incline (the highest ours will go) and 4mph/6.4kph. It was hard and the sweat was pouring off me but I did it! I wouldn't have been able to do even one minute at that intensity a year ago :-)  This week I've started using some weights with a bit more consistency and can see the faint beginnings of muscles :-) Give me another few weeks and I'll be kicking butt!

Tuesday morning Kirsten picked me up and we went to look at some Bernese Mountain Dog puppies… they were so gosh darn cute but not a breed for me - way way too much hair. But they were lovely! And the adults were equally nice :-) There have been periods in my life that I have been obsessive in my quest to hoard pets! Not anymore. I'm pretty sure that Carm isn't missing the relentless pressure 😜

On Monday I finished the 14 days of wearing the Holter monitor. Oh! Maybe I've been so darn cold this week because I don't have the warm battery pack against me 24/7…

My most recent food obsession is toasted pumpernickel topped with a mushroom spread, grilled tofu, sprouted lentils that I sauteed with garlic and chili peppers, some broccoli sprouts and then the whole thing is topped with a fried egg. So delicious! And a nice deviation from the buckets of soup that we have been eating.

Awesome!

“having a bit more energy”

“A few sunny days”

“it was still light at 5pm!”

“Lupa freshly shorn”