halfway thru january

Here we are, almost at the halfway point of January… the weather has been all over the place with some sort of precipitation most days - today it's raining a bit. Carm has snowblowed 5 times (at least) so far in 2026! We've had bitter cold and a balmy 7C. There has been very little sun. Last November and December I counted 4 measly days where I wrote 'sun' in my log! Boo hiss and it's not much better so far in 2026.

They've been perfect days for hibernation! I find that winter is best when expectations are low and travel is limited. Pre covid we used to entertain at least once a week and often more than that but we got out of the habit during all the lockdowns and we've never gotten back on track. These days it's more like once or twice a month! Our regular visits were with Trudie & Leo, but now they've moved 25 minutes away (they were next door), and Trudie is having health issues that make it difficult for them to come out. Now that she can't do any stairs at all it's likely that they've been here for the last time.

It hits hard when written out like that…

I was 'chatting' with a friend and she asked me about how I got through my grief when Spike passed. I guess Time would be the biggest factor but certainly getting a crazy puppy that didn't give me a moment's rest certainly played a part! Spike passed on the 11th of December and by January 19th we had Lupa… I realized that I was slipping into a darker mood, which in retrospect was partially due to it being winter, but I was too scared to take a chance on something worse so I started my search for a puppy. 

Lupa was a challenge on so many levels, partially due to my expectations that she'd be like Spike - she wasn't AT ALL like him! She was a destructive whirling dervish! He died with his puppy stuffed toys in good condition. So that was depressing and made me miss him even more, but as the first month passed, she wriggled (chewed & bit is more accurate) her way into my heart and eased my sadness a bit. And then there is the balm of time passing.

I have hundreds, perhaps thousands, of photos of Spike so of course they come up in my memories often. At first they'd make me feel a bit sad, but now I smile with fond memories. The end was inevitable - after all dogs only live 10-16 years - his last year or two was fraught with worry as dementia slowly overcame his mind. It was heartbreaking watching him walk circles in the living room at night as he was so confused. I was heartsick watching him fail physically. There was so much angst wondering when was the right time to help him on his way… how demented did he have to be? How would I know? So in the end, his passing was a blessing - he was finally at peace, as was I.

I was so lucky to have him. All of our pets are special but some touch our hearts more deeply. I was reading some old blog posts about him the other day and laughed at his shenanigans. Oh how he loved getting my socks! He loved 'find it' where I'd take a visitor's sock and hide it somewhere in the house - Spike would run off sniffing until he found the missing item - he never failed and was so proud! And there was the time he picked up this little bag that I used for training him and dropped it at Carm's feet - it was his way of reminding us that we'd forgotten to give them breakfast!

It's still the depths of winter, but as the sun is slowly but surely lengthening the day, my energy is also slowly coming back. I don't feel in as dark a place as I did a few weeks ago. I still find that my strength is limited - I can do the treadmill but I'm not left with tons of energy left over. But! I've walked 50miles/80km so far this year!!! And I haven't missed a day yet! But getting downstairs to do some weights still seems impossible…

My motivation for anything else is pretty low still… A good indication of mood and energy is my food log - when there's lots of easy suppers I know that I'm struggling, but lately I've been actually cooking! Tonight we had a curried butternut squash soup (leftover from NYE - in the freezer of course!), and I boiled then smashed & roasted some baby potatoes with a bit of parm. They were actually pretty good and I'll make them again :-)

I'm hoping that motivation gears up even more as I have great plans of going through the junk in the basement but only got as far as picking up an empty box before I was overwhelmed… maybe next week… There are a few things that I could easily grab to take to the thrift store so maybe that's where I'll start.

Awesome!

"cooked cabbage"

"little grey dog curled against my legs"

"watching Lupa stick her head into the deep snow as she tried to track some creature"

"the sun when it does break through the clouds"

"clear roads"

"a good haircut"