here is the rainbow I've been praying for

 We are back home from a few days of socially distant camping and celebrating Kirsten’s ‘grinch’ birthday. The weather was pretty good for this time of year. 

We didn’t have a super long walk like previous ‘camps’ but we did get out for a few shorter ones, one even short enough for Spike to join us. He had a great time running with his cousins and had more energy than usual. I did have to keep a bit of an eye on him as he’d sometimes head in the direction of the camper.

I love puttering around my little villetta :-)

I was thinking the other day about how I almost feel grateful for the challenges in my life that have built resilience and strength which has given me the wherewithal to successfully live with bipolar. As I moved through the years each difficulty developed the core strength that I have that gets me through the hard days. 

The ordeal with my first horse, Frey, built skills that made me successful with our baby horses, and from there to training Spike to be a service dog. Without the nightmare of Frey I wouldn’t have been forced to learn about behaviour modification to the depth that I did.

I do wonder though - did I always have that strong core and only developed it stronger, or was it built from nothing. Could someone find it within themselves to do the same? Regardless, it is there, and I am grateful for it.

Johnny Nash died today… this is one of my favorite songs.... I think of it as sort of an anthem to recovery because I’ve seen clearly for a long time now.

I can see clearly now the rain is gone

I can see all obstacles in my way

Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind

It's gonna be a bright (bright)

Bright (bright) sunshiny day

It's gonna be a bright (bright)

Bright (bright) sunshiny day

I think I can make it now the pain is gone

All of the bad feelings have disappeared

Here is that rainbow I've been praying for

It's gonna be a bright (bright)

Bright (bright) sunshiny day

Look all around, there's nothing but blue skies

Look straight ahead, there's nothing but blue skies

I can see clearly now the rain is gone

I can see all obstacles in my way

Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind

It's gonna be a bright (bright)

Bright (bright) sunshiny day

It's gonna be a bright (bright)

Bright (bright) sunshiny day

It's gonna be a bright (bright)

Bright (bright) sunshiny day

Oh what a bright (bright)

Bright (bright) sunshiny day

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Johnny Nash

bubble is burst

 Carm burst into the bedroom this morning with news of Trump’s positive covid test. What will this mean for the election?

It rained on and off again today, the sky a mirror to my mood. Well, I wasn’t that bad… I managed to putter my way around the house when I wasn’t glued to the television. Our province has seen increasing cases of covid and now our premier has put the kibosh on social circles but still allows bars and restaurants. It doesn’t seem fair as I feel we are already doing our part to reduce transmission. We don’t eat out, we don’t go to the gym, nor do we get our hair done. We don’t hang out at the bar and we don’t have kids at school. We don’t go shopping at the mall, we don’t browse the aisles at Canadian Tire.

Spike and Adia have been horsing around on and off again all day - furniture gets moved, carpets go flying, and the cover on the futon gets scuffled. She’s too big for rocketing around inside. We did take her outside for a rousing game of Deek the Lion but that didn’t do the trick. She needs a long walk on Shawn’s awesome trails.

Headline: President Trump and his wife have tested positive for covid-19. Hospitalized.

“If neurotic is wanting two mutually exclusive things at one and the same time, then I'm neurotic as hell. I'll be flying back and forth between one mutually exclusive thing and another for the rest of my days.”

~Sylvia Plath

fatigue

 Today we hit the 200th day anniversary of lockdown… how many more to go? 200? 400? 600? I’ve got music on to cheer me up but somehow my playlist is choosing the most depressing songs. Right now: Pink Floyd ‘Good-bye blue skies’... it’s almost enough to send me into a puddle of tears. I’m not dancing with the dog.

The wind is wicked again today, but it’s not that cold, a flannel shirt keeps me warm enough. I think the jetstream is repositioning itself as the earth readies herself for winter. Please Mother Nature, make it a nice one without any ice so that we can enjoy some winter activities: making snow angels in a blizzard, snowshoeing, walking in the sun on a crisp day, being dazzled by a billion tiny diamonds, gasping at the powder blue sky, laughing at the dog powering through snow drifts. It almost sounds magical.

Gorden Lightfoot - ‘Bittergreen’. Not exactly uplifting.

Adia eating a few apples after supper. I wonder if she’d prefer that we make an apple crisp?

The question that’s been foremost in my mind for the last few days is ‘what the heck am I going to do with the months of isolation?’. I have no real hobbies other than cooking and that’s an activity best done when we are having guests. I’m not a huge reader but I’ll make sure I have some interesting books to while away some time. I’m not a huge TV watcher and have trouble getting through a whole movie. I’ve tried knitting and crocheting, but that wasn’t pretty - Grace may have learned a few choice words! At the end of the 90s I went through a phase where I painted folk art scenes on anything that didn’t move - I don’t think I can conjure up enthusiasm for that again (and many people will be grateful about that as I foisted much of my ‘art’ (ha ha) on them).

‘That’s the night the lights went out in Georgia’ one guy shot, the other hung...

It would be good to get a bit manic on some exercise - I need to work hard on getting enthused - maybe I can find a Youtube station with motivational videos. And while I’m at it, I’ll start thinking about painting the basement craft room. Having a space away from Carm would likely be a good idea (not that we don’t get along, but there will be fewer distractions away from the house, and let’s be frank, the novelty of isolation has worn pretty thin.)

Please everyone! I need some suggestions.

John Denver - ‘Sunshine on my Shoulders’ which you’d think would be a song full of joy, but somehow it always makes me cry just a little bit.

I desperately need a haircut but now that the 2nd wave is here and everything is turning into a sh%$storm I’ll have to pass. Soon they’ll be putting on restrictions that will cancel our social circles… you can expect a day or two of dejected posts when that happens. For that matter it’s only one or maybe two weekends until we bring home the camper and put it to bed. Double whammy. 

“let me live, love, and say it well in good sentences”

~Sylvia Plath