revelations

 I arrived home a little past noon, refreshed and with some new ideas for improving my mental health. A few days away with lots of time to think was just what I needed. The fact that I had very little anxiety while I was at the villetta gave me a few clues. So what have I learned?

Music. I had music playing for almost the entire time I was away; could the musical background have distracted my subconscious?

Sleep. I’ve been sleep deprived since Spike passed away last December - last year, when I was so fantastic, I was sleeping a solid 9 hours a night.

Facebook. I wasn’t on FB at all while at the villetta. Perhaps all those Karen stories get to me more than I realize. Instead of FB, I read, and even if it wasn’t fine literature it might have had a positive effect on my mood.

Social. Visiting with Kirsten and the girls was a change from my normal. I do try to have friends over as often as possible but maybe sometimes silly girly sisterly things are what I need.

I was wondering if my anxiety trigger was Carm but it wasn’t hard to rule that out. Actually, as soon as I figured out the other triggers I had a huge sense of relief and knew with blinding clarity that Carm is not a trigger but an anti-trigger if you will. Without him I’d be lost.

An ocean of blue sky dotted with fluffy tigers, boats, and dogs racing across the surface was our ceiling as we spent the rest of the afternoon reading (and writing) while stretched up on the sofa outside. Well, dang! Isn’t this the life!

Carm is outside with me, hobbling around on a wounded foot. Bad things always seem to happen when I’m away… yesterday Carm stepped on a nail :-(  We’ll keep a close eye on the wound as punctures can sometimes be tricky.

Speaking of foot wounds… years ago, when I was a kid, I would be barefoot all summer. One time I stepped on a lit cigarette butt at the Winnipeg Zoo. Another time I sliced my foot open and didn’t show my parents… well, since I never properly washed it or bandaged it and continued with my barefoot lifestyle it’s no surprise that the wound got infected. A few days later my parents noticed a red line creeping up my leg so off to the hospital I went. I remember the doctor digging around in my foot (it hurt!). I suppose I was on antibiotics as well.

Awesome!

“arriving home”

“a line of trees silhouetted against a blue summer sky”

“sitting outside!”

“the rain stopping just when I had to take the dogs outside”

defrosted

 The song of the cicadas reminds me that the last days of summer are slipping past like quicksilver. I feel that we were in limbo for the whole 3 weeks while the deck was being built… that’s a huge percentage of the most wonderful weeks of warm weather… and now… it could be a few scant weeks until swimming season is gone. 

Tuesday (after making a huge batch of inedible scones), I drove to the villetta for a few nights. I had plans to do a thorough cleaning but I didn’t do much other than read. I was in the middle of a book about a Miniature Schnauzer but when he got sick I had to put the book down. Next up, a really lame Harlequin type romance that had no redeeming features other than being a distraction. I guess it couldn’t have been that bad as I started another one right away. How can there be so many billionaires… a simple millionaire is no longer good enough! 

The problem with these mindless forays into really bad writing is that they don’t feed my creativity, instead my writing seems to mimic what I’ve read and seems awkward and forced but without miraculous proclamations of undying love.

I did get the fridge defrosted - the ice was threatening to burst the fins. 

When Kirsten and/or the girls weren’t visiting the music played (surprise!), I easily passed the day putzing around. A bit of a walk down the road tired the dogs out (hopefully).

Adia has regressed and is wrecking things whenever she’s left alone. Food on the counter is no longer safe - even the fly swatter is a target. I guess we have to go back to square one :-(

I’ve been having terrible anxiety for months now… after a full year of no issues I’m on the verge of tears for much of my days and have been experimenting with both behaviour modification and drugs. It’s not clear exactly what the cause is but it’s clear that I can’t handle anything out of the ordinary that life throws at me… or even the ordinary things... Last year, with covid and everything, I was doing great, perhaps the best that I’d been for decades but all that has changed. Why? I’ll be happily going about my day when WHAM, out of nowhere it feels like I’m in a car careening out of control, about to hit a brick wall. It’s hard to catch my breath.

We did some birthday celebration planning today… how can it be possible that I’ll be 60 in just over a month. I’m pretty sure I was in my 30s last week. (the 20s does seem decades ago).

Awesome!

“arriving at the villetta”

“having a quiet afternoon with a lovely walk thrown in”

“my sister”

an annual event

 A light rain is falling accompanied by a cold ‘breeze’... I’m wearing leggings, my flannel shirt, and wool socks which are warm enough for in the house, but gosh! it’s freezing outside. I’m sure it’s a welcome respite for many as the past few days have been off the charts hot!

We got 60mm of rain yesterday and overnight. More today but haven’t checked the gauge.

Tina and Bruce came for an overnight visit on Saturday - we sweated on the deck, jumping into the pool to refresh several times. Sunday morning was lovely as well - we swam twice! The deck was great - we used each area several times, moving with the shade. After they left I mentioned to Carm that we have to do this more than once a year!

The Presquile sunshade worked great! And made it obvious what size of gazebo we need - 12x12 looks perfect. Having a proper gazebo will be awesome as shade is hard to come by from about 11 to 3 pm. 

Lupa wore her life jacket for much of the time we were outside - she didn’t fall in but she wasn’t hanging about the edge of the pool either. Tina and Bruce are not dog people but Lupa did spend a certain amount of time on people’s laps ;-) She barked at first but I think for not as long as she has in the past.

I’m tempted to go for a quick dip just-because (edited later tonight - did NOT find myself warm enough to jump in - it was more of a hot bath sort of day).

.

Awesome!

“friends at the door”

“it was exactly 1 year ago to the day for our last visit”