an exquisite confection

 Looking at the date of my last blog post it seems that I’ve dropped off the edge of the earth. Not so! Nor have I been wallowing in a grey mire. Quite the opposite! I’m cheerful and content - how could that be? I have no idea but I’m going with it!

Carm of course has to bear the brunt of my good mood. Subjected to bad singing and even worse dancing, he averts his eyes and probably covers his ears, but even so, doesn’t make me feel stupid or self concious. He’s a good husband.

You may remember that at the beginning of January I decided to cut carbs (sugar, flour, rice, potatoes), which I have mostly done. I only lost a few pounds but at least I was back to pre Christmas cookie marathon weight (more or less). I could double down and make more of an effort to reduce calories BUT. I had a dream the other night that perfectly put into words what I’m feeling. Yes, I’d like to lose weight, but more important than that is keeping myself mentally well. Cooking does that for me. Now is not the time to take draconian measures.

To that end, we got a set of silicone ‘egg bite’ molds for the instant pot. The package arrived on Friday - I immediately made ‘Starbucks copycat egg bites’ - a perfect low-carb breakfast - easy to make and can be refrigerated or frozen. Here’s where we take a turn to the dark side… cheesecake bite recipes abound and gosh, these silicone thingamajigs should be good for more than one thing.

This is a terrible discovery! Just the name makes them wicked - it’s just a bite after all! I made the second batch today. They are super easy but somehow use every utensil and bowl in the kitchen. Maybe that will put me off - ha! Fat chance!

we’ve eaten them so fast that I haven’t made a topping yet! Next time I’ll swirl some jam or something to make them look pretty.

Kirsten mentioned that she’d read an article about cbd being good for hot flashes, apparently the cbd interacts with the same areas as temperature control. I’m on day 3 with mixed results.

The weather has been super cold (-26C at 7am this morning) but at least we’ve had a few days of sun! A blessing!

“I suspect music is auditory cheesecake, an exquisite confection crafted to tickle the sensitive spots of... our mental faculties.”

~Steven Pinker

a calm pure harmony and music

 I wished I had realized that yesterday was Robbie Burns day as I would have cooked up a Scottish meal, not haggis as I had no sheep innards, but maybe a hunk of meat with some mashed potatoes and turnip. Alas, we had to resort to an ancient bottle of scotch from the back of the cupboard. They say that it won’t age in the bottle but we were darn sure this one had as it was so smooth.

It’s been a lazy few days with nothing happening of note. I got out on the snowshoes on Sunday with Adia. She managed much better wearing a coat. We did our usual virtual visiting. I cooked the normal sorts of things. 

I’ve barely gotten out of my pjs and off the sofa for the last few days - what’s the point? I haven’t been feeling depressed or discouraged, just blah. So this afternoon I gave myself a shake and said ‘just do it!’ and got up, put my headphones on, and grabbed the vacuum. Belting out ‘Saturday Night’ while I zoomed around the house put some zing in my wing.

Does this mean I’ll get out of my pjs earlier tomorrow? Probably not!

Oh! Today is the exact half-way point between our last day camping at Kirsten’s and May 1st, the day we could conceivably be back in the camper. Also, maybe by May 1st we’ll be able to have socially distant laneway visits which would break the loneliness of isolation. When will we have our vaccines? When will we be able to have celebrations inside the house with food and drink  and jocularity? The news tonight suggested that this might not happen before September. 😣

It’s snowing again.

The number of covid-19 cases worldwide has reached 101 million with 2.165 millon deaths. 

“This is my ambition, which is founded less on anger than on love, founded more on serenity than on passion. It is true that I am often in the greatest misery, but still there is within me a calm, pure harmony and music. In the poorest huts, in the dirtiest corner, I see drawings and pictures. And with irresistible force my mind is drawn towards these things. Believe me that sometimes I laugh heartily because people suspect me of all kinds of malignity and absurdity, of which not a hair of my head is guilty — I, who am really no one but a friend of nature, of study, of work, and especially of people.”

~Vincent Van Gogh

flaming fudgie-o

 The sun is shining brightly today and as it moves to the west the filth of the window is highlighted in a spectacular way! I’m not focusing on that though, instead I’m finding joy in the way the sun reflects off Spikes fur, making him seem like a golden orb. Adia’s fur has more of a coppery sheen.

You may be wondering what the heck this is a photo of. Well, it’s a Fudgie-O cookie not burning in a hot campfire. Not burning? We were at Presqu'ile for the first time and since Mom & Dad & Olaf were visiting we enjoyed a crackling fire. I don’t remember who decided to put the cookie in the fire, I imagine it had fallen on the ground, but by gosh the darn thing never burned up! It retained its shape for absolutely ages and may actually have been there the next morning (who can remember, it was 2007). Olaf and I were talking about it the other day but I couldn’t find the digital photo - it was NOT in the directory that it should have been in - I looked at almost every photo I’ve taken since 2001. Today, in a flash of weird memory I recalled that it might be in the printed album that I made of our first year camping… and there it was.

I got outside on the snowshoes this afternoon - it was too cold for Adia so my walk was cut short when she started 3-legged walking, but I still enjoyed 15 minutes of fresh air. I had to re-break my trail as it had been filled with snow the other day and took great pleasure stepping with a swish into the fluffy snow. Adia trailed behind me at the beginning and then with a mighty effort she leapt through the deep snow, overtaking me in a flash. 

Later, stepping into the livingroom with my face plastered with an orange hued turmeric facemask, Carm commented that I looked like Trump. Well, so I did! I had a laugh and took a photo. I love the feeling of the paste drying and tightening on my face, imagining all of it’s goodness passing through to my skin. You can guess what sort of lazy day I’m having!

“That night Anne knelt sweetly by her open window in a great sheen of moonshine and murmured a prayer of gratitude and aspiration that came straight from her heart. There was in it thankfulness for the past and reverent petition for the future; and when she slept on her white pillow her dreams were as fair and bright and beautiful as maidenhood might desire.”

~Lucy Maud Montgomery

hidden warranties

 There is barely a demarcation between snow and sky: greyish white is the only colour to be seen aside from the black outline of trees. It will soon be time to turn on our coloured Christmas lights. Yes, we still turn them on to brighten the long nights, for us and for passers-by. 

I’m sure I mentioned the other day that our 8qt instant pot died a spectacular death… Carm immediately put in a trouble ticket with the company along with the requisite photos. We hadn’t heard anything back yet so today Carm called. In less time than it takes to make a return at Giant Tiger, an order was entered into the system for a replacement pot… under warranty! We bought the broken one in September 2017 so it was well out of the written warranty but I guess they were feeling kindly towards us today.

I told myself that I’d write 3 things that I’m grateful for or find pleasure in today. So hummm, what have I done or seen today that is an idle pleasure? Well, I cleaned the countertops in the kitchen, tidying, decluttering, and rearranging as I went - the results brought a little smile to my face. I ‘puffed up’ Spike’s head and took the scissors to it so now his hair isn’t lying flat on this head and looks a little perkier. I dug out my ‘you can never be too pink’ t-shirt which is a bright bit of colour in an otherwise grey day. And one more for good luck - the ring of an incoming video call :-) What are your pleasures?

I’ll try to remember tomorrow to pay better attention to the little bits of joy in my day.

“I don't know, I don't want to talk as much. (...) It's nicer to think dear, pretty thoughts and keep them in one's heart, like treasures. I don't like to have them laughed at or wondered over.”

L.M. Montgomery

grateful sighs

 I swear I could hear grateful sighs as I shook today’s accumulation of snow from the limbs of the spruce tree. Huge clumps crashed onto my head and down my back, my boots filled and some snuck up my sleeves. Oh yes, it f’n snowed again and will snow again tonight! 

Wait! What happened to waxing poetic about the neverending beauty of the day? It was on hold today as I shoveled the back deck - again. I could hear the snowblower at the front of the house. But the snow was light so it wasn’t as much effort as the other day.

Otherwise, the day was unremarkable in a comfortable sort of way.

“Why must people kneel down to pray? If I really wanted to pray I’ll tell you what I'd do. I'd go out into a great big field all alone or in the deep, deep woods and I'd look up into the sky—up—up—up—into that lovely blue sky that looks as if there was no end to its blueness. And then I'd just feel a prayer.”

~L.M. Montgomery

inauguration

 I sit here listening to the speeches and songs from the inauguration of Joe Biden and feel hope for their future. Some songs bring a tear to my eye - who can stay dry-eyed during ‘Amazing Grace’? But the sun is shining and I feel good. 

As I walked down the laneway to open the gate for Carm (he was going to get a wonderful Italian wine that is on sale), the refrain of ‘Amazing Grace’ looped in my head. I looked around me, surrounded by snow covered limbs and a powder blue sky, it felt like a prayer to Nature, a prayer to my own soul.

Winter is a dichotomy of fury and stunning beauty. It is perhaps made more wondrous because of the contrast. The view out of the window inspired me to take a stroll on the snow shoes again today. 

It’s bone broth day today - a combination of chicken backs, turkey frame and any leftover bones from our meals, are immersed in water in the instant pot and cooked for 3 hours. At the end it is strained, saving the now mushy bones for the dogs, and the broth divided between jars for the dogs and jars for us. It’s a long, hands free, process that yields a beautiful gelatinous broth that the dogs go crazy for. Spike was always ho hum about breakfast until I started making this - now he leaps and runs.

AKKKKK!!!! The 8qt instant pot died after doing its duty with the bone broth. I’m heartbroken. Thanks to all the babbling I do in the blog, we were able to narrow down the date we got it to find the receipt. September 2017. Carm’s put in a ticket. 

Our space age looking video chat apparatus got a workout tonight - the new battery pack works great!

I was inspired by some letters by E.B. White and had to share a few of the best.

“A writer should concern himself with whatever absorbs his fancy, stirs his heart, and unlimbers his typewriter. I feel no obligation to deal with politics. I do feel a responsibility to society because of going into print: a writer has the duty to be good, not lousy; true, not false; lively, not dull; accurate, not full of error. He should tend to lift people up, not lower them down. Writers do not merely reflect and interpret life, they inform and shape life.

~E.B. White

“Dear Mr. Nadeau:

As long as there is one upright man, as long as there is one compassionate woman, the contagion may spread and the scene is not desolate. Hope is the thing that is left to us, in a bad time. I shall get up Sunday morning and wind the clock, as a contribution to order and steadfastness.

Sailors have an expression about the weather: they say, the weather is a great bluffer. I guess the same is true of our human society — things can look dark, then a break shows in the clouds, and all is changed, sometimes rather suddenly. It is quite obvious that the human race has made a queer mess of life on this planet. But as a people we probably harbor seeds of goodness that have lain for a long time waiting to sprout when the conditions are right. Man’s curiosity, his relentlessness, his inventiveness, his ingenuity have led him into deep trouble. We can only hope that these same traits will enable him to claw his way out.

Hang on to your hat. Hang on to your hope. And wind the clock, for tomorrow is another day.

Sincerely,

E. B. White”

ragu

 I woke up earlier today and could tell as soon as I opened my eyes that it was going to be one of those days where I’d have to work a little harder. Not super hard, but I did wonder if taking some cbd oil would be called for.

I was lucky though - Carm sent me an engaging article about travelling through Italy to find the perfect ragu. I immediately perked up with the challenge. How could I create something even slightly satisfactory to Carm. 

Here’s a snippet of what he wrote to the person that sent the article: “it reminded me of my mum who would spend Thursday's and Sunday's over a big pot of ragu slowly simmering on the stove for hours until the fragrance permeated our entire home.”

I know my pitiful attempt at meatballs will not rival his mom’s, and the sauce is a bit of a kludge, but maybe he’ll be transported for a minute.

All day I planned to go snowshoeing - by the time I finished making the meatballs and ragu (it took hours!), it was snowing… I crashed on the sofa… then, with a mighty effort I did it! The snow was lightly falling in big beautiful clumps creating a hush that can only be experienced on a snowy day. It was lovely! Adia disappeared back to the house for a bit and then, zoom! She went crazy in the deep snow - how can that pure joy not rub off a bit :-)

I don’t know how it happened, but only 3 songs played on the stereo before we pushed ourselves away from the table groaning. Supper was either tasty, or so awful we had to eat fast to get it over with. Actually it turned out pretty good - not at all like Carm’s mother’s but a respectable stand-in.

"It's in the nature of Italians to live life with a positive tone and to celebrate the invitations that come along in life. Italian food is so conducive to all of that.”

~Lidia Bastianich

the only thing blue is the sky

 A billion tiny suns sparkled in the white expanse of the hay field, our sun fueling the fire. Snowshoes were strapped to my feet for my first outing of the winter - I didn’t get very far but it was glorious - it was a toss up as to whether it was the landscape or the exertion that took my breath away! Adia bounded around me, snuffling in the deep snow looking for something that didn’t seem to exist, but it was the fun of the hunt that kept her happy.

The only thing that was blue on this annual ‘Blue Monday’ was the sky. No sadness here thank goodness :-)

Carm made up an excuse to go into town to Fresh Co so we’d get out for a drive on this rare sunny day. The roads were bare with not much traffic (although a surprising number of vehicles considering we are on a stay-at-home period). Carm did the shopping while I stayed in the car - he’s focused and fast, not as easily distracted as I am.

Yesterday we did more snow removal - Carm had to snowblow again and I tackled the back deck, again… At that point the snow was not a wondrous beauty but a heavy burden!

I was reading through a recipe group and kept seeing questions about things that should be common sense or at least easy to figure out with a few google searches, without having to ask a forum - has the internet shut down people’s brains? Can people no longer think for themselves? Maybe I’m being critical because I’ve had so many years to build an encyclopedia of knowledge. Maybe 20 years ago I’d be asking the obvious too?

I made a terrible discovery today… jalapeno poppers are ridiculously easy to make from scratch and cook in only 14 minutes in the actifry. 

"When your friends are gone and you only can look at pictures, then remember, that times and people change but that memories stay forever.”

~C.M.

frosty spews

 Frosty the snowman visited overnight and spewed his guts everywhere. Trees groaned under the weight, branches cruelly dragged to the ground. The tree right outside our bedroom window had one of the main trunks ripped to the ground.

The term ‘snow day’ had a new meaning today… Carm manned the orange beast for over 2 hours while I weakly attacked the back deck. My back isn’t 100% but I think I didn’t make anything worse. 

Then there was tree removal :-(

"The snow doesn't give a soft white damn whom it touches.”

~E.E. Cummings

the brightest stars or what am I doing right

 This was all meant to be posted yesterday but we ended up on a ‘zoom’ for a few hours :-) so I didn’t have a chance to proofread before bed. No worries, I was happy to be visiting and gosh, the words are still on the page ready to be posted. I’ve given it a proof this afternoon and added a few more sentences (because you know how I like to babble).

-----------

It’s 305 days into the pandemic and we are starting another 28 day stay-at-home order. The government even put out a siren cell phone alert this morning to make sure everyone remembers. In Canada there have been 685,000 covid-19 cases with 17,500 deaths.

I gave Carm a haircut today - instead of shaving it evenly, I tried to do a bit of styling… at the time it looked fantastic, but now, sitting beside him on the sofa, it looks a little patchy. Olaf keeps challenging him to shave it all off and grow a beard... I don’t know… what the heck, if he wanted to do it I’d man the clippers 😎 Will there ever be a better time to experiment?

the table looks so lonely with just 2 place settings

I’ve been introspective today, ever since talking to Kirsten yesterday and telling her how well I’m doing emotionally despite all that is going on. Aside from the odd glitch that quickly subsides I’m good and have been good for weeks. Why, especially now, a time of year that is often problematic for me? What am I doing differently? What should I make sure to keep doing as time goes by?

Even through all the covid and political noise I think I’m more mindful. I’ve been carefully deliberate at doing daily tasks like getting dressed and looking decent, planning and cooking meals, tidying the house - the small stuff. If I do have a pajama day (and there have been a lot of them lately), I don’t beat myself up, instead I enjoy the indulgence. We’ve made it a point to eat at the table most nights with nice music playing, so now dinner at the coffee table seems like a treat. Every few days I change up the table setting so I have something different to look at. I often have a cup of tea in the afternoon, reveling in the day. I make a point of remembering to ‘half smile’ as I move through the day (twinkle lights are a good reminder!). I’m playing more music and dancing more.

I have no “should do’s” running in circles in my brain.

These are all trite things but maybe they add up to be something good.

"It is often in the darkest

skies that we see the

brightest stars.”

~Richard Evans

little to distinguish each moment

 Like everyone, our days repeat themselves with little to distinguish each moment except depressing covid-19 news, and now, even more distressing, political news from the US. I feel somewhat cocooned in our own little world and fight these intrusions.

Today for a big change of routine we drove into the city to take back those darn shoes. It was a quick and easy curbside return. On our way home we stopped for a short laneway visit with Mom, Dad, Graham. I was anxious to get going though as it was reasonably painful to be standing. 

Bad news on the covid front- Ontario has put out a stay-at-home order for the next 28 days. We are supposed to only leave our homes for groceries and pharmacy. All to keep the hospitals from being in crisis. 

It’s hard to shake off the feelings of doom when watching CNN - the violent coup attempt is dominating the airways and honestly, how could it not. Scary stuff. If I let it every thing seems overwhelming.

But honestly, even with all that is going on I feel pretty darn good these days!

"I don't think of all the misery, but of the beauty that still remains.”

~Anne Frank

millennium falcon

 It’s 4:30 ish on a grey day. I’m perched on a stool at the counter while I wait for cauliflower to cook in the instant pot, it takes just 3 min to make them perfect for mashing. The white brains are on sale this week so I’ll freeze a few. I’m cutting down carbs for a little while in an attempt to lose the rest of my covid weight (yikes!) and the weight I put on last year on our transatlantic cruise (yes, I know but covid you know). Oh, and the weighty side-effect of baking 7 kinds of Christmas cookies has to somehow disappear. Carm is along for the ride whether he likes it or not!

Last night we had perhaps the best pot roast I’ve ever made - it practically melted in our mouths.  We got it from our neighbors who graze their cows on our land so it is as home-grown as it could get without me having given it a name. I made mashed cauliflower for the first time to go with it - an excellent stand-in for stodgy potatoes (and hence the dash to the grocery store for more).

Other than that I’ve been up to nothing. I did something to my back a few days ago… excruciating muscle spasms accompany most types of movement. Yesterday was the worst day - believe me it was no pretty sight watching me crawl out of the bathtub! Thankfully I’m having improvement today.

Strangely, the most comfortable place is on a stool at the counter, although getting perched and dismounted brings a lot of grunting. Luckily our virtual visits are at the counter - at the end of our 5 hour ‘zoom’ last night I felt some improvement (or was that the Legendario?).

We were talking about the Millennium Falcon that Olaf unearthed from my parents basement a while back and gosh, I was sure I’d recently run across a few photos of that Christmas, maybe even one of him opening the gift. I had to look then and there and sure enough I found them!

I didn’t take the photos out of the album and of course they are ancient and faded so the quality isn’t great, but one thing for sure, two little boy’s excitement still shines through.

"Write it on your heart

that every day is the best day in the year.

He is rich who owns the day, and no one owns the day

who allows it to be invaded with fret and anxiety.

Finish every day and be done with it.

You have done what you could.

Some blunders and absurdities, no doubt crept in.

Forget them as soon as you can, tomorrow is a new day;

begin it well and serenely, with too high a spirit

to be cumbered with your old nonsense.

This new day is too dear,

with its hopes and invitations,

to waste a moment on the yesterdays.”

Ralph Waldo Emerson~

what a rare mood I'm in

 As I twirled around the kitchen like a clumsy hippopotamus, chef’s knife slicing the air more than the vegetables laid out on the cutting board in front of me, this song played:

What a day this has been!

What a rare mood I'm in!

Why, it's almost like being in love

There's a smile on my face

For the whole human race

Why it's almost like being in love

All the music of life seems to be

Like a bell that is ringing for me

And from the way that I feel

When the bell starts to peal

I would swear I was falling

I could swear I was falling

It's almost like being in love

~Natalie Cole

It seemed to sum up my mood (for a short period of time) in a few simple lines so rather than drivel on about my endless day, I’ll let Natalie Cole’s sweet voice tell the story.

I did go down a few rabbit holes about the events yesterday, so the line about ‘a smile on my face for the whole human race’ didn’t exactly mirror my feelings... A few times I couldn’t resist commenting while most of the time I held my counsel. So many crazy people out there! I did have a loose New Years resolution about staying out of the comments so I’ve already failed. I can’t help myself!!! 

Headlines: Worst day to date for covid death’s in Ontario, same for the US. 3412 deaths today in the US. That’s 2.4 deaths a minute. Crazy. We are doing better but not by much.

"The earth was warm under me, and warm as I crumbled it through my fingers. Queer little red bugs came out and moved in slow squadrons around me. Their backs were polished vermilion, with black spots. I kept as still as I could. Nothing happened. I did not expect anything to happen. I was something that lay under the sun and felt it, like the pumpkins, and I did not want to be anything more. I was entirely happy. Perhaps we feel like that when we die and become a part of something entire, whether it is sun and air, or goodness and knowledge. At any rate, that is happiness; to be dissolved into something complete and great. When it comes to one, it comes as naturally as sleep.”

~Willa Cather

insurrection

 I was going to write something uplifting today and I suppose in the end I might, but right now I am overwhelmed with anxiety about what is going on in the USA today. Trump supporters are storming the Capital building, stopping the count of votes that is the final step in confirming this election. Hoards of people are jammed on all the stairs and balconies on the front of the building. They’ve breached security and are inside the chambers causing everyone to be evacuated… now people are breaking more windows and are climbing inside.

WHAT THE HELL!

Okay, and I’m a bit stressed about my latest buy - a little sequin dress that has turned out to be quite huge - I basically drown in it. And it’s much longer than I thought, but thinking about it, the model was probably a fashionable 5’10 to my hobbit sized 5’2… Do I keep it? It will be fine for virtual dressups… oh bother. And in the time of covid lockdown…

The day started off dull but now the sun is shining in my eyes in the most wonderful way! It’s warm too - just below freezing. 

Carm braved the crowds at Costco today although he said it was reasonably empty. When he got home I rushed over to the door to help unload and then yank screech argh my neck and shoulders were frozen with a mighty crick. I could barely move for ½ the morning and even now, one side is in pain. How does this happen? Is it a sign of age?

With all the worries today, I put good nutrition to the wind and got Carm to order pizza. He was thrilled (is my cooking that bad?), not even minding that it meant a trip out to the village in the dark.

Oh, I keep meaning to say - Spike is consistently using the ramp to get onto the bed, even when I’m not there to guide him. So he’s not totally addled.

"I have come to accept the feeling of not knowing where I am going. And I have trained myself to love it. Because it is only when we are suspended in mid-air with no landing in sight, that we force our wings to unravel and alas begin our flight. And as we fly, we still may not know where we are going to. But the miracle is in the unfolding of the wings. You may not know where you're going, but you know that so long as you spread your wings, the winds will carry you.”

~C. JoyBell C.

Cinderella's slipper

 I thought there was going to be a miracle today, but alas, I was wrong. With high hopes I tried on the new shoes. Crash, my mood plummeted. Too big. I had taken a big chance with ordering shoes from online (knowing my history you would agree I’m sure), but I studied the photos carefully and read tons of reviews - it seemed that they’d be okay. I was excited! New shoes! During Covid times! Well… they were too big. So blam - they have to be returned once we get out of lockdown. So disappointed. 

I suppose I could order a smaller size but then maybe there’d be 2 pairs to return :-(

The sky merges with land today, a light grey world punctuated only by the line of black trees on the horizon. Even the spruce outside the window is drained of colour, leaving an empty universe of black in the outline of a tree. If white is the representation of all the colours, and black a dearth colours what does that make bleak? Because surely bleak is a colour. If Crayola was making it what would their formula be?

Should we have a giant party at the end of the pandemic (there will be an end won’t there)? Should I start working on the guest list and menu? Maybe by September? Perhaps a huge birthday bash as I celebrate entering my last year before I roll a decade? Balloons, streamers, champagne, all pink. I’ll dress in pink sequins and well-worn denim, maybe a cowboy hat. Everyone else will wear their favorite clothes, dress up or dress down, whichever brings happiness. All of our favorite songs will tinkle their notes in the air as we gyrate on the grass, barefoot and full of joy!

I wonder how many words I’ve written since I started the blog 10 years ago? Let’s see… 2168 posts with an average of 300 words = 650,400 words! Over half a million words have flown off the keyboard onto the virtual page. Even the entire Lord of the Rings series (including The Hobbit) has just (!)  576,459 words. 

"I am in no mood to fulminate on paper--I wish the two of us were in a room together talking of what matters most, the air thick with affinity. In January a man crawls into a cave of hopelessness; he hallucinates sympathies catching fire. Letters are glaciers, null frigates, trapping us where we are in the moment, unable to carry us on toward truth.”

~Carlene Bauer

“It was previously a question of finding out whether or not life had to have a meaning to be lived. It now becomes clear on the contrary that it will be lived all the better if it has no meaning”

~Albert Camus

settling in

 Two years ago on this day we were happily exploring Los Angeles before our trip through the Panama canal… it seems like a lifetime ago. Instead we slept in, putzed around the house putting away Christmas, but not winter, and otherwise dawdled through the day. No blisters, no Thai food and no dolphins! We still had Bella and Kabira with Adia being no more than a twinkle in her father’s eye.

We are slowly getting into a winter groove, settling into a routine that will while away the 117 days until May 1st. Each will likely be unremarkable except for some online visits - that always gives me a little burst of enthusiasm - and maybe some nice drives around the countryside. We can try for some laneway visits too which will break up the tedium even more. 

It’s all good.

I’m staying out of facebook comments sections (mostly!).

Last night we had a little ‘party’ for Stephanie’s birthday - virtual of course. We all had a good time. I wonder if we’ll continue these visits once COVID is gone or will they peter out? Do you have people that you ‘zoom’ with? It takes a little getting used to but once you have the hang of it it’s almost like being in the room together.

I chopped and peeled a bunch of produce today for a restorative soup. Beans and vegetables seemed necessary after days and days of meat eating. We polished off a huge prime rib over only 2 days - gulp - that’s carnivorific!

Headlines: 352,000 deaths in the US.

"The world is indeed full of peril, and in it there are many dark places; but still there is much that is fair, and though in all lands love is now mingled with grief, it grows perhaps the greater.”

J.R.R. Tolkien

reflections

 It is a glorious day! The sun is sparkling on pillows of freshly fallen snow. I couldn’t imagine a prettier scene to grace a Christmas card. Stepping outside I imagined myself walking around in an unshaken snow globe and with a slip on the ice the globe tilted!

Carm wielded the heavy snowblower up and down the laneway while I had the lesser job of shovelling the back deck. In the summer I had some thoughts of how we could rebuild the deck, making it bigger… somehow that fantasy has turned into a potential nightmare when I think how much longer it would take to clear it of snow. But do we have to shovel it? Why do we keep it clear? It’s not like we are hanging out back there!

Like a lot of people, the New Year is a time to reflect on what was and what is to come. I started by reading old blog posts from the turn of each year since 2010 to jog my memory of where I have been mentally thru the last decade. The progression has been slow but upward. Last year I wrote that I was better than I’d ever been… I will say the same this year only even more betterer! Aside from the handful of pills I take everyday it would be easy to believe that I’m not bipolar at all. 

Of course it’s easy to say this sitting in a sun spot after time outside in a wonderland and having had 2 cookies and a coffee with eggnog. 

The pandemic has certainly been a challenge for wellness. It’s been exactly the sort of thing that would have sent me into a tailspin and likely a long depression. Well, I had my days (as you know having had to endure the lament), but not as many as I would have expected. I worked hard at keeping myself out of the doldrums, and with more creativity, than I ever have and it paid off. 

So while it’s been a challenge there is lots of positive that’s come from covid. The main thing of course is that I’ve learned more coping strategies. I’ve also developed a better relationship with my brother which is awesome. And thanks to the bubble idea we had a fantastic camp at Kirsten’s this fall.

I won’t detail the bad as I’m sure you know all too well…

"There is neither happiness nor misery in the world; there is only the comparison of one state with another, nothing more. He who has felt the deepest grief is best able to experience supreme happiness. We must have felt what it is to die, Morrel, that we may appreciate the enjoyments of life.”

~Alexandre Dumas

Happy New Year 2021

 Happy New Year! Has there ever been a New Year as anticipated as this one? Not in my lifetime. Of course Covid isn’t going to disappear at the stroke of midnight but there is hope for better days. Maybe not for many months but a return to somewhat normal seems possible now.

My last few days of 2020 were spent preparing all manner of finger foods for a virtual party. It was Olaf’s idea and it was a good one. My mood immediately brightened when we talked about it - I had purpose. I need to make sure I keep a bit of anticipation in my days - that’s my NY resolution.

Finally, with food and drinks made and Carm and I gussied up (he even wore a tie!), at 6pm the party started. Mom and Dad joined in right away, Kirsten and family joined later in the evening. We were in some sort of fun time warp as somehow seven (yes 7!) hours passed before we hung up.

I made sugarless cranberry juice so we had that with prosecco and Aperol for a sparkly drink. Cans and cans of soda water stretched the drinks out for the whole 7 hours.

We all nibbled our appetizers in our own homes - I made way, way too much food so we are nibbling today as well (but have to pace ourselves - prime rib and all the fixings tonight). Note to self: virtual means that there won’t be 10 physical people to eat everything. If we have to do it again, and maybe for a not so special occasion, we should coordinate our bites and ‘share’ them at the same time. That would be fun.

sequins and bling are mandatory for New Years Eve

After a series of stupidities in getting clips for my phone to attach to a tripod, I ended up with one that 100% does not work for my phone but is pretty awesome at setting my tablet at the perfect position for a virtual visit. It seems a bit late in coming but I guess late is better than never. And with winter here we’ll likely do more online visits with friends and family. The original clip that I was using at Christmas? Well, in a brilliant flash of ingenuity it’s working with my phone with the cover on…

will the masks come off for good in 2021?

We had an extra bit of fun yesterday afternoon with Jo Ellen, Don, Trudie and Leo dropping in for a short laneway visit. We got the chairs out and everyone had a blanket so it was reasonably comfortable and SO much better than forgoing altogether. I should have served mulled wine or some other hot spiced drink. Cause really - who doesn’t like hot wine 🤣 

"Hope is the thing with feathers

That perches in the soul

And sings the tune without the words

And never stops at all.”

~Emily Dickinson