a lifetime

 A cool carpet of clover cushioned my bare feet as I walked down to the garden. Carm was watering and I wanted to check my herbs… tall and full of buds, they stand strong with their toes deep in the fertile soil. Little buds nestle in the bushy appendages. Another miracle from the earth.

It was another lazy day of summer. Winter was in the breeze but in the sun, out of the wind, the sun heated the deck boards. I did brave the cold for my morning swim, but I'll be honest… it was sheer will that got me in.

I put up the sun shade just in case we got a shower (we didn't). I also dug out the toile panels that we used at Presqu'ile. It's a pretty backdrop. I feel like I'm in a shady nook.

I'm still battling anxiety but I feel like I'm making headway… a perpetual loop of breath exercises kept me feeling reasonably good although I did have a few near breakdowns… breathe baby breathe.

I was reading something written by a person with bipolar that struck me - it's a lifetime diagnosis which of course I know but haven't thought about for ages. I was diagnosed in 2004 and really, have done remarkably well, but the thought of another 18 years of struggle sucks.

In most ways it's all so much better than even before I was diagnosed and I no longer feel that I will die a certain kind of death - I have to remember how good life is.

So, I sit outside in our little piece of paradise with music playing and dogs at my feet while I focus on each breath. This is the life 😎

And dance!

I'm reading a book by Jacques Pepin about his life.  A banquet of words compared to the alphabetical famine of the romance stories I have been reading.

Last night Kari came for supper - bacon and tomato sandwiches for the win! With corn on the cob and roasted beets on the side (yum)

Awesome!

“so many buds!”

“finally getting the shade tent roof on”