tread some more

 A peaceful, easy feeling… I'm already standing on the ground, and seventy two hours after surgery I walked thirty five minutes on the treadmill - it was at a snail's pace but I did it! Stretching exercises are going well, still not lifting heavy things… 

Yesterday after my chat with Kirsten (I only walked around the room a bit), Carm and I headed to the village to pick up a few things. It was senior's day at the pet food place so we stocked up on food and biscuits, then dashed into the nursery for a few more flowers. After that we popped into the pharmacy for a zinc supplement. I've been tracking my food in an app for a few months and zinc is the only thing I'm having trouble getting enough of. Research shows that it is essential for speedy wound healing so I'll take a daily supplement to top up what I do get from food for a month or so.

Yesterday was also the day my dressing came off and I could take a shower! There was so much tape, but with Carm's help I got it off without ripping my skin - everything looks really good although with the swelling and bits missing my boob is a weird shape! 🫠 but with a bra on it will be hard to tell that there are any misshapen areas. There are no stitches - the wounds are taped together - it will stay on for another week or so. I wonder if the tape is better for scarring? We shall see. 

The weather has been sunny but a bit cool - perfect for chilling on the sofa and looking outside, with the occasional wander out to the yard to take the dogs out. Maybe in a day or two I'll want to sit outside, but for now I'm content to be cocooned in the house. 

FYI - when they tell you to eat lightly for the first few days after surgery it's because your digestive system shuts down… I made the mistake of eating a big pasta dinner last night - it was delicious but ouch!

Snippets of my life float into my consciousness, triggered by the music playing in the background as I read a book by Anne Pratchett about writing and I wonder how did I get to this point in my life and where am I going from here? I've been coasting for years, making up excuses for myself and using my mental health as a crutch for not doing anything meaningful. But maybe meaning is to be found in the mundane, day to day life activities? I don't feel inspired or motivated to do more and maybe that's okay.

I can see my life as a series of events that prepared me for each next challenge, helping me to take on what life would throw at me. Is it wrong to be content and not to feel a burning desire for something else? Sitting in my little corner of the room, nothing much changes except the trees growing outside the window. The sun and rain feed them, helping them to grow into better homes for the birds that nest in their boughs… what about me?

When I was in the OR, on the table waiting to be put under, someone asked me what I'd be doing if I wasn't there… I didn't have an answer. I said I'd maybe be gardening, but that's far from the truth - it would have been more accurate to say I'd be doing not much of anything! I tried to clarify that I enjoyed container gardening but it seemed lame… if I'd been thinking clearly I could have said that I enjoy making food out of what's been produced by Carm's hard work in the garden… but I guess what struck me is that I had no real answer.

For the next few months I'll focus on my health but will keep my mind open for other ideas. At the very least, I will be the best at just being… There is something to be said for contentment and a peaceful, easy feeling…

Awesome!

“sunny cool days”

“digestive system working again”

“resting in bed with quiet music”

“shady tree outside the bedroom window”

“tapering down meds already”

“getting the date for my followup appointment”

“a shower!”