Showing posts with label Writing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Writing. Show all posts

Wednesday, February 3, 2016

WYL #22a Highs and Lows Continuation of building our house

Raising the Roof

The shaking earth jarred me out of my reverie. Tears welled in my eyes as I watched the first swath of earth being gouged by the shovel’s bucket to reveal where the long envisioned foundation would sit.

The hours wore on, until mid-day when quiet replaced the rumble of the machine and a large flat hole lay where a small hill had once been. As if on cue, a few pickup trucks followed by a large truck full of boards turned into the field and drove down to the gaping hole. Several men jumped out and with stakes and lengths of string mapped out the edges of where the footings would go. The hot day wore on and soon the sweaty men stripped down to jeans, their shirts tossed aside in a pile. I sat to the side and watched, my own Chippendale's show, as the strings were fortified with lumber.

As Nick watched, he checked his watch often. Closing time for the cement plant was quickly nearing and he wanted to get the footing filled before the weekend. The workers hurried. By late afternoon a channel defined the outline of our home. At exactly the right moment a cement mixer, with its rolling belly, turned into the yard and edged its way to the brink of the hole, releasing grey slurry down a track and into the channel. More trucks followed until the space defined by the boards was brimming with cement. Day one was complete and we were on our way to a new house.





Every day for the next 9 weeks we stopped at the house to see its progress. From the footings to a foundation to a floor, walls and then a roof, the house was taking shape. When the outside was sheathed and the windows and doors were in, it was time for an important step: insulation and vapour barrier. Since we wanted an R2000 home, every tiny gap to the outside had to be sealed, and Nick made sure they were - there would be a penalty if the house failed to pass the test.



Unlike most home construction, all the framing was not done at the same time. The interior walls were left until after the vapour barrier was fully in place. This meant that the interior of the house was fully sealed from any cold drafts. Once the walls were raised we saw the bones of the rooms; until then we weren't sure if the plan that had been so carefully laid out on the computer would work out in real life. Electrical and plumbing were installed, drywall went up, hardwood floor and tile was installed, doors and trim were completed, and then finally, it was painted.

Moving day had arrived.

My mom, and Brian, a friend, helped with some of the small stuff, including the 10 parrots, 3 dogs and 2 cats, while a moving company wrestled with everything else. It was a long day but finally all our stuff was inside our new home. We said farewell to our helpers, and then, even though we were exhausted, got to work on placing some of the furniture and setting up the waterbed. It took a few days for everything to find a place. We loved the space and light of our new home. Speaking of space, the first few purchases were: cordless phones (we had to run from the sofa to get to the phone in the kitchen and sometimes missed calls); and a 4' wide mop for our ginormous room. We had a small dust mop, but it was a joke.

Nothing had been done outside the house except laying the gravel laneway. No grass covered the heavy clay mud that surrounded us. We nearly went out of our minds with 3 dogs going in and out of the house, but there was nothing we could do as it was already late September. Thankfully the hay field that skirted the brown mire spread its seeds and by the end of the following spring we could walk without getting 5lbs of muck on our boots.

Designing and then building a house was an amazing undertaking. Seeing some lines on a computer screen morph into a house was an experience like no other. I suppose in a tiny way it was like giving birth (without all the pain) as Carm and my ideas melded into a plan which grew into a solid structure. We felt very lucky to have this wonderful opportunity.




Tuesday, January 26, 2016

WYL #21 On the Lighter Side: On Iron Wings

 On Iron Wings

Spring was in the air that fine April day in 1982. It had niggled its way into my blood and was flooding my brain with fanciful thoughts. We were out for a walk in the Glebe and as we walked past one store I could see my reflection among the motorcycles. I grabbed my boyfriend Steve's sleeve and dragged him inside. Rubber, oil and steel fragrances the air. I was overcome with a dizziness of common sense and started walking among the bikes. Most were giant monstrosities that  would overcome my slight (at the time) frame.

My eye caught sight of a beautiful burgundy bike, the light danced on the chrome muffler - I was drawn to it as a moth is to a flame. My hands caressed the handlebars and slid down onto the seat. I couldn't help myself… I slung my leg over and settled my weight onto it. The handlebars reached back to my hands, meeting at the perfect, most comfortable, location. My feet were firmly on the ground. I swooned. It was meant to be. This motorcycle fit me like a hand-made glove, one that had been made for me and me alone.

I looked at Steve and he saw passion, or was it madness, in my eyes. He likely understood as he had a dirt bike that he liked to ride around his parent's farm. I remember riding it up a 20’ towering mound of dirt and flying off the other side. My heart was in my mouth during the air time and the rush of adrenaline surged through my veins as I successfully hit the dirt on the other side.

The price tag fluttered on the side of the bike bringing me back to earth - I knew it was beyond my paltry salary. My smile turned into a frown. The look of disappointment was written in bold. Steve, also caught up in the magical moment, offered to lend me the money. I lept off my iron steed (I was already saying my) and hugged him, then dragged him over to the sales desk. The deal was made and arrangements were finalized for pickup.

I floated out of the store.

The next day I called my dad to tell him the exciting news. He swore. The day before he had been at a home for the disabled and wondered about all the young men in wheelchairs… motorcycle accidents. I asked him to tell mom. She swore (my mom does not swear - ever).

There was only one small, or perhaps it was major, problem. I didn't have a motorcycle license. That didn't slow me down for long; I practiced on Steve's dirt bike then we picked up my beauty with Steve's dad's truck. As soon as we unloaded it in the dusky, dewy evening I jumped on. And immediately wiped out on the slick grass. Not a good start, but a good lesson.

I practiced and practiced then drove to Smiths Falls for my licence. I got it in the first try and my wings were unfettered. I galloped on my Pegasus (at the speed limit of course) around the  countryside. My iron pony felt like it was a part of me. It was a feeling of freedom unlike any I had ever known.

To appease my parents I took a motorcycle safety course. It was time and money well spent as they taught the finer details of control and staying safe. I loved driving the back roads to practice maneuvers. I loved pulling up to a gas station or corner store and pulling off my helmet so my longish blonde hair could spill onto the shoulders of my leather jacket - that always got a reaction. There weren't very many girls riding their own bike back in 1982.

Mom and dad lived in Toronto, but kept their sailboat near Kingston so that is where I visited them most often. On my first trip to show off my bike, Steve drove with me behind him and my dog Chetta in a milk carton on the back. It was a heavy load for a 400cc bike but it stepped up to the job. Everyone at the yacht club crowded around to see my chromed ride and my dad even took it for a spin.

The second year I had it, my parents let me bring Olaf, my 7 year old brother, from Kingston to Ottawa for a visit. Olaf was a trooper on the back, riding like a pro. Looking back on it I wonder about my parents sanity!

My longest trip was from Ottawa to Niagara Falls with Steve to visit his relatives. It was a long trip, especially the part on the 401 with driving rain and transport trucks pushing us around. That was the sort of freedom that I could do without!

I had my bike for a few years, then circumstances and money made me sell it.

On a side note, my father got a Harley several years later, and my mom got her motorcycle license when she turned 57, along with a little bike of her own.

Finally, in the words of Arlo Guthrie "I don't want a pickle, I just want to ride my motor-cicle"

Wednesday, December 30, 2015

WYL #19 - Time to Brag A Bit

You'll have to excuse the glut of posts today - I just realized that I hadn't posted a few writing projects and want to get them into my 2015 book. I get my blog printed out into a hard-copy book every year as it is fun to refer back - yesterday I looked at the December 29 entry for 2010 - the day we retired! A fun recollection.

          ~

I don't have trophies or certificates to brag about. There was nothing particularly noteworthy in what I did in my job. I don't have hours of volunteer work to feel good about. I live an average life, so when asked to brag about something I could only think of some of my work with animals.

My first mare, Dora. had it all: temperament, looks, conformation. Taking advice from my mentor, Pat Wolfe, I sent her off to be bred. It was a long 11 months of gestation, but it gave me time to study foal training techniques. It also gave me time to to worry about doing it right. When Uvaer finally arrived I was as ready as I could be (and maybe a bit of a basket case!).

The golden mare with a black stripe down her back lay flat (as flat as a beached whale can be) on the bed of straw, her great body shuddering with each contraction. I knelt behind her, ready for the big event. Push, push, push. A foot, still encased in the amniotic sac, emerged from the birth canal. Another contraction and the next hoof was visible. My heart pounded. Would its nose be presented properly or would I have to call the vet? I breathed a sigh of relief when two nostrils, followed by a forehead with eyes emerged onto my trembling lap. I ripped open the thick sac covering its nose, and rejoiced at the first shuddery breath. Dora took a moment to gather her strength and then with a giant push the shoulders were past the narrowest point of the birth canal. Hips and back feet arrived with less of a rush. I slipped my hand down his wet belly to find out his sex. A colt.

After peeling back the birth sac, I rubbed him with a thick towel, then got to work imprinting him. This is a technique where the foal is handled extensively as soon as it is born. My hands, shaking from cold, excitement, and nervousness, started gently rubbing his whole face until he was relaxed. Relaxation is the key for a calm horse. If you stop too soon, you'll sensitize instead of de-sensitize. My fingers slipped into his mouth where a bit would sit, then I rubbed up to his ears and cupped each one, gently rubbing up and down and inside, being careful not to tickle.

Stroking from his head down to his neck was easy, I'd already rubbed there with the towel. I put my hand on one side of his head and gently bent his neck each direction until there was no resistance. Next my hands traversed his body and down each leg, rubbing and flexing as I went. A little tap, tap on each foot readied him for the farrier. I pulled his tail through my hands.  Every inch of him had been stroked, from the tip of his nose to the end of his tail.

After he was comfortable with me touching his body I moved on to the trickier stuff. I rubbed crinkly plastic bags over him, and ran clippers (blade side up of course) over his body. The noise and vibration caused an initial tensing of his muscles, but he relaxed with repetition.

I slipped out from underneath him and stood back. It was time for him to learn how to stand and walk. He floundered and careened about the stall for minutes before he could wobble on unsteady legs to search for Dora's udder, the source of life giving colostrum. Standing close beside his mother, almost underneath her, he pulled on her teat, greedy for the warm nourishment. Dora nuzzled his still damp fur, her eyes half closed and her own body still damp with the exertion of birthing a strong colt.

I gave Uvaer a chance to rest, then started up with the rest of the imprinting. When he was on his feet again I stood by his side and pressed one finger against his side. After a moment he stepped away from the pressure. What a smart boy! We practiced on both sides until stepping sideways (as well as his wobbly legs would allow!) was an automatic response. Leading was next. I slipped a tiny halter over his head and attached a lead rope. His first reaction was to pull back but gentle cohesion showed him that stepping forward would release the pressure. We had to be careful that he didn't pull back too hard or he could injure his spine. A press on his chest sent him backwards. Like a teeter-totter we went - back and forth, ingraining lessons that would last a lifetime.  

There was one more important lesson for this fluffy foal: lifting his feet. I supported his body against mine as I lifted and handled each foot. By this time he was used to handling.

With lessons over he fell into an exhausted sleep. At less than 2 hours old he already knew the basics of leading, giving to pressure (when I press on his side he moves over), backing up, and lifting his feet. This sweet, fluffy foal was well on his way to becoming a trusted partner.

Every day we practiced the initial lessons and added to his skills. He could walk over tarps, drag a bag of cans, have things flapping all around him, have a rope tied around his middle, and stand still to be brushed. I loved the time I spent with him, and he seemed to like spending time with me. At an age when normal foals would be clinging to their mothers, he would leave Dora in the field to visit me at the barn. He was friendly with strangers. He was biddable.

He was also confident, but not pushy, and a bit of a spaz. He would gallop around his mother at breakneck speeds, then screech to a halt for cuddles.

Pat Wolfe came to see him in those early days and was impressed. Not just for his confirmation, which was excellent, but for his desire to please and work with me. Getting a compliment from Pat is high praise as he is a well-respected trainer who has won National titles in driving. By the time Uvaer was ready to wean Pat had purchased him as a stallion prospect.

High praise indeed!

I applied these techniques to six more foals, every time fine-tuning the training as I learned more. Our foals were lovely horses to be around and their new owners appreciated all the work that had gone into them. Towards the end of my time with horses Pat Wolfe again complimented me on my skills with training foals saying that I was the best foal trainer that he knew.

I loved working with baby horses!

CW #7 Rosa Parks

Our final exercise in the creative writing workshop was to write a FICTIONAL account of a famous person's day. It was meant to give us practice researching as well as writing. I wrote mine about Rosa Parks. I hope I've done her justice.

                        ~

Rosa's feet hit the floor with a thud. She shuffled through the dim light to the washroom where she washed her face, and combed her thick black hair back into a tight bun. She put on the starched navy blue uniform that was on a hanger on the back of the door. With a final check in the mirror she went downstairs, gripping the handrail and taking the steps one by one, thinking about what she was going to say at the NAACP rally the next day.

She filled a kettle with water and turned on the stove. A bag of 'Red Rose' tea, she always bought this brand because of the name, was waiting in a heavy white mug. While her tea steeped she walked over to the calendar hanging on the wall beside the fridge and flipped the page to the next month. December, 1955. Oh my, only 25 days till Christmas, she thought, I'll haf'ta pick up gifts for the nieces and nephews soon. Sipping her tea she wondered what life would have been like if they had children, if she would have had grandchildren by now.

Rosa turned on the radio in time to catch the news and weather forecast. Twenty seven Fahrenheit, I'll have to wear a coat, she thought as she sipped her tea. She pulled a bag of bread from the cupboard and laid out two slices, a thin layer of butter and a slice of bologna finished the sandwich. With precision, she folded it in waxed paper and stuck it in her purse, along with a shiny, red apple. Her tea finished, she walked upstairs to brush her teeth, after rinsing her mouth she smiled at the dark face staring back at her.  The clock downstairs on the sideboard chimed 7; she went back downstairs to finish getting ready to leave. Sitting on a straight chair beside the front door she put on her sturdy black shoes, then stood to put on her coat. The dark grey wool coat was scratchy against her neck as she fastened the top button.

From the bottom of the stairs she shouted up to her husband, "Raymond, don't forget we have the NAACP rally this weekend. I'm stopping at the drugstore on my way home, do you need anything? Okay, I'll get some aspirin. Wear a coat when you go out, it's below freezing this morning. See ya later!". The National Association for the Advancement of Coloured People was an organization dear to her heart so she never missed a chance to help out.

She stepped out the door, an ordinary start to what would be an extraordinary day. Her feet seemed to know the way to the bus stop on their own, they'd travelled that way so often. Rosa stood straight as she waited for the bus to come, her large black purse gripped in front of her. She stepped on, paid, and walked to the back of the bus, careful to take a seat after the 'coloreds' sign. Every time she got on the bus it was the same thing and the unfairness angered her. At least this bus driver didn't make her get off after she'd paid and re-board at the back of the bus. She refused to be degraded like that and often waited for the next bus.

The bus rolled to a stop in front of the Montgomery Ward department store. With a resigned sigh, but shoulders back, she stepped off the bus and walked to the employee's door at the side of the building. A pile of men's trousers at her workstation waited for hemming and pressing.  Steam rose from the presser causing tendrils of hair to be released from the bun on the back of her head. Beads of sweat peppered her brow as she leaned over the sewing machine, meticulously hemming each pant leg. A bell rang, signifying break time, so she finished sewing the leg she was working on and rushed downstairs to see H. Council Trenholm to finalize plans for the NAACP workshop she was giving at the college that weekend.

Rosa hemmed and pressed more trousers before lunch, humming 'this little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine" under her breath as she worked. At noon, she picked up her lunch from the employee fridge and walked down the street to the office where her friend Fred Grey worked as a lawyer. She was proud to call the second black lawyer in Montgomery her friend. Seating herself in the chair in front of his desk she unwrapped her sandwich and between bites proceeded to fill him in on what she planned to say at the workshop. Fred listened without saying anything, he was used to her enthusiastic mutterings.

As the afternoon wore on, Rosa's shoulders ached from the tedious work. At 5pm the pile of pants had evaporated and she was free to go.  Her coat unbuttoned, she walked a block to Lee’s Cut-Rate Drug and with a basket in hand walked the aisles. Aspirin, toothpaste, not the heating pad - too expensive. I'll try Rub A535, it's a lot cheaper than the heating pad, she thought. She set the basket beside the cash register and paid. Her purse in one hand and shopping bag in the other, she walked down the sidewalk to the bus stop. She couldn't wait to get Ray to rub the A535 on her shoulders.

A bus pulled up, and without looking at the driver she paid and walked down the centre aisle to the first non-white seat and sat down beside a man. Crammed onto a seat barely big enough to seat one adult, let alone two, she balanced her load on her lap and kept her eyes straight forward. The bus started. Three times it stopped for passengers until the front was full. The only seats left were the middle section where she was sitting with three other blacks. The bus driver, James Fred Blake, noticed a white man standing and shouted back for the 4 black people to move to the back of the bus even though there were no empty seats. At first nobody moved. Blake walked back and told them again. Rosa moved her legs aside to allow the man sitting beside her to leave then, gripping her parcels, slid over against the window. The other three moved to the back, where they stood, waiting to see what would happen.

Rosa sat firm, her jaw jutted out and head held high, tired, not from the physical work she had done that day, she was tired from years of racial injustice.

Blake threatened to get the police and still she did not move. She stiffened her body and in a firm voice said "No. I will not."

Blake left the bus to find the police. While she waited her resolve strengthened and although no other people stood beside her, she knew that she could not give in.

After a few minutes, two police officers accompanied Blake when he returned to the bus. The two officers walked to the back of the bus and confronted Rosa, ordering her off the bus.

“Why do you all push us around?” said Rosa.

The police officer replied, “I don’t know, but the law is the law and you’re under arrest.”

The officers escorted Rosa off the bus, one stopping to pick up her purse, the other to pick up her shopping bag. One opened the back door of the cruiser.

Rosa Parks stepped into the car and onto the pages of history.

I would like to be known as a person who is concerned about freedom and equality and justice and prosperity for all people.”
― Rosa Parks

Friday, December 4, 2015

CW #6 An Unfinished Song

You may recognize this story as I posted a version of it a year ago. The creative writing assignment for class #6 was to write our own story. I liked this story the first time but knew it would be better once I applied some of what I learned. It could still use work, but here it is re-written and with critique results incorporated.

                  ~

Larry stood outside the restaurant door his shoulders slumped. He almost didn't recognize the ashen face staring back at him in the glass door. He hitched his jeans up and tightened his belt one more notch, then ran his hand through his grey hair in a vain effort to tidy it. He tried to remember when he was a normal, happy man, what he had been like before the depression descended, before the dense grey fog had taken over his mind obliterating all recollection. Staring at his wounded reflection he examined his life to try to find the reason for his condition, hoping to find a trigger that could be reversed, but there was nothing he could pinpoint. His doctor told him that he'd get better, but it would take time. With a shallow sigh he pulled open the door and stepped inside.

"Larry, we haven't seen you for ages. I've missed your cheerful smile and all your crazy jokes, where have you been?"

"Around." was all the response he could muster.

"I'll put you in your usual seat." The waitress gave him a quick hug before leading him to his table, "Are you having the tacos?"

"Please." Larry answered back with a wan smile. His thin body collapsed into the chair and for a moment he clasped his hands in front of him and lowered his head as if in prayer, his breathing became deeper and slower as he gathered his will to continue his charade.

He took a deep breath and sat up, letting the noise and commotion wash over him like a warm wave. He felt a stirring of life, like a seed getting ready to emerge from sun warmed soil. He needed this. His meal appeared before him and with unsteady hands he ate, a cloth napkin tucked under his chin so he didn't spill onto his favourite concert t-shirt. He hadn't eaten much this past month: canned soup and saltine crackers had been his mainstay, anything else was too much effort.

He lifted his head from the last of his meal and noticed people moving to tables on the patio. Someone started singing with a karaoke machine. Larry felt his pulse quicken as the familiar sounds of the Hollie's 'Long Cool Woman in a Black Dress' caught his ear. His foot moved to the beat of the music.

They've never had music here before, thought Larry, the new owner is really changing the place.

With strains of music wafting through the restaurant, he gathered his energy and walked over to the patio door so he could see what was happening. As he stood there, a woman in a bright pink t-shirt came inside, squeezing past him on her way to the bar.

"Is this a private party?" Larry asked her. He wasn't sure why he cared, but there was something inside him looking for a life preserver.

She shook her head, smiled and invited him to join in.

He stepped through the door and felt a stirring of life in his chest. Colour flushed his face and his heart beat a little faster. Visions of singing in front of the mirror in his room as a teenager flooded his memory. Piles of albums had littered the floor, driving his mother crazy. Simon and Garfunkel's 'I am a Rock' became his anthem and he sang it until the album was worn out. He thought of his guitar sitting covered with dust in the corner of his living room and strummed his fingers as if it were in his arms.

He stood by himself against the side wall of the patio listening to the music. Slowly courage welled until, at a pause in the music, his hesitant legs carried him to the entertainers with the karaoke. He bit his lip then blurted out his request: a chance to sing. With trembling hands he took the list of songs and made his choice.

He grasped the mike with sweaty palms waiting for the first notes to play. A gentle breeze cooled his sweaty brow. Closing his eyes he started to sing,
"A winter's day
In a deep and dark
December;
I am alone,
Gazing from my window to the streets below
On a freshly fallen silent shroud of snow.
I am a rock,
I am an island."

His long given up dream of being a rock star played in his head as he belted out 'I am a Rock'. For a few brief minutes he felt more alive than he had for months and the confusion in his mind lifted a bit. He stood up straight, with his shoulders back and head held high, swaying to the music. It was his saviour.

Abruptly, it seemed, the music stopped and he opened his eyes. Where he had imagined cheering crowds, sat tables of people immersed in their conversations. Barely an eye had turned his way. Deflated he handed the mike back and turned to walk away. His shoulders slumped and his legs felt like they were walking through a vat of molasses. Feelings were stuffed back into a leaden suitcase.

Suddenly exhausted, he went back through the patio door, the possibility of salvation left behind, and trudged to the door to the parking lot. His arm trembled with the effort of opening it. Just as he was about to step through a voice called out to him.

"Hey! I really liked what you sang. I love Simon and Garfunkel. I wish you'd sung more. Maybe next time." A bright smile lit the woman in pink's face and she turned away.

Heat flushed Larry's body, and he walked out the door, with a slight smile on his face and a bounce in his step - not quite as alone as he was before.

Thursday, November 26, 2015

WYL #20 Religion and Spirituality

It was fitting that the sunset drew me outside to take photos tonight. As I turned from the spectacular display another of Nature’s wonders caught my eye. A rainbow, clear from end to end, painted the sky. I didn’t get a very good photo (it was getting to be dusk - hence the sunset) but it struck me with wonder.


                                    ~

Soar, Marvel and Wonder

The ceiling of my church soars into the sky. It is painted in an azure blue and glows with a blazing golden sun. Clouds may sometimes paint details with a cotton batten haze, or night time may cloak the ceiling in midnight blue velvet dotted with silver sequins. I am moved by the vastness.

The floor of my church is the musty dark earth which has been carpeted with a green or white mosaic.

There are no carved statues or painted murals, instead the church is decorated by the bones of the earth that have emerged as great rocky outposts and wild flowers of every hue paint the surface.

The congregation includes colourful butterflies, spotted baby fawns, cheeky chipmunks, every animal imaginable.

Birds, large and small, sing to the heavens, a choir with perfect pitch. The wind whistling through the trees is the pipe organ.

I marvel at everything Nature blesses us with.

And me? I am made of star stuff. My atoms burst forth at the moment of the 'Big Bang' and travelled through space for countless millennia until the earth was created. From there I have been rock, earth, plants and animals, until, in a miracle of epic proportions, those atoms came together to make me.  

When it is my time to leave this life I want to be returned to the stars. Blow my ashes over the open prairie and let them fall where they may. Let my ashes nourish the plants which in turn will strengthen the animals that walk that land.   

Miracles. Everywhere.


Sunday, November 22, 2015

1996 Alberta Cattle Drive



There are holidays and then there are ADVENTURES FROM WHICH YOU NEVER WANT TO RETURN. In 1996 I had the greatest adventure ever - I got to be a cowboy for 7 days. And not just any old where - I got to live in the land of my heart, the grasslands of Southern Alberta.

It all started when my Auntie Jean passed away in January of that year and I travelled to Medicine Hat, Alberta to attend her funeral. While there I heard about a cattle drive that was being organized for the centennial celebration of the Alberta Stock Growers Association. For seven days a group of people would travel through open range land, starting from the edge of my great grandparents homestead, and ending up in Medicine Hat. As soon as I was back home in Ontario I met with my friend Deirdre to see if she wanted to go - it was a clear YES. Then I made a hard phone call to my sister to see if she'd reschedule her wedding. She is a good sport and understood my anguish so said yes. I got on the phone 9w6 (the brand for the association) and reserved two spots.

A dilemma presented itself. This was a cattle drive and to drive cattle you need a horse. Luckily, I was buying my first horse, a Norwegian Fjord, from Helena, a Calgary woman, and she agreed to provide the horses if I paid for her to go. DONE!

There was only one problem left: it wasn't until July - a long 6 months away!

I was excited when the trip was first arranged and by July I could barely sit down, let alone sleep. Concentration was out the window. I was wired. Not only was I getting my first horse, there was this little thing of the cattle drive. I may have been a bit overwrought. (I relived a bit of that excitement when I wrote this)

Anyway, July actually arrived and I got on the plane for the flight to Calgary, which seemed to be the longest flight ever. In fact we might have taken the eastern route and flown over China on our way there - I felt like I could have run to Alberta faster.  When I debarked, there was Helena; I stayed with her for a few nights before we trailered the horses to the starting point. We'd be meeting up with Deirdre there as she was flying in 'on the day' and catching a ride with an unknown cowboy.

As soon as I unloaded my bag from Helena's truck we stepped out to the corral to meet the ponies, including my new horse Justin (soon to be renamed Frey).  Our cow ponies were Jovan, Lars, and Dora, whom I purchased several months later. My sweaty hands gripped a new leather halter that I brought for my new steed. He didn't have it on for 5 minutes before he flew back against his tie and broke it. I wasn't good at foreshadowing, but that's a whole other story.

The next day Helena and I did the final preparations, then I tossed and turned all night in anticipation. Finally the big day arrived! We loaded gear and horses, then headed south to the starting point. A recording of Jeff Foxworthy 'You know you are a redneck' sped us down the road. I don't know if we laughed so hard because he was funny, or if we were punch drunk from excitement.

We arrived. I might have cried.

Organizers met us at the gate and directed us to the black bandana group and showed us where to water and tie our horses. We got the horses settled and our tents up, then Helena drove the trailer down to Medicine Hat, taking the bus back with all the other trailer drivers. Deirdre showed up, and we showed her the ropes.

The drive people were well organized - they had to be with 1500 riders! The riders were divided into groups, and each assigned a bandana colour. Coloured flags on tall poles designated the tenting area for each group. The caterers had transport trucks full of supplies - the food was great with beef on the menu every night - I'm pretty sure there were no vegetarians. Port a-potties were placed at the edge of the tenting area of each group; trailers were assigned to each group to transport our tents, and bags; hay was available; huge water troughs sloshed with clean water; during the week transport trucks fitted with showers visited the site. Everything ran smoothly.


We visited my cousin George who lived nearby, then had supper back at the camp. We met up with my great Uncle Olaf, Uncle Buster, cousins Ed, Wendy and Janet who were also on the adventure.
Another sleepless night and then rodeo time!

Feed horses, water horses, tack horses, mount horses: I rode Jovan. All calm except for shaking hands and butterflies doing cartwheels in my stomach. Around us there was a rodeo. Fresh horses bucked and spun. Riders hit the ground. We watched from the comfort of our reliable Fjord horses.

Southward Ho!

Group by group we headed through the gates into the expanse of the 'British Block', aka CFB Suffield, or in my words: home. The land spread out before us, the kingdom of cowboys and long ago Natives. The grasses rippled and the sweep prairie fragrance threatened to make me swoon. Sage brushed at our horses knees, a patch of cactus with their thorny arms brushed their ankles.

When we arrived at the next night's destination, after a 10 - 12 mile ride, we gave the horses a long drink of water, then lifted the saddles from their weary backs. They were happy to take their places on the 'line' and chow down on some hay. We set up our tents and ate the bagged lunch we had been provided with. A sandwich eaten while sitting on the parched prairie ground beats lunch at a 4 star restaurant any day.

The steers, all 2000 of them, were well away from the main group, but everyday a group of riders would travel with the herd. We chose to stay with the riders.

I don't know why, but the land we were traversing touches the deepest part of my soul and I wondered if I was alone in this. Every night a big stage was set up and people from the drive would get up to sing, tell tales and read poetry. The people on this drive were real cowboys, ranchers and farmers. They were people of the land, rough and tough and ready to handle nature's challenges. Craggy faces and worn hands, younger people, skin still smooth, but with determination in their eyes, all got on the stage and sang softly about the beauty of the landscape. Cowboys, more used to being out on the range, read poetry they had written about their feelings for the prairie. One old guy had written a poem about carrying a weak calf in front of him on his horse to the ranch through a blinding blizzard. He spoke of awe for the power of Nature and reverently about the land. I had wondered if people used to living in this utopia would appreciate it as much as I did. Not only on stage, but all around me through the week I heard talk that showed me they did.



Each day found us at the summit of another belvedere and gasping at the beauty. One hill held an ancient t-pee ring; from its centre I could see miles each way and the smell of sage and grass seemed especially sweet. For those of you who think the prairies are flat - they are not, especially in this region of Alberta. One night we camped by the South Saskatchewan river and Deirdre and I put on our bathing suits and went for a swim. We saw pelicans fishing in the river, and a rattlesnake as we were making our way back up the hill. One evening a thunderstorm rolled in - we could see it coming for miles. A quick drench and it was on its way, leaving an end-to-end rainbow as an apology. Everyone stared in awe - the only sound heard for moments was the horses chewing on their hay, and a lonely meadowlark.

The magical days and nights continued much like each other, until… we hit a fence, our first once since we started this fantastic voyage. My heart fell as we waited our turn to squeeze through the hole, back though the looking glass, out of Wonderland. My heart pounded and I looked wildly around me - I couldn't leave this world and return to a life of city and high tech. But there was nothing I could do - I was caught in the flow of 1500 people going in one direction. Looking around I could see my disappointment mirrored in the faces of my fellow riders.

As we rode single file down the ditch of the highway towards Medicine Hat, I could see a speck of a building in the distance. At a horse's pace it grew and grew until it took up half the horizon. The ugly refinery belching smoke on the outskirts of the city jarred me. There was no doubt or hope left - it was over. Tears burned at the backs of my eyes and I felt like I might choke on my disappointment.

We set up camp under the black shadow of civilization. It wasn't just me with a long face, all around me faces were glum. People talked about what a great trip it had been and how they didn't want it to end. There was no mood for entertainment and people went to bed early. Most people. A group of young guys tried to swim the river on their horses to go to a bar in the 'Hat' and one of them drowned.
 
A pall hung over the cattle drive the next morning as the news travelled around the camp, but as everyone knows, the show must go on. Horses were quietly groomed and saddled, we tied our bandanas around our arms in respect of the fallen, and headed out towards the big city lights.

Excitement grew again as we started to travel residential streets. Fifteen hundred riders, a bunch of cows and a hundred chuck-wagons were travelling through the city - it was a sight to see from the back of a horse, and I heard that it was a spectacle from the ground. I sat up taller in the saddle and straightened my cowboy hat and I felt Jovan get a little bit bigger. Everywhere we went crowds of people were lining the roads. On the north side of the city I saw Carm, Mom, Dad, and Uncle Graham in the crowd, waving wildly to get my attention. Reality was another step closer... choke... We paraded through downtown. It seemed like everyone in Medicine Hat were lining the roads. It was my first parade and it could have been the Rose Bowl - it was that fantastic.

And then, all of the sudden, it was over.

Too busy to cry, we started the job of getting back to reality. Horses had to be cared for, tack had to be carried to Helena's truck, people had to be greeted, my bag had to be assigned to Carm. Reality. I could barely stand it. The emptiness in my chest was unbearable, I felt like I might explode into a million pieces and had to concentrate not to cry. But there. Everything has a beginning and an end, and even though the end might not be welcome, it is inevitable.

Ground-in dirt with a coating of dust went down the drain as my clothes spun in the washer and I reluctantly stepped into a much needed shower to complete my transition to reality. A few tears may have mixed with the last of the dirt from my Wonderland.

Clean, and in fresh duds, we went to the cattle auction that afternoon, which was followed by a dinner and dance. I suffered mightily from lunch bag letdown and could only summon up half-hearted participation. I said my good byes to Deirdre and Helena and the ponies the next morning.

Now it was a regular visit to the 'Hat', a regular holiday.





Saturday, November 21, 2015

CW #5 Homeland

Oh boy - this was a hard one. I had a heck of a time coming up with a plot based on the writing prompt and then there was the writing of it! Certainly a challenge! One more creative writing challenge after this and then it will be time for the Christmas break - whew...

                                   ~

Angie paced through the kitchen and down the hallway, her shoes clacking on the beige tile floor. Everytime she glanced at the neat stack of mail on the hall table she clenched her hands into a sweaty fist, she wasn't sure but she might actually get sick. At the other end of the table was a wedding photo of her son and his bride in an ornate silver frame. "Oh, no... what have I done".

The crunch of gravel on the driveway alerted her to her husband's arrival. With a quick turn on her heel she rushed to the kitchen where she she stood in front of the stove stirring a curry, her slender figure stiffened against the sound of her husband's steps coming down the hall.

"Hi honey, I'm home!" Carl grabbed the pile of envelopes from the table as he passed by. The smell of curry scented the air. Carl walked into the kitchen, his bulky form darkening the doorway for a moment. The corners of Carls mouth dropped into a frown, "Curry again? What's wrong with meat and potatoes?"

Angie opened the fridge and grabbed a bottle of beer. "I have a beer open for you, why don't you come and tell me about your day?"

"Huh, in a minute", he dropped the mail on the kitchen table and seated himself on a chair, took a swig of beer, and started to open the envelopes. Just as he was opening the bank statement the back door opened and Peter, their son, stepped through the door.

"You won't believe it! Vidya is refusing to come home. She wants to stay in India with her family. I wish her parents hadn't lent her the money to go. How will I live without her? I love her!" Peter leaned against the counter, his shoulders slumped.

Carl glanced at the paper in his hands. "What's this? Angie, do you know anything about this," his voice grew louder, "five thousand dollar withdrawal?"

"ummm... well, it's the money I lent to Vidya for her trip." She wiped her sweaty palms on a dish towel, and stirred the pot again. "She was so depressed. I was worried she might do something and thought a trip home might perk her up. I thought seeing her family would help…"

Carl's face turned red and a vein started to pound in his neck. "Are you telling me that you gave Vidya five thousand dollars without consulting me?" his hands shook, rattleing the bank statement that was clasped in his hands.

Peter's mouth formed a snarl. "Mom, are you out of your mind? How are we supposed to pay back that loan? I'm not even sure I'll have a job by the end of the week - AsciiPro is having trouble with the call center in India and might hire someone there to work it out. So I'll be without a job, my wife, and my child."

"Child?" she raised her eyebrows and a smile lit her face.

"Ya. I just found out this morning. Vidya is pregnant, and thanks to you I'm losing everything." Peter slammed the door as he stormed out of the house.

Carl turned to Angie, "You call her and tell her that if she doesn't get her ass back here from that hell-hole I'm calling the police to say she stole the money." He grabbed his beer off the counter and stomped into the living room.

Early the next morning Angie picked up the phone with trepidation. Her hands shook as she dialed the number to Vidya's parents house in India.

"Hello, Vidya speaking." said a disconnected voice over a crackling line.

Angie stared out the kitchen window and a nerve twitched under her eye as she told Vidya about Carl's threat to call the police.

At the other end of the phone line, Vidya stood in front of an ornate full length mirror admiring the perfect job she had done applying the bindi. The perfect red circle was reflected in the round mirrored disks in her saree. She adjusted the burgundy garment over her shoulder and preened at her image. *so much better than American clothes*. Her attention focused back on what Angie was saying but she dismissed Angie's threats as impossible to implement. Angie continued her pleading,  the combination of cajoling and threat didn't budge Vidya's position. She was staying in India and that was all there was to it, even if she did miss Peter tremendously.

Frustrated, Angie called Peter to see if he had more luck.  "Mom, I'm at work, I can't talk. We are really busy here dealing with the call centre I told you about.", his voice lowered to a menacing whisper, "You better find some way of getting her home. I want my baby born here."

That evening Carl returned home from work to find Angie crying in the livingroom. "I take it Vidya said no." said Carl. His eyes didn't leave Angie, his face flushed . "I'll let you try again tomorrow before we take any action. You can find out from the Indian Embassy what steps we need to take. I don't understand why she doesn't want to live here where we eat cows instead of letting them run everywhere."

Angie grimaced at Carl's racist words, "you sure didn't help matters" she mumbled under her breath.

As soon as Carl left for work the next morning, Angie called Vidya again and, again she had no luck. "The baby will have choices when it grows up. If it's born in the US it will automatically be an American citizen. Think what that might mean for its future. Oh honey, it's not about the money, we want you to come back. Peter is distraught without you, we all are.", but Vidya held strong.

With shaking hands Angie dialed the number she had written down. "Hello, I need some advice. Someone we know borrowed some money and have returned to India, what is our recourse?".

"I'm sorry, the staff is unavailable, I'll have someone call you tomorrow.", said an unfamiliar voice.

Angie hung up the phone and pulled a box of tea from the cupboard. She could no longer hold back her tears when she saw the decorated elephant on the lid.

The next day Peter burst in the back door of his parents house. With a goofy grin on his face he said "the company is sending me to India! I'm going in two weeks and who knows how long I'm going to stay there - they say it's a permenant job! Vidya will start looking for an apartment today. Isn't that fantastic! I'll be there when the baby is born."

Angie stood frozen to the spot. She was losing her son and grandchild to a foreign land that she was certain Carl would not agree to visit.

Monday, November 16, 2015

CW #4 - Come Sail Away

You'd think that this writing thing would get easier each week, but no, it is getting harder. I took the comments from the workshop and incorporated them into my story, but I know there are still a few problems logistically. I'll leave it to you to decide what makes sense!

                      ~

Come Sail Away

With shoulders slumped and a frown on his face, Brian kicked at the sand as he walked along the beach towards the resort's marina. He felt trapped by his boring job and a wife that didn't give him a moment's peace. He was uneasy about the 5 million dollar insurance policy that his wife, Cornelia, had taken out on his life and was looking to find solace among the boats.

The hot sand was replaced by the smooth boards of the dock. His frown turned to a smile as he walked along the dock admiring the colourful sailboats. A slender, blonde woman on a boat waved a greeting. He waved back.

The next day, as soon as Cornelia left the room for her day of spa and shopping, Brian headed straight for the docks. The blonde woman was there again; this time, instead of just waving, she called out 'hi'. A butterfly tumbled in his stomach.

"Hi." Brian answered. "Is this your boat?"

"Yup, she's all mine! She's an O'day 14 footer built in 1984." Tulula plunged a mop into a pail and continued scrubbing the deck.

"She's a beauty. She's exactly the same azure blue as the ocean. I'm Brian." He shifted from one foot to the other.

"I'm Tulula, do you sail?"

"No, but I've wanted to since I was a boy. Are you from around here?"

Tulula dipped her bucket into the sea and rinsed off the soapy deck, "I'm from Canada, but left when I was 32, I've lived here for 5 years. It feels more like home here than Toronto ever did. I couldn't stand the winters."

"Oh! I'm from Toronto too, and I know exactly what you're saying. I dream of moving away but my wife… oh, I don't want to talk about her… what does your family think of you living here?"

"I don't have any family." Tulula said quietly. She stowed the bucket in the tiny cabin and emerged with a coconut and machette. With a flourish she chopped open the coconut and offered Brian a drink.

A bead of sweat formed on his brow, and with a shaking hand took the coconut from her, "er… where did you learn to do that?"

"I had a friend here who knew all about native plants and fish and he took me under his wing. He died in a boating accident. I miss him."

She stepped off the boat and sat down on the edge of the dock, dangling her feet in the water. Brian sat down beside her and an easy banter grew between them. Suddenly he remembered that he'd better get back to his room or Cornelia would be furious.

As soon as Cornelia left the next morning, Brian walked quickly to the docks, hoping that Tulula would be there. His face brightened when he saw her blonde head bent over her mop.

"Hey!" she called out to him, stowing the mop in the compartment under the seat. "Do you want to go for a sail?"

"Oh boy - do I ever!" Brian stood at the side of the boat, his face flushed and a wide grin spread across it.

He hopped on the boat, but before he could sit down she handed him a life jacket. "You'd better wear this." she said, putting hers on as she spoke.

They motored out of the harbour and when they were clear of the breakwater Tulula set the sails. As the wind blew through his hair, Brian couldn't imagine anything quite so grand. "This is amazing!"

Lost in conversation, the hours passed quickly. After a quick look at her watch Tulula turned around, shocked to see huge black clouds racing their way. "We'd better get back." As they got closer to the storm the wind picked up and the ocean got rough. "Hold the tiller while I reef the sails!" she shouted over the wind.

The waves tossed them around like a cork, driving rain soaking them. Passing Brian the tiller again she ducked into the cabin and emerged with a scabbard holding her machete slung across her back. Her teeth chattered as she turned to Brian, "just in case…"

Waves crashed around them - Brian couldn't see how they could possibly survive the ocean's wrath. The boat crested a wave and shuddered before it crashed into the trough.  Shudder. Crash. Shudder. Crash. On it went, Brian and Tulula's eyes wide with terror, until a giant wave crashed down on top of them, capsizing the boat. As the boat sunk into the sea, Brian and Tulula clung onto each other as the waves threatened to bring them under too.

The sun was just coming up in the east when they washed onto the shore, their arms numb from grasping each other. They dragged themselves further onto the beach and collapsed.

When Tulula woke up she called out, "Hey Brian! Look, there's a grove of coconuts. I'm parched."

On shaking legs they shuffled through the sand to the trees. The storm had knocked several coconuts to the ground and they drank and ate until they had their fill. Energized, they started walking along the shoreline looking for habitation;  when they had circled the island with no sign of life they knew they were lost.

"We'd better make a shelter." said Tulula as she walked towards a line of palm trees. Later, using hooks and line that had been tucked into a pocket of one of the lifejackets, and matches from another pocket, they waded into the lagoon to catch some fish to grill for supper. Every day they combed the beach looking for washed up sea life, if their search didn't turn up anything they waded out into the lagoon with baited hooks to catch their day's meal. They settled into an easy routine and soon the days turned into weeks, which turned into months.

"How many days have we been here, Tulula?"

She sidled up to him and checked her watch, "361." she said slipping her arm around his waist.

"Just 4 more days till I'll be declared dead and Cornelia can collect my life insurance, she must be ecstatic."

Several hundred feet offshore, a commercial pleasure boat dropped its anchor and a small skiff was lowered into the water. Catching the sound of the droning engine Brian and Tulula looked up. Pleasure and dismay contorted their faces as they realized they'd been rescued.

Rage distorted Cornelia's face the next day at the sound of Brian's voice on the phone. "what, when." she spluttered as Brian informed her that he'd already talked to a lawyer about a divorce. Through gritted teeth she said "You can't take half my business, you have no right."

"You're wrong there - I do have the right and I'm going to take it. I'm not interested in being a partner in your business, I want my half in cash." Brian hung up the phone and turned to Tulula, "we aren't going to have to worry about money for the rest of our lives."

Tuesday, November 10, 2015

CW #3 Bob & Jim

This is the third creative writing assigment. We are given a writing prompt and from there have to come up with a scenario and the action. It is a challenge!

                               ~

Bob Carlson and Jim Hanson greeted each other awkwardly as they took their seats on the 747 bound for London, England. Bob groaned inwardly - he couldn't stand Jim and the thought of sitting next to that blow-hard for seven hours was almost more than he could take. He thought of asking to change seats, but the plane looked full, and besides which they were neighbors so he had to at least pretend to get along.

As soon as they were in the air and the seat belt sign went out, Bob undid his seatbelt and tried to get comfortable, loosening the laces on his Reeboks and stretching his worn denim clad legs in front of him.

"You really should keep your seatbelt on. People have been killed by smashing into the ceiling when the plane has hit a big pocket of air." said Jim as he snugged up his belt a bit.

Bob rolled his eyes. "What are the odds of that happening?".

"Not zero, take your chance if you want," he said sarcastically, "Amy is a sweet girl with a head on her shoulders, I'm sure she's happy to have a father."

"You leave Amy out of this! I noticed how much time you two spent talking at the last party, what's that all about?" said Bob as he surreptitiously did up his seat belt. Bob picked up his 'Ontario Grain Farmer' magazine and with the veins in his neck throbbing, turned to look out the window.

"Look," said Jim, "I know you don't like me, and that's fine, but don't put thoughts into my head that aren't there. Amy is a nice kid, with a good brain on her shoulders," he thought to himself, "but that's what she is, a kid. Besides which, we have a long flight ahead of us and it will go faster if we can agree to get along, at least for these few hours." He undid his seatbelt and stood up, his carefully combed black hair barely clearing the ceiling. He shrugged out of his sports jacket, folded it neatly and placed it in the overhead bin, refastening his seatbelt as soon as he sat down. Bob couldn't help but notice that his worn jeans contrasted with Jim's neatly pressed Levi's.

"Why should I believe you don't have the hots for my daughter? She sure can't say enough about you. It's sickening." Bob blustered, his face red with anger.

The stewardess rolled next to them with her brushed aluminum serving cart. "Can I interest you gentlemen in a drink?". Bob ordered a beer, while Jim ordered a scotch, neat.

Jim picked up his magazine, 'The Economist', but was not easily put off by Bob's rebuke. "Look, we were just talking about the chemistry experiments that she's been doing at school. You'll just have to trust that I prefer my women closer to my own age." he gritted his teeth in a frustrated grimace and tried to change the subject. "Have you had any dealings with Genesis Grains Incorporated?"

Bob turned to look at Jim with a bit of surprise on his face. "Well, yeah. That's the company that I'm going over to close up a sale."

"Do you know anything about their GMO research arm?"

"A bit. They are doing some pretty interesting stuff."

"The research that they're doing with golden rice has me really intrigued. Imagine splicing in the gene for making more vitamin A - it will save millions of kids from blindness. I'm seriously thinking of investing in them. I've been tracking their stock for 6 months and the trend is good." Jim sat back in his seat while the stewardess delivered their drinks. "Ahhh. That's not bad scotch."

Bob looked at Jim out of the corner of his eye and put down his magazine. "Where did you hear about them?"

"There was an article in 'the Economist' several months back about the work that's being done with GMO. Not the GMO that lets Monsanto sell more poison, but the GMO that is really going to help people. The internet has lots more information, if you dig for it. There's a lot more going on than you see in the media. They just like to sensationalize and not educate." Jim took a another sip of his drink.

"You've got some good points, Jim. I'd like to hear more about what 'the Economist' said, but here comes our supper."

"This barely qualifies as supper. It isn't anything like the fantastic spread that your wife put out a few weeks ago. Man, she can really cook!" said Jim as he peeled back the plastic on the butter. He was hoping a less controversial topic would ease the conversation a bit.

"Umm, well, yeah. Maria's the reason I have such a paunch! How can I keep trim when she stuffs me with all that stick-to-your-ribs Italian cooking. She's got a good student in Amy too." Bob's face reddened as he thought of Jim's comments about Amy and her irritating infatuation for him - 'metrosexual indeed'.

They were silent as they finished their meals and both contemplated how to keep the conversation congenial.

After their plates were cleared away they resumed their conversation over coffee, with a more neutral topic. "Do you do much investing?" Bob asked Jim, recalling comments about the grain company.

"Tons, I love the excitement of the market - the losses not so much. Do you have an investment advisor or do you work on your own?"

"I have an investment advisor, but I haven't been happy with my returns." said Bob, brushing crumbs from his 'Mets' tshirt. Their conversation started to flow more easily and before they knew it they were starting their descent into Heathrow airport.

Bob turned to Jim with a smile. "You know, you aren't so bad afterall. I'm sorry I was so quick to judge. "

Jim was pleased that a common ground was found and smiled back, relieved that Bob didn't suspect the truth - he was really interested in Bob's wife, Maria, and that she shared the attraction.

Saturday, November 7, 2015

WYL #17 - Turning Points

This topic turned out to be a bit of a durge, perhaps Leonard Cohen would like to put it to music (of course he’d be more eloquent). It came out sounding like a bit of a whine, but that was not my intent. But we are writing about our lives, and this is certainly a big part of mine…


                                  ~

There are forks in our lives where we chose one direction over another and this choice can dramatically change our path in life. The day I accepted a temporary job with the government changed the course of my life in ways I can only guess at. Who knows what would have happened if I had stayed in school and moved with my parents to Toronto. Maybe I would have gotten a degree in Arts and become a clerk in some big city bank? Or maybe I would have flown to a foreign city and fallen in love. Instead I entered a career in IT that lasted 30 years. Staying in Ottawa also set me up for another turning point. The lonely night I slipped a note under Carm's door to meet me for a coffee set in motion a series of steps that led to building a happy life together. I have no regrets with either choice, my life has been happy and full of love.

Not all turning points are choices though. Sometimes things that are out of your control happen that force a new track. That's what happened to me in 2004. My life was perfect. I was living my dream with a farm in the country, complete with a herd of horses in the backyard. I ignored the ominous signs. Occasionally I'd have a week or two of depression but it would pass and I'd forget the grey misery. Spring and summer were euphoric. The sun shone brighter, the grass was greener, everything was a miracle. There was nothing that I couldn't do. I thought everyone loved life as wildly as I did.

In March of that year everything changed. My depression didn't end and just got worse and worse. Moving one foot in front of the other was the best I could do, and I wasn't sure I'd be able to keep it up. Life seemed like an empty void. A trip to the doctor got me a prescription of antidepressants. I thought my problems were solved. Summer that year was great. I bought 2 more mares. I bred 4. I didn't sit still. The next spring was going to be busy and I was super excited about it. My brain was on overdrive… until it wasn't. The September fall from hypomania to depression was like landing on a cement sidewalk from one story up. Thoughts about dying haunted me - it seemed the only solution. Another visit to my doctor got me a leave slip, a different antidepressant and a referral to a psychologist.

The new prescription didn't help but, luckily, I only had to wait a week to see the new doctor. I sat in a big blue armchair in his office and answered question after question. Finally, Dr. Beck put his notes down and looked me in the eye. "You have bipolar, a mood disorder that has no cure. You'll be on medication for the rest of your life, without it you have a 20% chance of dying by suicide.".

I sat stunned. This wasn't what I expected, it wasn't what I wanted. What happened to my perfect life? I asked him why it happened so suddenly and he told me that I had had a mild form which can suddenly turn more serious.

Talk about turning points! Everything had changed but it took a while to sink in. I didn't understand how the diagnosis would change nearly every aspect of my life.

My doctor told me that bipolar is a mood disorder where the hypo-manic highs cycle with depressed lows, with some 'normal' thrown into the mix. Instead of experiencing a mood for a few hours or maybe days, it get's stuck at one of the extremes, sometimes for weeks or months before it cycles through the mood spectrum again. It's been my experience that hypomania can be energetically euphoric, which can be fun, until the energy overcomes me so I can't sit down or sleep, and my brain spins with crazy ideas.  The euphoria can suddenly, like flicking a light switch, change to an irrationally irritable rage. Depression is a loss of feeling. My brain doesn't spin, it lies flat without moving. Thoughts are slow and muddled. I feel like I am moving through a thick grey porridge. It isn't just sadness but is often a painful emptiness from which there seems only one escape.

The weeks turned into months which turned into years as medications were adjusted and I worked hard to learn how to manage this illness. One of the first things I learned is that having a calm environment without frenetic levels of activity was crucial. I could no longer manage the schedule of taking care of 11 parrots, and 11 horses.  The horses and birds had to go. My dream life was over. I thought of keeping one horse, but one of the many side effects of the drugs was a loss of balance. I learned the hard way that the ground is hard! There were rivers of tears over these decisions, but I knew that they were the only ones that I could make, I knew that to carry on the way I was going would keep me ill.

If that wasn't enough to deal with, I found that the depression and medications had affected my brain. I couldn't think. My IQ dropped. Simple tasks were (proved) difficult and frustrating. I kept at it though and with more hard work most of my brain has returned. I still have trouble with concentration and memory, especially when tired.

Some people with bipolar enter remission and no longer experience any of its effects. I'm not one of those people. Every single day I have to make choices towards wellness. The odd late night might be okay, but more than that will likely trigger a mood episode, as will too many activities in a day. I keep track of my thinking to make sure I nip any negative thoughts in the bud. The tremor in my hands is just one side effect of the medications I take, but they are a lifesaver to me so I'm careful to take them on schedule. These management techniques help, but sometimes depression or hypomania gets a toe-hold and I'm brought down.

The reminders that my life has changed are harsh at times, but then I realize how lucky I am, for most turning points have a positive side and this one is no different. Please don't feel sorry for me! I live a good and happy life. I have good doctors, I have supportive family and friends, I have experienced the kindness of others, I have a spouse that is my champion. And, sometimes, I even get to experience a little bit of that euphoria!

This is a quote by Albert Camus that is a reminder that I have within myself the power to overcome:

In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer.

And that makes me happy. For it says that no matter how hard the world pushes against me, within me, there’s something stronger – something better, pushing right back.”  ~Albert Camus



Wednesday, November 4, 2015

WYL #16a Where were you then - 1998 Ice Storm

Ice Castles

The lights flickered. Head throbbing from a day long headache, I groped my way to the kitchen sink to fill a bucket of water for the toilet and made sure we (humans and dogs) had enough drinking water, then rushed down to the basement to take care of the aviary full of parrots - 5 pairs of birds waited for me to serve up their supper.

Water and food was taken care of, getting the dogs outside for a break and opening the gate was next. I was shocked to find freezing rain bucketing down and every surface already glazed. It was a miracle that I didn't wipe out as I slip my way to the gate.  With a big heave-ho I wrenched the gate free of the ice and looked down the road. It takes a big dip down to the bridge over the creek, then there is a long, fairly steep hill on the other side. On either side of the road is a sharp, car-busting drop-off to the creek. The slick hill was too much for the few cars that tried, leaving them idling in the dip waiting for a salt truck to come along.

I didn't have to wait long for Carm to skid into the laneway from the other direction. As we stepped into the house the lights flickered again, and then went out. Already. We started a fire in the fireplace and wondered when the power would come on.

Thursday morning we woke up to a quiet house. No lights on downstairs in the birdroom. No alarm clock. No humming of the fridge. Dead quiet. Except for the eerie cracking of trees breaking. Oh geeze, surely it won't be long now. I traipsed outside with the dogs and stopped just outside the door. Thick ice cloaked every surface; even tall grasses were ringed with an inch of ice, sticking out of the ground like miniature crystal skyscrapers. Our driveway was impassable - there was no way we were going to work. The dogs slid and fell as they tried to do their business - they didn't linger outside. The birdroom was lit by two small windows, but it was enough light for them to find the food bowls that we had filled with bird seed rather than their normal scrumptious meal.

It was a long day. We had no phone service and no battery operated radio so occasionally we'd sit in the car trying to get news of what was happening. CHEZ 106 didn't have much to say, but Lowell Green on CFRA had reports of gloom and doom. We sat tight and hoped we'd be one of the first to be restored.

Cracking explosions kept up through the day and into the night as the trees surrendered their crowns to the icy queen.

The next day there was no change so we ventured out in the car. We were shocked when we saw long lines of power poles snapped in two. Every road we drove on the north/south poles were shattered.  A few days later we'd be even more shocked to see a line of collapsed metal power towers. Our hearts sunk and we wondered what we'd do. It would surely be weeks before this mess could be cleaned up and we had a basement full of parrots - tropical birds - that had to be kept warm. There was no way we could leave the house.

Thankfully our house was R2000 and we had an efficient woodstove in the living room. That was good for upstairs, but as you know, heat rises. When we built the house we had roughed in for a future wood stove in the basement, but that was no help (we did remedy that as soon as everything was back to normal). We had to find a way to get heat into the bird room and since we couldn't fight the laws of physics we'd need another heat source. My parents had a kerosene heater that we could borrow which would help a bit but we could only run it when we were there and we'd have to be careful about the fumes - we had 10 canaries in this coal mine.

Heat wasn't our only problem - we had no water. None for toilets, none for washing ourselves, none for the dogs. Luckily by the weekend the temperatures outside had risen to above freezing and water was pouring off the roof. I put bowls and buckets under the drain spouts and collected water into a large garbage bin that we brought into the house. A day of effort gave us enough to get by. We got drinking water from the township.

Firewood was also a problem - we had roasted a lamb the previous fall which depleted our reserves. Carm put many miles on the car collecting wood at various depots. Kind people from the city donated some to us, and the rest came from emergency suppliers.

By a fluke we heard about a delivery of generators that was coming into Home Depot - Carm was in line at 5am on Sunday to cinch one. The American manufactured generators were not designed to handle the frigid temperatures that had moved in. We had to carry the heavy, awkward unit up three steps to get it in the house to warm up for an hour before we could coax the engine to start. As if we didn't have enough to worry about. However, the generator could run a space heater in the birdroom - at least while we were home and awake.

The days passed, we were back to work so our heating efforts downstairs were minimal and day by day the room got colder. By Friday it was at 50F and I had made the commitment to stay up with the generator and kerosene heater until we warmed the birds up. I think it was 8pm when we saw the light down the road. Could it be? Carm disconnected the generator and flicked the main switch on the electrical… and voila! Lights.



Wednesday, October 28, 2015

CW #2 - Dialogue Challenge

The Creative Writing workshop was on Monday and, as last week, it was a fantastic learning experience. I had slaved over the assignment: a writing prompt that involved 3 women at a bar. The focus was conversation but also keeping an eye to descriptive "show not tell" prose. I've never done any dialogue so it was a challenge. I was excited to have my work critiqued by the group. I want to hear what needs improvement! How else can I improve?

Assignment: Tabitha Merkle has just broken up with her boyfriend, Pete Lawsky. They have been going together for two years. Tabitha thought that this was the man she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. She is meeting two of her best friends, Gloria Stimple and Rosie Ratchinsky in a bar to discuss the breakup. What happens next?

                                                         ~

Tabitha slumped down into a chair and looked around. There was nothing outstanding about the place: the dark wood of the floor was scuffed with years of use; the walls were a diluted burgundy, which matched the ring her glass of wine had left on the white table ; it even had an enormous oak bar with a brass foot rail dominating one side of the room. Small tables for four peppered the floor, many of them occupied by groups of women. In the far corner a bunch of men had pulled three tables together and were making a lot of noise.

Out of the corner of her eye she saw the door open and turned her head to see Gloria and Rosie walk into the bar and with a frantic wave she got their attention. Tabitha stood up and embraced them both, a fragile smile wavering on her face. Her eyes were puffy with with recently shed tears.

"I'm so glad you're here, I couldn't have sat here by myself any longer."

"Oh, you'd be fine." said Rosie. Her heart shaped face framed by carefully brushed ringlets showed little sympathy as she looked at her friend.

"I'm glad to see you too. I'm so worried about you. How long have you been waiting?" said Gloria. She looked at Tabitha and noted her outfit of loose fitting jeans and frayed grey t-shirt, a sharp contrast to her own carefully combed blond hair and stylish shirt that she wore over form-fitting jeans. Tabitha usually took more care.

Tabitha collapsed back into her chair. "Not long." and broke down with quiet sobs.  Her right hand twirled a strand of her lifeless mousy brown hair.

Gloria pulled her chair closer to the table and leaned in towards Tabitha. “You’re a wreck, Tab, what happened?"

"We were having supper and Pete just blurted it out. That he was leaving me and going to live with Ann. I can't believe it, we were going to get married. What's wrong with me? Nobody will ever love me... I'll never meet another guy like him." Reaching under the table Tabitha unearthed a box of tissue from her backpack. "I don't think I can live without him."

"Pete is a jerk. I can't believe you saw anything in him anyway. I say good riddance." said Rosie as she glance over at the table in the far corner, the blush in her rosy cheeks matching her pink blouse.

Gloria shot a nasty glare at Rosie then continued, "Rosie's right, although she didn't need to be so blunt about it. Come on, you have lots of good qualities, he just didn't see them. But it's over now and you have to find some way to move on. And hey - we love you, haven't we been friends for years? This isn't the worst thing that could happen to you!"

"I know… I guess. It's just that we had made plans. And I'm so stupid. I thought they were just studying together, I even invited her over so they could be together. I left them alone and slaved in the kitchen making her vegetarian lunches. How could I have been so dumb? It's no wonder he picked her, I'm not the smart one, studying architecture…" she trailed off with a sob.

Gloria and Rosie exchanged glances, there wasn't much to argue with, she had been a bit of a dope.

Gloria took a long swallow of her Carlsberg Light. "Look, you're the nice one, and she is just a conniving bitch." she blushed at using a swear word then kept going, "She knew what she was doing, and you were just kind - it’s your nature. Hey, how come you didn't answer your phone these last few days? I must have called a million times. We were worried sick about you at work."

"I couldn't. After Pete moved his things out I couldn't go on. I couldn't get out of bed. Couldn't talk to anyone.". In a low voice she continued, "I didn't want to live." Tabitha stifled a sob. "Gloria, the policeman said that you were the one that called. Thanks. He got there right in time - I was just leaving our, err, my apartment, for the drugstore." The final word hung in the air. Tabitha thought back to the the last few days and realized how lucky she was to have friends like this; she wasn’t sure if she would have gone through with it, but she had a strong feeling that the cop and Gloria might have saved her life.

Rosie locked eyes with one of the guys across the room; a coy smile passed her lips while she batted her eyelashes at him. "Hey, look! I'll bet one of them would fix you up for a night!"

Gloria glared at Rosie and gave her a kick under the table. "I think it's a bit soon for that".

"Tab, you have a lot going for you, so don't throw all that away. You complained yourself about Pete's distraction and how he always put you down for not going to university. Hey, you have a good job and you didn't need to waste all those years studying. Maybe this is a good thing and you'll find someone who loves you for who you are." Gloria said.

Rosie looked at them both with a smile. "How does that song go? 'Always look on the bright side of life'. Can't go wrong with that as your ear worm!", she looked around the room, bored with the conversation. "Hey girls, those guys are waving to us to come over. I think we should join them." Rosie flipped her perfect curls and waved back.

Tabitha thought about what her friends were saying, agreeing that much of it she couldn't argue with. Pete was a jerk and had dealt her a huge blow but was she going to let him spoil her happiness? No, at least not for tonight, she thought to herself.

Gloria looked over at Tabitha expecting another outburst of tears. Instead she smiled at them both and said, "you know what? I can find a way. I am okay and I'll find someone. Hitting rock bottom showed me that Pete's not worth it, no guy is worth dying over. Oh, and thanks you guys, you're lifesavers." Tabitha put the box of tissue back into her backpack.

Rosie looked at Tabitha with a puzzled smile while Gloria patted Tabitha's arm. "Don't scare us like that again.".

The three girls talked among themselves, and ordered another round of drinks. They giggled when a tall, dark haired man swaggered over to their table. "Ummm, hey. We have three extra chairs, why don't you girls join us".

Simultaneously the three chimed "sure", and stood up to walk over.

"Are you okay with this?" Gloria asked as she scrutinized Tabitha's face.

"Yeah, it will be a good thing, beside which we could hardly stop Rosie!".  Tabitha smiled, promising herself that she’d enjoy the evening, and walked over to the table with her head high and a bit of a spring in her step.

                                                           ~

Sunday, October 25, 2015

WYL #15 - Those Years In Between

lets get this show on the road

I struggled to open my eyes when the rock concert suddenly blared from my alarm clock, the sound of loud Marshall amps jolting me out of my slumber. The clock blinked 4:45 am. My arm flung out, searching for the button to stop the infernal noise and I started to pull the covers back over my head, but I knew that wasn't an option. Swinging my feet out of the covers, they hit the cold floor and I stood up to get my bearings.

In the kitchen, I started emptying the fridge of its horde of fruits and vegetables. The knife sliced dangerously through the air, narrowly missing my finger, as I chopped and shredded. Oatmeal mixed with eggs, beans and pasta warmed in the microwave, a colourful salad of veggies and fruit was on the menu for today, as it was everyday. I piled the food onto glass pie plates and started transporting the colourful offerings, two at a time, to the basement. When I turned on the lights I was greeted by cheerful hellos and squawks from the waking parrots. The morning avian hello always brought a smile to my face. I greeted everyone by name, and carefully observed them for a moment, before moving on to the next pair of parrots. While the birds dug into their breakfast I checked their water supply then dragged myself upstairs to get showered and dressed.

I pulled big warm boots, and a long coat over my office clothes and braced myself. The blast of winter air that hit my face when I opened the door almost sent me back to bed, but I had an appointment with a computer, so I forced myself out into the cold. Wind had drifted the snow over the path, but there was no time to shovel. Pushing through the drifts towards the barn I thought of the day ahead of me - inside, with no windows to the sky - I felt grateful for these few minutes of Nature, even in her fury.

The large bodies of the horses had warmed up the little barn, and low nickers greeted me. Shoeing them all out, I picked up the night's accumulation of manure, then struggled with the huge muck bucket, dragging it out to the manure pile. Next, I spread out several flakes of hay onto the floor, a pile for each horse. Calling them in, each horse chose a pile and started their breakfast. I paused for a moment burying my face in the thick coat of the closest one and listened to the rhythmic chewing. A feeling of peace and contentment washed over me. These few minutes of equine therapy would get me through the busy day.

I trudged again through the deep snow to the waiting car, I was grateful that I had this opportunity to live my dream but it was now time to rush across snow covered roads, through heavy traffic, and into town to the paying job.

After work the process reversed itself. A drive through rush hour, into the house to change and prepare steaming buckets of warm mash, then outside with Carm to clean the barn and feed the horses. If it was warm enough I'd clean their hooves and brush them. A few minutes of training would be shoehorned into the evening. Once back into the house it was time to feed the dogs, and take care of the birds. The parrots would all get a fresh helping of pellets along with a walnut. We'd sweep the floor and say goodnight. If I was lucky Carm and I had a few minutes for supper before we'd go out to the barn again for bedtime hay. My head would sink into the pillow when it was finally time for bed, anxious to get to sleep before the band played again.