roulette

Headline tonight: Ontario schools closed until May at least. There are a total of 8,505 (7,427 yesterday) cases of Covid-19 in Canada today, with 101 (86 yesterday) deaths to date.

A kind of hush all over the house today… Yes, I did make 3 more masks. No, there was no swearing, but there were emphatic appeals to slow down. I seem to have a very heavy right foot - the foot that controls the speed of the white Mephistopheles. 

I had just enough elastic to finish them off. My fabric supply held out. My bobbin didn’t run out of thread in the middle of a run. The sun came out from behind the clouds. It was with no small amount of relief that I put the dreaded machine away in it’s cupboard.

For lunch I whipped up an Instant Pot enabled curried lentil soup with lots of vegetables. It had a nice spicy warmth and felt healthy and filling.

The grocery list was getting long, so with a newly sewn mask in hand we ventured into the scary wilderness. Carm geared up and went into the store with a disinfecting wipe in hand, while I waited in the car. 

While I was waiting a car pulled in beside me, the woman went into the store and was back before Carm. I watched her get into her car with her giant purse (think virus sponge), she pulled out her phone and played with that, fixed her hair and touched her face, then, without hand sanitizer or a seatbelt, drove away. A risky game of roulette.

Carm appeared at the back of the car with bags of groceries, carefully pulled off his mask, then got in the car - he hadn’t touched anything without using the disinfecting wipe but still used the hand sanitizer. 

Safely in the car, we went for a drive. Oh, it was so nice to get out and see different scenery! For a grin we went past our old house in Limoges (25 years ago!). We had to laugh that the statue of the Virgin Mary was still center stage in front of the house.

Back home Carm prepped the brussels sprouts and mushrooms while I got the rest of supper ready. Garlic Noodles topped with Chinese Brussels Sprouts were in our bowls tonight. The noodles were a new recipe and gosh! they were good.

It was a productive day in my little square of the plant. Much like driving in the car, life seems to go on beyond the glass, distant and yet close. I feel that this reality is becoming normalized, nothing about it seems shocking, just inevitable, although my brain can’t really process what is to come in the weeks and months ahead.

“A happy life consists not in the absence, but in the mastery of hardships.”

~Helen Keller

Carm the ripper

Headline tonight: USA expands social-distancing guidelines until April 30. Ontario extends state of emergency for 2 more weeks. There are a total of 7,427 (6,280 yesterday) cases of Covid-19 in Canada today, with 86 (65 yesterday) deaths to date.

It lurked at the end of the table, the lone needle glinting in the overhead light. Fabric draped across the chair like a sinister cloak. It repelled me but duty forced me to its side. 

I’d stayed up past midnight watching videos and searching for mask patterns, finally settling on directions that seemed reasonably simple. I downloaded the pattern and sent it to Carm for printing.

With the fabric laid out carefully on the floor I positioned my patterns and almost started to cut. Adia stepped on the fabric and was then ‘thrown’ into her crate. I finished the cutting and sat myself before my nemesis and started sewing. I sewed another seam. I sewed two long edges together. I held it up to see my progress. WHAT THE HELL!!! I had sewn the wrong things together. I threw it down and swore. Carm stepped in to rip the seam.

Another try. It seems to be working. It might actually work. Or not. I couldn’t get the elastic through the pocket. Carm tried. I ripped out the stitches. I sewed again. I threw it down in a blind rage and stormed around the house.

I knew I had to do this, so took a few deep breaths and started over, this time after watching the video again and with a clearer plan in my head, I sewed the first seam. WTF! I sewed the wrong side. Carm stepped in again with the seam ripper. Back at the evil sewing machine I saw that I had done it right. Swearing. The rest of the steps went well and the mask turned out okay although one fabric was too heavy and bulky.

Mask #3… no swearing!

I’ll tackle the machine again tomorrow.

“Helen Keller became deaf, dumb, and blind shortly after birth. Despite her greatest misfortune, she has written her name indelibly in the pages of the history of the great. Her entire life has served as evidence that no one is ever defeated until defeat has been accepted as reality.”

~Napoleon Hill

Ma and Pa Kettle

Headline tonight: There are a total of 6,280  (5,655 yesterday) cases of Covid-19 in Canada today, with 65 (60 yesterday) deaths to date.

The rain is dripping from a grey sky, sapping all creativity and will to act. Even picking up my tablet seems like too much work. Oh how I would have loved to cuddle up under a blanket and watch old movies, preferably Ma and Pa Kettle or maybe Francis the talking Mule. You know, comfort TV. Or even Mr. Dressup and the Friendly Giant like I used to watch when young and sick at home. Mom would cuddle me up on the sofa with blankets and pillows. I’d sip milk & gingerale and feel taken care of. No, I’m not sick, just what? Not scared exactly, not worried exactly, not anxious, just wanting to step out of today’s reality.

It’s 2:30pm and there has been no CNN or other news which is a relief.

I read an article about homemade face masks and their usefulness compared to proper hospital type masks. Not as a replacement for doctors and nurses, but as a potentially helpful thing for us when we leave the house. It was a well reasoned and logical argument.

So, I wheeled out the dreaded sewing machine and hunted down some fabric. THEN I started looking at patterns and instructions… considering that I can’t sew more than a straight line, and also that my brain is stodge today, the machine sits beside the table taunting me. Maybe tomorrow.

Last night I laboured over chicken with dumplings (it took me an hour to make it!). It was a new recipe and one always wonders how it’s going to turn out. Luckily it got a 5/5 star rating from Carm and I had to agree with him. Well worth the effort, although a bit calorific for regular consumption. Tonight I’m making an easier and healthier meal: Burritos with black beans and rice topped with avocado, chives, and grated cheese.

“So it is more useful to watch a man in times of peril, and in adversity to discern what kind of man he is; for then at last words of truth are drawn from the depths of his heart, and the mask is torn off, reality remains.”

~Lucretius

virtual visits

Headline tonight: There are a total of  5,655 (4,043 yesterday) cases of Covid-19 in Canada today, with 60 (39 yesterday) deaths to date.

I was thinking today about my great grandparents who settled in the wilds of southern Alberta in 1913, far from any sizable town or city. Social isolation must have been a big thing for them with no internet, telephone, or other way to easily communicate with others. I wonder how often they gathered with neighbors when the winter raged on. A new generation lives there now, and in some ways they are more isolated than ever as local family farms are sold to giant companies letting old farmhouses crumble.

I must take strength from them. Not that I particularly need strength, but gosh, I’d love to have some people over for supper!

We did have virtual company last night. Kirsten, Shawn, and the girls joined us for some cake after supper last night. It takes a bit of getting used to, but I’m starting to feel more comfortable with these visits over the internet. There are a myriad of apps that let us connect in this way - imagine 10 years ago when the technology wasn’t there. 

Anyway, we talked for almost 1 ½ hours! It was a wonderful time.

We got the dogs outside before it started raining. Spike pottered out to the field with us and was happy to be hunting with Adia… until she went crazy dog and zoomed him. He gets mad and leaps after her, jaws snapping. He’s getting some exercise, but I’m not sure how much fun he’s having.

I’m getting reminders from my calendar about our cruise that we were supposed to be flying to today. They are disturbing messages from another very distant reality.

This afternoon we had another ‘visitor’: Olaf dropped in for a quick hello and a few laughs. We met up again after supper for another 1 ½ hours of fun! I’m getting the hang of this virtual visiting and hope to catch up with some friends soon.

“You never really know what's coming. A small wave, or maybe a big one. All you can really do is hope that when it comes, you can surf over it, instead of drown in its monstrosity.”

~Alysha Speer

route 66

Numbers aren't released for today yet.

Sun warmed my bare arms as I sat on the back deck, my head reeling with feelings of gratitude for my good fortune. I watched flocks of geese land in the creek and saw a pair of mallards check out the pond. Birdsong filled the air with a joyous chorus. Adia snuffled around checking out newly unearthed smells and seemed pleased with herself when she circumnavigated the house. It was glorious and I’m not ashamed to say that a few tears rolled down my cheeks. It was almost as if winter’s icy grip released my soul to fly with the goldfinches as they swooped across the yard. My thoughts flitted to the scary world on the other side of the gate. I felt so fortunate to be where I was.

Do you ever get that? An overwhelming feeling of gratitude for what is?

Back in the house, a burnt sugar cake cooled on a rack, it’s double layers waiting to be sheathed in a creamy fudge icing. Scratch that creamy icing though - it ended up being granular - I must not have boiled the sugar for long enough. DRAT!

It’s Carm’s birthday today, but instead of our usual trip to the Keg with Bruce & Tina, we’ll be having a little roast with yorkshire pudding at home with just the two of us. And cake. Lovely burnt sugar cake with a slightly granular icing. 

We’ll be ‘having Kirsten, Shawn, and the girls over’ (yay technology) for a bit of cake after supper. Last time we met up we visited for over 45 minutes.

As of today 51 doctors are dead in Italy… How f ucking scary is that!!!! 969 dead today… just today… If that’s not motivation to stay home, I’m not sure what would be. Note to self: less CNN. Does it help to know these things? or by not knowing am I just sticking my head in the sand? Not sure, but I feel a compulsion to know otherwise I feel totally disconnected from the real world. I feel, and perhaps it’s unwarranted, that Canada has this in hand. I guess the next few days will tell. I have to tell myself that or I’ll burst into tears. (hummm.. good day for crying: happy then freaked out).

“To live greatly, we must develop the capacity to face trouble with courage, disappointment with cheerfulness, and triumph with humility.”

~Thomas S. Monson

into the field

Headline tonight: There are a total of  4,043 (3,409 yesterday) cases of Covid-19 in Canada today, with 39 (27 yesterday) deaths to date.

There’s a backlog of singing and dancing in this house. Carm, not so much. Me? Bursting. Today I put on my headphones and fired up the music. With dusting cloth in hand I swirled and twirled around the house, displacing dust as I went. Chopped bits of song escaped my lips, perhaps driving Carm crazy. He looked at me askance as I gyrated around the room. Crazy, yes. But gosh, the dusting went quickly!I

And think of the extra calories burned!

For a bit of doggie fun I locked the pups up and went around the house with a handful of kibble, hiding it, mostly in plain sight as this was the first time playing this game. ‘Release the hounds’! And off they went, unsure at first what they were supposed to do. Spike caught on but he seemed confused. Adia took a few minutes and then zoom - off she went snuffling around the room. I set up the game again - next time I’ll get more tricky.

We were able to get into the field today!

On his last foray into the scary world, Carm bought a package of bacon from Costco which is four 500g packs. We usually get this once, maybe twice a year and I had just run out. Together, we broke it up into 3 strip packets and stored them in the freezer. It’s super handy to have a few slices for baked potato soup, certain bean soups, bacon and tomato sandwiches, etc. 

I’m usually a bit of a homebody, but honestly, I’m starting to go a bit stir crazy. We’ve been in seclusion for 13 days now… I’m doing okay. I had a few days of anxiety and panic but that’s passed, leaving me in a weird state of delusional calm. I’m still tuning into the news which seems so distant and unrelated to anything in my reality.

“We could never learn to be brave and patient if there were only joy in the world”

~Helen Keller

face it

Headline tonight: state of emergency declared in Ottawa. There are a total of 2,792 cases of Covid-19 in Canada today, with 27 deaths to date.

I wasn’t going to post today as it was a day much like so many others but then it struck me that it isn’t the same at all. In the ‘old days’ I would never have turned on news in the morning. A trip to Costco for Carm would not have been fraught with so much anxiety. I would have thought nothing of having friends over and instead spend the evening with just the two of us.

Carm braved the virus filled world today to stock up on a few groceries at Costco. He said that it was well organized with lots of safety protocols in place so he felt as safe as could be expected. We’ve now got a fridge filled with fresh vegetables, and I finally got those mushrooms to cook and freeze. All is good. They still didn’t have toilet paper though… 

It seems that Canada (might) have things in hand and that we’ll be spared the worst. Some places in the USA don’t seem to be so lucky. Italy, Spain, and France are in dire straits. 

I have to stop reading the comments on the online news reports… there are so many stupid, mean people that infuriate me. I usually restrain myself and keep my figurative mouth shut but sometimes I can’t help it.

I am so glad that I’m a Canadian…

“Facing it, always facing it, that’s the way to get through. Face it.”

~Conrad Joseph

non-essential

Headline tonight: all non-essential businesses closed in Ontario.

Carm and I went for a walk which included an ‘at a distance’ visit with Trudie & Leo. It was great to stretch our legs and even better to see friends, even if it was from far away. 

Then I ‘met’ with Kirsten, Shawn and the girls this afternoon for a pre-dinner gin & tonic. Hurrah for the magic of technology. If ever we needed a way to keep in touch it is now. I could probably do with a bit less facebook with the CBC, CNN, and CTV news feeds bombarding me though. I shouldn’t read the comments as they are often infuriating… covid-19 has the effect of releasing hordes of idiots.

To keep myself motivated I added another field to my daily log. A few years back I’d created a table with a list of tasks, what zone they are in, and how often they should be done… I was lazy and didn’t go farther than that. So today I added a relationship to that table on my daily log so that I can check a task everyday. Today I washed the fronts of all the kitchen cupboards… a small task for sure.

The actifry and instant pot were called into service today: pork tenderloin with a balsamic mushroom gravy, roasted baby potatoes, and roasted asparagus. Oh so yum!

“No one but Night, with tears on her dark face,

Watches beside me in this windy place.”

~Edna St. Vincent Millay

a moment of trial

Winter made a return visit today. Huge flakes of snow hung in the air before drifting to the ground. They piled onto branches creating a scene that would be better appreciated a few months ago. The only thing I want to see on branches these days are LEAVES! But we had nowhere to go (as if) so didn’t worry about slippery roads.

I watched a bit of news at 11am and that was okay. I went outside and walked around the house a few times - the long way. I cooked chickpeas. I surfed Facebook (lots to scare there). In other words, I didn’t do much of anything and frittered away my day.

I put on my headphones and danced, getting Adia involved (she wasn’t keen - maybe she needs to hear the music). 

Supper tonight was a fresh Greek salad with a side of lemon rice. It was good. My original plan was to serve the chickpeas with it, but a) I overcooked them; and b) I needed comfort food. Since we got the instant pot we’ve gone from rarely eating rice to eating it a few times a week. Carm minces hot peppers, I add chopped garlic, sesame or olive oil, and sometimes fennel seeds. Then depending on what we feel like I add onion, mushrooms, lemon, green beans, peas or sausage… all sauteed in the pot before adding the rice and broth. Oh yum!!! 

Sycophant is the word that springs to mind watching the US White House Coronavirus Task force briefing… 

“I suppose sooner or later in the life of everyone comes a moment of trial. We all of us have our particular devil who rides us and torments us, and we must give battle in the end.”

~Daphne Du Maurier

it's time that we began to laugh

How are you doing? I’ve been okay for the last few days until this morning when I watched NY Governor Andrew Coumo’s press conference - he talked about the steps they are taking to ramp up the medical system, how important social distancing and staying home is, and other issues. He spoke for almost an hour. I was okay. He was measured and calm, not minimizing the facts but not creating panic either. 

Then I watched Trudeau’s speech. He was the same as Coumo, measured and calm.  Half way through Trudeau’s speech I’d reached the saturation point that I didn’t know I had. Reality knocked at the door, no, it kicked the door in. My bubble burst. I felt overwhelmed again. 

When outside reality gets to be too much, it is time to turn off the TV and make some bread. First I went outside - it’s bright, sunny, and cool with a bit of wind. I walked around the house, watching the dogs play around and immediately felt calmer. Once back in the house I got busy cleaning up my baking cart arranging the different types of flour, stacking the yeast packets, and then making bread. Earthy things that keep me in the present and help to rebuild the bubble. I could enjoy the miracle of flour, water, yeast and salt coming together to make a stretchy dough. I could revel in the sensation of kneading the elastic creation.

There is a certain kind of satisfaction in the knowledge that there are 2 lovely loaves of bread baking in the oven.

Often when I make bread, I seperate some little balls of dough to flatten and grill once they’ve risen. Slathered with butter and honey, they are a sweet indulgence.

It is distressing to know that nobody knows how long this will go on. It might be months. 

I have to remind my brain to not think about the things we cannot do, like seeing family and friends. I have to remember that I am my thoughts and that if I dwell my mental health will suffer.

“Now so long, Marianne

It’s time that we began to laugh

And cry and cry and laugh about it all again”
~Leonard Cohen

In Montreal at 8pm tonight people are encouraged to go to their windows and balconies to sing Leonard Cohen songs. I am so bummed that I’m not there to add my (horrible) voice. I love Leonard and the idea of everyone singing at once brings chills down my back. Hopefully someone will post a recording on Facebook.

“Adversity is like a strong wind. I don't mean just that it holds us back from places we might otherwise go. It also tears away from us all but the things that cannot be torn, so that afterward we see ourselves as we really are, and not merely as we might like to be.”

~Arthur Golden

shift the focus

Bright sun greeted us this morning, drawing me out of bed earlier than usual. The golden sun fueled me through a few chores this morning but by 1pm I was lolling on the sofa with my eyelids drooping.

Today was bone broth day - hurrah say the dogs!

The freezing temps have turned the field into an ice rink so we didn’t take Adia out for a run today. Instead she kept herself busy inside by watching a pesky squirrel that was taunting her from the back deck. She trotted from window to window trying to keep it in her sights. She was pretty calm about it though and didn’t bark or try to get through the windows. Not sure how it would go if I took her outside on her leash…

Carm says she has incredible persistence and I have to agree with him.

The number of cases of Covid-19 are creeping up. Twenty confirmed cases in Ottawa although the public health doctor suspects upwards of 2000 is more likely. Is she saying that just to scare people into staying home or could it really be true? If you need stuff like groceries or wine, now is the time to get it, before the numbers increase exponentially as expected.

I’ve been feeling reasonably calm the last few days with no appreciable panic. I can even watch a bit of the news. I turn the TV on mid-day to watch Justin Trudeau’s press conference and feel calmed by his words. Even CNN isn’t panicking me. Aside from missing friends and family, much of my daily life is no different so it’s easy to keep living in a bubble.

Perhaps I feel disconnected from reality.

It’s probably best that way as I can’t see any fast way out of this. It will be at least a year before a vaccine will be available and drugs to treat the infection will likely take a while. That means that we’ll be in some sort of lock down for months. Slowly, people will get infected and those that recover may have immunity so they can start moving in society. Slowly life will start returning to normal.

Please tell me that I’m being an awfulizer!

“Whenever something bad happens, keep calm, take a few deep breaths and shift the focus to something positive.”

~Roy T. Bennett

practicing social distancing

A shroud of gauze hung over the windows which were fogged on the outside, but even so I was able to see drifts of fog pass. By noon much of the moisture had dissipated although there was still some floating above the remaining snow. when I took the photos of Adia in the field practicing social distancing. By 2pm the wind had whipped away the last traces, roaring in the branches of the trees. From dead calm to a maelstrom…

The wind did blow away some of the clouds so we had flashes of sun later in the afternoon, and by supper time the sky was almost clear. Lovely!

This morning I was up at the normal time (some would consider it late), had coffee, and then, totally out of character fixed my hair and put on some makeup. Crazy? Well, I thought it might make me feel more ‘with it’ and perhaps less ‘slouchy’. The fixing up didn’t extend to my clothes - I can’t give up my flannel shirt! I then prepped a few lemons for freezing; and diced and cooked 4 packs of mushrooms. You might think that 4 packs of mushrooms might be hoarding, but they are the small boxes, not nearly the size of the Costco tub. I can go through 1 or 2 Costco tubs in a week so I’m going to have to use them sparingly. 

I had never thought of freezing lemon slices, but apparently they freeze well. I’ve kept a few whole ones aside for zesting, but the rest are sliced thin, frozen separately and then stored in containers for later use. I can use them in drinks or for lemon chicken. Brilliant!

I know it sounds like I’ve been stockpiling, but really I haven’t. We’ve always had a pantry of extras that we buy when things go on sale! Having 4 cans of green beans is not unusual as we may not buy them for a month.

Tonight we had roasted sweet potato, red onion, cauliflower, sausage, and asparagus all done in the actifry with a side of garlic tahini sauce for dipping. It felt a bit like big game hunting to venture out into the dangerous world so we’ll be sure to savour our kill.

“You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, how you can still come out of it.”

~Maya Angelou

green onions and chocolate chips

The pebbles in my mind are carefully placed on precisely raked sand and a ripple of water can be heard in the background… I feel calm. Reality is somewhat blurry as perhaps I’ve buried my head in said sand, but hey! I’m doing better than yesterday and now is all that matters. I’ve done all I can do to prepare so all there is left is to relax and live in the moment.

Getting my mind to accept that I didn’t need any more food etc. was a big step towards mental wellness. It was difficult to overcome the panicked feeling of getting more and more - I understand the anxious, out of control thoughts that lead to hoarding. I still have a list of things ‘just in case’ we get to a store, but there is nothing on it that we can’t do without.

Well… I could use a bottle of Brandy to have in a bedtime, sleep better’ drink. I started having a mix of hot water, lemon, honey, with a touch of brandy last December on our Panama canal cruise. I was so sick that the bartender made a special trip to the coffee shop to get the ingredients. I don’t have it often, saving it for when I need a bit of comfort, but oh my, it is soothing!

Speaking of stores, Kirsten said that the Costco in the west end of the city was well setup for keeping its patrons safe. 

It’s a bit of a dreary day with low grey clouds and an uncomfortable breeze. It’s barely above zero so I guess I shouldn’t complain. Spring seems to be right around the corner - I’m sure I’m not the only one that could use the uplift of a warm sunny day.

We got the wild one out running again today. Nothing matches the pure joy of a dog in flight.

 

SKREEEECH… scratch all that bullsh&^ about being zen and calm… with one quick slash something on the news about other businesses closing immediately ruffled the sand. Could our pet food store close? We’ve been hearing that this could go on for months so after some thought we decided another bag would be prudent and now rather than later would be the time to get it. There are 20ish cases of Covid-19 in the city today… this is going to go up rather than down so we have to act soon. Perhaps we were just wanting to get out. 

Picked up the dog food and decided to brave the grocery store down the road. The flyer had all sorts of alluring fresh foods on sale… so with hand sanitizer and cleaning wipes in hand we wheeled the cart into the store.

It wasn’t very busy and for the most part we were able to have the aisle to ourselves… did pass one old guy with a mask… loaded our cart and checked out… walk out the store behind the old guy… cough cough cough! Yikes!!!

That’s it! No more semi-essential trips to the grocery store!!! I have green onions and chocolate chips so we can stay isolated now for sure. ☠ 

“Your hardest times often lead to the greatest moments of your life. Keep going. Tough situations build strong people in the end.”

~Roy T. Bennett

gnarly yoyo

After another restless night stressing about groceries I decided to put my mind at ease by going through the fridge and pantry to make up a list of what meals I can make… as it turns out we may not have to leave the house ever again ;-o

Did this put my mind at ease? Well, sort of... I’m afraid my bipolar brain is not fully cooperating with me and is spinning me into an anxious hoarding mindset. I’m fighting it off and looking at my list when I feel most stressed, but like a gnarly yoyo it keeps returning. I’ve got to get control of the string! The crazy thing is that I’m not particularly worried about getting it myself, and in fact the possibility seems quite remote, but my brain is unpredictable in its response to stress.

I wasn’t just worried about people food… oh no, that would be too simple. I started worrying that the pet stores would close and that we’d run out of dog food. Luckily we have a little boutique grooming/dog food store in the village. They have very few clients as they have reduced the grooming so we felt it was worth the risk, and better now before more people get ill. It was good to get out for a few minutes. I guess we could always get grocery store food but we like to feed them a higher quality meal.

The first part of the day was glorious with a shocking blue sky with clouds on the distant horizon. First thing in the morning I stepped outside into ‘normal’. The distinct chirp of the cardinal distracted me from the outside world for a little while. Alas, those clouds eventually obliterated the sun from our view. We did get Adia out for some running (think maniac) which has left her in a calmer state. As the snow recedes (and the mud advances), it will get easier to wear her out.

Yesterday I started putting together some of the tricks I’d taught Adia the other day. So far we have a spin to the front right of me, pass through my right leg and curl around through my left leg, spin to the left of me and then finish in front. It’s a complicated maneuver but she’s getting it down. I think next I’ll add regular weave through my legs as I walk. 

Tonight would have been school night :-(

I saw the cutest little rescue miniature poodle on facebook last night. Oh gosh, I wanted to bring him home. I had to remind myself that I have my hands full with the whirling dervish and don’t need another poodle to groom. Spring is traditionally the time when I go squirrelly for a new pet - MUST KEEP STRONG!

For a fun little diversion I took a look at some old photos. These two are Torge, the first when he is being born, the second one an hour or two later. I feel blessed to have such wonderful memories.

“And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.”

~haruki murakami

four horsemen of the apocalypse

How is everyone doing? Are you self-isolating and only going out when it is essential like they recommend? Have you started getting stir-crazy? Today was our second day at home… normally we would have had company for lunch or supper by now and for sure Carm would have been out of the house shopping or something, so it feels a bit weird. 

I limited my time on facebook and only listened to a bit of news today so don’t feel as close to the precipice of panic. Perhaps the situation is normalizing in my brain too. 

On the bright side: it’s St. Patrick’s day and we’ll be eating Jig’s Dinner all by ourselves. Oh yes… corned beef, cabbage, boiled potatoes, and Irish Soda bread. A veritable feast with leftovers :-)  (honestly though I’d rather have company!).

The worst closure for us so far is our local dog grooming place. It is a challenge to do Adia’s nails so we’d been taking her to Kate. We had an appointment for tomorrow so today we drugged her (Adia, not Kate) and I wrestled her into submission while Carm nipped at her nails. Success. They aren’t as short as Kate gets them but are better than before.

Do you have times when you want to start to hoard food? The four horsemen of the apocalypse ride through my mind with every doom and gloom news forecast triggering a grip in my chest and a dash to the basement pantry cupboard. It takes a bit of time to calm down. I realized tonight that our grocery store is open 24/7 so Carm can go in the middle of the night… deep breath… we don’t need anything! Oh, but if he has to go, now is better than later when more people are sick. But I don’t want him going out. Maybe for some frozen fruit and vegetables if we get desperate.

It’s not just our food! Do I have enough dog food to last for long enough? Will the dog food stores stay open? I haven’t figured out exactly how long a bag will last us so I sent off a frantic message to our local shop where Carm can do a drive by grab for another bag or maybe 2.

CNN reporters (ones that I respect), are freaking out right now saying that people aren’t taking social distancing seriously enough and that if they don’t the US (and Canada probably) will end up like Italy and Spain, or worse. Cue the horsemen...

“Listen, my friend, all forms that exist in God's universe can be found in the human figure. A man's body and face can tell everything he represents. So how could I ever exhaust my interest in it?”

~Irving Stone, The Agony and the Ecstasy

the noose tightens

My bedtime routine is to scroll through my facebook feed before turning off the light. Normally this is a benign activity but last night was different. First was the post written by a student in Spain about the progression of collapse there. I’d read others like it but they always seemed so distant and remote - this one slapped the hypothetical out of my brain. CBC articles were suddenly more ominous. I was overwrought. Sleep didn’t come easy as reality tumbled within my dreams.

This morning there was more apocalyptic prose, including a message from our city’s health officer that we should stay home and curtail all non-essential outings. What does this mean? Should we be totally isolating ourselves, even from friends and family? Maybe we shouldn’t get together with Kirsten for lunch, or see our neighbors for suppers? I’ll likely cancel Adia’s school as that is certainly non-essential.  I’m not really sure what to do and am feeling somewhat overwhelmed by what may come.

I figure that if a few people are self-isolating like we are, surely we can socialize with them? Oh, our local grocery store is offering free delivery to online orders. This is fantastic and takes the panic away. Every now and then I get the feeling that we don’t have enough food, and have been fixating on mushrooms. Why didn’t I think of getting a bunch of packs to cook and freeze? I put humongous quantities of mushrooms in everything! Anyway, a walk down to the basement pantry assures me that we won’t starve… we might get sick of rice and pasta, but we won’t starve!

I watched our PM on the news this afternoon… he looked tired and concerned as he shut the borders to everyone except Canadians. I don’t envy him his job as the whole situation is a moving target and what seems like enough today may not be tomorrow. I wish the haters would cut him more slack.

Trump on CNN: “Among the new recommendations: Over the next 15 days, Americans should not gather in groups of more than 10 people, schooling should be at home and discretionary travel and social visits should be avoided.”

Some are saying to take a ‘wartime view’ against the virus. I think I’m watching too much TV as my freakout level is rapidly escalating. It may be time to shut it off and crack open a bubbles!

For a blast to the past in a totally different topic, here’s a photo of Carm with Data from 2008.

For the first time in ages, Spike ran around outside with Adia. He stuck close to the house after the first snowfall but I think the melting snow banks and bright sunshine energized him into running down to the barn. Hurrah!

(note: just read a message from Dog School that it is cancelled until further notice)

“...it begins with isolation - demons always inhabit desolate places...”

~John Geddes