giving thanks

 The big day has come and gone… next on the horizon, bringing the villetta home for the winter. On one hand, it seems we just took the camper to Kirsten's but then again, so much has happened since that it seems like ages ago. Time is funny that way!

Thanksgiving dinner on Saturday was a great success - 23 people gathered around tables groaning with the weight of plates piled high with turkey and all the sides that go with it. Kirsten cooked a turkey ‘on the day’, while we brought what we cooked at home on Thursday so we had heaps of turkey (and some leftovers!). The stuffing balls were a hit. We had mashed potatoes, brussels sprouts, other stuffing, Mom brought turnip casserole, Marion brought a broccoli salad, Mathias made cranberry sauce. And then there was a table full of desserts! Mom made a fantastic carrot cake and some brownies, while I made cranberry cake. She also brought a pumpkin pie. There was lots to choose from!

It was lovely meeting new people and wonderful that so many of us were able to gather. 

Last week Carm and I got a COVID booster and today we got jabbed for the flu so we should be good for our cruise which is just in 30 days! Yikes - time to start getting prepared for that!

Overall it's been a good week and there are signs that I'm starting to get some energy back. For two days in a row, I've gotten off the treadmill feeling as good as when I got on, so that's a big improvement! I even managed a few extra exercises this morning ;-)

It's about time! I need to get more active to start burning off the weight that I've gained in the last month! All that hard work over the summer is going to be for naught if I don't get control of my appetite again… I'm sure it's the change in light and weather but I'm starving almost all the time so it's been hard to keep eating healthy… and then there was the cranberry cake which I scarfed down…

I was so gun-ho over the summer with keeping to healthy eating but I've lost focus and determination - I need a mental reset! I need to re dedicate myself to health.

Awesome!

“gathering together” 

“23 people crammed around 18 feet of table”

“cosy on the camper”

headstart

 On Sunday I thought that I was bouncing back to my normal self… yesterday morning proved me wrong… I did the treadmill, but gosh, it was hard and I had to really push myself to get the whole hour done… there were a few times when I thought I'd have to get off to lie down, but by putting one foot in front of the other, I did it. 

Should I have done it? Perhaps not as I hit the wall pretty hard. I have a hard time doing things ‘in halves’ but I MUST get better at that! But I paid for it the rest of the day… I don't know how I managed, but somehow, with a herculean effort powered by tunes blasting on my headphones, I got the stuffing balls made for the weekend… two and a half large loaves of texas toast style bread, seasoning, butter, eggs, onion, celery, and homemade turkey stock came together with Carm's help to make just over 50 balls of Thanksgiving goodness. I've popped them into the freezer - they'll just need to be thawed and warmed in the oven ‘on the day’.

We are expecting 22 people so any headstart is a good one!

The rest of the week is just as busy, so I am PRAYING that yesterday was just a blip. 

But today is better! I managed the full 60 minutes on the treadmill (just over 5km) with a bit of extra energy, and then, again with Carm's help, made a double batch of Vegan Lentil ‘meatloaf’! The vegetarians will have something to eat on Thanksgiving! And I have an extra for the freezer here. As I was putting it together I realized that almost all the ingredients are on the list of foods that bolster our health defences :-) so I will be happy to have some handy for quick suppers :-)  (well, quick on the night of but gosh, I was cooking for over 2 ½ hours!).

later in the day after finding out the lentil loaf is too moist and won't hold together… blah… back into the oven for a bit… Do you ever have times when you'd like to just cease to exist? Not suicidal thoughts, more, if I closed my eyes and checked out it would be a relief… I felt overwhelmed and not up to the task, I could have crawled into bed with the covers over my head, but somehow even that wasn't good enough as I knew my ‘to do’ list would still haunt/taunt me and it's my mind that I wanted to get away from, not my body.

 this too shall pass…

Awesome!

“stuffing balls done”

“a bit of sunshine after a day of grey”

“Carm helping out”

“lentil loaf done”

“full rainbow”

bread balls

 OMG… I don't know how I managed, but somehow, with a herculean effort powered by tunes blasting on my headphones, I got the stuffing balls made for next weekend… two and a half large loaves of texas toast style bread, seasoning, butter, eggs, onion, celery, and homemade turkey stock came together with Carm's help to make just over 50 balls of Thanksgiving goodness. I've popped them into the freezer - they'll just need to be thawed and warmed in the oven ‘on the day’.

I thought yesterday that I was bouncing back to my normal self… this morning I did the treadmill, but gosh, it was hard and I had to really push myself to get the whole hour done… there were a few times when I thought I'd have to get off to lie down, but by putting one foot in front of the other, I did it. 

The rest of the week is just as busy, so I am PRAYING that today is just a blip. 

Awesome!

“stuffing balls done”

“a bit of sunshine after a day of grey”

“Carm 

helping out”

indoor jungle

 October fifth… the deck has been put to sleep for the winter. Summer is now officially over - boo hoo! Carm hoisted giant pots of plants into the house and then we wrestled the sofa & chairs in… the house looks like a showroom from ‘the Brick’, with four sofas and an extra chair! It's also a bit like a jungle in here and who knows how many earwigs got transported into the house. But here we are… for another seven and one half months… yes 7 ½ months!!! OMG.

I don't remember the exact day - it was somewhere between the 3rd and 6th of October in 2004 that I got hit with my bipolar diagnosis - yes, TWENTY years ago! Gosh, it seems like forever ago. I remember sitting in that blue armchair like it was yesterday, reeling like I'd just gotten a life sentence…

It was early in the week and Carm was scheduled to leave for a business trip on the weekend. I was suicidal with a plan… thankfully I was thinking clearly enough that I had Carm hide away everything that I needed and then hunkered down for a week on my own… I was able to get friends to come visit some of the days, and Carm phoned a few times a day, but I was mostly alone… I didn't even have work as a distraction as I had started 6 months of disability leave…  it was a long and hard week, perhaps the worst week of my life, but I made it through!

It's been a journey for sure, but overall, I'd have to summarise the two decades with ‘life is good’!

Today I'm thinking that the fatigue is soon going to pass - I did 70 minutes on the treadmill and got off feeling pretty good - not good enough for situps, but good enough to do ten squats… yes, just 10 but that's more than I've been able to do for ages! Things are about to turn around! (does wishful thinking help? or is it more toxic positivity!).

Awesome!

“getting the plants in before the first frost (maybe tonight!)”

“the ferns”

“dogs sleeping in a sun spot”

get away

 I opened my blog editor thinking that I would write up what's been going on for the last week or two (it's been 12 days since I last posted), but alas, my brain can’t even come up with an opening sentence… I’m still struggling with fatigue and have ‘given into it’ the last few days… today I didn't even get out of bed until almost noon! From there I went as far as the sofa, but not as far as the treadmill… it's not seen any action since Monday.

To be fair though, I did have ‘in person’ walking with Kirsten on Tuesday and Wednesday! I ditched Carm after he got home from golf on Monday and drove myself to the villetta for a few days of sister time :-) Very relaxing and totally unproductive…

Tomorrow will be a better day!

At least the weather has continued to be spectacular, with the exception of Wednesday! And goodness knows, I can't remember what it was like at all last week! This past Tuesday, Kirsten and I went to Perth to toddle around - we had a picnic lunch in the amazing park along the river - the perfect way to start October!

Not much else has gone on… we did have supper at Trudie & Leo's last week, and we met up with friends Mary & Gary on Saturday, but most of the rest of the week was spent mooching around doing nothing of note. I'm tired and discouraged and slightly depressed… is it the change of season or a side effect? I don't know yet…

I'm trying to get myself excited about the cruise (42 days to go!)... we got our cabin assigned on Saturday and honestly, I would have cancelled at that moment as the location is the absolute opposite of what we wanted! Instead of a cabin just above the piazza on the 8th floor, we will be on the Lido deck, which for those unfamiliar with cruise ships - that's the deck that the pool and the buffet is on! And is the 16th floor - we like to hang out on the 5th deck… so lots of stairs in between! Too many stairs…

But! We'll make the best of it and who knows, maybe it will be even better! Our focus will certainly change, and since the pool is just down the hall, we'll probably hang out there more :-) There are no lack of bars on the Lido deck, and of course the buffet… it will be too easy to pop over for some grilled shrimp ;-)

Movies under the Stars happens on the Lido deck also - so maybe we'll watch some movies on the big screen - unless they play too much football which is what happened on the last cruise - ugh.

I scanned some of my new clothes into my planning app… but can't seem to concentrate on putting things together to make a packing list - oh, it's early days yet, but I'd like to get a handle on what I have in case there are big gaps in my wardrobe… I've lost some weight since the last cruise so things are fitting a bit differently!

And then there's the whole flying thing… blood clots are a big risk with tamoxifen so I'm not sure if I should start taking baby aspirin before the trip or if I should get some compression socks? 

And then there's the whole being too tired to function thing… how will I manage a vacation if I can barely get through a regular day? Ah, I'll be back to regular energy by then - surely! Or I'll get better at pushing myself through the fatigue…

Awesome!

“a little getaway at the villetta”

“spectacular fall weather!”

“my honey holding down the fort”

“picnic in the park”

“a lazy day”