in concert

We were treated to an hour of bright sunshine this morning, before the clouds socked in turning blue and white to grey and more grey. Ugh! Tonight though, the snow was gently falling down, and my flashlight shone sparkles in the fluffy snow.

Ten minutes to eat… 90 minutes to cook… I'm sure this is a lament that anyone who spends time in the kitchen understands. It wasn't anything really fancy, but all the bits and pieces seemed to take forever to cook. A few days ago I boiled some small potatoes and stuck them in the fridge to increase their resistant starch which is good for our microbiome. My plan for these was to toss them in olive oil and salt and then to smush them for roasting in the air fryer. But before cooking the potatoes, I dug out some lentil 'meatballs' from the freezer, then I peeled & roasted a small butternut squash. Next in the airfryer was some lightly steamed broccoli. During all that I juggled sauteeing cherry tomatoes & red pepper with garlic, and making a sauce with tahini, lemon juice, garlic, korean chili paste, all thinned with a bit of water. 

All those bits came together on our plates: lentil meatballs on a bed of melted tomatoes & peppers, roasted butternut squash & broccoli drizzled with lemony garlic sauce. Finally, roasted smashed potatoes. Carm gave it a 5/5!

I've been feeling more and more like myself - you can probably tell as I've been writing more than I had been and I'm even starting to cook more than sandwiches finally. I have worries but those feelings are so different from mood issues. One is less physical than the other. Mood issues sap all strength from my brain and my muscles. I felt weak and barely able to lift anything let alone a weight - it was impossible. But now, even though I've lost fitness and can't do as many reps as before, I can push my muscles and while they tire, it's not the same bone deep fatigue. Hurrah!

Chapter 2  'Cato and Bailey see a Concert''

With the smell of toast perfuming the air, like two hobbits (without the big feet), Cato and Bailey prepare themselves for second breakfast. They know that Carm will be giving them toast, specially prepared with butter on one side and a slather of peanut butter on the other. Bailey hangs from the top of his cage, swinging in excitement before positioning himself on his pellet dish, while Cato is more lady like and sits quietly on hers.

The toast finally arrives, still warm from the toaster. Cato grabs the giant piece from Carm, and so does Bailey. Carefully eating over their dishes so as not to lose even a crumb, their beaks gets coated in peanut butter. In the end, there's not a crumb left in Cato's cage, while Bailey is not as enamoured so leaves the crust in his bowl. Maybe he's still a bit full from first breakfast. Or just doesn't like crust!

Their morning then continues like most. Playing with toys, whistling and chatting, and occasionally a bath. Cato is more reserved and tends to sit quietly more often, but Bailey can't resist pulling the threads on his 'boing' which is a cross between a perch and a swing. The floor of his cage is thick with colourful cotton threads, but he seems happy. A third breakfast of crunchy pellets soon follows (or would that be fourth breakfast if you count the banana that they had earlier?).

Earlier in their morning, a few rays of sunshine beamed through the windows giving all the birds a warm sun spot. Unfortunately, today, the clouds raced back to block the energizing rays.

This is a young me in the kitchen... strangely, the paint colour looks exactly like what we have in our main hall ways and bathrooms!

Awesome!

"Mexican whistler"

"the glint of light on snow"

"the hush on a snowy night"

stories we tell

I read an article the other day about small talk's importance as a social lubricant, a way to test the waters before having deeper, more meaningful conversations. The most common opening topic is (can you guess?), weather. It's a common experience, it's not personal, and it's not political (well, unless you start talking about climate change!). It's a non-aggressive way to connect with a stranger or not very well known acquaintance, a tentative outreach to converse. It's easy to say something about the sunny day when standing in line waiting - striking up a conversation with strangers is my go-to action!

Yesterday was mostly cloudy, with, wait for it, snow again… this time just flurries with not much accumulation but the wind was wicked, skittering the snow across the now icy roads, causing drifts… the snow covered fields blended into the low grey sky… we did get a few stretches of sun later in the afternoon.

Today was sunny but cold. We ventured out to Winchester so Carm could fix Leo's printer. I had a visit with Trudie while all the technology was being worked out. Then we traipsed over to liquidation, which was just around the corner. I lucked into a pair of puffy winter mittens :-) Carm bought a winter jacket. By the time we were on our way home, most of the roads had cleared somewhat.

Sunday a bunch of us gathered at a local restaurant to celebrate Trudie's birthday. It was a commotion as we rearranged much of the seating to better suit our party. The tables groaned with food - mostly fish and chips! A giant cake was the crowning finale. Afterwards a few people joined us back here for a continuation of the fun.

We are still praying strongly for Ruth who is struggling in the hospital. I sent a silly little story for her husband to read to her with the hope that she will hear it…

"There once were two little grey birds with dignified maroon tails named Cato and Bailey. They were loved by Ruth and John who treated them like the feathered children that they were. Everyone was happy and joyful but some bad luck landed Ruth in the hospital so they came to stay with Laura and Carm for a while.

It was a cold but sunny January morning when they arrived at their temporary home. Ruth set up their new rooms, getting everything just right. Water bowls were filled, pellets went into another bowl. Their toys and perches were familiar to them so it felt a bit like being at home. But there were strange dogs and another bird that was just like them but a bit bigger, but they quickly learned that they were part of a bigger family now and that they were safe.

Mornings were their favourite time. When the covers were whisked off their cages, a chorus of 'good mornings' and 'supper' filled the air. While they waited for their breakfast, they took this time to cuddle up with each other. Soon though, Carm came and shared his banana with all of the birds. Grace, their bigger cousin like to eat some, Bailey liked to eat some, but Cato only wanted banana when Bailey fed it to her! 

They would watch with amusement as Laura cleaned up their messy cages and got everything sparkling again, but really what they were waiting for was breakfast! While digging into their bowls to unearth the favourites they'd toss what they didn't want to the side to be eaten later when all the good stuff was gone. Cato liked her egg while Bailey just chowed down on cooked grains. If there was meat in their dishes it would quickly be gobbled.

Once they were full, they'd retire to their favourite perches, grinding their beaks with contentment."

I'll get my creative neurons working again tomorrow for installment number 2. I don't know how much she can hear or understand at this point but perhaps this will amuse her for a moment… I wonder how music could help her brain regain consciousness?

I've been going hard on the treadmill the last few days. Yesterday I watched a movie (The Magic of Belle Isle) which was entertaining, but gosh! I wondered if it would ever end! I was getting exhausted! At the 115 minute mark I ended my walk - almost 10km. Today was more of a struggle so I stopped at 60 minutes. Today I tried to watch Ted Lasso, but it's too dark - not in topic but in visuals. I watch on my phone and the window is behind it, so not ideal viewing.

Awesome!

"gathering of friends"

"connecting with internet friends"

"bright blue sky"

"trees frosted with fluffy snow"

around the field we went

Pink still coloured the sky when we got up this morning - we were awake early and were blessed with a SUNNY DAY! Hurrah. I could feel the energy from the sun coursing through my veins, waking up my muscles and invigorating my brain. I know I've lamented about the lack of sunshine this winter so any little ray is celebrated and cherished.

It is bloody cold!

A snowy laneway was on Carm's mind so he guzzled down a cup of coffee and then bundled up for his heroic efforts in getting the snow tamed. I think overall we had at least 20cm and probably closer to 25cm fall yesterday and overnight. If I were just a tiny bit more energetic I'd dig out my snowshoes 😀, however I just got off the treadmill after walking close to 6 miles. It was 'walk with June' day today and we had lots to catch up on, including our travel plans! It's time to start making reservations for museums etc - I'll get on that right way.

The dogs had their nail appointment this morning so we braved the snow covered roads - there is a thick layer of white ice everywhere - well, Carm says it wasn't ice, but I say it was! We bundled the dogs up in winter coats for the outing and pre-heated the car. Brrrr…

Oh! I figured out what the 'f' meant in my log… it is short for 'field' which means I walked around the hay field with the dogs - I must have been pretty inactive if I thought that was worth noting! But the proof is there - I was a slug that year. I took a look back in my records and my blog and saw that I was having lots of issues which turned out to be a slight overdose of lithium. Once that was sorted my energy was back. Ridiculous to realize that it took me months to get to the bottom of it!

Awesome!

"beautiful snow covered trees against a clear blue sky"

"yogurt and fruit after fasting"

"a bite of habitant split pea soup"

"a sunspot on the sofa"

half as long

The snow is falling, obliterating the bits of ground that had been exposed by the few above freezing days. Carm is outside tackling what's been dropped in the first half of the storm, trying to get ahead of the game. Breaking it into two efforts will be easier on the snowblower… and the man operating it! He gets his exercise doing productive things while I'm relying on the treadmill to get my blood flowing. When we built the new back deck, we stopped shoveling it which is a nice break for me but I could probably use the extra exercise!

Hallmark was my distraction on the treadmill today. I'm feeling much stronger every day and managed the whole 90 minute walk at 5% incline! Lots of sweat and my legs are like rubber! Thankfully, there's nothing like a predictable love story to distract me… now the question is 'what do I distract myself with for the rest of the day'. I really have to stay off of social media as the news is getting out of hand and scarier by the hour. I just can't take it today…

Yesterday we travelled into the city for dentist appointments. I needed to have a crown re-glued on and we both had cleanings scheduled. My stress level for sitting in the dentist chair has reduced to almost nothing since changing to Dr. Racicot. I don't know if you remember, but I had a lot of trauma with the dentist in the village - she was a butcher who left me crying in the chair the last time I saw her… Dr. Racicot however is gentle and professional. He explains everything that he's doing and has the touch to take the discomfort away. I'd recommend him to anyone who stresses about dentist visits!

We were lucky with the weather too! It was above freezing with a little bit of rain thrown in which meant the roads were bare although wet. We took the opportunity to hit up Costco on our way home so don't have to go out for anything for a few days - luckily as the roads are snow covered today.

Cato and Bailey have settled in well but are clearly missing Ruth and John. There's been lots of worry about Ruth as her recovery is not going well… she had to have an extra emergency surgery yesterday and has been massively struggling since. We don't know much about what is going on, but what little news we have gotten isn't positive. 

Last night while I was in bed with Ruth on my mind, I heard Bailey give a long and weird cry which to be honest, scared the sh?& out of me. I was beside myself with worry about Ruth and he seemed to be as well. I started thinking about energy and connections, envisioning a strand of energy connecting us to our loved ones… it seems that sometimes we know things without having been told, not in words perhaps, but a feeling and I wondered if his connection to Ruth was unstable causing him to cry out his loss.

So I sit here watching the snow come down, listening to the drone of the snowblower hoping that today will be a better day…

I read something the other day and I wish I had saved it - it was about knowing when the last time something happens, like the last time Trudie & Leo were here, or we had supper with them at their house - I didn't know that those things would never happen again and wish that I had given those times my full attention and appreciation. If ever there was a lesson on remembering to live in the moment to experience those 'last times', even when you can't know that it would be the last time…  

It's been 15 years (fifteen YEARS) since we retired but I still need to get my database fix on a regular basis. Yesterday I lamented that my android database product isn't as functional as the old data dictionary/repository that was my domain… I put a certain amount of effort in making sure documentation was consistent and up to date which sometimes meant exporting, data massaging, then importing back in place… my MobiDB software isn't great at this although I can sort of fudge it for some things. I was putting together a 'roll-up' table of several years of exercise & mood data and realized that for a few years I entered a '0' in the field when I didn't do anything, but really, for reporting and analysis reasons (omg - is this another sort of mental illness?), it would be better to be a null value. There was no way to do a bulk update, so I edited several hundred entries BY HAND. Yes, this is my insanity! But now I have nice clean data :-) Mostly…

When I enter my exercise field, I use codes like: 60 t, 5 b, 20 r - which means 60 minutes on the treadmill, 5 minutes on the bike, and 20 minutes with resistance exercises… clear as day right (ha ha)... in one of the years I'd also used an 'f'. I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IT MEANS! And there are no clues from any of the other fields in the recordDooh! Any guesses?

I just realized that I've been retired half as long as I worked!!! What sort of madness is that and how the heck could so much time have gone by?

Awesome!

"pretty snowfall"

"movies on the treadmill"

"no snowstorm when we had to drive into the city"

"hot tea on a snowy afternoon"

"nulls instead of zeros"

halfway thru january

Here we are, almost at the halfway point of January… the weather has been all over the place with some sort of precipitation most days - today it's raining a bit. Carm has snowblowed 5 times (at least) so far in 2026! We've had bitter cold and a balmy 7C. There has been very little sun. Last November and December I counted 4 measly days where I wrote 'sun' in my log! Boo hiss and it's not much better so far in 2026.

They've been perfect days for hibernation! I find that winter is best when expectations are low and travel is limited. Pre covid we used to entertain at least once a week and often more than that but we got out of the habit during all the lockdowns and we've never gotten back on track. These days it's more like once or twice a month! Our regular visits were with Trudie & Leo, but now they've moved 25 minutes away (they were next door), and Trudie is having health issues that make it difficult for them to come out. Now that she can't do any stairs at all it's likely that they've been here for the last time.

It hits hard when written out like that…

I was 'chatting' with a friend and she asked me about how I got through my grief when Spike passed. I guess Time would be the biggest factor but certainly getting a crazy puppy that didn't give me a moment's rest certainly played a part! Spike passed on the 11th of December and by January 19th we had Lupa… I realized that I was slipping into a darker mood, which in retrospect was partially due to it being winter, but I was too scared to take a chance on something worse so I started my search for a puppy. 

Lupa was a challenge on so many levels, partially due to my expectations that she'd be like Spike - she wasn't AT ALL like him! She was a destructive whirling dervish! He died with his puppy stuffed toys in good condition. So that was depressing and made me miss him even more, but as the first month passed, she wriggled (chewed & bit is more accurate) her way into my heart and eased my sadness a bit. And then there is the balm of time passing.

I have hundreds, perhaps thousands, of photos of Spike so of course they come up in my memories often. At first they'd make me feel a bit sad, but now I smile with fond memories. The end was inevitable - after all dogs only live 10-16 years - his last year or two was fraught with worry as dementia slowly overcame his mind. It was heartbreaking watching him walk circles in the living room at night as he was so confused. I was heartsick watching him fail physically. There was so much angst wondering when was the right time to help him on his way… how demented did he have to be? How would I know? So in the end, his passing was a blessing - he was finally at peace, as was I.

I was so lucky to have him. All of our pets are special but some touch our hearts more deeply. I was reading some old blog posts about him the other day and laughed at his shenanigans. Oh how he loved getting my socks! He loved 'find it' where I'd take a visitor's sock and hide it somewhere in the house - Spike would run off sniffing until he found the missing item - he never failed and was so proud! And there was the time he picked up this little bag that I used for training him and dropped it at Carm's feet - it was his way of reminding us that we'd forgotten to give them breakfast!

It's still the depths of winter, but as the sun is slowly but surely lengthening the day, my energy is also slowly coming back. I don't feel in as dark a place as I did a few weeks ago. I still find that my strength is limited - I can do the treadmill but I'm not left with tons of energy left over. But! I've walked 50miles/80km so far this year!!! And I haven't missed a day yet! But getting downstairs to do some weights still seems impossible…

My motivation for anything else is pretty low still… A good indication of mood and energy is my food log - when there's lots of easy suppers I know that I'm struggling, but lately I've been actually cooking! Tonight we had a curried butternut squash soup (leftover from NYE - in the freezer of course!), and I boiled then smashed & roasted some baby potatoes with a bit of parm. They were actually pretty good and I'll make them again :-)

I'm hoping that motivation gears up even more as I have great plans of going through the junk in the basement but only got as far as picking up an empty box before I was overwhelmed… maybe next week… There are a few things that I could easily grab to take to the thrift store so maybe that's where I'll start.

Awesome!

"cooked cabbage"

"little grey dog curled against my legs"

"watching Lupa stick her head into the deep snow as she tried to track some creature"

"the sun when it does break through the clouds"

"clear roads"

"a good haircut"

never ending night

Last night was one of those never-ending nights where my eyes rarely closed. I tried not to look at the clock too much, but every time I did, it seemed like another half hour had passed. Finally at 5:30 I fell asleep for a few hours. I was probably dozing in all that time but who knows.

What sorts of crazy thoughts kept me entertained? Aside from the slight concern that I was going to start spinning up, I started thinking about guardian angels and how our spirits keep a look out for our loved ones. That seems like a kind of hell for me! When I die I want to escape from myself - the last thing I want is an eternity of awareness - I want to escape reality and not have to experience it forever. What is there after death? Is it just emptiness - how do you transition to the blankness of sleep into the chasm of what remains? Hopefully just a darker nothingness. 

What else kept me awake? I don't even remember as there was nothing that I was worried about (aside from my friend who had major surgery yesterday and now faces an incredibly hard journey). But I wasn't ruminating, I just wasn't sleepy. I'll be keeping an eye on that.

Cato & Bailey have settled in well and our routines are starting to evolve to be more efficient. They are pretty funny, although yesterday Bailey gave me a heart attack when it seemed like he disappeared from his cage - he'd hidden himself under the paper on the floor! Geesh.

Watching 'How it's Made' - the company makes 300,000 hotdogs an hour! How many hotdogs are eaten in the USA every year? TWENTY BILLION!!!! The average American eats over 70 hotdogs a year. Hmmm… Compare that to the average of 6 pounds of broccoli a year which breaks down to about 6 grams a day, or half a floret… A hotdog is considered a class 1 carcinogen by the World Health Organization. Broccoli helps your body fight cancer.

I won't even get into how much bacon is eaten!

We watch 'How it's Made' almost every night and have seen how almost everything on earth is made. I never grow tired of watching the production lines - if I were sent back into the past, maybe I'd become an engineer and design them myself.

The deep freeze has broken with a few days of snow first. Not huge accumulation, but enough for Carm to snow blow two days in a row. We hit the freezing point today and it's forecast to get to 7C tomorrow! I haven't gotten out on the snowshoes yet and it looks like I've missed my chance for a few days. Maybe we'll even get some sun someday…

I've been forgetting to keep my eyes open for the awesome.

The last few days I've been updating my records and getting my database set up for 2026. The software makes it pretty easy, and as a bonus surprise, one of the steps that I'd have to get Carm to do on his computer can now be done on my tablet :-)  Hurray!

Aside from quick trips to the backyard I haven't left the house since Saturday… it's the long hibernation!

I've had the hiccups twice today…

This is a pretty poorly written post but I want to get into the habit of writing SOMETHING in the hopes of improving :-)

Awesome!

"importing data from my database into a spreadsheet"

"cute birdie voices"

"dogs sleeping in till past 9am"

"the light is coming back! It wasn't even pitch dark at 5pm tonight!"

little grey kitty

Day 4 of the new year and things are going well… we had some excitement on Friday night when another cat showed up at the door. This little guy was meowing outside the door at 11pm when Carm was about to take the dogs out, so he blocked the dogs away and opened the door. The kitty came inside, dashed back out, and then back in again. Carm was able to grab him and we secured him in the bathroom. The litter box was still handy and we still had cat food so it didn't take long to make him comfortable. He was very friendly, not scared at all.

Well, that was all fine and good but the dogs, especially Adia, knew that he was in there and stressed about it ALL NIGHT! I ended up with the dogs locked in the living room and me trying to get a few minutes of sleep on the sofa. It was not a restful night…

The next morning we took stock and started sending out messages and phoning neighbours. He wasn't known by anyone. I did put a post on the lost pets FB group. We had Ruth and John scheduled to bring Cato and Bailey who are staying with us for a few weeks - the chaos of the dogs would freak the birds out and make it harder for them to settle in. Luckily for us - Christina offered to get the cat. As it turns out, if I'd been a bit more patient, the problem would have been solved, as the FB post reached the owners! I connected them with Christina and home he went :-) Another cat saved from freezing to death!

The birds are settled in next to Grace. Everyone seems happy or at least not freaked out. They've been eating well and whistling a bit, a sure sign that they are getting comfortable.

Today for supper I made the cauliflower bake that I'd made for the first time over a month ago but didn't think to read the recipe first… oops! So it's a bit different with just red onion and no caramelised onion which saved about 45 minutes of fussing time, plus I added some cherry tomatoes and broccoli. The ingredients get layered onto the baking sheet that fits into my toaster/airfryer and then the whole shebang gets roasted for 20 minutes. The possibilities are endless! Carrots, red peppers, tofu, tahini sauce, black beans… however… next time I'll follow the recipe as it was a weak 3 out of 5…

I've been binge watching Hallmark type Christmas shows while I walk on the treadmill - some are not too bad and are a pretty good diversion… I tend to take it a bit easy and don't push myself so hard but I think that's probably a good thing right now! I'm watching on my phone which is backlight by a bright window so much of the visual detail is lost, but I don't think the plots are that subtle that it matters!

Awesome!

"another cat saved"

"full moon and clear roads"

"turning the corner onto our road and seeing our Christmas lights"

gathering

Happy New Year! It's freezing cold but the sun is shining so it seems like a good start to the year… although the snow that fell overnight was enough that Carm had to snowblow. While he did that, I walked on the treadmill for an hour (yay me!) and then finished the cleanup from our little dinner party last night.

We had our annual NYE 'party' (and I use that term lightly as some years it's just a few people for a long sit-down supper, while other years we've had more people so just stood around the kitchen feasting on finger foods. We were a small crowd last night (just 6 of us) so I set the table and planned a proper supper. 

We started at 7 with smoked salmon on crostini with dill goat cheese, then at 7:30 had a curried butternut squash soup. According to Italian lore, lentils on NYE are good luck so I tucked them into the soup (red lentils cook down into a lovely thick broth), and topped the soup with sauteed garlicky lentil sprouts. Everyone visited around the table while Carm and I cleaned up the soup course and got the rest of the dinner ready. I made a hearty caramelised onion beef stew with yorkshire pudding, garlicky mashed potatoes, lemony roasted brussels sprouts, and roasted carrots that had been wrapped in prosciutto. I took the easy way out for dessert and served a store bought panettone. I think everyone left the table stuffed! I certainly couldn't eat another bite.

We weren't a rowdy bunch so by 10:30 we'd lost Kari, and soon after that Tina and Bruce headed home, hoping to beat the drunken rush. Of course it was snowing… Pat hung in until just past midnight. 

Another year done. It wasn't the greatest year for our family with Mom's emergency hospital stay in  June and Graham's passing in September. Shawn broke his leg at the end of October so it hasn't been great for them either! I have several friends that are going through some pretty serious health issues - I hope 2026 has a few miracles thrown in… I'm scared to think what this year will bring for all of us…

To continue on my list of grievances, it wasn't the greatest year for my mental health. I've spent much of the year on a rollercoaster of mood issues with sometimes being good and other times having to push myself to get through the day on the topside of the earth. It started in 2024 with the hormone blocker drug I was on - by April of this year I'd fully quit it as the tamoxifen was badly messing with my brain. I thought I'd bounce back quickly but it's been an ongoing struggle. 

During my good periods I made a real effort on my physical health and was actually seeing some muscles! But since mid September I've been flailing there as well, although I've managed to walk regularly - 860miles/1376km on the treadmill in 2025! In the same trusty Sketcher's shoes! I think the walking is what kept me going - there were some days that I could barely get myself out of bed and skipped but I was mostly able to get it done which helps mentally and physically.

I can see through the years that my mood cycle is somewhat tied to the sun and length of days with low periods in the fall until late spring - sort of a 6 month swing from low to high, the past year was the same, just more pronounced so I just have to hang on another month or so till I'm back on the high side.

2026 is going to be a better year! I've started on the right foot today and will get on a roll! I'm going to keep better tabs on my thoughts and start remembering to notice all the awesome things to be grateful for throughout the day. And it will be better still if I can get myself into my downstairs gym for some resistance exercises - when I was doing that regularly last year I felt pretty darn great. I've got to REMEMBER THIS!

Our family Christmas gathering on the 23rd ended up being cancelled due to weather and unfortunately, due to all the other commitments we've had to reschedule to the end of January. It's hard to get everyone together… and winter weather is no great help. I hope my baking contributions hold up in the freezer for the next month!

Half the family spent Christmas Day at Kirsten's, but those of us who couldn't do an overnight, had supper here. Kari, Olaf, and Stephanie arrived Christmas Day for a turkey feast (we just finished the turkey today!). It was fun, but to be honest, I didn't feel great the next day… some people are very slow learners!

Welp… that's a bit of bad luck on the first day of the new year… after supper I bit down into a lovely piece of toffee, felt something crunchy… it was a crown that had been loosened with the sticky treat. So it's a trip to the dentist soon… and soft food until then!

(Friday morning) Of course I did my usual thing of writing but not posting right away letting the day get ahead of me, totally forgetting to do the final post!

Awesome!

"gathering with friends"

"a sunny day to start the new year"

"kitty (now named Whiskey) has settled into her new home"

"chatting with neighbours in the grocery store"

"the new Food Basics!"