spending a day

It was almost a year ago that I was sitting in the hospital with Mom as she fought meningitis… Wednesday Mom and I spent the day waiting for Dad to get through emergency surgery on his carotid artery… 

We distracted ourselves with coffee and treats from Tim Hortons but better still, fun and sometimes meaningful conversations. I don't get a lot of one on one time with Mom to indulge in girl talk so I am treasuring the moments. I'd say Mom and I had a good day, even if Dad's day wasn't!!

He came through well and although it took him ages to come out of the anesthetic (which was a bit scary for me), he eventually became more alert. Yesterday morning he was walking up and down the hall. They decided to keep him a second night but he'll come home today. Whew! Another crisis averted.

I had driven to their house on Tuesday night to stay over as he had to be there for 6am… I think the mattress has a divit in my shape! I drove with them to the hospital, forgoing driving myself as the brakes were making a grinding sound 😱  so it seemed best to limit stop and go traffic. The way home from their place is pretty straight forward with just a lights and stop signs so I was able to go easy on the brakes! Years ago, I was driving home after dropping Carm off at the airport and the brakes on the car completely FAILED… I limped home but was even able to get the car into the garage. I was grateful to have a standard as I was used to using the clutch for slowing down etc. And the handbrake came in handy stopping in the garage!

Mom stayed much later so I took an Uber back to their place to pick up the car - the driver had immigrated from Iran 30 years ago so we had a good conversation. This morning we got it into the shop - new brakes and a failed bearing…

I was a bit befuddled when I left the house on Tuesday. I haven't switched over to ‘summer’ shoes so wore my blundstones… ugh. They are comfortable, to a degree but have no cushioning so are a bit like standing on a hard board… By the end of the day my feet were in agony. Today I dug out my summer shoes! Sketchers for the win!

Tuesday we took Cato and Bailey back to their home. Ruth is not home from the hospital and wont't be for a while yet but John should be able to manage them. They were certainly glad to get home! We did a quick stop to see Kirsten (thanks for making the peanut butter chocolate treats!) and then came home via the grocery store and gas station (yikes!). It was a bit of a frenetic day which probably explains why I left the house not fully prepared (I'd even forgot to bring my meds - luckily I keep an emergency stash in my purse! Otherwise I would have been doomed since I get pretty sick when I miss them.

Yesterday we got up early (again) to take the car to get fixed. Not a moment too soon, although many moments too late! It was a long day of waiting around to get the call that it was ready for pickup.

The house seems very quiet with the birds gone. Here's the last story about Cato and Bailey!

Chapter 57 Cato and Bailey Go Home

The morning started like every other morning but there was an underlying excitement in the air. Carm had told Cato and Bailey that they'd be going home today but they weren't really sure if they should believe him. But then, after some time to finish their breakfast and after toast, Laura brought out the carriers. Once safely inside, Cato and Bailey watched Laura clean up their cages. It was all a bit surprising as their cages had been scrubbed outside a few days ago, so they were both secretly hoping that what Carm said was true.

Sure enough, the covers were closed and the birds were carried to the car. Soon there was driving noise. It seemed to take forever - they were excited at the prospect of getting home. Laura told them that Ruth wouldn't be there but John would. This worried them a bit but they were also happy at the idea of being in their own home.

https://youtu.be/9HamwgSabeg?si=V0DHS2UYtQevpZjS  (Home Dotan)

Finally the car stopped. Cato and Bailey could not see out of their carriers as the cover was still closed, but they had a feeling that they were somewhere familiar. Laura got the carriers out of the car and opened the cover. They were home! They were so excited to see John and ecstatic to get into the house.

Cato and Bailey realized that Laura and Carm were leaving which made them feel a bit sad as they were used to being with them. It had been a good vacation and change of scenery.

Awesome!

“Dad's successful surgery”

“spending the day with my Mom”

“seeing Cato and Bailey safely home”

“beautiful day for a drive”

“brakes fixed”

stepping out

The countdown is on! Just 6 more sleeps until ROME! Getting more excited every day! We watched the Stanley Tucci ‘Searching For Italyˋ episode about Rome the other night - I've got a list of foods to try, including tripe! June and Anthony suggested we book one of the restaurants from the episode so we are going to Bistro 64 which has a Michelin star. I am beyond excited about this!!! I think we'll do the 8 course tasting menu! This might actually be what I am most excited about 😆 

Today is sunny but cold - there was a dusting of snow on the ground when we got up, but it quickly melted with the strong sun, although it did linger into the afternoon on the shaded front deck. Yesterday we had more flurries with a bit of sun in the afternoon, a perfect day for a trip into the city to visit Mom and Dad. Mom and I made a trip to Dollarama so I could pick up a few things for our trip… including a handful of chocolate bars for the flights. The big challenge will be to not eat them all between now and then! I had to re-buy them twice on our last trip as I'd eaten the whole lot..! Yesterday I did buy one extra to eat in the car on my way home and have set the others ‘out of bounds’ 😉 

I'm starting to get adjusted to the new treadmill - do you ever name inanimate objects? I don't usually but feel that this beast needs a name… any ideas? It took me ages to come up with ‘villetta’ for the trailer but it seems to fit. Anyway, it's working better - I changed a few things so the screen casting is working better and didn't glitch at all today. Yesterday I scrubbed the walking surface with some warm soap and water which took care of most of the slipperiness - it no longer feels like a skating rink. I've figured that if I don't sign out at the end I don't have to worry about password, but of course if Carm and I are both using it the password will still be a thing. The pause/resume is working better than I thought. As usual, it took me a bit to adapt… my brain is old and stubborn but it eventually adjusts!

It's been a few days of struggling with tech… Saturday I unearthed my old fitbit that I stopped wearing several years ago because it was too depressing as I hardly moved at all back then - a day with 2 or 3 thousand steps was the norm. But now! I thought it would be fun to have in Italy where we'll be walking like crazy. I charged it up, reinstalled the software onto my phone, then through trial and error got the two connected. They didn't sync the first day but it all worked well yesterday. I'll have to figure out how to change the time zone…  I'm not sure what it tracks when I'm on the treadmill, but today at noon, I'm at 11,400 steps after 1 ½ hours of walking, a few weights, and just general putzing around. It seems like way too many steps but maybe not. (by 9:30 16,500ish!)

Some of my putzing was playing around with our suitcases. All of Carm's stuff fits in his carry-on, including a pair of sandals (but not the extra pair of runners). I can get ¾ of my clothes, plus my giant sandals into my carryon, which leaves not much for the big suitcase! We aren't quite yet at carry-on only people, but we've really paired down for this trip. The suitcase fits a few big pairs of shoes (my Hoka's are gigantic and of course a size 9 men's shoe is not exactly a ballet slipper). And then there's my plastic bin with all the odds and ends: cold meds, aspirin, wine opener, anti-nausea, a deck of cards, and goodness knows what else. It easily fits in the suitcase and keeps everything organized. It takes up more room than throwing everything loose - does that even make sense? I guess it's like having a jar of rocks and adding sand. Whereas both couldn't fit if you put the sand in first. Weird!

Chapter 56 Cato and Bailey Are Sultans of Swing

It had been a quiet morning as Laura and Carm went away. Cato and Bailey could hear the dogs barking sometimes but it was generally quiet. When they finally came home Cato wondered if there would be toast and of course there was! The parrots had barely finished eating when Laura brought out all the travel carriers - they all wondered what was going on and were all happy when Carm moved them from their cages into the carriers.

They were surprised when the people started taking stuff out of their cages and then Carm took all 3 cages outside! They wondered if they'd be going outside as well, but it wasn't to be. Cato thought it seemed like ages, but then the cages were back. Once back in their cages, Cato realized that their cages had been washed! Everything was still damp, but it made Bailey want to have a bath. He started splashing in his water bowl and finished before Laura could bring a dish that was like a pool. Bailey was happy though. Cato thought it was a good idea so splashed around a bit too.

When they were finished splashing around they all danced to the music. They weren't sure what a Sultan was, but they thought being a sultan of swing would be a good thing.

https://youtu.be/0fAQhSRLQnM?si=5rM9XohVRxs7XTTW (Sultans of Swing Dire Straits)

Awesome!

“a great visit with Mom and Dad”

“Kirsten and Nissa dropped by too”

“some warmer days (not today though!)”

“reservations at a Michelin Star restaurant”

“tonights ‘throw it all together supper’ with white kidney beans, cherry tomatoes, peppers, butternut squash, mushrooms, tons of garlic, capers, and of course basil!”

“the tofu that went with supper”

the rumbling beast

Welp… the new beast has arrived and is dominating the SE corner of the livingroom… it was a bit of trial and error getting to this point. The delivery/set up guy and his son arrived just past 7am on Friday and quickly got to work hefting the thing out of the back of his truck and into the house. Carm and I could NOT have done it!

Jason got it assembled, but when it was time to install the screen he'd brought the wrong one so this morning first thing we dashed into the city to get the right one. Carm installed it with no problem and then we fought played with it getting it set up… new accounts, wifi connection, app updates, sign in to streaming services (it has YouTube, Disney+ and Amazon Video built in), download the software so that I can cast my phone to the (giant) screen. All regular setup things that went reasonably well although it is SLOW…

I walked on it yesterday for an hour without the screen as it does have a small display of time, distance, speed and incline on the led display. The part that you walk on was super super crazy slippery - it was almost like walking on glare ice - the handles were essential to keep myself upright! My legs are sore today from compensating 😄 

This afternoon I tried it out again, this time with the display screen installed. It's got some good features but some of the things are slightly annoying. First, I need to sign in with a password which then takes almost a minute to connect. Casting from my phone works so so - it sometimes lags several seconds which then doesn't line up with the sound that's coming from my earbuds which are paired to my phone. I’m usually playing music and always display the lyrics when I do as I like singing along (poor Carm!). Sometimes it keeps up but other times it freezes. If I leave the casting display to look at stats or even pause it, I have to reconnect which is a series of steps, and this might require a password as well. So pausing to run to the bathroom requires all my media to be set up again… 

I'll get used to all the idiosyncrasies and come to love it in time!

Yesterday ended up being a busy day with the delivery at 7am, a quick walk with June from Switzerland, lunch out with Ken & Francine (more about that later), a quick dash to Trudie & Leo's to fix his phone… we got home around 3:30 and got busy changing the tires to the summer ones. By the time we were finished, we both felt terribly sick and had to drag ourselves through the chores - the animals needed to be fed…

I don't believe that we were food poisoned but just not used to that much greasy food. We both had the fish and chips which were good at the moment, but in retrospect, the batter was saturated with oil. Ugh. I should have done what Francine did, which was peel off the coating. The fish itself was good. The fries were okay. We'd never been to this small town greasy spoon restaurant and won't be going back for fish & chips, but maybe we'll try it for a burger. 

Chapter 55 Cato and Bailey Are up Early

It seemed to be especially early that Laura and Carm woke up one morning. They did all the regular morning chores and soon Cato and Bailey were playing on top of their cages. They'd only been playing for 20 minutes when Laura jumped up and rushed them back into their cages. Of course they were hungry for breakfast so didn't mind! But they were curious about who could be visiting so early in the morning.

Cato was surprised to see Carm fold up the treadmill and move it away. Bailey wondered if perhaps Laura had walked too much and wanted the treadmill gone, but then two big men brought in another one. Cato and Bailey watched them put it together. Bailey thought it might be fun to try taking it apart! He loved taking things apart. 

Once the people finished putting it together they admired the dogs. One of the men told Laura and Carm that he used to show Rhodesian Ridgebacks like Adia! Everyone thought that was a great coincidence. Finally they said goodbye to Cato, Bailey, and Grace and then the house was quiet again, at least until Laura started playing music to walk on her new treadmill.

https://youtu.be/ZzjOE0RnIMc?si=jIFtCs-Phs8GvMN5  (Raise a Little Hell Trooper)

Today we woke up earlyish, took care of the pets (3 parrots and 2 dogs!) then dashed back into the city to pick up the display unit. A quick stop into the MidEast grocery store netted us some pomegranate juice on sale  😀  We don't generally drink juice but this has no sugar added and is considered very good for gut bacteria. Pomegranate and unsweetened cranberry juice feeds specific beneficial bacteria. Back home we dragged all the parrot cages outside to be pressure washed, got the sheets in the washer, installed the display, walked for 30 minutes, took care of the cardboard, and countless other small things - I'm exhausted from 2 busy (for me) days! 

I eventually had to make supper but could hardly imagine prying myself off the sofa! So we had canned chili with roasted sweet potato, broccoli, and tofu.

Awesome!

“a beautiful warm almost summer day - shorts & t-shirt”

“sitting on the bench in the backyard”

“dogs excited about being outside”

“new treadmill (this may not quite be awesome yet!)”

screech

It was bound to happen sooner or later… yesterday morning after increasingly grumbly rumbles followed by an ungodly scream my treadmill screeched to a halt…

I was heartbroken! What used to be known as the dread-mill turned into the eager-mill or if not eager at least appreciated. Actually I have come to crave my daily steps. I love that I can slow down the pace and lower the incline for an easy walk or I can crank it up to challenge myself.

Carm was quick to take it apart only to discover that it was nothing obvious and likely a burnt out bearing in the motor… so we got our stuff together and headed into the city for a new one.

Since we'd had such a great experience with this one (purchased in 2002), we went to the same store and may have even had the same salesman!

We didn't do much humming and hawing as the salesman was able to quickly walk us through the pros and cons of each brand. We zeroed into 2 of them and decided to go with the one that has a bigger motor. 

Still waiting for a delivery date which is going to break my streak of no missed days yet this year… which I feel physical pain about! Luckily we have an exercise bike that I use regularly but only for 10 minutes… I can see how far I can ride… which turned out to be only 10 minutes! It's harder to keep going when I'm tired 😩 

Chapter 54 Cato and Bailey See a Robin

There was suddenly a lot of excitement in the house one afternoon. Everyone had been quietly napping when Laura called out “There's a robin! and there's a second one!”. This was surely a sign of spring so everyone felt a bit of a lift - soon they'd be able to go outside. 

Grace told everyone about the robin that used to nest on the downspout on the deck. She hoped that the robins that Laura just saw would not go there as they sometimes scared her when she was outside but she said it was interesting when the new babies came out of the nest. She wondered what it would have been like if she had hatched in a nest. Cato thought that living in a high nest might not be so great especially when it was raining - she didn't like to be outside in the rain. Bailey agreed, especially since he didn't want to eat worms.

https://youtu.be/yg-psB99tRQ?si=dgHms4-DYng1izUc (Rockn Robin Bobby Day)

Laura took the birds to the window with the bird feeder so that they could see some of the other birds. Everyone was amazed at how yellow the gold finches were getting. It seemed strange to the parrots that they could change colour. Cato wished that she had more of the red feathers for the summer. The parrots all agreed that they would like the moulting season to be over!

It's been ages since I last wrote… I'm still dragging myself around but am starting to come out the other side! There have been lots of days just existing… 

Last Tuesday some of the family gathered at my parents to ’celebrate’ Graham's heavenly birthday. He would have been 48. Monday I had my annual mammogram which was all clear! I don't think about it often but a ribbon of fear wound around my gut as I waited for the results. Our dog groomer just got diagnosed with breast cancer - she's probably not even 40 yet and has 4 children, the oldest only 12 or 13. My heart aches for her… I feel guilty that I had it so easy when others have had a tough journey.

A few of my friends are going through hard things, much harder than anything I have gone through so it feels entitled to complain about my misbehaving brain. I wonder how I would even survive their challenges without doing myself in yet they all soldier on like heroes.

Since we were almost next door we dropped into see Trudie and Leo after my mammogram. Then later in the day took Kari out for supper for her birthday 🎂 

Last week Pat came for supper and a marathon of movies one night. Another week and a half and she'll be here for 9 nights while we enjoy ourselves in Rome! Excited! I've started packing 🧳… it's not at all like packing for a cruise where I seemed to need 3 unique outfits for each day! That's a lot of clothes that I won't need!

Awesome!

“all the snow is gone”

“dogs curled against me on a rainy day”

“crispy tofu with Frank's”

“finding a treadmill right away”

self-indulgence

Warning! Long-winded self-indulgent rant… skip the first several paragraphs!

The days since I last wrote have somehow flown by even though I've been dragging myself around. It's taken herculean efforts to walk (except one day I was bursting with energy and even managed some weights)... I can't seem to get a handle on the energy and mood fluctuations I'm having - it's very discouraging but I won't give up. 

For years I've been bouncing between feeling great with lots of energy and then days where I can barely get myself off the sofa - it's a real rollercoaster… It's clear that bipolar is more than a mood issue, it's also an energy issue. I'm not sure which comes first, the low mood or low energy, but I think a drop in energy is my first cue that I'm on a downward trend. When I'm strong it's much easier to keep my thoughts in order, but when I'm tired or low, my brain gets the upper hand at times. 

I've always had this ebb and flow of energy but it's more obvious now as I'm wanting to get consistent with exercise but keep getting waylaid… I've managed to walk every day, sometimes for only 20 or 30 minutes but strength training is a hit or miss with no real consistency :-(

I’m wondering if perhaps I'm pushing myself too hard on my tired days… I've spent the last 20 or more years learning how to get myself going despite medications and fatigue from depression, and honestly, I've gotten pretty good at it… however, I'm wondering if pushing myself physically so hard is the right thing to do when I'm in a low cycle.

I find it difficult to scale back because mentally (at first) I feel so motivated but then my body doesn't cooperate but it feels impossible (or undesireable) to just give up and take a break. I have a fear that if I stop I will spiral down to the depths and won't be able to get myself going again… I guess historically that has not been the case, so I have to remind myself that it's not permanent but a transition that I just have to adapt to.

I would just like to live like a normal person and to be able to just exist without constantly checking in on myself… Maybe I'm too self-aware and causing the problem myself? Maybe I overthink everything!

I feel stupid for complaining though… so many other people are going through so much worse that my problems seem trite, so I know, that really in the scheme of things, I am quite lucky!

Sorry for going on. Sometimes it helps me to put it out there. Hopefully too, it helps you to understand why I don't always fully show up.

Chapter 53 Cato and Bailey Meet Laura's Brother

The parrots and dogs knew that something was happening because Laura and Carm were rushing around getting things ready. Laura and Carm spent a long time in the kitchen and they both did some cleaning even though the cleaning lady was at the house the day before. Cato and Bailey knew now that when those things happened, someone was coming to the house.

After the animals had their supper, Laura and Carm answered the door and in came Aunt Kari! Cato and Bailey liked it when Kari visited because there was always lots of fun conversation. Bailey was surprised that they all sat down at the sofas without having supper because when company came they always had supper first.

Laura told them that her brother Olaf and his partner were coming as well so we had to wait for them to make the long drive. Finally they arrived so everyone went to the kitchen. Cato and Bailey were happy that the people were going to have their supper as it usually meant there'd be something good for them to eat too! All the parrots were happy to have a little bit of roast beef but the dogs thought it was unfair for them to only get a tiny bit as well.

Cato and Bailey were not sure what to think about Olaf but after a while they thought that he was okay and could see why Laura said that he'd be the life of the party. There was lots of music playing but the birds were disappointed that no body would dance.

https://youtu.be/zjdgmAvh-dI?si=GtQYIFvoZL4Y_LcT (Rock n’ Roll all Nite Kiss)

Gosh though! Let's get back to regular life! Friday Kari, Olaf & Steph came for supper and a late night of visiting. It was fun, but I felt kind of low key so there was no wild and crazy dancing! 😜 Yesterday the whole family plus all the plus one's, and some extended almost family, gathered at Kirsten's for a Saturday Easter Lunch. Kirsten pulled off an amazing gathering of 22 people - she made a crustless smoked salmon and asparagus quiche which was divine, and a gorgeous lemon loaf. Mom brought her special carrot cake with icing that you could eat out of a bowl. Marion brought a salad, and I brought hummus and cardamom bun sandwiches. It was a group effort with Kirsten hefting the bulk!

Sadly, it was a miserable grey day :-( I wore white summer pants with a summery pink top, but should have had fleece & wool! I did wear my biggest parka though…

Awesome!

“family gatherings”

“focaccia is always a favourite”

“all the snow is gone!”