wait

It’s Monday night just after midnight. My head is spinning with exhaustion, but I think sleep will elude me tonight. I’m spending the night on the sofa with Kabira stretched out on the futon nearby. She cries out every now and again, either in pain or because the painkiller Carm gave her this afternoon is screwing with her head. She can’t seem to move other than the odd period of thrashing. Sometimes she tries to stand up but falls over and screams, either in pain or fear. This is likely her last night with us.

this is not a photo of her tonight, but rather one from a better day sometime last winter

I stayed at Mom & Dad’s last night so I could visit with Kirsten and the girls, which is of course when things were bound to go from bad to worse at home. I got a cryptic email from Carm in the morning saying that Kabira had taken a turn for the worse and seemed to be in pain. He gave her a pain killer which she was allowed to take every 12 hours.

This afternoon I got a phone call saying things were bad. So I gathered up Kirsten & the girls and headed home. It didn’t look good for poor dear Kabira. Kirsten calmed us down a bit and convinced us to wait for the drug to wear off before making a decision. Unfortunately the drug seemed to hit her like a ton of bricks and we couldn’t tell if she was drugged or downhill. So we waited.

And are still waiting. We were only able to get her up to go outside once and she made a feeble attempt to pee. Now she’s dribbling a bit - thank goodness her bed has a thick layer of plastic under the blanket - it will all wash easily.

I don’t really know what to do other than comfort her when she falls, and wait patiently for morning.

“I believe that imagination is stronger than knowledge. That myth is more potent than history. That dreams are more powerful than facts. That hope always triumphs over experience. That laughter is the only cure for grief. And I believe that love is stronger than death.”

~Robert Fulghum