burnin

So far it seems that we've dodged a huge freezing rain bullet, although it's just past noon and the rain is still lightly falling. The trees have slowly become glazed and I can see the branches drooping under the weight. Luckily it's about 2C warmer than they forecast so the rain is not getting as much chance to freeze before it hits the ground - good for the trees, but just as bad for the roads! This year's ice storm is a bit early - they are often in April - so I hope it's not a two-fer this year!

My new favorite singer is Jelly Roll - have you listened to him at all? ‘Burnin’ came on while I was on the treadmill this morning so I took the time to think about what it is I like about his music… First there's the lyrics that seem to be saying my words, singing my struggles - you can hear the pain in his voice, but there's also strength and hope in the notes behind him. The hard beat drives my steps forward - there's no giving up! The melody raises my spirits and reminds me that while I've had some hard times, the good times far outweigh any struggle, and that perhaps the struggle is what makes everything else so wonderful.

I'm doing an experiment with the tamoxifen… the last two days I've tried taking it in the morning, but it's too soon to tell if the time change will help. Both yesterday and today I had a hard time pushing through exercise - yesterday I couldn't even manage anything other than a slowish walk on the treadmill - weights were out of the question. This morning I did my regular routine but gosh, it was hard. Really hard. And I can still feel it a few hours later - that is not my norm. I had to slow down and decrease incline on the treadmill at times today as my strength seemed to drain out of me a few times, but I kept on and DID IT!

I'm pretty good at pushing through hard things, probably with all the practice with my mental health, but I can honestly say that it is much easier to press myself physically than it is mentally. For the physical I have a strong feeling of ‘try’, while when I'm having mood issues the ‘try’ is what is missing or if not missing, only faintly there. Actually, maybe it's only rarely missing, and usually there, even if faint.

I just saw the mallards in the pond while I was making tea. There's been a pair that visits for a few days every year since I can remember. I spend ages watching out that window in the kitchen - it's a wonder that I haven't sliced a finger off when using the cutting board! It overlooks the bird feeder which is a hub of activity. Lately the goldfinches have been there in huge flocks - they are starting to turn back to their brilliant yellow. The early red-wing blackbirds visit as well - their red & yellow epaulets are slowly becoming more vivid.

Behind the bird feeder and about 20 feet downhill is the pond. We've seen kingfishers, great grey herons, owls, turkey vultures, otters, beavers (one built a lodge for a few months), racoons, and of course squirrels and chippies. Oh and a few foxes, coyotes and of course deer! That window is tied for my favorite place in the house. My favorite is my bathtub - it's got huge windows on two sides, and a mirror on the third side that reflects what is out the other window. I can often see birds hopping around in the trees.  I wonder how many ‘joy points’ these windows have given me over the years!

Thursday we celebrated Carm's birthday with some friends over dinner. Trudie, Leo, Pat, Marie, and Liston gathered around the table with us for an evening of laughter and reminiscing. Trudie & Leo have decided to put their farm up for sale and move into a retirement community - it is a big change for them and certainly the end of an era. Last night we had a last minute dinner at their place which is just 1km down the road - those easy dinners will come to an end…

Awesome!

“friends around the table”

“music”

“the best night sleep in weeks”