tar and asphalt

 A lazy hazy day of summer… perfect for stretching out on the sofa outside with a book or two… except! They have been doing roadworks on our corner since first thing this morning… the scent of asphalt is heavy in the air and the sound of trucks and machinery is loud enough to drown out the lawnmower! And I have to blast my music. Still the cicadas are the loudest. I will persevere though, especially as we have rain and cooler temps in the forecast for the next week :-(  This could be it for summer but I'll keep that thought on the back burner and just use it as motivation to enjoy this day to the fullest!

There's something about the smell of fresh asphalt that transports me back to my youth - creosote railway ties and pavement hot from the baking summer sun, heat rising in visible waves, a mirage on the roads that look like water in the distance, the sound of cicadas figure in there as well. I can close my eyes and be on my blue bike pedalling down back country roads. Maybe I'd stop at the creek - were all creeks called ‘Devil's Creek’? Those endless days of summer are tucked into my memory.

Sometimes on those long summer days I'd pitch my tent in the backyard and hang out shrouded with stinky canvas, my transistor radio picking up stations playing 70s pop music. I loved those days and nights in the tent - there are some songs that transport me as if in a time machine to an exact moment. Oh oh oh, it's magic you know, never believe it's not so… 

Well, I just looked up that song and learned that the band broke up in the early 70s, with some of the members going on to 10cc which was a favourite of mine! And when I listen to it, I can hear 10cc in parts of it.

Carm was busy today with the lawn and then cleaned up and stored the garlic harvest while my big accomplishment was walking with Kirsten for an hour and then prepping a bunch of vegetables for supper. Hardly much but more than yesterday and the day before that.

I did take a break from walking on Wednesday - I spent the whole day reading outside, barely getting up except to make more tea… and eat more cake! I unearthed a giant slab of pineapple upside down cake from the freezer and during the course of the day nibbled the whole thing. Comfort food which did not energize me at all and probably had the opposite effect but YUM!

From what I could glean from the internet, the fatigue can last for weeks which is unacceptable! Especially with the garden going crazy with zucchini and tomatoes. 

I've spent much of my life fighting against low energy, either from errant moods, or medications, which often needs to be just pushed or muscled through so it's hard to accept that this might be real and not all in my head. 

It's too nice to be inside today, but tomorrow the kitchen will get trashed with cooking. With Carm's help, I'll get some zucchini ready for scarpaccia, make some tomato sauce, roast some tomatoes and onions for salsa, slice up last year's garlic to make garlic chili crisp oil, and gosh I downloaded a recipe for chocolate zucchini bread so I might make us a treat ;-)

It's almost 3pm on a Friday afternoon and the construction crews are still hard at it 😞 

update: 3:30 and I think they are done for the day!

I've spent too much time on facebook these last few days, but even still, I've managed to read some interesting health stuff, as well as a trashy novel… all good, except in the trashy novel one of the characters died from breast cancer! Who the heck needs a reminder of their close call like that 😞 it left me feeling a bit discombobulated for a while… 

Awesome!

“the silence once the machinery is gone”

“old music on the radio”

“the song of the cicadas”

“I'm going to morph the annoying smell of road construction into an awesome trip down memory lane”

plodding

 I got a phone call out of the blue from my Dad this afternoon, wondering how I was. He had just read my last blog post but didn't realize that it was from a few days ago, so I took a look back at it and saw that I should do an update! 

As I expected, the day or two of feeling down has passed. I'm not awesome though and am still struggling a bit with energy, and although I have still been walking on the treadmill for an hour or more every day, I have not been doing anything extra, and in fact barely get myself moving otherwise! I'm not sure if it's a side effect from the radiation, a release of adrenaline which has surely been coursing through my body for months, or maybe a combination of both. 

I have spent lots of time cuddled under the ‘cancer quilt’ that I got from Victoria's Quilts - I often seem to have a bit of a chill - there is something nice about being bundled up 😀 We did have a few cold, rainy days that felt like September, including one day that drenched us with over 3 inches of rain! Definitely needed a blanket then, but I still used it this afternoon on the deck.

I've been watching youtube videos of diet and health, one of which prompted me to buy ‘Eat to Beat Disease’ which is a fascinating foray into how the body works and what foods help and which hinder optimal health. There is nothing earth shattering as it's mostly a rehash of things that I've gleaned from reading health stuff over the years, but it does put together lists of foods that help with various aspects of the body. It is strongly plant based with some exceptions and has a looser approach to food than another plant-based doctor that I follow. I think it's a worthwhile read if you are interested in your health.

It seems that one of the worst things you can eat is artificial sweeteners! They not only disrupt a healthy biome, but also cause DNA damage, and contrary to what you'd think, they mess up your insulin response… and I think it was mentioned that they mess with your immune system as well. I'm not a big pop drinker but did drink a fair amount of G2 Gatorade which does have sucralose - I guess I have extra motivation to continue to cut that out!

Saturday we packed up the pets and went to the trailer for a night 😀 which was a lovely diversion! Other than that, we haven't seen anyone for ages - hopefully I'll get my energy back soon so that I can start cooking again! We've been living on tomato salads and beans cooked with kale for days now… oh, and a giant platter of chicken shwarma from the THIRD place that just opened up in the village!

It was nice enough, and I was energetic enough, for us to have our supper outside on the deck - it has been the rare night that we've done so this summer.

Awesome!

“sunshine”

“tomatoes from the garden”

what the heck

 I thought that today I would be ecstatic and happy, but instead, I've been tired and depressed or maybe not depressed but demoralised. During this whole journey I've kept myself focused and positive, pushing myself to eat healthily and exercise… I've had the goal of getting through treatment the best that I can and that there was an end in sight but today, the reality struck - there is no end. What was once a dim hypothetical is now a sure thing. I got cancer, I could get it again, and maybe not be so lucky next time. 

I'm sure I just need a few days to recover from treatment and get my head around life going forward. I need to reengage my drive for healthy eating and then focus on increasing my fitness. But most importantly, I have to get back to being more mindful and to living in the moment.

Awesome!

“Carm driving to the pharmacy for me”

“an hour on the deck”

“all the support from you! Thank you for being there.”