Friday, November 13, 2015

the hamster cage

I'm doing work avoidance right now. It isn't really work, and it certainly shouldn't feel like it is, but my brain has been so fuzzy the last few days that I can't get down to writing this week's creative writing assignment. See what I mean that it shouldn't be work!

The other day I made myself sit down and write an outline. But first I had to see if the spare bedroom desk would be a good spot to write. Then tried different chairs, yes, even the wing chair from the living room. That didn't work out so I moved to the black table in the corner of our bedroom. Wing chair was too big, but my good desk chair fit and was comfortable. Found a placemat to rest my tablet on so I didn't scratch the table. Moved the lamp. Made a tea. Found a coaster for my tea. Put a couple of books on the table to make it look scholarly. Tried a sheepskin on the chair... You get the picture. In the words of my good friend Jo Ellen, I was cleaning the hamster cage…

Today, after being jabbed a bunch of times at the blood clinic, breakfast at the Country Diner, a shop at Liquidation. Oh wait, where was I? Right. I MADE myself sit at my cosy desk and pound out a first draft. It was hard - my brain is not cooperating with me (as you can probably tell from what you are reading!). So, I've got a first draft, but let me tell you, it is really drafty. I should be working on it more right now…

In my post from a year ago today I wrote about 'Giving Advice', a topic for my writing group. In it I talk about changing my thinking - it is a good premise, but I think I might have been manic. There are times when, no matter what action I take, I can't seem to stop spiraling` down into depression. It might be that I haven't controlled triggers like getting a good night sleep, and keeping a low key schedule. Or maybe things that I can't control have a greater influence. Like shorter days. The only way I could control that is to travel from NZ to Canada with the sun.

So far this November I'm managing well, but there are a few things that have alerted me to the fact that this might not continue. I've had trouble sleeping, the odd mood blip, and now this brain fog has descended on me. Knowing means that I can be extra vigilant with triggers I can control. I have hope that keeping in tune with my thinking will get me to the spring unscathed :-)

Change your thoughts and you change your world.  ~Norman Vincent Peale