it will never happen to me

 Well… we always think that it will never happen to us, but guess what, sometimes it does… it all started on January 19th with a way, way overdue mammogram. That was a Friday. The following Monday I got the results that suggested a followup mammogram with an ultrasound and an appointment booked for March 13th. Okay, well, that's a long time to wait, but I've been called back before so I just had a mild freakout.

At the March 13th appointment, after they'd done the scans, they booked me for a biopsy on April 10th, they also booked an appointment with a surgeon for May 9th, letting me know that if nothing shows up on the biopsy, they'll cancel the appointment. Okay, now I'm starting to freak out a bit, but the real freakout happened when my results report showed up online a few hours later which changed the rating of the mass from a bi-rads 4b to a bi-rads 5 - or in other words, a 95% chance that it is cancer. 

Yikes! Time to get serious about diet and exercise… it's a bit like closing the barn door after the horse has run out (that literally happened to me once at my Aunt Rena's farm!)... but I figured I had nothing to lose except extra weight, and that it if was something, starting from a point of good nutrition and lower body fat would be best.

Time really drags when waiting for a possible life changing event to happen, but finally it was April 10th, biopsy day, and then the waiting started to get more anxious. Day after day with no results. I walked off a lot of anxiety on the treadmill thanks to Kirsten. Maybe I was trying to run away from the possibilities.

I mostly corralled the anxiety in the back of my mind, but I'd be lying if I said it didn't pop to the front more often than I wanted. There was still a chance that it was nothing - I grasped onto that possibility like it was a life raft in a stormy sea.

Yesterday, late afternoon, an email came in from my family doctor - it's cancer. I have cancer. I have breast cancer. Gosh those words are hard to say but maybe if I say it over and over again it will cease to have an effect. I checked MyChart and sure enough the lab reports were there and they clearly stated ‘invasive ductal carcinoma’. Gulp.

Of course, I got right onto the internet and started trying to figure out with the pathology report meant… the good news is that we caught it very early - thank goodness for my delayed mammogram - if I had had it on schedule the mass would not have been there yet and it would have been another year or more before the next one… which would have given it a whole lot more time for it to grow. So lucky I guess!

I don't know what my treatment plan will be but most likely surgery, followed by a possible round of radiation and then hormone therapy for 5 years. But that's just guessing based on the pathology and what I have gleaned from the internet. I'll have to wait till May 9th to hear the plan from the doctor… in the meantime, my summer is up in the air.

I hate unknowns and I hate not being able to plan. I don't know what our summer is going to look like at this point. Will it be a wasted summer with no swimming (NO!) and just hiding in our air-conditioned house between being shleped to the hospital for treatments? I hope not.

And then there's the whole ‘I have cancer’ punch in the gut. But I tell myself that it was caught early and is very treatable, and that my chance of dying from it is close to zero (not to jinx myself!). I console myself by thinking of a friend who has survived the same diagnosis and try not to think of my grandmother who passed away 64 years ago from the same thing. Cancer treatment has come so far since then.

But I am blessed with a husband who has been my rock through the bipolar years, and who I know will be a boulder for the next challenge. I have a family who will be supportive. I have a wonderful sister that will keep me motivated. I am not alone.

If ‘effort’ will get me through this, I'll be fine. Several weeks ago I switched up my diet from junk to mostly plant-based (fyi I feel fantastic!), then yesterday I upgraded the food tracking app that I've been using to include nutrients so that I can be sure I'm getting everything that I need nutritionally. I'll keep exercising. I'll focus on the end-goal and not let any mood disturbances derail me! As Olaf says, I'll kick it's ass!!!

There were some snowflakes carried on the wind this morning 🤔, and by wind I mean a bloody gale! Spring continues to elude us :-( 

Yesterday we dashed into town for the most dreaded of all activities… shoe shopping! We went straight to the Sketchers store as I usually have good luck with their shoes. I wanted a pair of cushiony walking sandals for the treadmill - my feet boil in my sneakers (feet of flames!). I found what I think is a good pair (I bought 2 on the sale just in case) - I tested them out on the treadmill today and they were great, but I’m afraid I had to be a total dork and wear socks with them!

The shoe shopping took less time than we planned and it was lunchtime. Hummm… go home for a salad OR go for Pho! We haven't been to our little hole in the wall place since before COVID, so with a flash of inspiration and a mouthful of drool, off we went for a bowl of noodles. Yum! Interestingly, I haven't been eating much sugar or white carbs for about 6 weeks - well, by the time we got home I was barely able to stay awake. The carb crash was a 5 car pileup. I'll have to do some experimentation, but for now, I'll continue to avoid those foods.

Awesome!

“being able to walk fast for 80 minutes and not being exhausted! A trip to Europe with all the walking would be a breeze for me now.”

“finding good shoes (fingers crossed that they really are good)”

“vietnamese noodles”