Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Do I Feel Fortunate?

It was raining all day yesterday so I took advantage of the dreariness to get the poodles all clipped up. It had been over 6 weeks so they were really looking scruffy, and also were hot all the time. Not so now! They are so good and put up with the process quite well, though sometimes it is hard to do their faces. Yesterday both were on their best behaviour.

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The rain brought out more May flowers - I so love this time of year when everything is bursting with vigorous life. I can almost feel it in the air. The robins that are nesting just outside the kitchen window have been busy these past few days feeding their babies. I can't see into the nest, but however many there are they are hungry!

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I've vacuumed up about 100,000 flies out in the camper - every nook and craney that I wash out seems to have a few more. And spider webs... I've only seen one tiny living spider, but could have made a sweater with all the webs I've vacuumed/washed up.

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I read an article today about the positive benefits of having bipolar (thanks Dorothy). The article mentioned that many of the people they interviewed felt fortunate to have the illness and found that it gave them benefits that others did not have. I would have to agree as I have experienced many of these benefits in the past. When I am hypo manic I can accomplish so much - I'm super-charged! My thinking is faster and I seem to think in a whole other plane, problem solving is enhanced, and I'm much more creative, I'm outgoing and (I think) funny. My perception of the world around me changes. Everything seems stunningly beautiful. I have an incredible sense of well-being or euphoria.

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Unfortunately hypomania is all too often followed by depression, where everything is seen through a grey fog and life seems bleak and even unbearable.

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Medications even some of that out. When I was first on medications I couldn't understand why everything was so pale and flat but was told that what I was experiencing was "normal". It seemed impossible that people could live such flat lives, and I railed against it.  But I knew that the alternative, with depression was too dangerous for me so I acquiesced and took my meds. Now that I am on a bit less medication I get hints of what I was like in the past (unfortunately depression at times too), so it is a little easier for me to accept this more "normal" me.

So... do I feel fortunate to have bipolar? I would say yes.

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In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on.
Robert Frost