a silent scream

This morning it took several cold, wet pokes in the face before I was conscious enough to get out of bed. Carm usually gets up to feed the dogs while I fall back asleep for another hour, and during this time Adia gets one toy and then another to bring them to the side of the bed, each time checking to see if I’m awake… This morning it took more than the usual number of nudges…

A silent scream strangled in my throat as I opened my eyes in the darkness. Violent images crowded together in my brain, the horrific remnants of a nightmare that refused to leave. I struggled against the sickening horror, trying to clear them from my thoughts and wondered what abhorrent part of my brain could conjure up such dreams. 

I avoid violent movies like the plague, but got drawn into ‘Marwin’ with Steve Carrel for a while. There were lots of violent scenes but I thought they’d be okay since they were with dolls… from the depths of my memory a scene from ‘The Shape of Water’ imposed itself and my terrible imagination embellished it. All fuel for the madness.

It took over an hour to fall back into a fitful sleep - Facebook came in handy and I read a bit of a book about mindfulness before I could shake the feeling off enough to close my eyes.

I was up at 7:30 for a quick trip outside with the dogs. About 15cm of snow had fallen, fluffy and dazzling white, and a bit of sun was showing in the east, painting the sky a faint pink - I ran back to the house for my phone. Once back inside from my photographic excursion I snuggled back under the covers for another few hours!

“Dandelion wine. The words were summer on the tongue. The wine was summer caught and stoppered...sealed away for opening on a January day with snow falling fast and the sun unseen for weeks...”

~Ray Bradbury