Several days of interrupted sleep and a few days of bright sunshine have led to two sleepless nights. The sum of these events equals a teetering on the brink of hypomania. Carm knew right away yesterday morning where I was heading - there is a flashing in my eyes and an edge to my voice that he knows well. Right away he asked me why I hadn't taken the extra meds during the night, and suggested that I take them the next night. The lure of hypomanic euphoria was too strong so I let myself have the second sleepless night. It wasn't as bad as the first night was slightly disappointing. But thankfully it has given me time to think of the consequences.
Sometimes it is just euphoria, but just as easily that euphoria can turn into hypomanic irritability and even rage. Not so fun. For me or Carm. And then there is the inevidable letdown as it can't go on forever. Sometimes I just return to "normal", but it is more likely that depression will follow. I don't want to have depression looming on the horizon as we turn the calendar over to May. Tonight I'll do the smart thing.
I still get wildly enthusiastic about little things... I play with leaves. I skip down the street and run against the wind.
Leo Buscaglia
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