Our internet was down for a while this afternoon. Talk about an eye-opener! Some of the apps that I've been using (Google Docs for example) do not have editing offline! Without an internet connection I am SOL (sh^$ out of luck). Thankfully my writing app has an offline presence, even though the docs are stored on Dropbox, a copy is stored locally. I am not totally reliant on the internet (yeah right)!
My mind is not where it should be these days, and finally I'm spending some time thinking about how I can change it, instead of focusing on how awful I feel. Much introspection brought me to the conclusion that my emptiness and lack of 'spark' may just be a medicated normal. An article that I read yesterday spoke of this very issue and the comments from many bipolar sufferers confirmed my thoughts.
Carm and I had a long conversation about the emptiness and he claims that this is his norm and what he thinks is most people's norm. It seems impossible to be content this way… My moods fluctuate from a contented happiness where everything seems good to worthless despair. Sometimes my mood swings more widely, but usually I'm at one end or the other. Enter 'normal' - that state in the middle where life seems empty and meaningless. Doctors would have me believe that the middle state is the desired way to be. It is hard to accept.
Somehow I have to actively improve this middle state… and today, with this thought in my head, I read an extract for a writing book that has the answer! It is stunningly obvious… be mindful and outwardly observant. Keep a notebook of observations and use these in my writing. Writing is the answer :-)
And by the way, everything in life is writable about if you have the outgoing guts to do it, and the imagination to improvise. The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt. ~Sylvia Plath