buds and spears

 We had rain on and off today, not quite April Showers but also not like March going out like a lamb… in fact there is snow in the forecast for tonight - a good (ha ha) April Fool’s joke.

I can see green buds on the lilac that grows outside the guest bedroom window. I can close my eyes and imagine the purple blooms that will be there in a month, I can almost smell them. And I can't forget to mention the little points of peony that are pushing through the barely thawed earth.

Spike is a new dog! He’s running and jumping a bit - I know that a haircut does this for him, yet both he and I hate it so much it gets pushed off for weeks. I’ve got to figure out a way for him to put up with the grooming like he did a few years ago. I need a training plan!

I read today that Ontario expects that everyone will have at least one vaccine by mid June. I’m afraid to have much hope, but gosh! A summer where we could see family would be wonderful. Even with vaccines, I wonder how long it will be before we feel we can have friends over for interior dinners. 

We did take a little trip today: first to Florence, Pisa, and Lucca - so much amazing art! Then to Paris. The museum with the tapestry will be a must see, along with the cathedral with the stained glass - breathtaking. Yes, someday we’ll travel again although it’s a bit hard to think about now.

“Spring drew on...and a greenness grew over those brown beds, which, freshening daily, suggested the thought that Hope traversed them at night, and left each morning brighter traces of her steps.”

~Charlotte Brontë

two more days of sunshine

 Two days of sunshine started this week off well. Yesterday the wind made it feel cold, but today, even with a breeze, it feels comfortable. Not so comfortable that you want to take your sweater off, but warm enough for a fleece shirt with no down vest. Each day that passes takes us closer and closer to the day with no more snow in the forecast… that magical day when anticipation of summer picnics and languid days by the pool seems achievable, attainable, and SOON!

We all suffered yesterday, well, at least Spike and I did. I had my turn first: bloodletting at the clinic in Winchester. I’ll be frank: I very nearly cancelled as it seemed like a pointless risk. Then it was Spike’s turn: a full haircut. He was terrible, panting heavily, struggling, trying to jump off the table. My heart went out to the wee guy (even though I could have throttled him). He has little growths over his skin and sometimes the clippers catch one and make it bleed :-( It’s heartbreaking but I don’t know what to do.

With his squirming and trying to escape, I did a horrible job - he looks like a moth eaten hunting trophy.

Another sad Spike moment? Yesterday I asked him to ‘high five’ and he didn’t know what I wanted 😢. On a good note though: today he was able to get on the futon once.

Yesterday we tried something different: a beer smoothie. It was a surprising treat!

“Take off your hat," the King said to the Hatter.

"It isn't mine," said the Hatter.

"Stolen!" the King exclaimed, turning to the jury, who instantly made a memorandum of the fact.

"I keep them to sell," the Hatter added as an explanation; "I've none of my own. I'm a hatter.

~Lewis Carroll

decorations of an insane monkey

 It’s a crazy start to the day when you have to chill on the sofa to ride out a rather uncomfortable sugar high… yes, burnt sugar cake for breakfast accompanied with a shot of ‘buttertart’ liquor. OMG! So good yet so very bad. But it was all for a good cause! It was Carm’s birthday and I planned to make every minute a celebration.

A trip outside with Adia revealed Trudie tying bunches of balloons onto trees and hanging a gift bag on a sturdy branch. I tricked Carm into going outside - he had a wide smile at the surprise.

In between phone calls we worked on our hats. It was Olaf’s idea to have a theme for our family zoom visit and hats seemed like something everyone could do. Carm formed tinfoil into a halo of horns and crosses - I think he had Monty Python and Black Adder in his head. I took a ream of packing paper and stapled it into a sort of beehive with shiny bits of foil and draped with toilet tissue. I was thinking of Mary Poppins.

Crafting is not something that we do so I count it a huge win!

For supper we had Prime Rib roast with yorkshire pudding, asparagus, and mashed potatoes. I screwed up the cooking of the beast as I forgot to reduce the temp from 550 down to 350. When it started smelling so good early in the cooking process I realized my mistake. In the end the roast was a bit overcooked but OMG - the crust. I nearly swooned as I gnawed at the bone. A murmured ‘Oh my God’, reminiscent of Stanley Tucci as he eats so many wonders, passed my salty lips.

(note to self for next time: I heavily salted each side, sprinkling with a good amount of Italian herbs before flipping. A clove of garlic was slivered and jabbed into the meat. It couldn’t stand up so lay on it’s side, a meat thermometer in it’s center.)

Once I was done with the bone (the best part of the meal), I passed it over to Grace.

After supper we digested for a while and then signed into Zoom for a family ‘get-together’, complete with hats. Everyone had done such a good job - Shawn had an impressive ‘Mad Hatter’, Kirsten had something cute made from tinfoil. Olaf, Stephanie, and Freya had foil covered paper hats, while Mom, Dad, and Graham had hats from around the house.

I’m not going to lie… today was 100% lazy, perhaps from the late night, or maybe it was the rain that drained my energy. Not in a bad way, but let’s just say I wasn’t jumping around much! And it took a herculean effort to make the bed after washing the sheets (maybe I was only 90% lazy, we did get the laundry done). 

Spike hasn’t been on the futon for several days now. I’ve put a little bed beside my spot on the sofa and that’s where he’s been sleeping when he wants to be around us. Otherwise he sleeps in Adia’s comfy crate. He’s in bad need of a haircut...

“It always amazes me to look at the little, wrinkled brown seeds and think of the rainbows in 'em," said Captain Jim. "When I ponder on them seeds I don't find it nowise hard to believe that we've got souls that'll live in other worlds. You couldn't hardly believe there was life in them tiny things, some no bigger than grains of dust, let alone colour and scent, if you hadn't seen the miracle, could you?”

~L.M. Montgomery

singin and dancin and makin cake

 First thing out of bed: “It’s Friday again!” burst from my lips… it seems that there have been many Fridays since the pandemic started (54)

I’ve had a few days of being flat, not depressed, but not singing and dancing either... I suppose that’s why I haven’t written. At times I felt like giving into it and burying myself in my bed, but instead beat myself over the head and tried my hardest to turn it around. By hard work, luck, or magic it’s worked. (I’m thinking magic)  Today I was belting out Jim Morrison, gyrating around the kitchen as I assembled the ingredients for burnt sugar cake.

With sounds of the Doors and Boy George swirling in my head I got Carm’s burnt sugar cake done and frosted. It’s tucked away ready for ‘birthday cake for breakfast’ tomorrow, which is in fact, a ‘thing’.

‘Karma Chameleon’ was my earworm today… I found myself singing it anytime my brain had a few extra cycles to spare. What the heck! It’s because of a commercial with a Motoman playing it on his cycle. That makes no sense of course but that doesn’t matter. What does matter is those sons of b’s have seeded my brain with the worst of worms.

Oh, the days weren’t empty by any means. Mom and Dad joined us for a laneway visit on Tuesday; Jo Ellen and Don joined us on Thursday; Adia got her nails done on Wednesday; we blabbed with Olaf; yacked with Kirsten; ate cheesecake… and so it went, a week of visiting: very much UNLIKE the last 54! 

The weather this week has been incredible. Oh, today it’s raining like crazy and there was a bit of rain on Wednesday, but the other days! Sunny and warm. Yesterday it reached 20C. A very early taste of spring.

We did continue down the beer alley towards Carm’s birthday with a few more IPAs. 

This one was my favorite so far, an easy 5 star treat. Not too sweet or citrusy, thick like a glass of pineapple juice. Oh yeah baby! Soif Royale!

Tonight’s was a treat too but only gets a score of ⅘. Hypa was bright and crisp.

“It's spring fever. That is what the name of it is. And when you've got it, you want—oh, you don't quite know what it is you do want, but it just fairly makes your heart ache, you want it so!”

~Mark Twain

a most marvelous spring

 Before I say anything else, it must be said, no, shouted with joy, that the weather is fantastic with cloudless skies and a blazing sun. The last few days have warmed up into the mid teens (celcius), leaving coats strewn and sun hats on. Today I had windows open.

Yesterday we had Pat, Trudie & Leo over for a laneway visit. It was great to see Pat, who is recovering from a hip replacement - we had to discourage her from showing us her latest karate kick! Trudie came with parcels in hand: rhizomes of the purple clover, squash seeds, and the crowning gift: lox that she makes herself. OMG! I’d missed having her salmon over the winter and I think it was especially good this time.

I shamed myself by having no snacks laid out. I guess I wasn’t quite as great as I have been and was unable to conjure something up. Actually I was having a bit of an emerg med ‘hangover’ (as my doctor would say) which leaves me draggy and blah. The feeling still hasn’t left.

I don’t think my mood was helped by the discussion of Spike’s replacement… it’s not time yet but we should perhaps be thinking about it. Since his breeder, Dawn, is no longer living we’ll likely not get another miniature poodle, plus I’m sort of over the grooming. Adia leaves some hair around but she’s 0 maintenance. I had a few breeds in mind: border terrier, norwich terrier, maybe a schipperke. Something smallish that is easy to groom, gets on with other dogs, doesn’t have a huge prey drive, and isn’t one to disappear when you turn your back. I want a miniature Rhodesian Ridgeback but there isn’t such a thing. Oh gosh, I can’t even think.

We did dash out to Canadian Tire this morning to pick up 2 more laneway visit chairs to match the 4 that we got last spring. With vaccines on the horizon you’d think we’d be looking to more inside gatherings, but honestly, I think it will be several months before we feel comfortable with that. Not to mention it’s likely ages till I get my vaccine - Carm might be lucky in the next few weeks.

And!!!! Hurrah for Carm!!!! He hit his first balls of 2021 on the driving range today!

I need special lights etc. 

We tried our first beer yesterday, an IPA called Cashmere Sweater. It was smooth, almost plush with a bit of sweetness. Not much citrus (if any?). A lovely taste treat :-)

Unfortunately we skipped tonight as I wasn’t feeling up to it.

“It was such a spring day as breathes into a man an ineffable yearning, a painful sweetness, a longing that makes him stand motionless, looking at the leaves or grass, and fling out his arms to embrace he knows not what.”

~John Galsworthy

first day of spring

 I wasn’t dancing today… instead I was dragging my butt around after another sleepless night. This is a giant warning sign and one that I will heed. It will be an early to bed night with a dose of my capital E Emergency meds to make sure I sleep.

Today though, despite my fatigue, was a wonderful, glorious day. It is the first day of spring and the weather cooperated fully. The sky was cloudless leaving the sun to beat down on us with a ferocity that is only matched by high summer. Flocks of geese passed overhead (don’t look up with your mouth open!). I may have gotten a bit of sunburn. (oh joy, oh bliss).

I made some egg bites and jalapeno poppers, sliced up some bread, and with a cold beer in hand, we enjoyed our lunch outside, balancing the giant plate of food on our laps (the path to the barn where the patio table lives in the winter is still snowed in).

We sat outside for ages, basking in the prospect of summer. I should have been playing some reggae music.

We got some new beer to try this next week. We are going to do an ‘advent’ calendar to Carm’s birthday next Saturday.

“A friend is someone who knows all about you and still loves you.”

~Elbert Hubbard

tarantela

 Just a low pulse of current today but it was enough to trigger dancing and singing. So much singing. First thing this morning I was singing the Smarties song from the 70s… how could I remember it at all and gosh darn it was an annoying earworm. 

When you eat your Smarties,

Do you eat the red ones last?

Do you suck them very slowly,

Or crunch them very fast?

Eat that candy-coated chocolate,

But tell me when I ask,

When you eat your Smarties,

Do you eat the red ones last?

I complained to Carm (he was the one that was likely complaining internally), telling him about the worst earworm I’ve ever had. ‘I’m a star in LA, I’m a star in New York’  immediately shoved the Smarties song to the ground and took over in a most distressing way. What the heck!

It must be the sun.

Before I even had my first cup of coffee, a batch of cheesecake bites was cooling in the freezer and a ball of bread dough was rising in the oven. Shocking considering that it usually takes me an hour or more to get up off my a$$ in the morning. I must be solar powered.

I’m doing an experiment with the bread. After the first rising, I punched it down and stuck it in the fridge. I’ve had to punch it down again, even though it’s cold, but I hope that I can do the final shaping and rise in the morning. Apparently, bread that’s had a cold rise tastes better.  Just for fun!

I was looking for the name of that dance where the people go insane and can’t control their movement - it might be the tarantela - and came across this quote:

“And those who stand without, who see the dance and do not hear the music—what more weird fantastic folly, the madness of the saturnalia, the sacred fury of eleusinian or evantian choir, ever dawns upon their dazzled darkness!”

~Harriet Elizabeth Prescott Spofford

Poor Carm!

It’s Spring tomorrow!!!!!

“She turned to the sunlight

    And shook her yellow head,

And whispered to her neighbor:

    "Winter is dead.”

~A.A. Milne

eating my way to my Irish roots

 I’m resting my legs today after all the jigs I did yesterday in honour of St. Patrick's Day. Yes, some dancing in anticipation of corned beef dinner. I had to dig deep for some green in my wardrobe and only came up with the green crinoline I wore under my wedding dress and a t-shirt that was more blue than green. I should have gotten a crazy hat or some other kitschy thing from the dollar store.

Any reason to celebrate.

I was a bit worried though… that feeling of electricity was in my veins, voltage that usually means a tip into hypo-mania, an out of control state that ends in depression. So as I skipped down the hallway and pirouetted in the kitchen, part of me was keeping watch. After lunch I decided on an experiment: THC/trainwreck. I wasn’t sure which way it would tip me but luckily it calmed me down into a regular happy state. After the cannabis effect wore off I could feel a bit of the electric current but it was much reduced and is fully gone today. 

There was a time that I would welcome a journey into mania as a change from the dullness that I normally feel, but these days I’ve been feeling excellent and desperately want to keep it that way.

Today I made a few new flavours of egg bite (my life is so enriched)... the corned beef ones were good (just a little bit of the meat made for big flavour), but the smoked salmon & caper ones were fantastic!

Poor wee Spike had a pooptastrophe last night in his crate. I guess we weren’t paying close enough attention :-(   (and for a weird side note, Google Docs had a spelling suggestion for pooptastrophe!)

Our new guilty pleasure? Battlebots.

“When spring came, even the false spring, there were no problems except where to be happiest. The only thing that could spoil a day was people and if you could keep from making engagements, each day had no limits. People were always the limiters of happiness except for the very few that were as good as spring itself.”

~Ernest Hemingway

fashionista

when I look in the mirror

 It’s 3:30 on a mostly sunny afternoon. I haven’t been out of the house nor have I gotten out of my pajamas… not out of any sort of malaise, quite the opposite, but I am a bit tired from a long night of lying awake looking at the ceiling. 

Late into the night I got up to change rooms thinking that might help. It did eventually. But while I had my glasses on I stood at the window of the spare bedroom staring at a million stars. The sky was still bright from the moon, but still those stars from untold distances shone brightly. For a few moments I was glad that I couldn’t sleep.

Yesterday I did a deep dive into a photo album… I was looking for a particular set of photos and yes, I found them. We laughed a bit at all of us looking so young in our 80s outfits, the boys in sailor suits with matching hats. (Oh Mom!). When we were young, Kirsten and I had a few matching outfits - who could forget the plaid skirts and yellow blouses that we were forced to wear in England. But nothing like Olaf and Graham. Almost every photo of them before they hit their teenage years they wore matching outfits. Very cute but oh, so funny now!

This morning I pulled out another album. This one was from the mid 80s when I was in my twenties. Oh gosh - so many bad perms!!! What on earth was I thinking? There was a period when I sported the same haircut that I have now with a much different effect. My body was much thinner and my hair much thicker. Somehow that has now reversed.

I look at those photos from so long ago and wonder why I was self conscious about my looks - so silly. I feel a little wistful about the beauty long gone, but at the same time feel grateful for the personal growth I’ve had. If a genie popped out of a bottle would I go back in time? I say no, not unless what I know goes back with me, but maybe out of vanity I would.

Would it be worth relearning all over again and reliving the years of angst? Maybe not. It’s funny though, when I picture myself I see myself looking as I did years ago, it is only when I look in the mirror that I am shocked at how old I have become.

“When it rains, look for rainbows; when it's dark, look for stars."

~Oscar Wilde

one year of covid

 One year. One bleepity bleep bleep year… Today marks the day that we count as going on lockdown; our last meal with guests (Pat). Our conversation about the pandemic rings clear in my memory: oh, we’d be able to have a few friends to socialize with, we’d keep the numbers small. We’d keep our distance in the house. It would be fine and since it was only for a few weeks, easily doable. 

HA HA!

The next day (March 16), was a shock with dire predictions and instructions to ‘go home and stay home’. No visitors. No one outside our household. It was the first day of a month of sitting in front of the TV all morning watching Trudeau and Ford trott out the truth. It was surreal and more than a bit scary.

And here we are now… a year to the day later, still on lockdown with the end in sight (hopefully) but still months away. We’ll get through it.

Tonight we are ‘celebrating’ with our March 15, 2020 menu (mushroom gnocchi), plus an Aperol spritz or two. I really shouldn’t put celebrating in quotes as there have been some good things that have come out of this: over many many virtual visits we’ve developed a deeper friendship with my brother Olaf and his partner, Stephanie; I’ve learned some better mood management techniques (I think!); I’ve become a better cook (maybe).

“Sometimes you find yourself in the middle of chaos, and sometimes in the middle of chaos, you find yourself."

~Boonaa Mohammed

language of love

 I was watching or reading some random thing that talked about the language of love. We each have a way of expressing our love: some give gifts, some like to do little tasks for people. The alphabet of my love language is the calorie!

In the 80s, when I was in my early 20s, my friend Cynthia fed or maybe even ignited this trait in me. Or maybe it was the lunches around the huge table at Aunty Rena’s farm that started the seed. No matter the source, nothing brings me more joy than having people here and feeding them. Sitting at the table crowded with loved ones is a sort of euphoria. At almost every meal that I feed Carm I think to myself who might enjoy the food and oh gosh, when can I make it for them.

My thoughts and feelings about cooking have evolved over the last year. It has become an enjoyment of the process and less of a race to the finished product. Standing at the counter, maybe with music playing, I feel content. Maybe this transition has been because of the isolation and it's been a way to find meaning in every day. 

It was a beautiful sunny day, alibet windy - I should say there were gale force winds. I had to pick up my haul of bubble bath from the Avon lady and since we were in the car drove into town for a quick grocery shop. No time to linger though - a large chest freezer hid a package of corned beef so I had to do a clean out/reorg. 

We are enjoying another Stanley Tucci episode tonight - oh to visit Italy again. And the food he showcases - oh yeah baby. That Florentine steak will be in my dreams.

“Today was good. Today was fun. Tomorrow is another one." 

~Dr. Seuss

flip that switch

 Today is sunny but below zero which kept the snow from marching back at a ferocious pace. Oh, the sun still did its work, slowly but surely exposing the earth. The slow uncovering is much like me getting out of bed, inch by inch the crisp white duvet is pushed back until, like a giant unwieldy flower, I rise from the earth/um, bed. The smell of coffee might speed up the process.

I haven’t been quite so manic the last few days and have been desperately trying to recover the mood of the last few months. Lots of positive self talk and some THC have helped me regain much of the loss. 

I must have been near the edge of flipping that switch as a small argument triggered the change - I have to get better at not letting other people influence my mood. Having said that, I’ve improved at taking control of myself - years ago that same disagreement might have tipped me into a full-fledged depression.

Now, instead of dwelling on the negative I’ve been trying to focus on the practice I’m getting. The more I learn the better I get, I suppose you could say that these little upsets help me to build resilience.

This morning (after a coffee of course), with my speaker and phone in hand I ventured down into the basement for some purging… one big bag of garbage, a whole grey bin of cardboard, a blue bin of plastic made a tiny dent. It doesn’t look like anything has changed but I just know that hidden behind another bin or two of junk is a vision of progress. Or at least that’s what I tell myself… Carm took care of breaking down boxes - this could be an overwhelming task as I believe we’ve saved every box for every single thing we’ve bought since we built the house!

I just popped the brisket into the oven for the last step in its transformation to pastrami. I’m not holding out much hope.

After supper: the pastrami was pretty darn good although a bit dry. Not short on taste for sure. 

“That which does not kill us, makes us stronger." 

~Friedrich Nietzsche

covid quilt

 Low carb flew out the window today along with good intentions. I’d clipped a recipe for French bread and with supper being a meagre soup from the freezer the opportunity for experimentation could not be passed by.

So my day was spent chained to the stove. First on the task list: rinse the brisket that’s been aging in the fridge for several days, and then soak it in cold water for 4 hours, changing the water every 30 minutes, and then cook in the instant pot for an hour. More spices and it’s been put to rest in the fridge for another 2 days. 

After that peculiar task was started, the egg bites were made (roasted red pepper & cheddar; sundried tomato & feta). Finally, while the bites were cooking, I got busy on the bread. By the time the eggs were out and cooling, I had the bread dough rising in the oven. The ‘proof’ setting is perhaps the most used option on my stove.

The brisket is slowly being transformed into a pastrami - it should be ready on Saturday. And that bread! It was (I say was because we’ve already gorged ourselves on ½ of it!) wonderful. Chewy and moist it was good served naked, but better still dressed in some slabs of cold butter and spoons of raspberry jam - oh yea baby!

I hardly stuck my nose out the door but could hear the warmth of a beautiful day tinkling down the drain spouts. The song of spring. 

We’ve had a few nice days in a row, with record breaking warmth, a taste of what is to come. We are taking advantage of the warmth to have some outdoor distanced visits. Yesterday we were at Trudie and Leo’s for a few hours, catching up after a long winter. It was fun to see people in real life, but stressful too. I think I’ve become used to our anti-social life.

Oh!!! The other late afternoon we saw an owl, barred I think, roosting in the tree near the bird feeder. It stayed there for several minutes then flew down to the ground missing its target. It flew to the other side of the pond where it remained for quite a while. So exciting to see an owl.

It's been one year since the pandemic was announced. At the time we had no idea what it would mean which is just as well cause if I’d been told that it would be over a year of restrictions I might have freaked out a little bit! That morning, before the dire messages, we dropped into Costco to pick up my prescriptions. It was a zoo so we took the opportunity to stock up on some essentials. It’s as clear in my mind as it was yesterday.

For a crazy covid momento we refreshed our bedroom with a new quilt. 

Over the last week I’ve spent much time surfing the internet and Pinterest for decorating photos. I’ve learned that I am NOT a minimalist… in fact, I might be a closet maximilist. Photos of serene white livingrooms look nice but they don’t bring joy and I know I’d be tucking some colour in before the white had time to get dirty. What brings joy? Bright blue and white. Pattern, lots of pattern. Everything that isn’t in fashion!

Along the same lines I always think to myself that I should only buy black or grey clothes cause Kirsten and Olaf always look good in their vast array of black. But alas, I see some nice blue or pink and it’s in my cart to join the rest of my dorky wardrobe.

“You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, smarter than you think, and loved more than you'll ever know.”

~A.A. Milne

first visit of 2021

 Is there a treat that is more satisfying than a handful of M&Ms? The little crispy crunch of the shell followed by a chunk of chocolate. Best eaten in multiples.

The sun blazed this afternoon giving us the opportunity for a laneway visit with Jo Ellen and Don. We hadn’t seen them since Christmas Eve day and sadly it didn’t take long to catchup on what we are all upto. XYZ repeat and repeat and repeat… It was nice for a face to face.

Cheesecake continues to be featured in our diet. And by diet I don’t mean a reducition of calories, no, I’m thinking ‘we eat it so it’s on our diet’.

The days continue to pass in a featureless blur. Good though.

“No one can predict what’s going to happen the next day or in the next minute. It’s all unknown, and that’s what makes living the next moment, the next day, and the next year worth it—waiting for the next abracadabra moment.”

~Uday Mukerji

so blue

 A band of pink hovers on the horizon topped by a gradient of blues. The blue confuses my eyes… I’ve spent much time the last few days looking at grey, blue, and now green paint on Pinterest. Some rooms look great, others not to my taste. The blue that consistently catches my eye is a dark navy.

I wouldn’t do the whole room - that would look amazing at night but not so great on a dreary grey day. BUT! It would be fantastic on the lower part of the window seat. And maybe the bottom of the island. Perhaps even on my hand-painted cabinet at the other side of the living room. 

We are toying with the idea of painting the whole great room but… but.... I haven’t seen any photos of rooms with dark brown sofas and grey walls that I like. Not one. A pale blue can be nice, but the problem with blue is if you don’t have the right shade it looks like a bedroom. I’ve been spending a lot of time looking at our room and realize that I do like our green but don’t like the smokey blue on the window seat. I really don’t like that colour pairing. I’ve got a navy blanket draped over some stuff so I can see if I prefer it.

Gosh, that’s a lot of words to say that I’m driving myself crazy with virtual paint chips!

Spike is doing really well. He’s perky and his appetite is back 100%. Most of the mats have been picked up and tucked away (for next time?). We’ll keep a few out to make life a bit easier for him.

I have to give a little shout out to Adia for her good behaviour this week. She’s stayed out of Spike’s way and been gracious about the lack of attention. She missed a few days of wild running up and down the laneway, and now it’s too icy and still she’s been calm. Good girl!

The weather hasn’t switched into spring yet, but it’s coming! I can feel it in the air and in the strength of the sun. For the first time this winter the laneway is slick. The days are so much longer that no candles are required for dinner. In fact, most of my tiny lights have been stripped of their batteries and stowed till next November. 

“Grief gives you a hundred reasons to cry; hope gives you a thousand reasons to smile, joy gives you a million reasons to laugh, and love gives you a billion reasons to rejoice.”

~Matshona Dhliwayo

not an airborne flying carpet

 Little carpets and mats dot the hardwood landscape in the living room creating a series of stepping stones to help the little dog. He’s doing well today - so much better than yesterday - but still slips at times. In some places the floor is more slippery so we’ve dug out every old mat that we could find to add some traction. Carm even dashed out to Giant Tiger for something for the kitchen.

It’s a big relief to see him almost recovered from the anesthetic. He’s still a bit out of it though but I blame that on the codeine tablet. He started eating today too - bits of canned tripe out of my hand - it stinks and is gross but he likes it!

I made a batch of bone broth today using the carcass of an ancient turkey from my mother’s freezer. The smell!!!! 🤢 The rest of the bird has been earmarked for the trash. Hopefully I didn’t ruin the seal of my instant pot… those darn things tend to hang on to odours. I guess tomorrow’s batch of egg bites will reveal any lingering grossness.

“It is better to look forward to summer than to curse winter.”

~Matshona Dhliwayo

the (second) longest day

 It was a long night. Spike was still totally out of it and crashed out on the living room dog bed. I wasn’t going to move him so I stayed with him, starting on the sofa (which is reasonably comfortable), but moving to the floor when he started whimpering. Poor guy eventually got up so Carm took him outside. Once back in he walked into our room and settled on the dog bed there (luckily I’d already put a towel down). We slept soundly till 5am. Outside, back to bed, and up again in another few hours. 

It could have been worse… memories of my last night with Kabira were at the front of my mind.

I don’t know how he could have needed to pee all those times as he hadn’t drunk anything since coming home other than a bit of water I had syringed into him but it was a miniscule amount.

I have learned something: I am too old to sleep on the floor on just a thin mat.

Today we took turns watching him - it’s easy when he’s asleep but once he starts walking around we need to watch carefully as he gets himself boxed in corners and behind furniture, or slides on the floor and can’t get up. He does this a little bit anyway but it’s more pronounced.

He’s gotten a lot better through the day and is sipping water and even ate a bit of supper (yay for canned tripe!).

I played around with the window valances and have decided to keep them up. It looked like when a woman forgets her lipstick when going to a party - good, but not quite finished.

During the long wait yesterday I read back to some of last year’s blog posts - it’s interesting to see how much angst I felt at the beginning of the pandemic, I suppose from not knowing how it was going to roll. Now I just have a numb acceptance and don’t rail against circumstances so much. The most recent talk about vaccines is that we’ll be done by May or if you listen to the other doctor, by September. Still hoping for a big birthday bash!

“For just one second, look at your life and see how perfect it is. Stop looking for the next secret door that is going to lead you to your real life. Stop waiting. This is it: there's nothing else. It's here, and you'd better decide to enjoy it or you're going to be miserable wherever you go, for the rest of your life, forever.”

~Lev Grossman

horror show

 If my day was harrowing (and it was), Spike’s day was a horror show. It started early with a car ride to the dreaded vet. I tried to be cheerful as I passed his leash over to the technician but I gotta tell you, tears were pricking my eyes. He was reluctant to leave me - perhaps he knew on some level that it wasn’t going to be good.

He was in for a cleaning and sadly a few extractions. I’ve been there myself (but only 1 at a time) and know it’s not fun. 

Back at home I busied myself taking down the garlands and trying to declutter a bit. Check on the garlands… the decluttering… not so successful! The problem with open concept is that all your living areas are in one giant room so it looks like we have way too much furniture (we do). The walls are busy with window casements and a few paintings. I tried removing the fabric swath above the windows but that didn’t look good AT ALL. I think they help to draw the eye up away from all the furniture: large brown sofa, large brown loveseat, 2 wing chairs, 2 recliners that I hate, a futon lying flat, treadmill, giant table with 6 chairs, huge desk… oh, and 3 dog crates, a smaller loveseat, a big coffee table, a large shelf that’s in the shape of an elephant, a sofa table, a long buffet. OMG! It’s too much!

We did get the new carpet yesterday - I love it! The fireplace area now looks cosy - a perfect place to visit with a friend.

The windows look bare without their little strip of fabric.

Back to today: The vet office finally called around 1:30 to say that he was through the surgery and resting. Big relief. I paced around as we waited for the next phone call to set up a pickup time.

Finally by 4:30 we were on our way home. He was groggy and unable to walk. He was crying and crying. I was crying and crying. Oh gosh, my heart was breaking.

I carried him into the house and set him down on a dog bed where he lay for ages just shivering and moaning. I ended up calling the vet and of course while I was on the phone he struggled up and pooped, a few minutes later he peed on himself. Poor little guy. 

I tried to get him to take his pain killers with no luck. Maybe by bedtime. Right now (7pm) he’s out cold.

This little dog lives large in my heart.

“In a person's lifetime there may be not more than half a dozen occasions that he can look back to in the certain knowledge that right then, at that moment, there was room for nothing but happiness in his heart.”

~Ernestine Gilbreth Carey