Friday, October 24, 2014

Everything is a bit of a blur

Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday… a blur of activity, writing group meeting and trips into the city.

On Tuesday the grey clouds sent us on a trip to the city. Our first stop was T&T for some pork neck bones for the dogs. Easy, and just a few other items ended up in our cart.

Then we went to the Brick to see what was there as we have a $300 credit to spend. I had in my mind a new dresser for our bathroom, something that looked a little more high end than the old refinished on that is there now. I barely got in the door, and my attention was elsewhere. We could replace the low buffet thing in the living room, oh, and maybe my desk too. The chairs at the kitchen counter are a bit dated as well… We left with some ideas…

Next, I wanted to pick up some paint chips from Home Depot. That set off a flurry of zooming thoughts as I imagined not just painting our bathroom, but also re-tiling, new granite counter top for the vanity, replacing fixtures, and goodness knows what else. Then the plan telescoped out to new carpet and paint for the bedroom, and finally to the kitchen where I had granite countertops all picked out.

WHOA there!!!! It wasn’t just scope creep – it was scope explosion! I picked out a few paint chips and then we left… before any rash decisions were made. Carm managed to talk me down a bit and we decided to replace the bedroom carpet (it is 20 years old so it is high time), and of course paint. Other than that, the rest will have to exist only in my mind.

Wednesday was a little more low key – a drive in to see my Mom, Dad and brother. calm, calm, calm (well, at least calmer)…

Thursday was the writing group meeting. Hum. After a night of no sleep I was, how would you say it, talkative and perhaps a bit argumentative. No calm demeanour there…

Then I had a lovely afternoon with Heather visiting for tea. We gabbed about life and solved all our problems. Carm was in the background installing a new printer (I can double side print now!!!!), but occasionally popped over to involve himself. It wasn’t really his kind of conversation though ;-)

Today started off cloudy but fairly warm so we decided to clear out some of the excess from the basement. I don’t know how many trips to the barn we made (better known as out of sight out of mind eventual garbage dump storage facility). Old dressers, homemade cabinets, barrels, ancient patio furniture (remember that white plastic stuff that was all the rage in the 80s & 90s) and goodness only knows what else was hauled into the back where the hay used to go. Patio furniture still in use was lugged to the stable section of the barn. And finally the swing was tucked away in the lean to (a tear rolled down my cheek at that point – winter is surely coming now that the swing is away) .

The pile for the garbage grew as well. It felt GOOD!

By the time we were partway done, the sun was blazing from a blue, blue sky. My coat was in a heap, and my enormous, hot barn boots exchanged for a lighter pair. I may have said “I can’t believe how nice it is” or words to that effect hundreds of times.

After all of that I headed to the bedroom where we have 2 small filing cabinets filled with who knows what – I’ll save that story for tomorrow, but I will tell you that one item made me laugh and laugh in pity for poor Carm (I took a photo to share).

 

I know the empathy borne of despair; I know the fluidity of thought, the expansive, even beautiful, mind that hypomania brings, and I know this is quicksilver and precious and often it's poison. There has always existed a sort of psychic butcher who works the scales of transcendence, who weighs out the bloody cost of true art. ~ David Lovelace, Scattershot: My Bipolar Family