I was asked yesterday about the image that I use as sort of a signature or end plate. It is an image that my Great Grandfather drew. I don't know as much about him as I would wish, but I do know that he immigrated to Canada from Norway in the early 1900s. He settled a piece of land in southern Alberta. If you have ever been to that area of Canada you will know that they had a very tough life (there are cactus growing there!). Their first house was made of sod. He must have been very determined to make it as a farmer in Canada. I have been to the farm in Norway that he left and I'll have to say it wasn't a fair trade. There must have been some very compelling reason for staying in Canada! He was also a very skilled carpenter and artist. Our family has some of his drawings that I was able to run through my scanner. When I look at that image I am reminded of the perseverance, strength and sheer willpower that he must have had and I hope that some of that has passed down to me.
Today I made a concerted effort to get back on my feet. Despite having a lousy sleep I made myself get up at a reasonable hour. I had my omega 3's and vitamin B's. I went out for a little snowshoe - fresh air, sunshine and exercise. When I came back inside, instead of sitting at my computer I got myself busy doing one little task - I gave myself a small one so it wasn't overwhelming, but after I got busy I just kept going. Hurray, another cupboard off my to-do list, and another big bag of garbage. It is amazing how many rags a person can collect! I had bags of rags, and some of them too raggish to even be rags. Accomplishing something is always a mood lifter. Later in the afternoon I went outside again. Did it help? Maybe a bit.
I had been stable for over a year, but with my doctors help I am playing around with reducing dosage of one of my drugs. I'm down to 1/2 the amount and will stay here for a while to see if I stablize. Has it been worthwhile? I think so - some of the side effects I was experiencing have diminished, and I have tons more energy. However, I think my moods are more unstable. The slightest thing sends me into a tailspin from which it is proving difficult to recover. I hope, hope, hope that this passes because I really want to be rid of this medication and all its associated side effects.
I had a dream, which was not all a dream.
The bright sun was extinguish'd, and the stars
Did wander darkling in the eternal space,
Rayless, and pathless, and the icy earth
Swung blind and blackening in the moonless air;
Morn came, and went and came, and brought no day,
And men forgot their passions in the dread
Of this desolation; and all hearts
Were chill'd into a selfish prayer for light:…
Darkness - Lord Byron