must I only feel grateful

My day didn’t start much better than yesterday, but thankfully it didn’t denigrigrate into misery. The skies are grey, no rain, just flat grey, which I suppose matches my mood perfectly. 

I had tagged a few things that I wanted to accomplish today but I couldn’t motivate myself, so, with a bit of kindness, I let myself off the hook and instead read an incredibly sappy Harlequin type romance. I could barely stand the prose but it was funny and somehow the banality was soothing, much like the CTV news that ran all day. I didn’t really listen to it, but the voices were calm background noise.

I felt guilty yesterday and this morning about feeling stressed - I have no reason to feel this way and don’t feel that I ‘deserve’ to when there are so many people that are having a truly bad time. As if because of them it’s not right for me to feel strained and should only be grateful. If I carry this idea further, that would mean I could never feel sad because others are sadder, I couldn’t be happy because others are happier. Which doesn’t make sense.

Poor wee Spike is hobbling around still. I had to lift him on and off the bed last night, and if you knew Spike you’d know that it is a big deal as he does not like to be picked up. He almost followed Adia off the deck again so I’ve put out a bench to block the edge.

Ok… pleasures… My blue & white bowls that I got at Dollarama a few months ago now sit on the counter at the ready. I use them for soup, rice bowls, oatmeal, popcorn, pasta, prep. They are used multiple times a day and I love them! We had cookies again today for our covid causera. The online thesaurus (see word preceding) is always a joy. 

Music. That’s one of my big pleasures almost everyday. I need music! Loud, crazy music that I can sing to at the top of my lungs while I dance around like a maniac.

Headline tonight: 11 weeks was bandied around on the Ottawa news today. Over 427,346 cases, with 14,678 deaths in the US. There are a total of 19,438 (17,897 yesterday) cases of Covid-19 in Canada today, with 427 (381 yesterday) deaths to date.

“But I know, somehow, that only when it is dark enough can you see the stars.”

~Martin Luther King, Jr.